“I told you,” he whispered, “it’s ok.” He kissed the back of my hand and let me go and he took his place next to Aidan.
“As you, all know we are on a bye week and thank fuck for that am I right?’ Aidan started. “Kelley and Robert and I have decided to shake things up a bit in the light of recent events. This team is evolving, you all signed up to be in on the ground floor. We will not be doing things the old way, I am not running my father’s team. I have a plan or all of you, a plan for this team and it is time we start executing. There are only four races left, four opportunities for points, four opportunities for pole position, and four opportunities for disaster. Kelley cannot carry this team, that was never our intention.” The crew began to buzz but I had my eyes on Chase. He hadn’t muttered a word, hadn’t shifted in his seat, he was just waiting, or rather anticipating.
“We are going to activate the second car,” Aidan said to a round of applause and Chase shooting out of his chair, his fist in the air. As the words registered my eyes slid between Kelley and Chase. Chase was celebrating as if he already knew that car was his, and Kelley seemed to confirm the notion. My blood started to roar in my ears as I caught on. Chase would be driving the second car. I stayed in my seat as the crew slowly came back to earth and Aidan continued. I didn’t let my eyes meet Kelley’s again for fear I would show my utter disappointment. There was no way under these circumstances I was going to give anything away. It wasn’t Kelley’s job to favor me, I wouldn’t want that, but the reality of the moment, knowing that I still wasn’t good enough stung.
“Chase will be our #2.” They fist bumped and cheered for Chase and I remained silent.
“Garrett will be Chase’s chief, we will split out the team but we are all still one. We may be green but we will be a force on the track in the next two years.” Aidan met my eyes and locked me in and I couldn’t look away. “Mack, you don’t even have your own car and already a target on your back. Between your name and your skill, you are going to be unstoppable. I want you to finish out the season under Kelley and we will see where we go from there.” I nodded and tried to smile but he knew I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t hide it. It’s not that I wanted the car or even thought I deserved it. I didn’t. It was the fact that I was still banking apparently on my family name, even amongst my teammates. There was still doubt, and that made me doubt myself.
“Don’t tune out just yet Makayla,” Aidan called for the return of my attention. “We have one more announcement before we get on with the day.” I shifted in my seat and waited. “Our next race is Spain,” Kelley’s eyes practically burned a hole in me as I absorbed this information.
Spain. I hated that track, hated the country if I was totally honest and as irrational as I wanted to be. I knew it was stupid, but just the mention made my heart hurt. My father went to Spain and never came back.
I didn’t know how long the room was quiet, or if it really was, but I had retreated into my head, into the silence I learned to build around those feelings I had no answer for. When I looked up I saw Kelley watching me, Aidan watching me. Their eyes were intense and I could hardly bear the scrutiny before Aidan started to speak again.
“Kelley will not be driving in Spain.” A hush moved over the garage but Kelley never took his eyes off of me. “Mack.” I heard Aidan’s voice boom above the white noise between Kelley and I and I shifted my eyes to Aidan. He waited for a beat and nodded. “Mack, you will be driving Kelley’s car in Spain.” I think my heart stopped, my stomach moved into my throat and the garage erupted. Chase had jostled me from my seat, Garrett had his arm around my shoulder but I couldn’t feel a thing except the panic that was coursing through my veins. I felt light headed, I couldn’t draw breath and my vision went sideways before I heard his whisper in my ear.
“Take a deep breath.” I couldn’t, my chest wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t find my breath, I couldn’t tame my pulse, I couldn’t believe my ears. I looked up to see Aidan watching me, a grin on his face. A fucking grin. He knew exactly what he was doing.
“So, that’s it, guys!” Aidan exclaimed. “We will have two cars on the track in Spain. Two cars, two new drivers, and all the world will be watching Cooper Racing. Let us all be ready.”
