On instinct, Jane’s hand brushed across her stomach. Her uterus had only housed a child once, and only for a very short time. The child conceived with Reed Newberry their senior year only made it to the end of the first trimester. Jane was young, scared, and didn’t want to become a parent at eighteen like her mother. She’d gone to Little Rock and had an abortion, and then broke up with Reed a few days later.
The abortion wasn’t done properly, and the procedure damaged Jane’s reproductive tract. Though she and Russell tried numerous times, spent thousands of dollars on specialists to help, she’d never been able to get pregnant again. Every visit to the doctor’s office, every penny spent to treat her infertility, Jane kept the real reason of her inability to conceive from her husband.
The only person she’d ever told the shameful secret to was her mother, Ethel, years later after yet another unsuccessful round of medical procedures. Her mother’s response cut Jane to the core: “God’s punishment is upon you. You murdered your child and lied to the father.”
The painful words spoken from the lips of her judgmental mother kept Jane from reconnecting with Reed when he moved back to Rockport. Thankfully, he never gave up pursuing her, and after months of trying, Jane couldn’t fight the temptation to be with him again. They’d been seeing each other for months before the world collapsed.
While staring at him, wondering if she’d ever see him again once he left on the supply run, Jane contemplated telling him the truth. Let him know she’d never stopped loving him, thought about him for years. That he’d done nothing wrong in the relationship, like he’d assumed, and the breakup was her fault. Not his. Apologize for hurting him, leaving such a wound to his heart he never trusted or loved another the rest of his life. Tell him how her actions had stolen a chance for him to love again, all because of a decision made at the spur of the moment.
The words perched on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t do it. There was no reason to fill his head with painful truths of the past. Reed didn’t need extra mental baggage to carry around. Not while exposed to the horrors he’d encounter on a trip to help their small group survive.
The secret would die with her, no matter what.
Shaking the past from her mind, Jane said, “Saw a lot of the side effects at the hospital, too. Accidents caused by people who were high; overdoses; domestic violence when one or both parties were wasted. Worked a few rotations in the neonatal unit, until my heart couldn’t stand lookin’ at another baby born addicted. Poor things stood no shot at livin’ a normal life. And that was back before this started. In a weird way, it almost seems like this was the natural progression of things.”
Reed chuckled. “Now you’re startin’ to sound like Walt. You usually ain’t so cynical.”
“Times change, Reed,” Jane turned her gaze toward Jesse. “She hasn’t said much since Walter dropped the news.”
“No one has. Can you blame them?”
Jane shook her head. “So much information to take in, plus mournin’ the loss of Shaun. We all thought we were safe here. Knowin’ some of those mosters were lurkin’ about, so close to our location, smacked us back to reality. To find out we were wrong, well, it’s scared us all. Especially since y’all are leavin’.”
“I know, babe. I know. Hopefully, the two were from that jet crash, like they said. Plus, that doc is workin’ on a cure. Maybe he’ll come up with somethin’ soon. At least we know this shit ain’t airborne. That’s another blessin’.”
“I don’t want you to go. I’m scared, Reed. Leavin’ us here, with only Lamar Wilson as protection? We’re sittin’ ducks.”
Boots on, Reed stood and took Jane’s hands in his. “We’ve already gone over this a hundred times, Jane. Lamar’s survival skills, knowledge of the area, how to track, will serve the group better with him here. Besides, I’m a better shot than he is, and I know how to drive a semi. Lamar doesn’t.”
“My head gets that. My heart doesn’t. I can’t lose you again, Reed. I can’t.”
Reed let go of her hands, his strong fingers cupping Jane’s face. “You won’t. Promise. We’ll be back in two shakes.”
“That’s a load of—”
Reed’s lips crushed the words of protest from Jane’s. She clung to him, drank in every bit of his essence, imprinted his smell and taste. For a few electrifying seconds, Jane pushed all of the worry from her mind and let the rush of emotions take over.
The sound of someone clearing their throat ended the magical moment. Reed pulled away, his eyes full of love and passion, before turning his gaze to the voice behind them.
“Sorry to interrupt your little love-fest, but it’s time to head out.”
