“Why not?”
“To protect me and you at the same time.”
“I didn’t need his protection.”
“I’m not sure that mattered.”
“What do you mean he needed to protect you?”
Leigh took a deep breath. “I was the youngest—the youngest in that crowd. To tell you the truth, I think if it hadn’t been for Kit, I might’ve ended up following a different path.”
Devon’s curiosity was piqued.
“He kept the guys from taking advantage of me. He still thinks I need direction. He probably thinks that even more now.” Leigh snickered. “And, I think he knew that I might get attached.”
“To me?”
“Maybe,” Leigh said. “You’re a lot like him, you know?”
“I don’t know about that.”
“You might not have gone down the same road, but you are like him. He’s a good person, Devon, so are you.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” Devon inquired.
“Because it’s time. Partly, I guess because of Dar.”
“Are you telling me you had feelings for Dar?”
“I wasn’t in love with her, if that’s what you mean. Despite what you seem to think, I’m not a cold-hearted bitch.”
The sharpness of Leigh’s voice reflected honest pain. Devon sighed regretfully. “I don’t think that.”
Leigh cast a doubtful gaze at Devon.
Devon laughed. “I don’t think that. I think you see something you want, and you won’t let it go.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t care about anyone.”
“Fair,” Devon said. “I’m still not sure I understand why you are telling me this.”
“Devon, I like you. I’m not saying that as some kind of overture. I like Carrie too. I always have. You know, it isn’t Dar I was interested in when I met them.”
Devon’s eyes sparkled. “You don’t say?”
Leigh grinned. “Dar told me Carrie was too good for me.” She laughed. “She was right.”
“Don’t feel too bad. She’s too good for me too.”
“I’d like us to be friends, Devon. I don’t enjoy walking in here and feeling like I’m entering the enemy camp.”
Devon sipped from her glass. She wanted to protest everything she’d heard. Something told her that Leigh’s words were sincere.
“Dar was my friend,” Leigh said. “I thought so. She never told me about the tumor. She just said she was dealing with some things and when she was ready she’d tell me. That’s it. She did talk about CJ and Carrie, and you.”
“Me?”
“That’s surprising?”
“A little bit. Dar wasn’t exactly my greatest fan.”
“Well, sometimes what people appear to think and what they actually feel aren’t the same thing.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Leigh replied. “I’d like a chance to start this over. Maybe we could try being cordial instead of barely civil?”
Devon chuckled. “A truce?”
“I was never at war, but if that works for you…”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead,” Leigh agreed.
“Do you miss Darlene?”
Leigh’s eyes grew sad as she began to speak. “Every day, Devon. I never let her know how glad I was to have her company. I wish that hadn’t come at the cost I know it did for your family. She knew more about me than almost anyone.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I trusted her; she trusted Carrie—just like I trusted Kit, and I know he trusts you.”
“He sure didn’t make me feel that way for a long time. I have to ask this; are you sure he wasn’t…”
“I never said he wasn’t in love with me,” Leigh anticipated the question. “He never told me that, and we were never together—not in any committed sense.”
“Did you? Love him?”
“I still love him. Just not the way he wanted me to.”
“You know, I still can’t manage your soiree.”
“I didn’t expect you would. I just wanted to clear the air. How’s Carrie?”
“She’s great,” Devon said.
“You look happy.”
“I am.”
“No regrets leaving the big city?” Leigh asked playfully.
“Not a one.”
“I envy you, Devon.”
Devon smiled. Somehow, Leigh, I believe that’s true.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Are you okay?” Devon whispered in Carrie’s ear.
“I just want to get this over with.”
“CJ will be okay, Carrie.”
“I know she will be.”
“Then why do I get the sense that you’re nervous?”
“I have something I want to talk to you about,” Carrie said.
“Uh-oh.”
“No, it’s nothing dire. It’s been on my mind.”
“More than adopting CJ?”
“More like because we’ve agreed to adopt CJ.”
Devon wrapped her arm around Carrie’s waist. “Maybe your Mom will take Grammy duty for a while tonight.”
“I have some news on that front too.”
“Now, I am curious.” Devon led Carrie into the living room where Tom was sitting on the floor completing a puzzle with CJ.
“Look!” CJ exclaimed.
“Wow, you finished that already?” Devon asked.
“Yep. Daddy helped.”
“You did most of it,” Tom praised his daughter.
Carrie took a deep breath and sat down on the sofa beside Devon. “CJ,” she began. “We wanted to talk to you about something.”
CJ titled her head curiously. “’Kay!”
Tom pulled CJ into his lap. “You know, I really miss you when I am away,” he told her.
“Yep,” CJ said.
“But I know how much you love being here.”
CJ nodded.
“How would you feel about living here all the time?” Tom asked CJ.
CJ looked at Carrie and received a smile.
“All my sleeps?”
“Well,” Carrie stepped into the discussion gently. “You’ll still visit Daddy just like you visit Grandma and Dakota,” she explained. “But yes, you would be here all week.”
CJ’s smile lit up the room for a brief second, then she hung her head.