Kelley was surrounded and had his attention pulled from me so I seized the opportunity. I peered into Roberts’ office and saw his keys on his desk. I snatched them and made for the back of the garage slinking away while they all celebrated. I knew I wouldn’t have long to get away, knew Kelley would be after me any minute and that Robert would be pissed that I essentially stole his car but I didn’t care. I had to get out of that garage and away from them.
Chapter 27
Fake It Until You Find It
Spain. Fucking Spain! Of all the places on this earth, why Spain? I beat my hands on the steering wheel and asked the question to nobody as I drove alone. I had no idea where I was or where I was going but I was gone and that’s all that mattered. Fucking Spain. WHY? Who was I kidding, I knew why. As I pulled a deeply ragged breath into my constricted lungs, I knew. I knew what Kelley and Aidan were doing, and even though a part of me knew they were right. A stronger part of me was pissed; pissed beyond reason that they would conspire to push me in such a way; to make a display out of it for anyone to witness.
I drove until it I didn’t recognize any landmarks, not that I would have anyhow. Once you were out in the country every stone fence and old building started to look the same. I tried to steady my breath and to talk myself down. I could do this. I was a driver. This was one track, one race, I couldn’t let it derail me. I pulled to the shoulder and turned the car off and started talking.
Talking myself in circles, trying to circumnavigate the pain that was growing in my chest. A pain I had buried. I closed my eyes and was right back there. In front of that old TV, watching helplessly as my mother gasped. I could still hear it, clear as a bell as if she was standing next to me.
The weight of that day pressed me into the seat and I slumped over the steering wheel, my head hanging between my arms. A lone tear broke the threshold, it was and heavy and fell with a splash to my knee. I opened my eyes to see the pool of salty sorrow on my skin when I was startled by a knock at the window.
I moved my eyes before I moved my head, checking my mirrors. I was so lost that I didn’t hear Garrett’s truck pull up behind me. Kelley opened the door, reached across me to undo the seatbelt and pulled me from the car like a rag doll and folded me into his arms. Just his touch was all it took for me to fall apart spectacularly. Everything I had been fighting came rushing forward and it all came out in a cry that came from so deep in my gut it felt like I was being ripped apart. Tears fell like rain down my cheeks and I struggled to catch my breath and Kelley just held me.
I was barely aware of him dismissing Garrett he could go and the rumble of Garrett’s truck as he pulled away. We stood on the side of the road while cars passed us by, me wrapped in Kelley’s arms, his nose buried in my hair, his heart steady and comforting. I let it flow until I had nothing left. The tears stopped rolling and my I could fill my lungs again. I took a few deep cleansing breaths and stepped back, his hands still clasped behind my back.
I didn’t want to look at him, to tip my head and look up into his eyes. I felt silly for running away, weak for getting so upset. I stared at his chest for too long, studying the weave of his Henley, chewing my lip. He put a finger beneath my chin and gave me no choice, tipping my head. His eyes were dark, face like stone. He took a breath and considered me for a moment.
His voice was low and measured. “You have been holding on too tight.” I knew he was right, the relief in my shoulders and the ease with which I was now breathing was the proof. Don’t get me wrong, it hurt. It hurt like fucking hell, like a ten-year-old bandage being ripped off without warning. But there was relief. It was minute, but it was palpable and every breath got easier as I looked into his eyes. He had me, he was showing me that he had me. This made me feel
simultaneously safe and terrified.
“I can’t do it,” I breathed, feeling light-headed.
“Let’s go home,” he decreed and walked me around the car. He buckled me in and did the same for himself. We drove in heavy silence for I don’t know how long, my eyes turned out the window, his hand holding mine tightly in my lap. Every once in a while, he would give me a squeeze and I would try to give him a smile. I felt like a zombie, worn out and empty. I had nothing, nothing to give, nothing to pull from.
He gave me a little bit of time, but not much. His eyes were always on me, I could feel him watching, waiting for me to come around. It wasn’t going to happen. I was mired, and it had become a choice.
