It might not have been a dove, but it was a winged creature locked in a golden, gilded cage. It had felt like the gift was a declaration, her way of telling me it would be okay to clip her wings and make her mine.
He set it back down, glancing around the office that held pieces of Samara everywhere. "I never saw it," he admitted. "How did I not see how you felt about her?"
"You didn't want to think about it." I shrugged, because I'd always known it was true. I tried to imagine how awkward I'd feel if he'd married Chiara.
I'd probably have strangled him.
"Best friend or not, you hurt her, and I'll kick your fucking ass. I don't give a shit if you're a Bellandi. Ivory will have my back, which means Matteo will too."
"If I hurt her, I'll lay down and die," I admitted. "I'm never going to hurt her like that, Vin. I'm not perfect. We'll fight, and we'll have misunderstandings. But her heart and her body are safe with me. I think you know that."
He nodded briefly. "Good."
“There’s one last thing we need to discuss before we put this shit in the past where it belongs,” I said, and I shook my head in aggravation. Yavin nodded in return with a sigh. He knew damn well what was coming. “If you ever take my wife away from her security again and let hours pass before you at least tell me she’s safe? We’re done, Vin. You will not manage Tease. You will not get near Samara. I will cut you from our lives and never look back. You’re my brother now, but you always have been. Do not put me in the position to be scared shitless and wondering if she’s dead in a ditch somewhere ever again.”
“I got it. I knew it was wrong, she was just—” he paused. “You know how she is when she’s pissed. Determined as all Hell, but she was at her breaking point. I’ve never seen her so close to shattering. I should have texted you and said she was safe with me but needed time. I’ll do that if it happens again.” Then he turned and strolled out of the room.
It wasn't a blessing.
But it wasn't a condemnation either. It would have to do for the time being.
Forty-Seven
Samara
I wanted to know where we were going, wanted to understand why Lino had expected me to put on something nice but casual and dragged me out the door. The jeans clung to my legs and my hands sweated as I rubbed them over and over. He sat silent next to me, and while there was no anxiety pouring off him, I still wanted to force him to tell me what happened.
He didn't surprise me. He knew I hated surprises.
Always had and always would.
I'd been that kid who found my way into every Christmas present stash that ever existed. I'd have never slept in the days leading up to Christmas if I didn't.
Eventually when my mom realized what I did every year, she'd started letting me pick out my own damn gifts. It was easier for everyone involved.
But the last place, the absolute last place I could have ever expected to pull up was The Bird Lounge. My brain latched onto the fact that it was Tuesday, and open mic night had already drawn a huge crowd. "We're here to listen to music?" I asked, my voice hopeful.
Lino ignored me, stepping out of the car and going to the trunk. By the time he came to my door, he held my guitar case in his hand. "Come on, Little Dove. Come sing with me."
I took his hand, even if I wanted to run. It was time to trust him, time to let him shove me over the edge into the life that I needed to start living again.
The truth was that no matter how much I feared getting up on stage, I missed it horribly. Missed the way the crowd could get lost in the music and the way I got lost in it. I craved it and needed it.
I wasn't whole without it.
Stepping in through the front doors, I never could have prepared myself for the crowd that had formed. It was insane, and I'd gone to a ton of open mic nights. I'd never seen it so crowded.
Rex rushed over, taking my guitar in one hand and my hand in the other. "Thank God, I thought you weren't going to show." He tugged me up to the empty stage, sitting me down in one of the chairs that waited in the center of the stage.
"What's going on?" I asked him.
"Sugar, all these people are here to listen to you sing. They remembered you, and I have been talking about this for a week. Time's come for you to sing again and say fuck that stupid ass man who went and told you that you couldn't." Lino took a seat next to me on the stage as Rex thrust my guitar into my arms.
"I—uh, I'm sorry guys. I have no clue what's going on," I announced to a crowd that laughed in response.
"My wife had no clue we were coming tonight," Lino grinned at them. "And you'll have to forgive her. It's been a long time since she sang in public. I apologize for this, but to help her shake off the rust, I’m going to put my ass right in the front row." The crowd laughed with him as he turned and sat in the chair right in front of the stage dramatically. I laughed at the women who screamed like he was their entire world. He had that effect.
He turned to me, whispering the name of a song I’d sung for him years ago, before Connor had destroyed my confidence and made me feel like my voice wasn’t worth listening to. Before I’d stopped singing altogether.
I took my pick in my hands, looking down at the purple color and the white dove that stared back at me. A piano played in the background, starting the song before I could take a moment to catch my breath.
Lino caught my eyes, nodding at me. I wanted to hate him for the way he'd ambushed me. For the fact that I hadn't had time to get my thoughts together before they'd shoved me on the stage.
I knew he'd done it intentionally so I couldn't back out.
When my cue came, I plucked the guitar strings, and started singing at the same time. My voice was too soft, too hesitant.
I knew it, the crowd knew it, but they gave me time to figure it out. It suited the song, but there was no way it would catch the attention of such a big audience.
Lino grinned at me from the front row, offering me silent support that bolstered me despite my nerves. He knew what I needed, knew that I would never come around to stepping up on the stage if left to my own devices.