“CJ?” Carrie asked. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
CJ looked at her father. “You could stay here.”
Tom grinned. “No, honey.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m going to be away during the week at work in Boston. That’s a little further away. But I will be back every week or two to see you; I promise. And, you can call me whenever you want.”
“FaceTime!”
“Yes.” Tom chuckled. CJ loved to FaceTime. “You can FaceTime with me, and I will show you where I am.”
CJ wrapped her arms around Tom’s neck and squeezed.
“Are you happy?” He asked his daughter.
“Yep. I gots to take care of DJ.”
Carrie squeezed Devon’s hand.
“And, I gots to help Mommy.”
“I’m sure you’re a big help to Mommy,” Tom said.
“Yep. ‘Cause Momma gots to work.”
Devon wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to hearing CJ refer to her as “Momma.” She recalled the look in Carrie’s eyes when CJ had first begun to call Carrie “Mom” or “Mommy.” She wondered if her eyes reflected the same emotion. Another squeeze from Carrie’s hand told her it did.
“So, you would be happy living here?” Tom asked to be sure.
“Yep. With my moms. You can stay, Daddy. You can stay in my room.”
Carrie choked on mounting tears. CJ loved her father. CJ loved everyone. Trust was another matter. Tom had been inconsistent over the last year. More than anything—save unconditional love—CJ needed consistency. She wanted Tom close on terms that made
her feel secure.
“Where would I sleep?” Tom asked.
“You sleep in my room. I can sleep with Mommy.”
Carrie smiled. “Daddy can stay here anytime. But, I think you might really like to visit Daddy at his house when he visits.” She looked at Tom, silently imploring him to deliver the rest of his news.
“CJ, you know how you like to talk to your Nana on the phone?”
“Yep. She’s funny.”
“Well, Nana is going to be moving into my house,” he said.
CJ’s eyes flew open.
“Yeah,” he continued. “At the end of next month. So, you will be able to talk to her in person.”
Carrie decided to share part of her news with the family. “It looks like you’ll be having a lot of Grandmas to visit soon,” she said.
Devon looked at her curiously.
“Grammy told me today that she and Grandpa Eddie are looking to buy a house here in Connecticut.”
CJ sprung from her father’s lap and began dancing.
“Seriously?” Devon asked.
Carrie nodded.
“That’s what you wanted to talk to me about?”
“Partly,” Carrie replied softly.
CJ continued to spin happily in a circle.
Carrie started to laugh. “You’re going to get dizzy,” she said.
CJ stopped and ran to Carrie.
“Are you happy?” Carrie asked. CJ held onto Carrie tightly. “See? You are going to have your whole family here, CJ.”
“Me and DJ,” CJ replied.
“And DJ,” Carrie agreed.
CJ looked back at her father. She frowned.
“What is it?” He asked.
CJ whispered in Carrie’s ear.
Tom looked at Carrie, wondering what CJ was saying.
“Daddy has all of us too,” Carrie said for the room to hear. “We all have each other, CJ. You remember that.”
“’Kay! Can I find Grammy?”
Carrie giggled. “Yes, you can. She’s down in the family room with Grampy and DJ.”
“’Kay!”
“And, she’s off,” Devon said.
“Thank you,” Tom said.
“There’s nothing to thank us for,” Devon replied. “If anything, I think I should be thanking you.”
“I hardly think…”
“No, I’m serious,” Devon said. “You’re a big part of the reason I have my family,” she said. “One of the biggest reasons, in fact. She felt Carrie’s thumb stroke the back of her hand. “Carrie’s right; you know? You have all of us. Somehow, I don’t think CJ is the one who needs to be convinced of that.”
Tom looked away. “I wish I felt I deserved that.”
“You do,” Carrie said. “I know it hurts.”
Tom met Carrie’s gaze.
“I do know that,” Carrie went on. “Don’t be afraid to come home.”
“Even if I did—someday, even if I did come back; this will be CJ’s…”
“I know that too,” Carrie said. “Just don’t forget that you are part of this family.”
He nodded. “I’m going to go find CJ and say goodbye.”
Carrie felt the wave of sadness that poured off her friend. A part of her would always struggle to comprehend how he could step away from CJ at all. A lack of love was not the cause. She knew that too. She stood and grabbed Tom’s arm. “It’s not goodbye, Tommy.”
He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I know.”
“Are you okay?” Devon asked when Tom was out of earshot.
Carrie wrapped her arms around herself as if to stave off a chill. “I am. I wish it were easier—all of it.”
“Yeah, well, easy is overrated.”
Carrie turned and smiled. “You think so?”
“Yep.”
“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Carrie surmised.
“Why don’t you see if your mom is up for Grammy duty tonight?”
“So, we can talk?” Carrie flirted.
“You said you wanted to tell me something.”
“Mm-hum.”
“If you’d prefer speaking in tongues…”
Carrie roared with laughter. “You’re incorrigible.”
“I know, you prefer the levitating.”
“Devon!”
Devon grinned triumphantly.
“I’ll go test the grandmother waters.”
“I’ll meet you upstairs.”
