“I know. Oh God, how could I have done this?”
“It is too late in the night for you to ask me that question. You don’t want to hear my answer. So, are you going to go tomorrow?”
“Yeah, of course. I just have to figure out some things. I’ll call you. And let me know if she calls you back. Alex, thank you. I don’t know how Kyla and I would have gotten this far without you.”
“Just bring her back, Jefferson, and make her happy!” As soon as he hung up the phone, he ran downstairs to check the room. The sheets were ruffled and the blanket had been thrown on the floor. Besides that, there was no sign that she had even been in their house. He lay down, folding himself under the covers, taking in her slight scent that still lingered in the sheets.
“Oh, Kyla.” He wrapped his arms around the pillow and curled his legs. What was he going to do? Was this nightmare ever going to end?
Her car wheels crunched under the gravel driveway and before Kyla could put the car in park, her mother opened the door. She ran to her mother’s arms.
“I’ve been sitting here at the window waiting for you.”
“Mom, I’m so sorry.”
Lynn Carrington leaned back and wiped her daughter’s face. “What do you have to be sorry about?”
“Everything. You’re up in the middle of the night . . .”
“Now, hush. And come on inside.”
Her mother was her crutch and Kyla leaned against her until they were inside. Winston was standing at the door and closed it behind them. Without a word, he hugged his daughter, holding her as sobs escaped from her throat. Tears filled his own eyes as he held her close until her sobbing subsided.
When he finally pulled back, he looked at her and smiled. “I want you to know this, honey, you are going to be fine. You hear me?” Winston asked.
She nodded and blew her nose into the tissue her mother had given her.
“You are a strong, beautiful woman. But the most important thing is that you are a child of God and this ain’t nothing but the devil.”
“I know . . .”
“Now, I’m gonna leave you with your mother, but you know,” he said gripping her shoulders, “when you need me, I’m right here.”
She smiled through her tears. “I don’t want to keep you guys up. We can talk in the morning.”
“I’m gonna go on to bed now. You’re going to stay with your mom and I’ll be sleeping in your room.”
“No, I don’t want you to do that.”
“Now, you just come on, Kyla. Let your dad go ahead and take care of his business and we’ll take care of ours.”
She hugged her father. “Thank you,” she said kissing him on his cheek.
“You guys go on to bed now. I’ll see you in the morning.”
With arms locked, Lynn and Kyla walked down the hall and stopped in front of Nicole’s bedroom. “I want to just look in on her.”
Lynn smiled. “Of course. Take your time. Just come in when you’re ready.”
She tiptoed in and found Nicole on the bottom of the bed, covers kicked off. Kyla released a soft laugh. Picking her up, she turned Nicole around, replaced the cover, and kissed her softly before she left the room.
“Did she wake up?” Lynn asked when Kyla came into the room.
“Are you kidding? That child will sleep through anything.”
Lynn chuckled as she adjusted the covers on the queen-size bed. “She’s come by it honestly; you were the same way. Why don’t you get out of those clothes and get in bed?”
“I didn’t bring anything . . .”
“Here, take this. It’s just a T-shirt, not one of those fancy things you young people wear.”
Kyla’s smile was bittersweet. She tossed off her clothes, threw on the T-shirt, and climbed into the bed, resting her head in Lynn’s lap.
“I remember when I was little, the best times were when you let me stay up late and we would talk for hours about anything I wanted to.”
“Yup,” Lynn said stroking her hair. “Those were some of my best times too.”
“It seems like such a long time ago.” They were silent for a few moments. “Oh Mom, I don’t know what happened. How did everything go so wrong?”
“I don’t know, honey. But these things happen, unfortunately.”
“It never happened to you and Dad.”
Lynn hesitated before speaking again. “Why don’t you just get some rest now. We’ll talk about this in the morning.”
