Remembering her panic, she inhaled. “Without thinking much about it, I ran over and tried to hold on to it so it wouldn’t get hurt.”
Sara leaned forward. “What did you do then?”
“Edmund stopped me before I got ahold of it and told me to leave it alone. That it was a dirty, stray dog. That it wasn’t my problem.”
As Sara’s eyes got wide, Mattie tilted her head to one side. “So all this is about my bruder not wanting you to grab a stray dog that could have had some disease or bitten you?”
“Nee.” Leona grabbed hold of the edge of the bench and prayed for God to give her better words. After a pause, she said, “It was the start of me realizing that he and I are different. Really different. Edmund and I ended up arguing on that street corner. I wanted to save the dog, and he didn’t want to deal with it. Then I said something about how I hoped one of our dogs never got loose . . . and that’s when he told me he didn’t ever want to have a dog.”
Mattie shrugged. “Edmund doesn’t really like dogs. He never has.”
“I know that. But, see, I do. I like dogs. I like them a lot. I like cats, too. I’ve always had pets. I had imagined that we’d get a little poodle or cocker spaniel or something after we got married. Something to keep me company when he was working such long hours. But he told me it wasn’t up for discussion.”
“So this is about him not wanting you to have a pet?” Mattie looked just as impatient as ever.
“No, this is about me realizing that while I thought I loved him, I wasn’t looking forward to doing what he wanted all the time.”
Sara tossed her head a bit. “Marriage is full of compromises, Leona. Our mothers have said this time and again.”
“I realize that. And I even understand that I’ll need to let my husband be in charge of our household. But after our little argument on the corner, I started listening to Edmund a whole lot more closely. Not just the sweet things I wanted to hear, but also the things I used to kind of ignore.”
Leona steeled herself, then said, “When I did that, I discovered that a lot of the things he never wanted to have or do were things that I had always wanted and planned on doing.”
“Like what?” Sara asked.
“Like having a pet. Like keeping my job for a little while. Like seeing my family as often as possible. Like planning trips to Indiana or out west or even trips here to Pinecraft. Edmund didn’t want to do any of that. And as the days have crept closer to our wedding, he’s become a little bit more adamant about how he expects his wishes to be obeyed.”
Sara’s eyes widened. “Oh, Leona.”
Grateful that Sara, at least, was starting to realize how she’d been feeling, Leona nodded. “I’ve been pretty worried. I don’t want to be ordered about for the rest of my life.”
“Did you talk to him about this?” Sara asked.
“Some.” She winced, thinking about how awkward those conversations had been.
“But he didn’t want to hear it, did he?” Mattie asked quietly.
Leona shook her head. “I’m not saying Edmund isna right. I’m not saying he’s not entitled to have the kind of marriage he wants. I’m not saying I want to break things off,” she said in a rush, “but I have started wondering if he and I are really meant for each other.” She shrugged. “How can we be right when I feel so worried about our future?”
“Oh, Leona,” Sara said again. Her voice was tinged with sadness now. And, if Leona wasn’t mistaken, it was also filled with a new understanding.
That understanding felt like a gift. “When I talked to Zack, there was something about him that made me feel hopeful for the first time in ages,” Leona said. “He made me remember that I haven’t said my vows yet. And that marriage is a long time.”
“Marriage is forever,” Mattie murmured.
“See, when I saw Zack sitting in this tree, it made me wonder if, one day, I could have a relationship where I wasn’t always giving in. Where I wasn’t the only one compromising,” Leona said. “Where, if I wanted a silly dog to keep me company, I could have it . . . even if my husband didn’t understand. He’d love me enough to know that I needed that dog to be happy.” She waved a hand. “I hardly know Zack, but I know that I want a man who values the person I am.” Almost whispering, she said, “Not just the idea of who I could be.”
Hearing their silence, Leona looked down at her hands, which were now clasped tightly in her lap. “I’m sorry, you two. I wasn’t trying to deceive you and I’m not trying to hurt Edmund. But I feel like I need to at least spend some more time with Zack. I think I owe it to myself.”
Mattie closed her eyes. “Edmund is going to be hurt.”
Leona nodded. “I know. I promise, I don’t want to hurt him. But here’s the thing: I talked with him about all of my feelings months ago. And then weeks ago. And then a couple of days before we got on the bus. Every single time, he’s acted like what I want and what I think isn’t important.” Her words hung in the space between them, reminding Leona of how many times she had held her tongue but silently fumed.
As her cousin and Mattie stared at her, making the seconds that passed seem like minutes, Leona started to feel even more awkward. “Maybe, um, what I feel and think really isn’t all that important,” she said, though she didn’t necessarily feel that way. “Maybe you both think that my feelings don’t matter.”
“But maybe they do matter,” Sara whispered. “Maybe they matter a lot.”
Leona looked at Sara more carefully and noticed that there was a new emotion in her eyes. Less judgment, more empathy. Leona felt the muscles in her back relax. “I hope so. I want to count. I want what I think to be of some importance, especially to the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with.”