I shuffled into the kitchen to put on the kettle and find Rose doing a crossword, a pair of readers perched at the tip of her nose. She looked up at me with a sweet smile and let her glasses drop from the chain around her neck.
“Sit” she demanded sweetly as she poured me a cup of tea.
“Where is Kelley?”
“He had errands to run this morning, he asked me to come over and look after you.”
“I don’t need to be looked after,” I mumbled into my tea cup. She tipped her head and her eyes grew, a knowing look etched on her half pursed, half-smiling lips.
“Kelley tells me you are to drive his car,” she put the teacup to her lips. “That’s quite a lucky break.”
“I wouldn’t call it that.”
“No? Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“I don’t want Kelley’s car.
‘What is it that you want then child?”
“I want to drive.”
“And here is your chance”
“Not like this,” I whispered.
“We don’t get to choose our challenges, Makayla. We just have to conquer them.” I studied her for a moment. Her eyes were soft, her tone even.
“Did he tell you they want me to drive the track where my dad died?” I didn’t mean to put so much emphasis on the word died, it just came out that way, angry and defiant, but Rose didn’t even flinch.
“My Daddy died when I was young,” She said quietly. “He left four kids and a broken wife. My husband died when I was young, he left behind a broken wife, far too young to be a widow. My sister, Violet died when she was too young, when Kelley was so young, but by that time I had learned to be strong, to beat back at the things that were beating me down, I had no other choice. You have to do the same or you will live on this side of fear for forever.” She reached across the tiny table and took my hand. “Don’t let yourself drown in the past, child.
Your dream is in front of you and you have a good man at your back. It is time. You are strong enough.” She stood and wrapped her arms around my shoulders and I let her. I let her hug me and squeeze me like my life depended on it because in that moment it did. I was either going to fall spectacularly apart or I was going to find that strength. Wrapped in her practiced arms, I could feel it growing.
I would have to fake it until I could find it but I was practiced at that. I could push through. Rose was right. I wanted this, this was all I had ever wanted and it was right in front of me for the taking, all I had to do was grab it and run. I threw myself into training right away, knowing that if nothing else it would relieve my mind of the pressure of what was to come. Runs with Aaron twice a day, hours in the simulator and studying had kept me busy.
***
Kelley
I caught her in the kitchen, her back to me, hands in the sink. I reached out and ran my finger down the nape her neck and across her bare shoulder, her skin soft and tacky, damp from sweat and warm from the afternoon sun. Her body shook with a slight shiver and the most amazing fucking sound came from her throat. I had to hear it again.
I pulled her into me and swept the hair from her neck, my arm holding her tightly around her soft belly. Just barely, I pressed my lips to the curve where her shoulder met her throat, a cradle for my kiss, and she did it again, she giggled and it made my dick hard.
She began to moan softly and writhe as I ran my mouth over her heated skin, taking a bite of her shoulder, pulling her flesh between my teeth. She arched her neck to give me better access and I took it, closing my lips around the curve of her neck that tasted like sugar and sweat. I ran my tongue behind her ear, savoring the flavor of her skin, wanting the sound of her quickening breath. Her hands began to roam, grabbing for anything she could feel, one hand wound around my waist, tugging at the side of my jeans while the other prodded for my cock that was pressed firmly against her ass and growing harder by the second.
I took one last taste of her delicate neck before I swung her around and the look on her face had me wishing I was already naked, fuck. Her lazy eyes looking up at me like that, already half in the bag with pleasure, waiting, no, begging for more with just a small grin. Damn she was beautiful, and I was going to wreck her, and it was going to be spectacular.
“Do you want to drive, baby?” I asked as she stood still before me. She shook her head pulling her lips through her teeth.
“No,” her voice was small but that was all I needed to know.
“Good,” I said quietly, stepping closer to her as she dropped her head, her hand pulling at the front of my jeans, fingers curled between the waistband and my skin.
