by Lex Martin
Finally, Josh’s blog starts to load even though I’ve done everything I can to get it to stop. Sweat builds on my neck and under my boobs as the page fills at a snail’s pace.
Deep breaths, Evie. The ground won’t open up and swallow you. What’s the worst thing that can happen besides boob sweat?
I could get fired and lose my job, my 401k, and my health insurance. Maybe I’d have to sell my house because no respectable law firm will hire someone who was laid off for being a deviant at three o’clock on a Friday afternoon. My dad will be humiliated and wonder why he bothered working all that overtime at the fire station to help send me to good schools. No big deal.
A throaty voice in my doorway makes me jump.
“Evelyn, you need a vacation.”
Angela picks this moment to saunter into my office. Yes, she saunters, swinging her ass like she’s bouncing to some silent beat—the ones her perfect, buoyant boobs keep as they struggle to stay contained in that expensive silk blouse. I’d kill to have her bra size instead of my DDs.
She pauses in front of my desk, and I’m almost at eye level with her knees. The woman is tall, built like a Victoria’s Secret model, the kind you want to hold down and force-feed some deep dish pepperoni pizza. Beautiful black hair tumbles down her shoulders, emphasizing her porcelain skin and sky-blue eyes. Her burgundy Chanel suit molds to her body and screams Confident Bitch from here to the Pacific.
Side note: the only reason I know she’s wearing Chanel is because she told everyone about it this morning. She doesn’t have student loans and isn’t crazy enough to renovate a house. Must be nice to have disposable income.
With irritation, I realize I could never pull off that outfit even if I had her body, but I guess that’s what I get for having my head buried in work and school my whole life.
Where exactly does one learn how to be sexy and wear clothes like her? My dad never gave me the 411 on that.
“Hey, Angela. What’s up?” I ask as calmly as possible even though the blog is still loading. Fortunately, she can’t see the screen from this angle. But I can. So far, it’s just a skyline of New York. Maybe I misunderstood what’s on his website.
My attention is diverted to Angela as she runs her hands over her slender hips and sighs dramatically, tossing her glossy hair over her shoulder. With irritation, I realize she’s eyeing the mess on my desk. Why is she always up in my business?
The skyline keeps loading in my peripheral vision, and it takes every bit of control I have to not fidget when Malcolm Waller walks in behind her, but fortunately, there are no dicks in sight.
Angela taps one perfectly manicured talon on a stack of my files. “Mac wants to know if Penny has dropped another one of your calls.”
I can’t tell if my eye twitches because she’s calling our boss Mac, something no one does—not even his wife—or because she’s angling to get our secretary Penny fired.
Malcolm lets out a weary breath and runs his hand through his white hair. “I hate to say this, but if I hear one more complaint, I’m letting her go.”
Inside, I shake my fist at both of them. Penny is a single mom with three kids, and while she does drop or misdirect our calls on occasion, she’s also the sweetest person I know. She puts up with everyone’s shit and never complains about her endless workload.
Folding my hands on my desk, I tilt my head like I’m thinking. “Honestly, I can’t recall the last time she did that.” This morning. “But she did a fantastic job photocopying that enormous presentation you gave last week, Angela.”
I refrain from giving her a dirty look, but only barely. How quickly we forget when someone saves your ass because you put it off until the last minute.
She rolls her eyes and grabs Malcolm’s forearm. “Let’s go ask Nathan. I’m certain he has something to say on the subject.”
Does she have to practically purr when she says his name? God, I hope she hasn’t slept with Nate. He’s been my work crush since he joined the firm last year, and Angela always acts like she could have a spontaneous orgasm when he’s around.
As she walks out the door, Malcolm motions toward me. “You’re going to bring us a great case this week, right, kiddo?”
Still with the kiddo. I paste a smile on my face and nod, hating that he saw me running around in diapers when I was a toddler.