Turning to Mattie, she braced herself. “I’m sorry you are upset with me. I don’t blame you. Edmund is your brother, after all. I don’t know what else to say, though.”
“You said everything you needed to,” Mattie said. “What is between you and Edmund is your business, not mine. But I think you need to call him.”
“I’ll call him tomorrow and tell him that I went.” Mattie was right; being honest and open was always best—even though Leona knew she’d told him how she felt before, and it was Edmund who was determined to only hear what he wanted to hear.
“Oh, nee,” Mattie insisted. “If you are going to Siesta Key tomorrow morning, you need to call him tonight.”
Looking apologetic, Sara nodded. “I have to agree. You can’t go to the beach with a man without letting Edmund know.”
Leona felt a new knot form in her stomach as she realized she was going to have to do just that.
Just a few minutes from now, she was going to have to call Edmund and tell him she was about to spend the day with another man.
For sure and for certain, he was not going to take the news well. Not well at all.
Chapter 10
Using only the stars and the glow of a full moon as his guide, Zack walked around the house, made his way through his mother’s garden, and crossed the back porch, taking care to avoid the two squeaky wooden slats lining the patio as he did so.
Only then did he unlock the back door and step inside the house. He was returning home a full hour later than he usually did, and though he was far beyond the age of being held to a curfew, he didn’t want his return to be remarked upon.
The last thing in the world he wanted was to have a discussion with his parents at one in the morning about where he’d been or what he’d been doing.
Or, in his case, who had been on his mind for the last couple of hours.
Now, as he took off his straw hat and light jacket and tossed them both on the back of the couch in the dark living room, he couldn’t help but think about Leona Weaver some more. She was cute—there really was no other word for it. She acted cute and she looked that way, too.
She just also happened to affect him like no other girl ever had.
Which was why he wasn’t in the mood to
do anything but keep his thoughts and their conversation to himself. The morning was going to come soon enough. Besides, chances were good that his parents already had a pretty good idea how he’d spent most of his night, thanks to one little sister.
Effie, being Effie, would have probably come home and given their parents a minute-by-minute report of every word he and Leona had exchanged. It had been obvious that she liked Leona and had been excited to see that Zack liked her, too.
And he did like her. He liked her a lot. What he wanted to do was spend the rest of his night thinking about her and anticipating seeing her in the morning.
However, though he’d been fairly stealthy, he obviously hadn’t been quiet enough. Before he could bend down and take off his boots, he heard the telltale shuffling of his father’s leather-and-sheepskin slippers on the tile floor. Right behind him was his mother’s familiar, noisy stride. Zack had always thought his mother stomped instead of walked. The contradiction never failed to take people by surprise, considering she was such a small and slender lady.
“Oh, gut,” his father said when he entered the room. “You’re back at last.”
“Yeah,” Zack said. “Sorry it’s a little later than usual. I hope you weren’t worried.”
“We weren’t worried,” Daed said, “but we did want to talk to you.”
“Really? Is, uh, something wrong?” Though he didn’t actually want anything to have happened, Zack couldn’t quite keep the optimism out of his voice. If they were worried about something besides him, that would mean he wasn’t about to be peppered with a bunch of questions he didn’t want to answer.
“Not at all, Zack,” his mother said as she rushed forward with a happy smile. “Come sit down. Do you want a glass of water? Or a snack? I could make you a turkey sandwich.”
It had to be close to one thirty. No, he did not want to sit in the kitchen with his parents and drink a glass of water and eat a turkey sandwich. “Can we talk tomorrow night?”
His father’s brow wrinkled. “Tomorrow night?”
“I’m free in the morning,” his mother said. “Well, until it’s time to take Effie to school.”
“That’s less than six hours from now.” Zack knew the last thing he wanted to do was have a serious conversation with his parents when he was still groggy. “I won’t have any time to chat in the morning. I have plans tomorrow.”
“Oh, we know.” Pointing at one of the chairs with one heavily calloused finger, his father glared. “Sit down, son. This won’t take long. We just wanted to get some information about Leona.”
“I’d really rather not do this now.” Actually, he really didn’t want to discuss Leona anytime soon.
“I don’t see why not,” his mother murmured. “Nothing like the present.”
“I don’t agree.” He did not appreciate being questioned the moment he walked in the door. He especially didn’t appreciate being asked questions about a girl he hardly knew.
“Have a seat, Zachary,” his father said, his voice a bit firmer.
Zack sat because it didn’t matter how old he was, he was still his father’s son.
As did his mother, though she didn’t look half as serious as his father did. Instead, she looked like she was holding back a grin.
Because he didn’t dare roll his eyes, he folded his arms over his chest and looked steadily from one parent to the other. “Let’s get this over with, then. What do you want to know?”
“Zachary, stop being coy,” his mother chided. “Tell us about this girl you are taken with.”
“I’m not being coy. There’s nothing to tell. Her name is Leona. She’s about my age, though I haven’t asked her specifically yet. She’s from Ohio and she’s here on vacation with her girlfriends. She’s blond and she’s very pretty. And that’s about all I know about her. Effie shouldn’t have been telling tales about me.”