“Let me go say goodbye to Jesse first, Walt. I’ll meet y’all topside.”
“We leave in five, so make it quick. Have you seen Kyle?”
“He went out about twenty minutes ago to check on Shaun’s remains. Wanted to make sure they’re gone, and that the fire’s out.”
“Oh, okay. Don’t forget to grab some extra rounds before you head up.”
“Walt, can’t this wait? There’s snow on the ground. Roads will be dangerous,” Jane asked.
“In a perfect world, yes. In this one? No. Bailey and Allsop are leavin’ today, and we need their eyes and ears to make this run successful. Sorry.”
Jane nodded, tears filling her eyes. “I know, I’m just worried.”
Walt patted her shoulder. “Then y’all have plenty to talk about with my wife. Already had the same discussion with her earlier. I’m sure our ears will be burnin’ the entire time. Thank God divorce isn’t an option anymore, or I’m afraid I’d be single.”
Walt and Reed both left Jane standing in the middle of the room. With tears clouding her vision, Jane watched Reed interact with his niece. As they clung to each other, Jane noticed tears streak down Jesse’s face.
God, please. If you’re there, please let them make it back safely. Jesse can’t handle losing another loved one so quickly.
And I would fall apart. Reed’s been gone for too long from my life. Now, he’s back, and even though we’re in the middle of a nightmare, I don’t want to lose him again. Please?
Kyle stared at the smoky remnants of what used to be Shaun Kilpatrick. The smell of burnt flesh still hung in the heavy morning air. Though the majority of his bones remained, the flesh was gone. Memories of all the years they’d known each other, all the cases they’d worked together, made Kyle’s heart heavy with sorrow. Shaun was another friend lost, and Kyle didn’t have many left to lose.
Glancing around to ensure he was still alone, Kyle whispered, “Damn you, Mike Bailey. If you can’t handle this, can’t control yourself in the midst of a crisis—how in the hell did you make it through the academy? It’s beyond me. Musta paid someone off, or sucked a few dicks. I’m glad you’re leavin’ because I don’t want to spend my remainin’ days trapped underground with an idiot. Or be the next person you blew a hole through. Bastard.”
Kyle felt the emotions well up inside him. Anger; bitterness; regret; sorrow; fear. All of them converged together, forming a volcanic combination. He was a man of law and order; black and white; justice served for those who’d broken the law. He’d always been that way, ever since a small tyke. Just like his father, the former sheriff of Hot Spring County, Mitchell Pender. Raised with a rough hand and a boot never far from kicking his ass, Kyle learned from a young age all about causes and effects. Break a rule—expect the consequences. Lie, cheat, steal, even murder, harsh punishment awaited you.
By the time Kyle was six, his heart was set on following in his gruff father’s footsteps. Not the political part—he never had an interest in all the back-slapping and fake smiles that went along with running a campaign.
No, Kyle Pender wanted—needed—craved—the rush from adrenaline. Wanted to be a part of making sure those who dared step out of the boundaries drawn by a civilized world, paid for their misguided behavior. He loved the idea of putting on a uniform; the shiny ba
dge, the polished shoes, the oiled leather. He wanted to be seen as a formidable foe; a man who criminals would think about before making the choice to break the law.
The fun side dishes of being a law enforcement officer were plenty. Access to weapons; a fast car; flashing lights; the way women looked at him when walking by. Yes, Kyle loved every single thing about being a cop, yet the biggest plus was becoming friends, and eventually lovers, with Regina Parker.
He’d known Regina for years. The minute he saw her take down every single competitor at a local shooting tournament, he was hooked. The woman was strong, sexy, sure of herself. Real, down-to-earth with no tolerance for bullshit. The way the corners of her mouth curved into a seductive grin; the sheer, raw determination to devote her life to keeping others safe. Kyle had been drawn to Regina’s magnetism from that first meeting twenty years ago.
Back then, Regina was a young, married woman, who’d recently taken on the role of Rockport’s Chief of Police. Even though he knew she wasn’t available, and he was living with another woman, Kyle couldn’t stay away. He’d strolled in to Rockport’s tiny station one day and sweet-talked Geenie Renfro into giving him Regina’s schedule. He’d switch shifts whenever he could with other officers, making sure he was on duty at the same time. Then, he’d casually bump into her at the gas station, or Waffle House, and best of all, be able to provide backup when Rockport PD requested assistance.
