by Alta Hensley
Coley’s fury was like a ticking bomb about to release. She leaned in and spat, “Listen, you dirty whore. The only thing you are to Vance, or any of the other hundred men you’ve opened your legs to, is a filthy, used up, loose pussy! Who in this room haven’t you fucked? You’ve been passed around and are, simply put... used goods.”
Coley spun on her heels, taking every ounce of strength she had not to knock the bitch out. She stormed off to find Vance standing in the kitchen talking to Caine.
“Vance, I would like to go home. Now!”
Vance turned toward her with worry all over his face. “What? What’s wrong, sweetheart? Are you all right?”
“I just want to go home,” she replied as she headed to his truck.
Vance caught up with her as she approached the truck. He opened the door and assisted her into the cab. He quickly walked around to the other side and hopped into the truck looking at her with concern.
“Are you going to tell me what happened? Coley, what’s wrong?” Vance asked.
“So, were you ever going to tell me you fucked Sara?” Coley asked while shooting daggers his direction.
Vance flinched like the question had been a blow to his face. “I never mentioned it because it lasted a total of one week and meant absolutely nothing. I also never mentioned it because… I guess I knew you would react this way. I’m sorry if it bothers you.”
“Yes, it bothers me! It’s sick that everyone seems to have slept with this whore!”
“I’m not exactly proud of it, but it wasn’t a relationship or anything.”
Coley turned away and stared out the window. “Whatever. Just take me home.”
Vance reached for Coley’s arm to try to turn her in his direction. “Stop. Why are you so upset? It was nothing and a long time ago.”
“You fucked Sara and kept it from me! To me, that is the same as a fucking lie!”
“Coley, stop! Watch your mouth and the way you’re talking to me,” Vance warned. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have told you.”
“Great, then let me spank your fucking ass for it!”
“Coley…” He gave her the familiar look that normally would have calmed her down.
Coley pulled her arm away and cast fury back in his direction. “Is this why you wanted me to be nice to her?” She put up her hands to stop his reply. “You know what… never mind. I want you to take me home, and I want to stop this conversation right now!”
She turned back toward the window and tried to calm her heart that raced a million miles a minute. Her hands shook and she felt nausea overcoming her stomach. She hated the way she felt. This was the perfect reason why she didn’t allow herself to be vulnerable.
Vance started the engine and pulled away toward home. “Why are you so angry? We all have our pasts. I’m not happy I hooked up with her. It’s not one of my finer moments. But I don’t understand why you’re as angry as you are.”
Coley continued to look out the window. “I see the girls you’ve dated. I’ve seen how they have the perfect body, perfect face and perfect attitude. I’m sick and tired of feeling like I’m less. I’m not them, and I will never be.”
“Since when have you felt less?”
“All the fucking time!”
“You are perfect! You are perfect in every way. You need to stop having these insecurities. Your worries are going to get in the way of a good thing we have going,” Vance lectured.
“A good thing? Maybe for you! I hated the way I felt talking to Sara. She made me feel like I will never measure up!” Coley shook in rage. “I just want to stop having this conversation. We aren’t going to get anywhere.”
The rest of the drive was in silence.
“No need to get out of the truck,” Coley said as she opened the door and let herself out.
Vance opened his door and quickly made his way around the truck and followed Coley to the front door of her house.
“Coley, we need to talk. I see that you’re upset, and it’s killing me. Let’s fix this.”
She inserted her key into the door and turned toward Vance. “Listen, I don’t want to be part of this sick circle of friends any longer. I thought it could work between us. I thought I could accept your lifestyle and all that came with it.” Coley shrugged. “I guess I was wrong.”
Vance placed a hand on each side of her arms and turned her so she was staring directly into his eyes. “You don’t mean this. You’re angry. Sara got your temper going, and you’re saying these things out of anger. Stop, I’m not going to let you end this. End us.”
“Face it, Vance. I’m not like the girls you’ve been with. I’m different, and we were both foolish to think we could make this fairytale actually come true. I’m a realist, and reality is telling me that this book has come to an end.”
Vance’s grip on Coley’s arms tightened. “No. Coley, I love you. I’m sorry if you don’t like that I was with Sara, but that was so far in the past. I can’t change it, but honestly she isn’t even a distant memory. It didn’t last long enough for it to even play a part in my life.”
Coley wiggled herself loose from Vance’s grip. “It’s not about Sara. It’s about the fact that you and I aren’t the same. I don’t think I can give you what those other girls can.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t want them. I don’t want anyone but you!”
Coley took a moment before replying, “But I don’t want you.” She then entered the house, quickly closing the door behind her.
Chapter Fourteen
Two weeks had gone by with no communication from Vance. Coley’s anger had quickly switched to sadness, heartbreak and devastation. She missed Vance more than anything and secretly wished for him to call her. She wanted him to reach out and fight for what they had created. It tore her heart to pieces seeing that he didn’t care, and that he never tried to get back together. She knew she was the one who slammed the door in his face. She was the one who said it was over, but a part of her thought he would put up more of a fight.