“She wasn’t telling tales. But she did say that she likes Leona,” his mother said. “Very much so.”
“I’m not surprised about that. Leona is a likable person.”
His mother’s tentative smile transformed into a delighted grin. “Zachary! This is so wonderful-gut! I’ve never seen you so smitten.”
“I am not smitten.” Actually, he wasn’t really quite sure what smitten even meant.
“Zachariah.” His father’s firm use of his given name told Zack everything he needed to know. It was time to start sharing information whether he wanted to or not.
“Fine. I think I like her. I know she likes cats and is friendly to strangers, whether they are men her age or little girls wearing leg braces. Finally, I know I want to get to know her better.”
“Sounds like you know plenty.” His father raised a brow.
It took everything Zack had not to comment on that.
“And you’re taking her to the beach tomorrow?”
“Jah. I offered to help her and her friends, since the SCAT buses are kind of hard to navigate the first time.”
His mother’s expression softened. “That is true.”
“Danke for sharing about Leona, Zack. We’re only asking because we’re happy for you.”
“We’re only friends.”
“Maybe she’s the one,” his mother said with a smile.
This was why Karl had chosen to be so independent so early. It was nearly impossible to be a grown man in his parents’ house. In their eyes, he would always be fourteen or fifteen, a boy on the verge of manhood.
“I don’t know about that. Ohio is pretty far from Florida. And again, I hardly know her.” Perhaps, if he kept repeating this to himself, his words would eventually sink in for both himself and his parents. He really needed to stop thinking about Leona.
“You two can figure out that problem eventually,” his mother said in an offhand way. Just like they were discussing whether or not to eat a third slice of pizza. “It’s time that you had something for yourself.”
“Past time, I think,” his father added.
There was something in the way his father sounded that sent warning bells through Zack. His parents didn’t sound judgmental. Instead, they sounded a little despondent about the way he’d been handling himself. About the choices he’d been making with his life.
“I haven’t been putting myself last.”
“It might not seem that way to you, but I think you have,” his mother said.
“I would know, don’tcha think?”
His father talked over him. “Zachariah, it’s not that we don’t all appreciate everything you do for the family. Why, day after day you organize your schedule so that everyone else can do what they want to do.”
“It’s not like that.” They were making him sound like some kind of saint. That definitely wasn’t the case. “I like being here for Effie. I also do several jobs for people in the neighborhood. I bring in money every week.”
“We know you do a lot. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t need to put yourself first from time to time.” He lifted a finger and shook it. “Don’t forget that even the Lord expects us to care for ourselves.”
“I won’t forget.” He hadn’t thought he had forgotten.
But what was funny, he realized as he headed upstairs, was that he hadn’t been thinking about himself . . . he’d been thinking about Leona.
Chapter 11
Growing up in a new-order Amish church community, Leona had always been rather pleased to have a phone in her home, but it wasn’t like her parents had encouraged her to call her friends or have long conversations or anything like that.
Still, simply walking to the kitchen to call work was a whole lot easier than hiking out to a phone shanty when it was raining or snowing outside. She also liked the ability to get information quickly or talk to someone without having to wait to receive a letter.
Now, though, she would have gladly changed places with a girl brought up in a more conservative order. Then she would have had no option but to write Edmund a note. If that was the case, she would have been abl
e to convey all her feelings and thoughts on paper. If she made a mistake or worded something wrong, all she would have to do is scratch out her words or throw away the paper and begin again.
Once her carefully written note was completed, she could have walked down to the Pinecraft Post Office, posted that letter, and then settled in to wait at least a week for a response. And what a week that would be! She would be in her own world of oblivious bliss. She would have no earthly idea how mad Edmund might be at her. Instead, she could have even imagined that he wasn’t mad at her at all, that he completely understood her point of view.
That would be a stretch of the imagination, to be sure. After all, he’d never really embraced her point of view. But if she tried real hard—and consoled her frayed nerves by eating lots of coconut cream pie—she could do it.
She knew she could summon her courage and competently explain herself to him. And maybe he’d even listen to what she had to say.
But as perfect as those things sounded, it was never going to happen. It didn’t matter if they were face-to-face, trading letters, or talking on telephones across the country, Edmund was not going to be of a mind to listen to what she had to say.
But she could try.
That was what the Lord promised, she supposed. As she sat and mused, she remembered a line from Psalm 37, one of her mother’s favorite Psalms. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and He will help you. That verse had always given her mother comfort.
Now, as Leona reflected on the beautiful, meaningful words, she realized that the verse comforted her, too. She might be sitting alone in the kitchen, but she wasn’t actually alone. God had promised that He would help them through times of trouble. So He was there in spirit.
But it wasn’t like He was going to pick up the phone and converse with Edmund for her.
That was her job.
Taking a deep breath, she picked up the receiver, and carefully dialed his number, punching in each number of the calling card her parents had bought her in case of emergencies.
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