by Noelle Adams
“Oh, I don’t. I don’t want to get married. All I’ve ever wanted to do is go to India and do this. It actually would work perfectly for me.”
“Seriously? You don’t want to get married?”
“It’s not that I’m anti-marriage or anything. I’ve just never felt like I was called to be married. Some people aren’t, you know.”
“I know. I’m not married now either, of course. And, if it wasn’t for Ellie, I’d be absolutely convinced my first marriage was a mistake.”
There was that faint bitterness in his voice again and, this time, it prompted a spark of hope. “Don’t you want to get married again?”
“No.” He met her eyes evenly.
“Why not?” It was too pushy, too intimate a question to ask a man she barely knew, but they were having this conversation, and she needed to know. Some people found her forthrightness surprising, but it was the way she lived her life. She just didn’t have patience to fiddle around with a lot of niceties.
“I don’t know if I can trust a woman again. Enough to be married to her. For real, I mean.”
She sucked in a sharp breath, the hope rising even more. “So, just to get it all on the table, we’re talking about a marriage of convenience here, right?”
He turned his head away briefly. “This is crazy.”
“I know it’s crazy, but why shouldn’t it work? If you have a wife, you could take on the co-director job. And if I had a husband who was called to missions work in India too, then everyone wouldn’t balk at giving me money for support.”
“You wouldn’t even need to raise as much,” he murmured. “They have an apartment in Bangalore for me.”
“Wow,” she breathed. “It’s like it’s meant to be.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though. Right now, you might be sure that you don’t want to get married for real, but what happens if that changes?”
“Why would you assume it’s going to change?”
“How old are you?”
She straightened her spine. “Twenty-seven. What does that have to do with anything?”
“I’m thirty-eight. I’ve already been married and have a daughter. We’re at different places in life. I’d feel like I was taking advantage of you.”
She bit back a surge of anger and made herself say calmly, “That’s condescending and a little offensive. I’m an adult. I’m not your eighteen-year-old babysitter anymore, and this is never going to work if you think about me as if I am. I know what I want. I’m capable of making mature, reasoned decisions. And this is the work I was put on this earth to do.”
“I’m not trying to question your commitment or your certainty. But it feels like the perfect solution to my life just fell in my lap with you, and I don’t want to be selfish and jump at the chance if it’s not the right thing for you too.”
“It is the right thing for me.” She leaned forward and tried to convey her surety through her words and her expression. “It feels like the perfect solution to my life just fell in my lap too. There’s a reason that Daniel wanted us to get together.”
“I don’t think he had a marriage of convenience in mind.”
“Of course not. But there’s a reason. Sometimes God works in inexplicable ways. Why not a marriage of convenience?”
His posture had relaxed, and he was almost smiling as he shook his head. “You know this is insane, right?”
“Of course, it is. But think how perfect. We could work out all the details of how the marriage would work beforehand, so things wouldn’t be awkward. The only thing that’s important to me is that we’re faithful to each other. I don’t believe in taking marriage casually.”
“Me either,” he said in a low voice. “I would be faithful.”
She felt a strange sort of shiver at the words, but she didn’t know where it was coming from, so she just ignored it. “Good. Me too. If we agree on that, then there’s no reason we have to be in love to get married. We can set up the arrangement in a way that works for both of us. If you’re not going to be in India all year round, then there will be a lot of time when we won’t even be living on the same continent. That should make things easier. I really think it could work.”
“You’d be okay with doing some sort of pre-nup? I need to think about Ellie and—”
“Of course. We’d get everything squared away so there are no surprises.”
He was smiling now too, and still looking faintly amused. “All right. If you’re sure, then it definitely works for me.”
“Great.” She was suddenly so excited she wanted to hug herself. It was like her entire life was finally moving toward the end she’d been dreaming of. “Maybe I can actually get out there by next summer.”
“That’s when I’m hoping to go too.”
She grinned at him. “See? It’s like it’s meant to be. Will your daughter be okay with it?”
“Why wouldn’t she?”
“I don’t know. It will just be a surprise that you’re getting married.”
“Ellie’s a smart girl. She’ll be fine.”
“Okay. Good. Where are you living now, anyway?”
“Raleigh. But I’ll be moving to Willow Park eventually. You’re back there, right?”
“Yeah. I’m just living with my parents as I raise support. I could always move to Raleigh for a while, if that would make things easier.”
“I’m selling the house in Raleigh anyway, since it’s way too big to keep up if I’m not in the States all year. I’ll just move up the timeline and move to Willow Park over the next couple of months.”
“Okay. Well, that would work well with me. It’s a really nice town. Ellie will probably enjoy going to school there.”
“Yeah. I hope so.”
“Are you selling out your business then?”
“Not entirely. But I’m stepping way back in terms of my role so I can focus on the business center.”
“It’s a lot of big changes,” she said, looking at the man across from her—handsome, successful, reserved—and wondering if it was possible that she was going to get married to him soon.