Kyle loved Regina from a distance for years, secretly hoping she’d tire of her boring-as-a-door husband, Fred. He certainly never wished any harm on the man, and felt a twinge of guilt when Fred died in a car accident.
Of course, Kyle pushed the guilt aside, determined to be the strong shoulder Regina needed to lean on. And that’s exactly what he’d done. He never made a move, only offered an ear to listen and a friendly face for Regina to look at while venting. Kyle waited for Regina to reach out and seek a different course for their relationship, and when she finally did, he’d been the happiest man in Arkansas.
He’d come close to getting married once, and actually had been looking at rings, when everything changed. Regina Parker burst into his world, overtook his heart, and Kyle knew he’d never truly love another like he did the feisty woman. After letting his heart get tangled up in Regina’s, Kyle ended the long-term relationship with his girlfriend, moved out of her house, and took up residence in a small apartment. Oh, his bed didn’t stay cold for too long, but the bodies warming it were just that—bodies. No emotional connection.
He’d developed a strong friendship with Geenie Renfro, and actually took her shopping with him to assist in picking out the perfect engagement ring three weeks ago.
The memories, the worries, the overwhelming sense of dread, threatened to consume his mind. He’d never get to hear Regina’s voice again. Laugh at her wicked sense of humor. Hold or kiss her. Have the one person he trusted more than any other he’d known, by his side while the world ended. Kyle was alone, and the crushing agony threatened to send him over the edge.
“Okay, can’t do this now. She’s gone, you fool. Gone because you didn’t protect her.”
“That’s quite a load of guilt you’re carryin’ there, Kyle. Sure you need to?”
Spinning around, shocked he hadn’t heard anyone approach, Kyle saw Walter Addison about ten yards away. Lowering his weapon, he let out a sigh of relief. “You sure are one sneaky bastard, Walt. I’ll give you that. Learn that little trick in the military?”
Walt walked over and studied the ashy remains of Shaun. “Yeah, and a lot of other things, too. One that might help you, if you don’t mind me offerin’ a bit of advice, is you can’t live in the past. We can learn from history so we don’t repeat it, but that’s it. There’s no button to push for a restart if you ain’t too fond of the present.”
“You sure? Because if there is, I’d cut off my left nut to find it. Guaranteed. Slice that puppy right off.”
“Best not be talkin’ about losin’ body parts nowadays, Kyle. It can become a reality way too quick.”
Kyle chuckled. “Knew I always liked you, Walt. Our senses of humor are similar. So, since you’re out here, I’m assumin’ that means I’m holdin’ up the party?”
“Yep. We’re all set to go. Reed, Bailey, and Allsop are on their way to the Humvees.”
Kyle cast one glance back at Shaun then grimaced. “Let’s hit it. Since I ain’t got anyone to go smooch and fill with false promises I’ll be back soon, I’m all yours.”
Together, the men walked back toward the main trail. After a few minutes, Walt cleared his throat. “I’m sorry about Regina. Really.”
“Me, too. Always knew that stubborn gal would go out with a big bang, doin’ what she loved, which was tryin’ to protect others. Just really, really wish she hadn’t.”
“She was somethin’, that’s for sure.”
Kyle didn’t want Regina to be the focus of their discussion, so he changed topics. “Walt? You sure this is the right plan? I mean, we have no idea what we’ll find once we leave here. The roads may be impassable, or full of munchers. Probably both. We’re plannin’ on drivin’ over one-hundred miles, and that’s if we stick to the main roads. If we’re forced to take the back ones, there’s no tellin’ how far we’ll have to travel. If the highways are a cluster of dead vehicles and people, even if we somehow make it through the mess in the Humvees, I don’t see the same thing happenin’ with the big rigs. They ain’t easy to maneuver on a clear stretch of road. Mountain Home is the closest town, so maybe we should just head there and raid their Walmart?”