It wasn’t long before Lynn felt the soft rhythm of sleep from her daughter, but she continued to run her fingers through her thick hair and she prayed that somehow Kyla would find her way through this. She knew her daughter would make it as long as she stood strong in the Lord.
Twenty-two
* * *
Before morning revealed the new day’s light, Jasmine had awakened with her dream still fresh in her mind—Jefferson had told Kyla that he was leaving her. Now, as the early morning sun shone, Jasmine glanced at herself in the mirror and smiled at that memory. She turned, checking out her dress from every angle, holding in her stomach a bit as the knit held her body tightly. Good thing she hadn’t had much of an appetite these past few days. But, after this morning, that would all change. Taking a final glimpse, she grabbed her keys and purse and confidently stepped to her car.
Jefferson’s skin still glistened from the shower’s steam. He was wrapped only in a towel as he spoke into the telephone.
“Brian, I don’t know how to thank you.”
“Just bring Kyla back and end this.”
“That’s my prayer, man.”
“Well, God answers prayers. Kyla loves you. All you have to do is remind her. I’m just sorry I can’t cover you this weekend . . .”
“That’s okay, Brian. Hopefully, I will only need today.”
Dropping his towel onto the bed, he jumped into his clothes and tossed the rest of his things into his bag. In a few hours, he’d be reunited with Kyla and Nicole and he couldn’t wait another moment. He moved quickly and was in the garage when the doorbell rang. He pushed the garage door open, peeked into the driveway, and felt his heart drop when he saw Jasmine’s car. A moment later, she appeared.
“Jefferson,” her voice echoed across the concrete. “I didn’t think we were ever going to get together again.”
His eyes quickly glanced over the purple dress that clung to her body.
“I’ve had quite a time trying to reach you,” she continued. “I’m sorry it’s taken so long. I know you wanted to talk to me.”
“I don’t know why you thought that.”
She chuckled flirtatiously. “You said you wanted to talk to me—the other day, after . . . well, you know.”
“Oh, you didn’t need to come over here for that, Jasmine. What I wanted to talk about then was how we were going to handle this mistake with Kyla. But now . . .”
She frowned. “Mistake? Kyla? What happened between us wasn’t a mistake.” Her heels tapped against the concrete as she moved closer to him. She rubbed his arm. “What happened was pure desire and it’s been coming for a long time. You wanted me, I know that Jefferson. And that’s fine, because I feel the same way about you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about us since this happened.”
Pulling away from her, he opened the door to the Range Rover and threw his bag inside. “Jasmine, please don’t make this any worse.”
“That’s not what I want to do, believe me. But there is electricity between us that you can’t deny. The passion was real. The way you held me and kissed me. The way you made love to me . . .”
Jefferson shook his head as Jasmine continued talking. Here he was, surrounded by his garden tools, Nicole’s bicycle and toys, Kyla’s Rollerblades—this garage was filled with signs that a normal family lived in this home. Yet, he was standing here, listening to this woman talking about the night they made love. It was surreal.
“I don’t want to go over this,” Jefferson said. “What happened was wrong an
d now we have to move on. I’m on my way to Santa Barbara now to fix things with Kyla, and I’m going to bring my family back home. I’m sorry,” he said shaking his head.
Jasmine stood with her mouth open, stunned by his words. “And what about me, Jefferson? Do you think you can take me to bed like a toy and when you’ve had your little fun, then throw me aside?”
“Jasmine, you don’t know how sorry I am for what I’ve done to you. But, after saying I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to say. I love Kyla.”
“Just like that, it’s over?”
“There was nothing between us, Jasmine. Just bad judgment on my part.” He glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to get on the road.”
She turned from him and, with slumped shoulders, walked away. As he backed out of the garage, he stopped next to her car. “I’m sorry, Jasmine.”
Through bleary eyes, she looked at him. “Sometimes sorry is not enough, Jefferson. Sometimes there’s a higher price to pay.”
