“I met someone,” I lied. Her eyes sprang open and she studied my features. My poker face was one of the best.
“What?” She asked attempting to sit up, but I held her close to me.
“Her name is Skylar and she interns at the law firm I do.” That much was true.
“And you like her?”
I nodded. “She likes me.” Another truth, but I wasn’t sure how much more I could lie to the girl I did love.
Speaking of truths…I saw a minute of hurt in Emma’s eyes and that hurt most of all. Didn’t she know I wouldn’t choose someone over her?
“I hope he is what you need. And I hope he is what you are looking for. You deserve…” I had to clear my throat…”so much. Make him take care of you. You must come first in everything. Above everything.”
“I know,” she spoke so softly. “Is there really a girl?”
“Yes, Em. There’s a girl.” The girl I loved more than anything curled into me and fell asleep for the next three hours as I watched and felt her breathe. This was the best place I knew for us to come to an end if it had to be…the beach; after all, that is where we started.
I dropped her at the house where his Jeep sat and watched her walk away. And even now as the waves crashed in my ear and my heart continued to ache, I questioned if I’d done the right thing. Skylar was a 22 year-old gay paralegal who just moved in with her partner. Even if I wanted to, I didn’t stand a chance! But Skylar knew about Em and she knew why I had come here.
I didn’t know if this would work out with Zach, but I knew I’d be here if it didn’t and I’d probably tell her the truth about Skylar. The hope I felt every time I hopped on a plane and traveled literally from the east coast to the west to simply see her would still be there until I knew she was his by name. And even then, I’d wonder.
When Libby hurt me years ago with the decisions and deceit…I wasn’t sure that hurt could be topped. But the hurt I felt now trumped that in spades. I knew I’d be okay. But hurt hurts and Emma was my someday and that was gone…
With my hands in my pockets, I retrieved my cell phone and stared at the blank screen—the hope of a text or a call had dwindled. She was his and truly always had been.
Chapter 16—Zach—Truth be told…
As she rested at my side, her breaths still uneven, a wave of nausea swarmed over me. The thought of not having her in my life would break me. As sick and twisted as it sounded, I knew therapy and possible medication management might be in my future. I felt weak thinking I couldn’t live without her. Some sort of codependent fuck up. But the inner peace she brought to my core was inexplicable. I didn’t care what type of education you had…if you hadn’t felt this feeling then it would be unfathomable to understand.
My heart seemed to pace hers. My breaths matched hers. If she was happy…that made me happy. If she hurt…I hurt. For all these years…she was my someday. And at this moment, she was my now and I couldn’t let the chance go without a fight.
“Baby?” I knew it was late but I couldn’t allow another minute to go by.
“Hmmmm,” she sighed clearly still coming down from what I would only describe as indescribable.
“I need to tell you something and I need you to just listen. That is code for don’t talk,” I teased, poking her in the side.
She rolled her lips inward.
I inhaled deeply and still buzzing from the drinking earlier, I prayed I made sense. “You are my world. I don’t…want to lose you. Six years ago when I found you—you saved me from a dark place. You know that. Women, drugs, alcohol, the courts. It wasn’t pretty. When I left you and moved here, I thought it was the best thing for you…for you,” I stuttered. “I honestly don’t know if what I did was the right thing, but they say everything happens for a reason and I guess that was what was meant to be…I don’t know.” I took a long, slow breath because I felt like I wasn’t making sense. “The last four and a half years, darkness fell again…sadly. I tried like hell to get over you. To not think of you. To leave you be. I pushed away so many people—taking my hurt out on them—my parents.” Fuck! Tears invaded my eyes and she brushed kisses over my chest. I didn’t want her pity. I wanted her forever. “I want to go back with you…to Ashland. I have a planet of regret inside me for the things I’ve done. You’ve seen me at my worst and stayed. I need you to allow me the opportunity to show you the best of me.”
A smile touched her face but contradicted the tears swelling in her eyes.
“I owe my parents an in-person apology. When you came here—that night with Sophia—I was in a fog of her shit and mine mixed. It feels great to be done with that and you have my word I will never use again, even if…” I couldn’t say it out loud. “In five years, I’ve never been inside another woman. There have been girls that I allowed to…you know. But I couldn’t imagine betraying you in that way.”
Immediately I could tell when she broke our eye contact that she had been with other guys. Unsure how many, I tried desperately to contain my reaction.
“Em, baby, me saying what I’m saying wasn’t to make you feel guilty for being with others.” I hoped she didn’t hear the distaste in my words. “It’s not like getting a blow job was torture. But having sex…well…I couldn’t do it. That wasn’t my plan at first. I kept setting little goals. But after a while, I knew I would wait until you were married. I told myself then I would move on. The bottom line in all my drunken ramblings at this moment—is I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I know he has so much to offer you…but I have my heart. And I will be the most loyal man to you. I want you to be my forever.”
Slow, wet tears streaked her face and I wasn’t sure if this was her goodbye but in that moment the rhythm of my heart stalled. Even a second was too long to wait but she wasn’t answering.
“I have an important question to ask you…” she finally broke the silence.