“Belt.” She looked up at me and I saw in her eyes exactly what was on my mind. A small smile turned the corner of her mouth and she began to undo my belt, fingers grazing my bare skin so deliberately as she did. Once she had the buckle undone she stepped back and pulled the belt from my waist slowly, her eyes growing in delight as the leather left each loop with a whoosh.
She pulled it free, doubled it over in her hands and snapped it once, the sound permeating the room before she tossed it on the bed and stepped back into my reach. Her small fingers went straight for my jeans and my hands went straight to her hair. I grabbed a fistful and pulled her mouth to mine as she made quick work of my fly and had her hand wrapped around my cock while my tongue wrapped around hers.
“You’re working so hard.”
“I want to win,” she mouthed against my lips and I smiled into another kiss, our lips tangled, unwilling to stop even for a few words.
“This is bigger than winning.” She nipped at my bottom lip and moved to my neck, reaching from her tip toes. “You are going to master that curve.” I went back for her mouth but she stopped, her eyes wide and square on mine. She let out a deep breath that racked her body before she leaped at me, wrapping her legs around my waist. She caught me by surprise and we both fell back, saved only by the wall. I hit it hard with my back and we slid to the ground. We sat on the floor of the kitchen, spent. Her catching her breath, me stroking her hair as she laid her head in my lap.
“Kelley,” her quiet voice wrapped around my name made me warm, but the edge made me alert. “Do you really think I can do this?” She sat up and looked me dead in the eye, worry and self-doubt mingling and washing away the pleasure that painted her body just moments earlier.
“You think you have to prove something to me, to whomever, but it’s not necessary. I never doubted you, Mack, not for a moment. But you, you have doubted yourself from the beginning and you have been looking for me to assure you. I cannot do that. Nothing I can do will ever make you see what you don’t want to see for yourself. I know you’re ready, baby. You just have to open your eyes. Stop listening to those little voices that are telling you that you are not good enough.” A deeply pained breath rushed from her lungs and she hung her head.
“I am not weak,” she whispered before raising her eyes to mine. “I don’t need to be saved or fixed.”
“Makayla, I’m not trying to save you or fix you. I am trying to love you. This is how people get close, baby. They heal each other’s wounds, they repair the broken skin. I see you. You can’t hide from me.” I reached out and pulled her into my lap. “Don’t roll those big beautiful brown eyes at me, Mack.”
&nb
sp; “You said you love me.” She said quietly through a small smile.
“I did,” I do.
“You’ve never said that before.” She was looking up at me through those long lashes and it was killing me. The truth felt so obvious.
“To anyone,” I told her. “I had never even considered saying those words to anyone. But with you, Makayla, the thought came so easily. I knew from the moment I had you on my bike that I would fall in love with you and I did nothing to fight it. Nothing. That would have felt like fighting fate. It was evident to me from the start that you were meant for me.”
“Wow,” she shook her head in disbelief, but with a triumphant little grin that she fought.
“Do you love me? I asked quietly, the question hanging between us.
“I’m amazed that you don’t already know. That you couldn’t read it all over my body from the first moment I saw you. I’ve loved you since I was twelve.” The most peculiar relief hit me like a ton of bricks and everything changed. I hadn’t realized how badly she needed to hear it, how badly I needed to say it.
Chapter 28
Un Mares Amor
Makayla
We studied that track for days, until I was blue in the face; until Kelley could quiz me on every twist and turn. Barcelona was going to be tricky for so many reasons. The track surface was abrasive and bumpy, and the mix of high and low-speed corners made it taxing on the driver and the car. Tires wore quickly and the winds that cut across the track made it difficult to find your optimum set up.
Chase and I had to work together as teammates, Aidan had hammered this in. I knew they were training just as hard with him, but Kelley thought it best that he handled me directly for this race which was a relief. We watched film, studied maps and ran the simulator.
The Curve Page 21