There were many times she picked up the phone to reach out to him. In all fairness, she realized that maybe she was the one who needed to fix what she broke. But she couldn’t risk the chance of rejection. What if he laughed in her face or had already moved on to the next bimbo in the circle of friends? Coley couldn’t take the chance on breaking her heart even more than it had already been broken.
Waking up every day without Vance in her life was excruciating. She walked in a dark fog of sadness all the time and missed him every waking second. Coley decided that the only way to try to move past the pain was taking a trip to Ireland to finish her book. She had never been, and going to new places was always her way of finding inspiration. Maybe the change of scenery, and focusing on work would help put her heart back together.
She took a deep, calming breath as she walked into the restaurant to meet Neely for lunch. Breaking the news about her trip wasn’t going to be easy. Coley knew she had a lecture coming on how she always tries to escape her problems. At least she only had to face Neely and not her brother as well.
Neely was already seated, waving to catch Coley’s attention. “Coley, over here.” Neely looked absolutely stunning. The look of love was painted all over her face.
Coley sat down and tried to give a weak smile. Faking her happiness to her best friend would be futile, but at least she would try.
Neely frowned. “You look like shit. I take it that you haven’t spoken with Vance.”
“Can we not talk about him?” Coley sighed as she ordered an ice tea and picked up a menu.
“Not an option,” Neely declared as she, too, looked at the menu.
There was a welcomed silence as they both decided their selections and made their order with the waitress. After the waitress left, Neely looked Coley in the eyes and went in for the kill.
“Why haven’t you called him?”
Coley shrugged. “It’s over, Neely. I don’t see the point in dragging out a break up. It
is what it is.”
“Bullshit.” Neely actually looked angry. “I see how much you miss him. You’ve been miserable the last couple of weeks and it’s because you want him back. Don’t even try lying to me.”
Coley grabbed a piece of straw wrapper and fiddled with it between her fingers. For the first time Neely was making her uncomfortable.
“Seriously, Coley. I don’t understand why you have to be so damn stubborn. You love this guy. It’s obvious that you do. So why are you so determined to try to destroy it?”
Coley flinched at the word ‘love’.
Neely picked up on her body language and added, “Yes. You love him. You love him, and you need to admit that to yourself.”
“Love is a strong word.”
Neely nodded in agreement. “Yes, and you love him. Stop lying to yourself.”
“Maybe I do... or did. Regardless, it’s over now.” Coley took a drink before adding, “I didn’t come to hear a lecture. I came to tell you that I’m leaving.”
Neely crossed her arms, leaned back in her chair and just glared in response.
Coley shifted in her seat. “You look mad. Come on, Neely. Don’t be mad at me.”
Neely continued to glare.
“You know I like to travel. I’m going to Ireland. I need to finish my book and well...”
The silent glare from Neely continued.
“Stop staring at me like that! You’re making me feel bad.”
Neely took a deep breath before speaking. “This is typical Coley.”
Coley could feel her temper rising. “And what do you mean by that?”
“You run when you get scared. You’re a coward.” Neely had never been so blunt and harsh before.
Coley’s temper boiled over. “You have no idea what you’re talking about! Not everyone can have Happily Ever After like you and Caine. We all don’t live in a fantasy world!”
“Have you forgotten that I was once divorced? My life wasn’t always a fairytale. But I took a chance. I took a risk on love and am finally getting to reap the rewards. Caine and I earned our happiness because we didn’t run and hide like you and Vance. You two will always be scared little kids who will never succeed in a relationship if you continue acting this way.” Neely leaned forward on the table with a scowl on her face. “You’re stronger than this, Coley. You have to stop running. Your bohemian life has got to come to an end sometime if you ever want to be truly happy.”
“How do you know that I’m not happy? I don’t have to have a man—”
“Oh, stop that line of bull! You know what? You write your erotica and act carefree and spirited. But I can see you aren’t truly happy. Maybe you should try a chance at love... you may just have a top selling romance on your hands.”
The waitress walked up to the table delivering their meals, breaking the heated conversation. The moment was welcomed. Coley loved Neely with her whole heart, but she had the urge to rip her hair out right about now. The truth of the matter was, she knew Neely was right.
“Maybe you’re right,” Coley softly admitted.
Neely looked up from her plate with a satisfied smirk on her face.
Coley tried to swallow the forming ball in the back of her throat. “But it doesn’t really matter now. I did break up. I managed to push Vance away, whether I like it or not.”
“I’m not so sure about that. I think all you have to do is be honest with yourself and honest with him. I think you could work it out, if you really wanted to.”
Coley shook her head and fought back the building tears. “How? I was so mean. I pushed him away when all he wanted to do was love me. I used Sara, domestic discipline and his friends as an excuse.”
Neely reached across the table and grabbed Coley’s hand. “Then tell him that. Swallow your pride and be honest. He’s worth that.”
Coley looked down at her lap in defeat. “I’m not sure that I can.”
* * * * *
“You’re going to lose her, man,” Caine warned.