With my middle finger I guided the hair away from her face. “Anything.”
“If I agree to be your forever, will you share your Oreos with me?” A smile touched the edges of her mouth.
Emma was the most honest and kind girl I’d ever met and for her to answer like that had me hopeful. She would never be so cruel to make me think otherwise.
I decided to tease back. “Well, it’s clear we will need to negotiate some things.” She pinched the small patch of hair slightly below my belly button and twisted. I gripped her shoulders and pulled her on top of me. “Why’d you leave with him tonight? That ripped my heart from my chest. How could you have done that?”
“I owed him a fair goodbye. I owed him at least that,” she whispered and I could tell her heart was still torn maybe.
“Emma. Don’t make me wait. Tell me you’re mine,” I begged.
Brushing her lips across mine, she reared back and said, “I’ve always been yours. It just took a while for me to figure that out. But, if you’ll have me, I’ll love you like no other and you can be my forever.”
A gripping joy consumed me and I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or what, but I sobbed out loud. Her eyes filled too, thank God. Embarrassed of my reaction, I covered my face. She pulled my hand away from my eyes.
“I love you Zach Owens.”
“And I love you baby…”
Chapter 17—Emma—Bitch!
When I woke up the next morning Zach was gone but a little folded up piece of paper resembling a surfboard lay on his pillow. I unfolded it. It read: if you figured out the shape then you know where I am. Hated leaving you but couldn’t wait to run my mouth like a little girl and tell Dylan you were mine and I’m yours. Signed, the happiest guy in the world. P.S. Last night I was sort of drunk…just wait till you see me next, there’s gonna be a replay except I’ll be completely sober #mindblowing :)
I smiled and stretched as my lower body clenched in anticipation of what the day would hold; and Zach using a hashtag too, no less. My cell phone read 11:44am. Get your ass out of bed. I peeked and saw Sam sleeping and I wondered where s
he stayed last night.
I threw on my swimsuit and jean shorts that Zach didn’t like me wearing anywhere but with him and decided to walk to the beach. The sun warmed my entire body as it beat down on me. I heard the car come to a stop and smiled until I realized Sophia sat in the passenger seat of an old charger. I glanced away and kept walking.
“I’d like to talk to you for a second if you don’t mind,” she said.
I kept walking. “What about?”
“About Zach. You need to know a few things that I’m sure he hasn’t told you.” Her words sounded, kind but Zach had already told me she was dangerous.
“I think I know all I need to,” I answered.
“I’m serious. I think it will help you two.”
I stopped walking and studied her face. God, she was beautiful. I knew Zach had some issues and to think that me coming back would be the answer to every single one was a lot to ask for. If she knew something that could possibly help us, I’d listen.
“Fine. Meet me in Panchas,” I said nodding at the bar that was a block away.
“Thank you,” she said and the car went ahead of me. There was no way in hell I’d meet her anywhere else. At least Hank would have my back.
After being in the sun, the bar was dark, but Hank met me with a halfhearted smile, his eyes darting to Sophia.
“It’s ok, Hank. She just wants to talk,” I said rolling my eyes.
“Should I call Zach?”
I smiled. “Not yet.”
“She bought two shots and got two glasses of water. FYI.”
“Sophia, let’s make this quick.”
She pointed to the seat across from her and I sat.
“I just wanted to apologize. I’ve known Zach for a long time and no matter how hard I tried or how high he got, he wouldn’t have sex with me. With anyone. I think that says something.”
“Thank you.”
“You must really mean a lot to him.”
I offered the best sincere smile I could muster up. This girl sitting three feet from me provided illegal drugs to the man I love. Punching her in the face was pretty much the only thing crossing my mind.
“You said there was something that I needed to know?” I asked and reminded her at one time.
She smiled. “I can see how much you love him so I think I’ll just let it rest.”
As much as I wanted to know what she was going to say, I stood up to leave.
“Here is to you and Zach,” she said and held the shot glass up. It was noon and liquor didn’t sound all that great but I was ready to be done with this woman. I took the shot glass. She lifted hers. We clinked glasses.
“Thank you,” I said and downed the burning bitter liquid and walked away from her.
“Hey. Just so you know, he really likes the tip of his dick flicked with my tongue right before he spews in my mouth.”
I spun around and glared at her. Typically, I would have a smart ass comment for anything…but for that…for her…I had nothing. I waved at Hank as I left. What a stupid bitch!
Chapter 18—Zach—Helpless
There was something about today that was different. The waves were incredible. The warm water bluer than I’d ever seen. The warmth of the sun touched me inside. Dylan and I rode the water for hours. The high I was on was unlike any drug I’d ever tried. Better than alcohol. Nearly better than sex. Em was mine.
Dylan and I floated on our boards laughing and talking about a newbie surfer a few feet away. He hadn’t made it up on his board yet.
“I’m happy for you man. I am. Seeing this smile is unbelievable.”
The smile was full blown. “Thanks, bro. Where’d you all sleep?”
“I crashed on the sofa at Panchas in the back room. I think Sam went to Hayden’s.”
“Sorry. I didn’t destroy anything though. Progress? Right?”