Carrie shook her head affectionately at the flirtatious tone in Devon’s voice. Devon always found a way to ease Carrie’s worries. Yes, you will.
***
Carrie walked into the bedroom to find Devon sprawled out on the bed with her eyes closed. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“DJ was fussy. She wouldn’t take a bottle for Mom.”
“It’s okay,” Devon repeated. “Is she sleeping now?”
“Like a log. I wish she’d do that with the bottle.”
DJ would take a bottle when necessary; that is if she could not hear the sound of Carrie’s voice. If DJ sensed Carrie’s presence at all, she would protest a bottle. When DJ finished a bottle, she was inclined to fight sleep. Yawn after yawn, after stretch, after yawn and the infant would still not close her eyes. If Carrie nursed their daughter, DJ would fall immediately to sleep and stay quiet for hours. It wasn’t a challenging scenario for Devon to understand. She always slept better when Carrie was close to her. The few times they’d been forced to sleep apart in the last two years, Devon had struggled to rest. Carrie’s manner and touch were tender and loving. It made perfect sense. “She likes to be close to you, babe.”
“Mmm.”
“I get it.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah. I have a hard time falling asleep without you.”
Carrie crawled onto the bed beside Devon. “Good thing we don’t have to do that often, huh?”
“No kidding.” Devon pulled Carrie into her arms. “Dare I ask what you wanted to talk to me about? I mean, besides that fact that we’ll both be dealing with the in-laws soon,” Devon teased.
“I hope you’re okay with that.”
“With your folks moving here? Why wouldn’t I be? I’m a little surprised.”
“Just a little?” Carrie was shocked.
“They miss you,” Devon observed. “Plus, I think they want to be close to the girls.”
“They do.”
“Worried about Ford?” Devon guessed.
“I was.”
“But?”
“Apparently, he’s thinking about following.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“That would be awesome.”
“Really?”
“Hell yeah. I would have someone to torment you with for a change.”
Carrie laughed. “Nice.”
“What? You and Madison have lots of fun at my expense.”
“If you didn’t make it so easy…”
“Ha-ha. Come on, what is it that you wanted to tell me?”
Carrie sighed heavily.
“Carrie?”
“Dev, do you want more kids?”
“Truthfully?”
“Of course, truthfully.”
“Maybe, someday.”
“Not right away?”
“Carrie, are you trying to tell me you want to have another baby?”
Carrie sat up. “No.”
“I’m lost.”
“I don’t,” Carrie said. “Not any time soon,” she clarified. “And, that probably means I won’t be having another one.”
Devon nodded.
“I know CJ seems happy…”
“CJ is happy,” Devon offered.
“Yes, but we both know there will be pitfalls. We all know that.”
“There will be pitfalls with DJ too.”
“But those will be different, Devon.”
“Carrie, what is it that you want to tell me?”
“Someday, mayb
e someday, in a few years, maybe if that’s something you want—no, if it becomes something you want…”
“You mean getting pregnant?”
“I do. I’d love that, Devon. I would. I just think a little time to settle into the…”
Devon leaned in and kissed Carrie gently. “You don’t have to explain, babe. I agree.”
“I don’t want to deny you that, Devon. It’s not fair for me…”
“Carrie, stop. I told you a long time ago that I would be happy with you and CJ as my family. Believe me; I love our family the way it is. If we decide one day that we want to add to that; I will move heaven and earth to make it happen. That’s an if. Stop worrying about everything and everyone.”
“I wish I could.”
“Yeah, well, I think it comes with motherhood.”
“Oh? Need a dose of your own advice?” Carrie teased.
“Probably.”
“What’s going on?” Carrie asked.
“Leigh came in today.”
“Still trying to woo you away?” Carrie joked.
“No.”
“Dev?”
“There’s something I never told you.”
Carrie swallowed hard. “I’m listening.”
“After Leigh and I…”
“After you slept together?”
“Yeah. Kit found out. He showed up at my apartment in the city and blew a gasket.”
“Why?”
“He was involved with her.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No,” Devon said. “The thing is; I was pissed off at her. How could she do that to him? To me?”
“Can’t say I blame you.”
Devon considered how to explain what she was feeling. She’d spent more time talking to Leigh Matthews than she’d ever planned. The conversation had wound its way to the past; a time that Devon sometimes chose to ignore. She did love her older brother. She had worshiped him once upon a time. While Kit’s life had grown stable, there were times Devon saw the pieces of her brother’s personality surface that troubled her. She was almost positive that he’d been unfaithful to his wife, and she often noted a modicum of jealousy in the biting comments he directed at both her and Madison. Leigh’s assessment that Kit was looking to protect Devon seemed less likely to Devon than the possibility that Kit wanted to strike out at his younger sister. That hurt. Devon wasn’t in the mood to dive into her feelings about Kit and their relationship. She’d told Carrie plenty about the past; countless stories of the upheaval Kit caused in her family over the years. She still held back about how it all affected her. Her dialogue with Leigh that afternoon had given Devon a new awareness of why she held back—it hurt too much. Devon shelved her feelings where her older brother was concerned. She chose to see what she wished to see.
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