“I wish it were that simple, Kyle. There might be some items left to pick, yet there might not. Those still alive probably already picked easy targets clean. That’s why I initially thought about the warehouses. People will stick close to their locations to scavenge, you know, because of fears of travelin’ too far. My hope is the ones in Bentonville still have plenty of supplies. We’re lucky we live in the state where Walmart’s headquarters are located. If we wait until our supplies have dwindled to go get more, we’ll be edgier. Tired. Not thinkin’ straight. Besides, you know why we’re headin’ that direction.”
Kyle’s temper flared. “Yeah, because of those chicken-shits, Bailey and Allsop. Well, Allsop ain’t so bad, but Bailey is—”
“Now’s not the time for that, Kyle. This ain’t our call. We’ve got no right to make them stay, so if they’re leavin’, and headin’ in a direction that will be of use to us, then we go, too. Plain and simple.”
“Plain and simple? Those words don’t have a place in this fuckin’ nightmare we’re livin’ in, Walter.”
“You’re wrong, Kyle. Life just became about two things: live or die. Do what’s necessary to continue on, even if it’s only for one more day.”
Kyle shook his head, walking away before he said something he’d regret.
Neither man said another word while hiking the rest of the way to the Humvees. It took less than thirty minutes for them to reach the camping area. Reed, Allsop, and Bailey stood at the back of the closest vehicle, their sharp eyes scanning the quiet forest. Lamar stood in the middle of the group, shaking hands.
“I thought he was stayin’?” Kyle asked.
“He is. He just helped carry gas cans. We might not find any on our way, and we sure can’t travel far in these gas-guzzlers without it. I hated depletin’ our supply for the generators, so when a chance arises to get more, we take it,” Walt answered.
Kyle shook his head, wishing he’d wake up from the world’s worst dream.
Ever.
“We’ll take two vehicles, in case one breaks down on the way. Bailey, you and Allsop ride with me, and Reed and Kyle will follow. We’ll take 14 all the way up near toward Ridgedale, Missouri, then get on 65. Allsop’s parents live near Table Rock, so we’ll cut over to 265 and sneak up the back way. If we get lucky along the way and see an opportunity to snag some supplies, especially gas, we will. These beasts have plenty of storage room in the back.”
; “Sounds like a plan, Walter. Like I said earlier, if we find them, I’ll convince them to come with us. Then we’ll head to Bentonville, right? Hit 76, make a circle, and come down through 37 until we hit 62?” Allsop said.
“Exactly. The interstate will probably be a mess, so we’re gonna just bypass the cluster-fuck. The back roads should be easier to pass through. If we run into trouble on the roads, we’ll be able to navigate the wooded areas much easier.”
Reed Newberry stepped forward and asked, “Not that I enjoy bein’ the voice of ugly reason here, but we need to discuss a few things before headin’ out.”
“Such as?” Walter asked.
“For one, alternate routes if every place we try is impassable, or simply too dangerous.”
“And the other?” Mike Bailey asked.
“How you two will handle the harsh truth. If we get close, and see the same destruction like we witnessed on the way here—”
Bailey’s face flushed with anger. “I’m not turnin’ around or givin’ up until I know—for sure, without a doubt—what happened to my family. If that means I need to leave and go out on foot alone, I will. Don’t even try to play off like you wouldn’t do the same, Newberry.”
“Never said I wouldn’t, Mike. What I wouldn’t do is risk everyone else’s lives to find out. So, you just answered my question.”
“Time’s wastin’, boys. Any other things to discuss before we head out?” Kyle asked.
“Just one more,” Reed answered. “Do we all agree this ain’t a search and rescue mission, except for Allsop and Bailey’s families? We’re gonna see some things, people in need of assistance, along the way. As much as I hate to say it, we can’t stop to help. We’ve got our own loved ones to think about. If we try to save everyone we come into contact with, it’ll just end up bein’ our downfall. Personally, I don’t plan on leavin’ Jane and Jesse up here alone. I plan on comin’ back. Is it safe to assume I’m not the only one thinkin’ this way?”
“How in the world can we be so callous? All of us, except Walter here, are cops! We’re trained to help, and you want us to just turn a blind eye? That’s wrong, Newberry.”
Tainted Future (The Rememdium Series Book 3) Page 13