Dylan laughed. “I suppose. If there was ever a night I thought you might, it was last night when she walked out with him. Dude, I didn’t know what to do.”
“I didn’t either. When she stepped out that door my heart went with her. I couldn’t breathe. What a pussy?”
Dylan splashed water at me. “Nah man. You love her. She’s your forever. With seeing you and her it makes me believe there is a soul mate for me out there.”
Soul mate? Without a doubt.
“Speaking of which, isn’t that her?” Dylan asked.
My eyes quickly roamed the beach. “Em? Where?”
Dylan pointed, but there were massive numbers of people in the summer. Then I spotted her in those damn shorts I hated her wearing. You couldn’t even call them shorts. I waved but she didn’t see me. Both Dylan and I watched the swells to catch the next wave but nothing.
Emma tripped and fell and I laughed out loud.
“What the hell?” Dylan said as we both watched her get back up. She started walking more sideways and fell again into a little girl. The girl’s father helped my girl up as the mother helped theirs.
“What’s wrong with her, Zach?”
No words were anywhere near my mouth because all blood pounded in my heart causing an erratic beat. Some guy grabbed her and hoisted her up next to his body.
“Zach?”
Everything seemed in super slow motion. My reactions…what was happening…Dylan’s voice… One final time, I glanced back for a swell…where the hell did the waves go?? The guy smacked her fucking cheeks with the backs of his hand and her neck bent backward and didn’t recover. As he carefully lay her down in the sand, I took off my ankle strap and stood on the board. The guy was yelling something to somebody. Did she still use her inhaler??
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dylan was swimming with a small wave covering ground but I’d missed it and dove in. I swam as long as I could until I felt my lungs reach capacity then surfaced for air. A crowd surrounded her and a panic paralyzed my entire body until a wave crashed against my back sending me crashing to the ocean floor. Salt water and sand blasted up through my nose and burned. Before I could recover, my hair was being yanked and I was being brought to my feet. I glared through burning eyes and blurred vision at who pulled me up. Dylan had already left my side and was running. RUN ZACH!
I don’t even know how I did it. My body felt separate from my head. But I ran and I ran fast watching as Dylan shoved his way through the circle of onlookers and went to his knees. Oh God, this meant she was still down. I hurdled a little tot on the beach and finally found my voice and screamed. “EMMMM!”
The spectators, who I wanted to fucking run over, saw me coming and parted. Dylan too was gently slapping her face trying to wake her. I stepped in front of him and started talking to her.
“Em, baby…look at me,” I cried.
Dylan stood behind me. “Please back up and give her some space.”
“I’ve called 911,” the gentleman said who had smacked her face earlier. I could hear the sirens in the distance.
“Did she say something to you?” I asked.
“No. She seemed disoriented. That’s all.”
“How did she get so wet?” I asked.
“She’s sweating,” Dylan said holding her arm with his two fingers pressed against her wrist. “Dude, her heart is racing. I can’t even count the beats.”
Three paramedics ran toward us; they were my saving grace…my hope.
“What happened?” One of the guys said bending down next to her. He yanked her eyes open and shined a bright light into them. “Unresponsive.”
Dylan shoved me out of the way. “I’m only second year med but she has some sort of tachycardia…going so fast I couldn’t count. She’s not been out here long and not been in the water. She’s drenched in sweat.”
“Been drinking alcohol?”
Dylan looked up to me and I shook my head. “No. Not since two days ago.”
“She take any medications regularly?”
“Yes, I think. She used to need an inhaler.” Damn myself for not knowing!
“Tachypnea,”
said a woman who I didn’t know was there.
“What is that?” I yelled running my fingers through my hair.
Dylan patted my back. “It’s her respirations. They are high. Her breathing. She’s breathing fast.”
Her seemingly lifeless body was moved sideways while they slid a board beneath her. Even with that movement, she was still unresponsive. Suddenly, they raised the board and started walking up the beach. Dylan and I ran to the Jeep and jumped in following the ambulance.
“Call Sam. See what she knows,” I begged.
Dylan did.
“Fuck me! What happened to her? I shouldn’t have left her. I should have stayed next to her this morning.” I pounded the steering wheel.
“Bye,” Dylan said and hung up. “Sam was asleep. Doesn’t have a clue. This isn’t your fault, Zach.”
I followed the ambulance so close, I buzzed right passed everyone and through every red light until we reached the emergency room entrance. They unloaded her and I ran toward them. Hospital staff met them with a gurney. As they transferred her to the gurney, her tiny body started jerking spastically.
“What the fuck is wrong with her?” I yelled lacing my fingers behind my head because I wanted to punch something. The hurt inside was unbearable.
“Sir, she’s seizing. Give us some time.”
The team of people rolled her to her side as foam gathered around her mouth.
“Oh God, Dylan. Help her be OK. Help her man. I swear to God, help her.” Out of nowhere, nausea swarmed over me and I vomited the seawater and sand from earlier. As they wheeled her off…it was the second time in twenty-four hours I fell to my knees.
Chapter 19—Evidence
Just One of the Guys 3 My Someday... Page 11