My mother, while lacking every maternal instinct known to humanity, did me one favor prior to divorcing my father and moving to the East Coast. Before they split and my dad went back to his blue-collar roots, my mother dragged him along to every society function in greater Portland, where he met people like my boss.
So even though I’ve worked my ass off to get good grades and graduated at the top of my class in college and law school, I’m not naïve enough to think that’s what got me this job, a fact that has me even more eager to prove my worth beyond my family’s modest connections.
Malcolm makes that face, the one that says, Tell me what I want to hear.
“Yes, sir. In fact, I’m working on something big—” I do a double-take at my computer screen that has finally loaded. I swallow. “Something huge, actually.”
A nervous laugh escapes me and my cheeks burn. Dear baby Jesus in the manger. Blogger guy is packing some serious heat.
Dragging my gaze from the computer screen, I return my attention to my boss, nodding enthusiastically and praying he stays on the other side of my cluttered desk.
Malcolm rubs his chin and offers me a patronizing wink. “Good to hear it, kiddo. Bring me something meaty.”
I almost snort. Size isn’t a problem.
* * *
It takes me a full minute of staring at Josh-the-naughty-blogger’s crotch for me to come to my senses.
Penny’s about to get fired. Stop staring at porn and move your ass.
I minimize the browser—thankfully, it works this time—jog down the hall and sneak into Nathan’s doorway. He’s at his desk, looking gorgeous as always with that tousled blond hair that falls just over his right eye when he laughs.
He’s still every bit the all-American football star he was before an injury sidelined him, complete with broad shoulders, a charismatic presence, and that beautiful boyish grin.
When he spots me creeping in the hall, I put my finger over my lips. He nods slightly, hiding a smile, the one that makes me wish I hadn’t been friend-zoned.
Malcolm and Angela stand in front of his huge mahogany desk with their backs to me as she whines, “Please tell Mac about the call Penny sent to Miss Frumpy last week.”
Who is Miss Frumpy? There are only three female attorneys at this firm, and one is on maternity leave.
I peer down at my brown pumps, brown slacks and boxy tan blazer.
Oh, no. No, no, no. I’m Miss Frumpy.
Dread and humiliation drain the blood from my face, and I wipe my damp palms on my pants.
So maybe I’ve gone overboard on neutral colors, but I don’t think I look bad. Although… I suppose I don’t need to button my blouse so high. But just because I don’t put my chest on display doesn’t mean I’m frumpy. Does it?
Nate clears his throat, and that’s when my mortification spreads like a wildfire on the dry plains. While Malcolm and Angela are busy complaining about Penny, Nathan offers me a sympathetic smile.
Yes, this will really help him fall in love with me. Loser, thy name is Evie.
It doesn’t matter that I’ve won awards for kicking ass at my job. Because when a stunning woman criticizes you in front of a beautiful man, it stings. I’m twelve years old all over again, being laughed at by eighth grade boys for having big boobs. The pity in Nate’s eyes only makes it worse.
This is one of those times I need to channel Madonna. Don’t laugh. It works. I’ve always loved how she’s a confident, strong woman. Internally, I search for the perfect song, vacillating between “Keep It Together” and “Bitch, I’m Madonna.”
I settle on the latter because I might need to call someone a bitch.
Taking a
cleansing breath, I stay half-hidden behind the door.
Malcolm motions toward the reception area and asks for any more examples of Penny’s ineptitude. God, could he sound any more pompous?
Nate and I lock eyes, and I shake my head, pleading, Don’t do it. Don’t sell her out.
He taps a pen on his desk. “Wish I could help you, Malcolm, but I can’t say I have any complaints about Penny besides that one phone call Angela mentioned, which really wasn’t a big deal.”
When Malcolm turns back to Angela, Nate winks at me.
Thank you, I mouth before the butterflies in my stomach take flight from having his megawatt charm aimed my way. Turning on my heel, I race back to my office, hoping that Penny can get off Angela’s shit list before she loses her job. I’ll have to warn her to stay out of Poison Ivy’s way for the next few weeks.