He opened his mouth, but then silently shook his head. There was nothing he could do to get her to understand. When Jefferson drove down the street, he never looked back to see Jasmine sitting in her car, her body shuddering with sobs that surprised even her.
“Mommy!” Nicole jumped on the bed and hugged Kyla before she had a chance to sit up.
“Hi, sweetie,” Kyla murmured through sleepy eyes. “I missed you.”
“I missed you and Daddy too. Did you come up for the birthday party? Is Daddy coming too? When did you get here?”
Kyla wiped her eyes. “You sure are full of questions. What are you doing up so early anyway?”
“Papa’s taking me fishing. Do you wanna come with us?”
“Now Nicole, I told you your mother got here late last night. Give her a chance to rest, okay? Anyway, your grandfather is waiting for you,” Lynn exclaimed as she entered the room balancing two mugs of coffee. She turned on the low-light nightstand lamp.
Nicole kissed her mother again and bounced off the bed. “I’ll see you later, Mommy. Bye, Mama.”
Kyla pushed herself up, drawing the blanket over her. “Oh, Mom. Just seeing her makes my heart ache. I’m so grateful that she was up here with you and Dad.”
Lynn sat in the rocking chair and pulled her bathrobe tighter. Holding her mug to her lips, she took a sip. “Me too.”
“What if she had been with me when . . .” She paused, as she leaned back against the headboard and looked directly at her mother. “How much did Alexis tell you?”
Lynn sighed. “Jasmine and Jefferson. You found them together.” Lynn placed her mug on the carpeted floor. “I don’t want to know any other details. Honey, why didn’t you call us when this happened?”
“I couldn’t face anyone. I was so hurt and embarrassed.”
Lynn stopped rocking and cocked her head. “Kyla, you know there is nothing you can’t talk to your dad and me about. We love you and will support you, no matter what is going on. And why were you embarrassed? You didn’t do anything.”
Kyla let her eyes linger on the window. The first beams of light were beginning to shine through the sheer curtains and Kyla strained to peer out at the ocean. “I can’t explain it,” Kyla began, keeping her eyes on the window. “But, I felt like my womanhood was put in question and being attacked. What kind of wife was I? Obviously not good enough for Jefferson, so he turned to someone else.” Kyla picked up her coffee and watched Lynn shake her head.
“I know it might not make sense to you,” Kyla continued, “but I felt like I failed him in some way.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“That’s what Jefferson said.”
“So you have talked to him?”
Kyla nodded. “Jefferson and I got together a couple of times. The first time, I was so angry, I just told him I wanted a divorce. Then, we got together last night, and I agreed to at least stay in the house.”
“So if you guys were working things out, why did you leave?”
“Mom, I couldn’t even sleep. I heard voices and I had dreams . . . Oh Mom, I don’t know what to do.” Lynn moved to the edge of the bed and held her daughter. “I never thought Jefferson would do anything like this to me.”
Lynn shook her head. “When Alex called us, I didn’t know what to say. Your father and I haven’t even talked about it; I think we’re still in shock.”
“I’m past that stage. After I got over finding them together, I was loaded with anger. But even most of my anger is gone. All I do now is hurt,” Kyla sighed. “I wish the anger would just come back. That was a lot less painful.”
“You’re just going through all the stages of healing. All of these emotions will help you work through this.”
“I don’t feel like I’m healing. I feel like I’m going crazy. Last night, I ran from my own house. I couldn’t even stop to tell Jefferson I was leaving.”
“He’s going to be worried. Maybe you should call him.”
She shook her head. “Every time I hear his voice, Mom, the ache in my heart sinks deeper. And it’s just settled there, like it’s never going to go away.”
“That’s normal, honey. The deeper you loved, the deeper the pain.”
“I loved him totally,” Kyla said as she leaned down, resting her head in her mother’s lap like she had done last night. Lynn held her, stroking her in the kind of silence only a mother and daughter could share. Kyla closed her eyes and savored the comfort she felt. If she could stay like this in her mother’s arms, she’d never have to face the pain again.