“I already did,” Vance replied. He took a large gulp of the beer in front of him to try to numb the pain in his heart that Caine was drudging up again. The past two weeks had been absolute hell.
“No, I mean if you don’t get off your stubborn ass, she’s going to take off to Ireland.” Caine waved for the bartender to bring them two more beers.
“Ireland? What do you mean?”
“I mean my crazy ass sister is picking up and going to Ireland unless you stop wallowing in your self-imposed misery, and put an end to this break up.”
Panic sunk in at the thought of knowing Coley would be leaving the country. “Have you forgotten that she broke up with me? She doesn’t want me. She doesn’t love me.” Saying the words stung.
“Ah, for Christ sake, you have got to be kidding me! You know damn well that she loves you.” Caine placed cash on the bar as the new drinks arrived. “Let me tell you something about my sister. She loves you. She’s hurting and she’s scared. She is also stubborn as hell and won’t make the first move.”
“I’m not so sure that it’s as simple as that. She has issues about our lifestyle, and she has a real hang up over my past.”
Caine shook his head. “I don’t agree. She’s just telling you what you want to hear to let the relationship end. Let’s face it, man. You aren’t doing a real good job at fighting for her.”
Vance looked down at his beer for a few moments before answering, “I guess you’re right. I really fucked things up.”
“You have to fight for what you want. You have to make her know that you will never just let her walk away. She needs to know you will always fight for the relationship.” Caine shrugged. “That’s my advice at least, for what it’s worth.”
Vance nodded as he contemplated what Caine was telling him.
“If you love her like you say you do, then you better get over there and convince her that she was wrong in leaving you,” Caine added.
“I do love her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“Wanted or want?” Caine raised an eyebrow in question.
Vance smirked back. “Want. I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
Caine tilted his glass towards Vance’s and replied, “Well then, I guess you know what you better do about that.”
Chapter Fifteen
She was packing the last of her boxes when she heard a knock at the door. She tried to smooth the tangle of curls that was messily pulled into a ponytail and wiped the dust off her jeans before rushing to answer the door. Cracking the door to see who was there, she swallowed the instant lump that formed in the back of her throat at the sight of Vance standing before her.
“Vance…”
“Can I come in?”
Coley opened the door and motioned for him to enter. “Of course. I was just… um… I’m just finishing up packing.”
Vance glanced at all the boxes piled in the living room. “Caine told me you were going to Ireland.”
“Yes. I have a lot of writing I need to get done, and…” She paused to fiddle with the amethyst stone around her neck that she had never removed. “And I just thought it would be a good thing for me right now. I’ve rented out my house since I’m not sure when, or if I’ll be returning. I plan on finishing my book there.”
“You do need to write. I’m sure you’re behind,” Vance agreed.
Coley continued to play with the necklace. The awkward feeling between them was almost too much to take. “Yes, I guess I am.”
Vance walked over to Coley and pulled her into an embrace. “I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye.”
Coley snuggled into his neck and allowed the tears to flow. She thought she had felt heartache the past two weeks, but nothing compared to the pain she was feeling now. The only thing she wanted was for Vance to never let her go. She wanted to hear him declare his love for her and make them one, once again. But instead, he was simply giving her a goodbye hug.
V
ance pulled his face away and placed each palm of his hands on Coley’s cheeks. “Hey, why are you crying?”
“I’m sorry, Vance.”
“I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry I lost you.”
Coley closed her eyes blinking away the tears. “I made a huge mistake. I let my insecurities, my fear and my temper get in the way of us. I ruined what we had, and I’m so sorry.”
Vance simply stared. There was no emotion for Coley to read.
“I’m really sorry I ended us. I’m so sorry, and I wish I could fix it,” she added as the tears continued to flow down her cheeks.
“Coley, I love you. That has never changed.”
She paused to look into his adoring eyes. “You do? After what I did to you, you still can say you love me?” Coley was stunned that this wonderful man could still have love in his heart.
“I want you. I always have, and I always will.” Vance kissed her forehead. “But I can’t make you love me. I can’t make you want my way of life. I can make you do a lot of things, but you have to come to certain decisions on your own.”
Coley looked deep into his hazel eyes. “So… are you saying?”
“I’m saying I love you. I want you. It took all my might not to knock down your door and demand that you change your mind. But I can’t alpha my way into your heart, into your soul. You have to allow yourself to love me. I can’t force that.”
Coley placed her lips gently to his. “I do love you. I love you so much. Please take me back. Please love me like before. I love you so much.”
Saying the word love was foreign for Coley. Confessing her inner feelings was not something she ever was able to do before. But she almost lost the man of her dreams and she wasn’t going to allow her own personal demons to destroy the love they had.
Vance wrapped his arms tightly around Coley and pulled her tight against his chest. “Yes, I’ll love you! I have never stopped. Being away from you destroyed me. I’ve never felt such pain and loss in my life. The only thing that kept me going was the hope you’d come back to me. Then when I heard you were going to Ireland, I panicked.”