“I know. But good ones. Ellie is getting older, so I need to be there for her more, and there’s no flexibility in the role I had in my business before. Besides, I just…”
“You just what?” It was another nosy question, but Lydia had never been reticent about asking what she wanted to know.
“I want to do something different.”
She wondered what had happened with his ex-wife, but she wasn’t quite comfortable enough with him to ask about it.
Even she had a few social boundaries.
“We should probably be engaged for a month or two, or no one will believe the relationship is real.”
“Yeah,” he said. “And that will give us some time to change our minds, if we want to.”
“Maybe we can get married before Christmas. That would give us plenty of time to plan for getting to India over the summer.
“That sounds like a good timeline.” He pulled out his phone and pulled up what was evidently a calendar. “I’ve got commitments through October, so I can try to sell the house by the end of next month. We should probably start dating now, so the engagement doesn’t come out of the blue, and then announce the engagement at the first of November, when Ellie and I move back to Willow Park. Then get married maybe December 6th?”
Lydia pulled out her calendar and checked it too, feeling rather amused at planning out the schedule for their marriage-of-convenience. “Works for me. That gives us plenty of time to make sure we’re able to get along and such. If you end up being a jerk, then I might have to back out.”
He chuckled. “Same here.”
“Good. I think this might actually work.”
“All right then. I guess we have a deal” He gave her that half-amused, half-bitter smile and stretched out his hand across the table. “It’s on, then?”
She shook his hand, feeling a rush of excitement at how smoothly, easily, p
erfectly things had worked out.
This was definitely a gift from God.
She said, “This marriage is on.”
Two
A month later, Lydia sat on a leather loveseat next to Gabe and tried to look comfortable.
They were in Daniel’s office in the church, and it was the first session of their pre-marital counseling, since Daniel wouldn’t marry couples who didn’t go through at least three sessions of counseling first.
But talking about a marriage of convenience in front of her hometown pastor—whom she’d known all her life—wasn’t exactly the most comfortable thing to do.
And there were still twenty minutes left to go.
She stared down at her hands, still finding it strange that there was an engagement ring on her left hand. It was simple—gold with a diamond solitaire—but it looked really expensive to Lydia. Much more expensive than anything she was used to wearing.
Gabe had given it to her a couple of weeks ago, in a romantic gesture that consisted of thrusting the box at her and saying, “Here. You might wear this.”
“Look,” Daniel said, tugging at his brown hair the way he did whenever he was thinking hard, “I’m not judging you or anything. Everyone has different reasons for getting married. Just be honest about what the reasons are.”
Lydia glanced over at Gabe, trying to get a cue from him about how open they should be about this situation. They hadn’t told Daniel why they were getting married, but he must have realized something was up.
For the last month, they’d gotten together every weekend—since they were supposed to be dating. Twice, she’d driven down to Raleigh, and twice Gabe had driven up to Willow Park. He didn’t feel like a stranger to her anymore, and her first impression of his being a decent guy had been affirmed on every trip.
She understood the look in his eyes when he met her gaze, and she gave a little nod in response.
He cleared his throat. “Both Lydia and I are practical people. This marriage makes sense for us in every way we’ve considered—right now and for the future. We both really want it.”
“We do,” Lydia added, just so it was clear Gabe wasn’t putting words in her mouth. “I know it might seem a little strange to you—since you’re so head-over-heels in love with Jessica—but we both really want it. We’re committed to making it work.”
A strange expression flickered across Daniel’s face for just a few seconds before it returned to his characteristic thoughtful observation. “I had no idea what I was getting into when I married Jessica. And I love her so much more now than I did even a year ago. You know, the Bible tells us to love the person we’re married to. It never tells us to marry the person we love. I don’t look for desperate passion in couples, since that’s a pretty flimsy foundation for a lifelong commitment. I need to know that the couple is equally committed to their faith and the church, which I know you both are. And I need to know they’re both entering the marriage with a clear understanding and a commitment to each other.”
“We are,” Lydia said, leaning forward, feeling better because Daniel hadn’t thrown them out of his office in disgust when they’d admitted that the marriage was at least partly practical. “We’re committed to this marriage. We’re committed to each other.”
Daniel shifted his eyes over to Gabe, who nodded.
“We’re committed,” he said.
“You can trust Lydia’s commitment, despite what happened with Michaela?” Daniel asked him.
Michaela was Gabe’s first wife. He hadn’t told Lydia much about her, except she’d walked out on him five years ago and only sporadically wanted to see Ellie.
Gabe shifted in his seat just slightly. “Yes. They’re two entirely different things.”
It sounded like he meant it, and Lydia could basically understand why. He’d told her he couldn’t trust another woman with his heart, but he wasn’t asking for Lydia’s heart.
He could trust Lydia’s reasoned decision. Her heart wasn’t relevant to him at all.
It made her feel strange—just a little pang of regret—but it faded almost immediately. This was better. Easier. Simpler. And it would finally get her to her calling in life.