Finally, Lynn asked, “Do you love Jefferson?”
It took her less than a second to answer. “With all my heart,” she said through tears. “But I don’t want to love him.”
“I know he loves you.”
Kyla sat up, her eyes searching her mother’s face. “How can you say that after what he did?”
“What he did was terribly wrong. But I know that man loves you. I’ve known that from the moment I met him.”
“That was before. How do you know that he loves me now?”
Lynn waved her hand. “I’m not thinking about this single incident. I’m basing this on the sixteen years that you have together.”
Kyla shook her head. “I wish I could be as sure as you are.”
“How sure I am doesn’t matter. But one thing I know is that you can’t sit around trying to wish this away. As painful as it is, it’s done. Now you’ve got to move past all of this.”
“What do you think I should do?”
“No, child,” Lynn said, shaking her finger at Kyla. “You’re grown. You and Jefferson are going to have to figure this out.”
“But I know you have an opinion.”
“I do . . . I think you need to reach down deep inside of you and pull out what’s there. This is the time for guts and God.”
“God is the reason I’ve made it this far.”
“That’s who you lean on, honey. Hebrews 13:5 tells you that. The Lord will never leave you.”
“God’s been with me, Mom. I know that. But that hasn’t shielded me from all the hurt.”
“God never said He would do that. The Lord only promised to give you the tools to stand against all of this. The Word of God says: Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer. You have to rejoice in the hope of your future with Jefferson and be patient as you try to work this out together, having the faith that it will happen. And, you have to stay on your knees.”
“It sounds easy.”
“But know it’s not. The Lord just wants you to have faith. Because faith will give you hope, faith will give you strength, faith will give you the weapons to fight. And who knows what this is all about?” Lynn continued, “I’ve known from the moment you came from my womb that the Lord has a mighty work for you to do, Kyla. And sometimes, when God is preparing you for something, you have to be broken so that you can totally depend on Him. You might think that you’re being persecuted right now, but remember that when you ar
e, the glory of God is upon you. As long as you use this to magnify the Lord.”
“Mom, I know all of that in my head, but it’s my heart that hurts. And my heart keeps telling me that I have to be afraid, because this could happen again.”
Lynn took Kyla by her shoulders. “Girl, I don’t even want to hear you talk that way. That ain’t nothing but the devil using the same tactics and, in this situation, he’s using fear. But you have to stand against that, Kyla. How many women of God do you think have had to stand against something like this?”
“Well, you never had to,” Kyla pouted.
Lynn raised her eyebrows, holding her daughter’s stare and, after several seconds, Kyla’s mouth dropped in disbelief.
“Dad?” she whispered.
Lynn nodded slowly. “When we were first married. I didn’t even have all the years under my belt that you’ve had to know that Winston loved me.”
Kyla held her hands to her mouth. “Oh, my God. I never knew . . .”
“There was no reason for you to know. We worked it out.”
“But when? Who? What happened?” Kyla asked, shocked at her mother’s nonchalance.
Lynn shook her head as she stood and went to the bureau. She picked up her wedding picture and it was several moments before she spoke. “None of that is important,” Lynn said, her words still slightly charged with pain even though it had happened thirty years before. “I only told you now because I want you to know that you can survive.”
“But you and Dad have a wonderful marriage.”
“We had to work it out.”
“How did you do that?”
Lynn was thoughtful for a moment. “But, God,” she said.
Kyla’s eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement.
“That’s how I did it. Whenever questions or doubts came into my head, my answer was always, ‘But, God . . .’ So, when I said, ‘Lord how am I going to make it?’ I answered, ‘But, God . . .’ When I began to wonder about all of the details of his affair, I would say to myself, ‘But, God . . .’ If your father called and said he was going to be late and the fear tried to ease its way back into my soul, I would get down on my knees and pray, and then sing. And all the time I knew, ‘But, God.’”
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