by Lylah James
She shook her head. “Nope. Just sit down. You shouldn’t even be out of bed. Remember what Ivy said? She wants you on bed rest most of the time. I’m surprised Alessio didn’t haul your ass back to bed.”
Maddie paused, shaking her head. “Never mind. He was busy doing something else.”
Her teasing tone just made her words funnier. My shoulders shook with silent laughter.
Maddie brought two plates to the counter. Before she could take a seat, my hands lashed out, my fingers gripping her wrist.
“We’re not eating until you talk to me, Maddie.”
My voice was firm yet gentle. She needed to talk to me. Maddie was holding everything inside. I knew it was slowly eating her alive.
Her haunted eyes found mine, and she shook her head. “Ayla.”
I ignored her warning tone and pressed on. “What are you hiding? Why don’t you want to tell me? I know that Artur hurt you, and I know that it’s hard to imagine. I couldn’t believe it at first either. He betrayed Alessio. But he betrayed you too. I know it hurts, but you’re hiding something else.”
Maddie snatched her wrist from my hand. “Stop it, Ayla!”
I stood up so I could hug her. My arms wrapped around her shoulders. “You know you can tell me anything, Maddie. I’ll be there for you. I can’t see you like this. You remind me of myself. How I used to be before. It’s not easy to see you like this.”
She struggled out of my arms, her glare intense. I had seen her angry before but never angry at me. This time her glare was directed at me.
“You don’t know anything!” she screamed.
“Because you won’t tell me,” I replied softly.
Her chest was heaving with each breath she took. I saw tears filling her eyes, and she sniffled, taking another step away from me.
It broke my heart, seeing her like this.
“I lost him!” she hissed.
My shoulders sagged. “I know. I’m sorry, Maddie. I’m so sorry he turned out to be the traitor,” I replied, my voice broken too.
Maddie shook her head, her tears freely running down her cheeks. “No. I lost him. I lost…my baby.”
Her words were choked out, but they rung so clear. Her words seemed loud even though they were whispered.
Maddie’s knees gave out, and she sunk to the floor soundlessly. She hunched over as she held her stomach in a fetal position. Her sobs were loud and heart wrenching.
I lost…my baby.
I stared at Maddie, speechless. My heart stuttered, and I felt suddenly weak in my knees. My hand instinctively went to my stomach, holding my baby bump.
Maddie was pregnant?
Tears blinded my vision as her sobs made their way straight to my heart. Her words kept ringing through my ears.
I looked at Maddie so heartbroken, and my heart ached for her. I couldn’t imagine losing my little princess. It would break me beyond repair.
Just then, she gave a little kick, and my hand rubbed over the bump.
“He shot me…he freaking shot me…and killed my baby. How could he do that, Ayla? Why?” Maddie wailed.
I stepped closer, trying to kneel down beside Maddie. It was hard, but I eventually settled down beside her. My arms went around her shoulders, pulling her shaking body to mine.
Maddie buried her face in my neck, her tears an endless flow. “He killed…my…baby.”
I knew what Artur had done, but I didn’t know the extent of the damage. He killed his own baby. Their baby.
My arms tightened around Maddie as we cried. She cried for her loss while I held her. Her pain seeped into my pores as if I was feeling it for myself.
“I’m sorry, Maddie. I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
They were the only words I had for her. What could I say? Her loss wasn’t something that could be fixed with mere words.
“I didn’t know,” I continued. Princess continued to kick, rolling around in my stomach, and suddenly I felt sick.
Maddie had to watch me every day. She had to look at my baby bump and be reminded of her loss. How did she survive?
How did she not hate me?
I was the living reminder of what she could have had.
Maddie’s hand moved to my stomach, her touch feather-light.
“Right now, he would have still been too small for me to feel him move.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “I’m sorry.”
There was another small kick from Princess as Maddie caressed the bump. “Now, I will never feel my baby kick,” she whispered through her tears. “I will never get a chance to hold him.” Maddie continued to cry. She kept cradling the baby bump, almost protectively.
I always wondered why Maddie loved holding my stomach so much. Sometimes she laid down beside me and left her hand over my baby bump for hours until I fell asleep.
She always found a chance to touch my stomach and feel the baby move.
Now I understood why she did it.
I laid my hand over hers, both of us holding Princess. “They would have grown up together,” I whispered.
Maddie nodded. “They would have. In a perfect world, I can see them playing together. Fighting. Laughing. But always loving each other. Maybe even a wedding later on.”
My chin wobbled with the effort to hold my tears in. I had to be strong…for Maddie.
“They would have been inseparable,” she continued.
“Maddie,” I soothed.
We stayed silent for a few minutes, both of us lost in the perfect world we imagined.
“I can’t have kids anymore.”
My eyes snapped open at her words. My heart may have stopped beating for a second, and then it drummed against my ribcage harder than before.
“What?” I sputtered.
“From my cancer, it was almost impossible for me have kids. I gave up hope a long time ago. But then it happened. I was pregnant, and I was so happy, Ayla. So damn happy. It was a miracle. I was going to have a baby,” she broke off at the end.
A loud sob wracked her body. “Then he was taken away from me. Ripped away from me. And then I found out I can’t have kids anymore. The bullet damaged my womb. I can’t ever…carry…a baby again.”