My heart is still galloping when I plop my ass down at my desk and take a few more deep breaths. One crisis down, one NSFW blog to go.
When I click to enlarge the browser, I’m greeted by Josh’s enormous penis, which is winking at me as only a dick can. The logo at the top says All About the D with his behemoth erection towering over it like it’s the Chrysler Building.
A laugh escapes me. Is this supposed to be funny?
Seriously, it’s Photoshopped to look like the Chrysler Building.
Once I’m over the shock of the X-rated python before me, I take a good long look. Because, truthfully, I’ve never seen one this size in real life. I feel like I’m paddling down the Amazon, and I just spotted my first anaconda.
All jokes aside, there’s no wild jungle. Everything is neatly trimmed like a freshly mowed lawn.
His cock is strangely attractive.
Smooth and firm and thick.
I look down at my palm and then back at his photo. I bet I wouldn’t be able to close my hand around it.
The long lines of his body lead to a wide crown that sits proudly on top as though His Majesty might storm the castle any minute now.
I can only imagine taking a slow lick up that muscular body…
Evie, stop perving on the potential client.
Shaking my head, I blow out a breath and ignore the damp fabric between my legs.
Guess it’s been a while since I’ve had some personal time. Maybe I should pencil that in this weekend.
Fanning myself, I try to regroup and check out the other elements of his layout, which are surprisingly engaging. The lighting is artistic, the cropping and placement are amusing, and the captions crack me up with quips like, “Warning: Pressure-treated wood” and “A little caulk for your tongue and groove.”
My eyes sweep over another erotic photo, and the throb between my legs intensifies.
I realize I might need to reevaluate my life if I’m turned on by a skyline of New York with a giant dick Photoshopped in the middle, but I suppose I can’t be the only woman who’s wildly intrigued. Josh-With-No-Last-Name has millions of followers and at least two corporate sponsors who are interested in collaborating on sex toys.
After a few minutes scrolling down the page, I close his blog, erase my browser history, and push the bangs out of my face.
Now how the hell am I going to sell this client to the firm?
* Purchase ALL ABOUT THE D *
Other Books by Lex Martin
Dark Texas Nights Series
Shameless (USA Today bestseller)
Harley-riding tattoo artist Brady Shepherd isn’t at all prepared to inherit a lavender farm or a baby. So he turns to a family friend, the sexy-nerdy babysitter Kat, for help. She can’t resist falling for the handsome brooder, except he’s supposed to sell the farm and move back to Boston. Will he break her heart or can she convince him to stay in Texas?
* * *
Reckless (USA Today bestseller)
The last thing Ethan Carter needs is a hot nanny strutting around his ranch while he deals with a hellish divorce. His priorities are his kids and business, not the little vixen sleeping across the hall. Tori Duran is the one woman he can't have and shouldn't want, no matter how much he craves her.
* * *
The Dearest Series
Dearest Clementine (bestselling romantic comedy)
When Clementine Avery swore off men, she had no idea she’d need real life experience for that romance writing class she accidentally signed up for last spring. Fortunately, sexy RA Gavin Murphy offers to help her find a little inspiration...in the name of academics, of course.
* * *
Finding Dandelion (#1 sports fiction and bestselling sports romance)
Hooking up with that hot guy at the club should’ve been an easy item to check off Dani Hart’s bucket list. But when Dani realizes the hottie is her snarky new roommate’s brother, what should’ve been uncomplicated suddenly isn’t.
* * *
Kissing Madeline (#1 sports fiction and bestselling sports romance)
Maddie McDermott is confident no one will stand in her way of becoming a broadcast reporter, not even the subject of her new segments—her hot new neighbor Daren Sloan, the NFL’s latest “it boy.” Daren doesn’t seem to care that Maddie can’t stand him. In fact, he’d love nothing more than to show her that being friends has its benefits.