So he’d gone out of his way to make the decision for me, to guide me through my nerves, and to support me through the aftermath.
Anything for you, Little Dove.
He didn't speak the words, didn't need to. It was all right there in his eyes as he stared down at me. Of all the amazing, thoughtful gifts he'd given me.
He gave me back my voice.
This was my favorite.
I found my voice, singing to him about a woman who'd been needing her man. I found my strength, and I knew that I would always need him. The crowd melted away until there was nothing but the two of us.
I sniffed back my tears when the song ended. I stood, stepping up to the mic and feeling like slow and soft just wouldn't do. I needed to sing and really take my life back.
The second song came out strong from the get-go, the guitar riffs accentuating the way I needed my voice to sound as I started the song that resonated in my soul in that moment.
A woman who survived.
A woman who fought back.
And a woman who kicked the assholes who told her no straight in the teeth.
I didn't usually sing ballads or songs that required me to belt my voice out there, because even when I'd performed regularly, I hadn't been confident enough in my voice to really project it.
But fuck that shit.
I gave it everything I had, poured my heart and soul into the words and the lyrics and the guitar.
And when the song ended, I jumped off the stage and straight into Lino's arms while the crowd cheered. I didn't care, because even though they'd been a necessary part, I hadn't sung for them.
I sang for me.
I sang for all the beaten and the bruised.
"Take me home," I whispered, and Lino nodded to Rex who gathered up my guitar and pick and handed it to me. Winding my arms around Lino's neck and my legs around his waist, I let him carry me out to the
car. I didn't care what they thought as they whistled.
I had everything that mattered in my arms.
✽✽✽
Jasper forgave me for the absences the previous week, without even bothering to ask what had been so important that I had to take off unannounced.
Just more proof that there was something up with his nosey ass.
The Jasper I knew and loved would have used any excuse to poke himself into my business, and I'd given him a pretty damn good one. I tried to be patient with him, but after the way I'd taken back my confidence at Bird Lounge, there was no way in Hell I was letting him off the hook so easily. When we went over my notes from the previous month, he spaced out.
He was lost.
"Alright, what gives?" I asked, slamming the folder down on his desk and plopping into the seat in front of it.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I disappeared from work out of nowhere and nobody could find me. You yelled at me for being inconsiderate and didn't ask a single question after that. The Jasper I know would have assaulted me to get answers, for shit's sake. You aren't paying attention to work. You're distracted in a way I've never—" I cut off, thinking about how much Lino had changed after we'd gotten together.
He complained about being unable to focus, but more than that about not wanting to focus.
"It's nothing," he lied.
"What's her name?" I said, sliding to the edge of my chair and looking at him so intently I wanted to peer inside his soul. For once, it felt like I would be the nosy one. I freaking loved it.
"It's no one you know. Trust me."
"Hmmm," I hummed. "Okay, so give me the deal. Are you in love? Is that why you're so distracted?" He tapped his pen on the desk, trying to avoid my eyes. I waited, even though I wanted to jump down his throat.
"I don't know. I really like her, but I haven't been totally honest with her. I've kept a pretty major secret." He winced, and I tried to calm my breathing. After the gambling secret Connor had kept, secrets hit me deep. I didn't want to think of my friend and boss as capable of deceiving a woman like that.
I fiddled with my folder, straightening the pages inside it. "What kind of secret?"
"My name. She has no clue who I really am."
My jaw dropped to what felt like the floor. "Um, okay. So she doesn't know that you're richer than God and Chicago's Most Eligible Bachelor, is that what you're saying?" He stood from his seat, running his hands through his hair.
Shit, that was bad.
He'd messed up the perfect hair.
"Yeah, that. Or you know, what I look like." The admission looked painful, and I could imagine why. I'd known he felt at a loss with the dating pool, with trying to find a woman who wasn't after his money, status, or just a good lay.
But what the fuck?
"So what does she know about you? And how is that even possible?" I asked.
"Everything else! Just not my name or face. I met her on a dating app, but I uploaded some random guy's photo." Another wince.
"You have to tell her! If you don't tell her, and she somehow puts it together, she's gone, Jasper. If you want this woman permanently, then you've got to find a way to tell her and to fix it."
“I’ll think of something. Maybe, or maybe I’ll just continue to bury my head in the fucking sand like the coward I am,” he sighed, the drama he so rarely showed evident all over his face. He sat back in the black leather chair, dropping his head into his hands. "Hit me with the numbers. I'm listening this time."
I snorted a laugh, unable to resist the urge to break into giggles. "Well, everyone's numbers are up except for one person."
"Who is it this time?"
"You, Jasper. You fucking sucked this month. Get your shit together, yeah? Whether you have to walk away or tell her just do something. You just need to decide if she's worth fighting for. I've got to tell you, if it was me? You'd have a Hell of an uphill battle to win me back after something like that."
"Ughhh," he groaned. I stood from my seat, feeling like I'd accomplished my duty of poking my nose where it didn't belong. Except in this case, it had been needed. The man was a floundering mess and needed help.