“Why is it different?” Daniel asked.
“Michaela and I were infatuated kids. Lydia and I are adults who know what we’re doing.”
“Okay,” Daniel said, after a minute of watching Gabe closely. “I can’t see any reason why you shouldn’t get married. I’ll be happy to marry you.”
Lydia let out a breath, and she felt Gabe relax slightly too. They could easily have gone to the courthouse to get married or found another pastor to officiate, but they’d both been raised in this church. If they were going to get married, they wanted it to be here.
“So next time,” Daniel said, glancing over a sheet of paper on his desk, “I need you both to write out expectations you have for the marriage.”
“Expectations?” Lydia tried not to frown, but she hadn’t been expecting homework.
“Yes,” he said, his mouth twitching slightly as he looked at her. “Expectations. I have a list of things here for you to address.”
“Okay,” Lydia murmured, hoping it wasn’t a very long list. Everything was going smoothly here. She was happier than she’d been in a year, since it looked like her plans were finally coming to fruition.
But she didn’t want to spend all kinds of time thinking about a marriage that was purely practical.
“You’ll want to write these down,” Daniel prompted.
Gabe pulled out his phone to take notes on, with a dry, slanted glance at Lydia, as if he were questioning this too. And Lydia found an old receipt in her purse she could jot the list down on.
“Okay. So, for next time, write out your expectations for the marriage regarding the following,” Daniel said. “Work—for both of you. Spiritual life. Money. Raising Ellie. Household duties. Handling disagreements. Sex.”
Lydia jerked in surprise. Unfortunately, she was pretty sure that Gabe could feel it. She was okay with writing down how she thought they should divvy up household chores, but she was not too happy about writing out her expectations for sex.
Her expectations were that they weren’t going to have sex.
“Write it down,” Daniel prompted, evidently noticing that she’d paused. “There’s more. Recreation—and by that I mean things like date nights and family time and vacations.”
Lydia kept writing out the list as Daniel continued, but she was intensely aware of Gabe sitting beside her.
In a matter of weeks, the man was going to be her husband,
It was a very strange kind of thing to process.
***
Gabe’s parents had been watching Ellie as she played on the church playground equipment during their counseling session, and from there Gabe and Lydia were going to take her to the new house.
Gabe paused, however, in the hallway of the church after they left Daniel’s office. “So what did you think?” he asked, studying her face closely.
She shrugged, trying to look casual, since she didn’t want him to think that she was flustered by some of what had been discussed. “It was fine. I think it went fine.”
“Good.”
He wasn’t much of a talker. She was learning that about him. She figured it was a good thing, since guys who had to be the center of attention all the time drove her crazy.
“I didn’t realize we were going to have homework though,” she added, keeping her voice down so Daniel wouldn’t hear.
“Yeah.” Gabe started walking again, putting a casual hand on her back to get her to fall in step with him. “We should go through our answers before next week, so we’re on the same page about all that.”
“I think we were supposed to write the answers out separately, so we can see where our expectations differ.”
“I know. But I’m not about to talk through differing expectations about money and sex when Daniel is in the room.”
“Oh.” She swall
owed hard, feeling her face grow a little hot at the idea. She was a normal woman and had all the normal biological urges for sex, but she’d intentionally not focused on them. For a long time, she’d been so determined to pursue her plans for the future that she just hadn’t had time to worry about it. In addition, she’d worked with enough women who’d been sexually abused that she was under no romantic delusions about sex.
Under the right circumstances, sex was very likely a nice thing to do, but it wasn’t as important—or as fulfilling—as making a difference in the world.
“Good point. Although some of that should be pretty easy. Right?” She lowered her voice to a hush, so much so that he had to step forward—very close to her—to hear. “I mean, we aren’t going to have sex, are we?”
“Not if you don’t want to.” He’d ducked his head slightly, still looking her in the eye.
She was suddenly breathless—overly warm and overly conscious of his big body in front of her. “You weren’t expecting to, were you? I mean, this is purely practical, isn’t it?”
“It is. I’d be perfectly willing to make sex part of the arrangement, but it’s not a deal-breaker either way.”
She swallowed hard and closed her fingers since they were shaking slightly. “You were thinking we might have sex?”
He seemed very quiet and intense at the moment, so she was surprised when a little smile quirked on the corner of his lips. “I didn’t know what you were expecting. As I said, I’m fine either way. You didn’t think I’d say no if you were going to offer sex, did you?”
Torn between embarrassment and amusement, Lydia lowered her eyes. “I hadn’t thought about it. Sex would complicate things, wouldn’t it?”
“Why would it?”
She looked back up and was suddenly imagining those sexy, blue, heavy-lidded eyes looking at her from the pillow beside her. Her whole body tightened, and she had to look away. “I don’t know. It just seems like sex has the potential to make things kind of…messy. I think it would be easier and simpler if we just don’t.”