Other Books by Leslie McAdam
The Giving You Series
The Sun and the Moon (A 2015 Watty winner, featured in Cosmopolitan.com)
After a heartbreaking tragedy, successful attorney Amelia Crowley has numbed herself to the pleasures of life, clinging to a specific set of rules, finding strength in order and organization. When she meets easy going surfer Ryan Fielding, that organized life is turned upside down by a sea of washboard abs and sun-kissed hair. Sexy and charismatic, Ryan looks for pleasure however he can find it in an effort to silence his own inner demons. Until Amelia crashed into his life the only thing he chased. Can Amelia let Ryan take the lead or will she cling to her rules and wipe out their chance at love?
* * *
The Stars in the Sky (#1 in Western Erotic Romance and a bestseller)
When foul-mouthed, tattooed, vegan Marie Diaz-Austin accepted a summer internship on a ranch north of Santa Barbara to work with underprivileged and special needs kids she was expecting hard work. She wasn't expecting the gorgeous, but conservative rancher, Will Thrash who wants nothing to do with left-wing hippies like her. Although they hate each other’s politics, they can't deny their immediate and growing attraction to each other. But when they're forced to make a choice, what will give? Their principles or themselves?
* * *
All the Waters of the Earth (International bestseller)
Romance novelist Lucy Figueroa lives a life of the imagination. While her stories are filled with fictional alpha male heroes, her real life is filled with nothing but Mr. Wrongs. Lucy's sexy new neighbor, Jake Slausen, looks like one of her characters come to life. While he fits the heartthrob part, he doesn't act it, too distracted by his cell phone and his job for any relationship. First drawn together by chemistry, then by a fierce need to protect each other even from themselves, will Jake and Lucy learn to accept their pasts or will they convince themselves that happily ever afters only exist in romance novels?
* * *
The Ground Beneath Our Feet
Jessica, a curvy, driven, neat freak lawyer, is ecstatic when she finally gets her dream job—even though it's taking her away from her hometown. When she meets over-the-top, man-mountain Mikey, a fitness buff and veterinarian with a messy life in all senses of the word, she thinks she just walked into the second-most exciting adventure of her life. If they give into their undeniable attraction, is it just a train wreck waiting to happen? Or will their desire fuel a chance at real love?
* * *
Love In Translation Series
Sol
After a stolen kiss, Trent left his best friend’s sister to join the army. Now he must deliver heartbreaking news to Dani, a teacher in Spain. Once the truth is out, will she be able to forgive h
im?
* * *
Sombra
Kim steps off the plane in Madrid and meets Tavo, with his warm eyes, crooked smile, and devastating charm. Worse, he's courteous. Honorable. Sensuous. Impossibly attractive. Tavo awakens her desires—her body—without even touching it. But she doesn’t want to be attracted to him. She’s made her promises, and her future has already been determined. After all, she’s wearing someone else’s ring.
* * *
Standalone novella
Lumbersexual (winner, 1st place in Romance, Summer Indie Book Awards 2016)
Maggie Washington has always been the fling or the friend. Court Thompson is a gorgeous (and bearded) forest ranger with a love-em and leave-em reputation. When he shows interest in her, she’s torn. Even though she's flattered by his attention, she doubts his sincerity—and her ability to get out of the friend-zone. Will Court be able to coax Maggie into trusting him that he's for real? Or after a summer of s'mores and skinny dipping, will he let her down like everybody else?
Acknowledgments
A huge thanks to our fabulous husbands. Without their love and support, we’d never have the time to write.
We’re so grateful to Najla Qamber, our designer, and Cory Stierley, our photographer, for our beautiful cover. To RJ Locksley for editing; and Jerica MacMillian, Keri Roth, and Amanda Maria for proofreading. To Kimberly Brower, Lex’s fantastic agent, for always going the extra mile for us.
Lex thanks her awesome beta readers for their insight and encouragement: Serena McDonald, Whitney Barbetti, KL Grayson, Kristi White Bivens, Amy Vox Libris, Bella Love, Becky Grover, and Elizabeth Clinton.