"It's cute, you know. You meeting her that way when nobody would ever expect it. It will make a good story to tell your kids one day," I said as I strolled for the door.
"Fuck, kids? Can I get through the real introduction first maybe?"
"Sure. Keep telling yourself that you're going to accept anything other than her in your life permanently. Mark my words, Jasper. You're going to marry her one day."
Leaving him gaping after me thoroughly entertained me.
By the time I hit my desk I was grinning from ear to ear as I settled back into work.
It was going to be a good day.
I just knew it.
Forty-Eight
Samara
I officially loved weekends. It was rare that Lino left me to go to work, and sometimes he'd bring me along.
But not that day.
He was all mine, and I couldn't wait to just be with him for the day. "What do you want to do?" he asked. I hummed through my yoga, singing casually as I stretched up toward the ceiling in a standing side bend. Lino smiled at me, and I knew he appreciated my hums. My songs.
It came so easily since he’d taken me to the Bird Lounge. Like we’d finally tackled the last of my demons and moved forward into just being fucking happy and comfortable in my own skin.
"We don't have to do anything." I shrugged. "I like being with you. We could stay here, or we could go see Ivory and Luna. I never did get to see you smoosh on her the last time. Ivory says we should call you Cousin Smooshie."
He chuckled, dropping his fork to his plate and squeezing the bridge of his nose as he finished his breakfast. "Cousin Smooshie? I'd hate to know what Don and Scar are then."
"Don is Pop-Pop." I laughed, knowing it would have driven the man mad as a hatter when we'd been kids, but it seemed like he was willing to tolerate a whole new level of affection where Luna was concerned. "Scar is Captain Snuggles." I couldn't help my own roar of laughter even as I said the words. The thought of the massive man with the scar on his face and the scars in his soul as being Captain Snuggles was just too much. I didn't know him well, since he tended to be mostly a silent sentry when I spent time with Ivory and Sadie. Well, when he wasn't showing Ivory casual displays of sisterly affection that made my heart ache. The bond they had was ten times what I had with Yavin, without the blood to tie them together.
If he treated his boss's wife with such heartfelt love, I could only imagine what he would give to his wife when he one day married.
"Fuck's sake," Lino grunted, standing to take care of his plate as he finished his breakfast. I ate another bite of my omelet contentedly. "You do realize we're hardened criminals, right? Not teddy bears for your entertainment."
I shrugged. "You don't seem particularly hard to me." Stepping off my mat after my last stretch, I chuckled when his groin pressed against my ass.
"Are you sure about that?" The giggle that came from my parted lips felt like pure happiness, and I never wanted the moment of bliss to end.
But the ringing of Lino's cellphone in his back pocket drew him away with a squeeze to my hips. "Yeah?" he grunted into the phone. "You're sure?" He sighed. "I'm on my way."
"It's okay," I reassured him, because he looked hesitant to leave me. I knew shit happened; work happened.
"Connor showed back up to discuss terms with the guy we made a deal with. We're going to go grab him." It didn't escape my notice that he avoided names when he talked about these people, only ever giving me vague concepts of what went on in that part of his life. My heart warmed, because I knew without a doubt that it was mostly about protecting me. The less I knew, the better.
"Okay. Just be safe. I can't lose you," I whispered, stepping up to press a kiss to his cheek.
"You'll be okay?" he asked, and the hesitance in his voice made that warm heart swel
l. I wanted to show him just how okay I would be, but there wasn't time.
"It's a beautiful day, so I think I'll do some more yoga outside. I’m so sore from Sadie working me over, the stretching helps. I won't leave the property, of course, but—"
"That's fine," he grunted. "Emilio is on duty. So I'll just let him know on my way out that you'll be outside so he can keep an eye out."
He turned, dashing up the stairs to get dressed. Obviously wearing a suit would be of critical importance when grabbing someone to take to an undisclosed location and kill them. I tried not to think about it.
Tried not to think about what it would be like for Lino to come home and for me to see the blood on his clothes, knowing it was my ex-husband's. Regardless of the way our marriage had ended, I'd shared my bed with him. Given him pieces of myself that I'd never shared with anyone but he and Lino.
It seemed sort of poetic in a really fucked up way that the man who killed him would be the only one who knew me better.
Forty-Nine
Lino
I couldn’t believe it was almost over, that Connor was almost out of our lives and his debt wouldn’t threaten my woman ever again. It felt like we could finally move on with our lives, settle into a real routine.
I hopped out of the car with a smile on my face as soon as I got to the abandoned warehouse where the meet was set. Matteo and the rest of the guys came out of the woodwork, already waiting on me.
Ryker grinned, tossing me a pistol. Like I hadn't brought my own.
He didn't have much use for them, given his preference for torture and bathing in the blood of his enemies, but even he had to admit in situations like this they came in handy. He took one side, Matteo at the other, and with the rest of our guys behind us we shoved open the warehouse doors. Our contact, Gerald of all the fucking names, stood from the table and backed the fuck away as fast as could be.
Forgivable Sins: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 2) Page 32