“No,” I said, completely horrified.
Maddie nodded. “My ability to have a baby was taken away from me before. I was given one chance, and that too was ripped away from me.”
Her tears soaked my neck and dress. My own tears left a wet trail down my cheeks.
How did Maddie hold all of that in for so long?
My heart was hurting for her.
“You know, Ayla, since I lost him, I’ve wondered…why me? Why did I have to lose my baby?”
I stayed silent, but my hands never stopped caressing her back, soothing her with my touch when my words failed me.
Maddie pulled her face away from my neck and stared at me. I swiped her tears away and she squeezed her eyes shut. “It was meant to be. I see it as a sacrifice. It’s the only way I can get over this. It sounds weird when I say it out loud.” She chuckled drily. “In losing my baby, we gained you back.”
The words slammed right into me, and I stared at her with wide eyes. “So it was meant to be. I want to believe that I had a hand in saving you. If I didn’t catch Artur that day, then maybe we would have never found you. If it all hadn’t taken place, maybe you wouldn’t be here with us right now. That’s how I see it,” she continued when I stayed silent. “It was a sacrifice to get you back, and I will never regret it.”
I shook my head, refusing to believe what I was hearing. “Maddie, you can’t mean that.”
She gave me a small broken smile. “Yes, I lost my baby. I will never get that chance again, but I got you back. I gave Alessio his Angel. It’s not something I will ever regret.”
Her fingers caressed my rounded belly. “And I saved Princess too. I couldn’t save my baby, but I saved her. We lost one but we gained another.”
“Maddie…”
“You wanted the truth. This i
s the truth, Ayla.”
My shoulders sagged in defeat, and I stared at her hand, the one that was resting on my stomach. “I’m sorry.”
Maddie shook her head and wrapped her arms around me for a hug. “It’s not your fault, and I don’t want you to be sorry for me. It’s hard. It hurts so much sometimes, Ayla. Sometimes, I can’t sleep. All I do is cry. It’s hard to close my eyes. It’s hard to continue moving on, but I have to do it. My heart will always hurt with my loss, but I know…eventually the pain will be less.”
She pulled away and sent me a wink. “I have a princess too. She will make the pain less.” Maddie paused and then smiled. “What am I saying? She already makes my heart overflow with love.”
Maddie bent down and placed a sweet kiss over my belly. “I will never regret this.”
I was in awe with this woman. How she managed to be this strong…I didn’t know.
“Maddie,” I started saying, but she shushed me.
“Promise me we won’t ever speak of this again. You wanted to know so I told you, but I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I want to bury it behind me and move on. Please, Ayla. Promise me.”
I couldn’t do anything but nod. We hugged, our hold tight on each other.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“Love you too, babe. We got this.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Just promise me though. Don’t hurt yourself by keeping it inside. When it gets too much, talk to me. I will be there for you. Sometimes just talking makes everything easier.”
“I promise,” she said, pulling away.
We gave each other a tearful smile, our hands holding my baby bump.
“What’s going on here?”
A loud, angry growl caused my head to snap up in surprise. I met Alessio’s eyes as he stalked toward us.
“Why are you on the floor?” he demanded, coming to stand beside me. He towered over us, his face angry but worried.
His eyes raked over me protectively. “Are you hurt? Shit. Are you in pain?” He started to panic.
Alessio bent down and grabbed my arm. Maddie went to stand up, holding my other arm. They both helped me up, and Alessio pulled me into his embrace.
His hands whispered over my body, looking for any type of injury. “Ayla, are you hurt? Answer me!” he snapped.
I shook my head. “No. I’m not hurt. Calm down, Alessio.”
“Then what were you doing on the floor?” he questioned, his accusing eyes going to Maddie.
“We were talking,” she retorted, crossing her arms.
“On the floor?” Viktor jumped in. He was leaning against the doorway, watching all of us. “Your eyes are red. You were both crying.”
Great. He just added fuel to the fire.
Alessio’s eyes turned to slits. Placing my hand over his chest, I tried to calm him down. “I’m fine. Really. We were talking. It got emotional, that’s it. Now stop growling.”
He sighed, his shoulders sagging in relief. “You are not hurt.”
Alessio didn’t pose the sentence as a question. It was mostly a relieved statement.
Giving him a sweet smile, I placed a kiss on his lips. It was instinct…I couldn’t stop myself.
He kissed me back. More than what I had planned. When I heard a groan behind me, I pulled back, feeling a deep red blush make its way to my cheeks.
“You need to be in bed. Promise me you’ll rest while I’m gone,” Alessio said in my ear, his arms a band of steel around my waist.
“Okay. I promise,” I readily agreed. I knew there was no point arguing with Alessio. He would just carry me upstairs himself and put several guards at my door to stop me from leaving.
Alessio gave me a fierce stare. “Have you eaten yet?”
I nodded toward the food. “I was going to.”
His lips were feather-light on my forehead. Placing a kiss there, he pulled away. “Good. I’m leaving now, but I’ll be back tonight.”
I hummed into his chest before stepping out of his embrace. He nodded at Maddie before turning around to leave. Viktor gave me a smile before following Alessio.
From the corner of the doorway, I saw Isaak. His hands were in his pockets as he stood there watching me. He had a strange look on his face. It wasn’t the first time I noticed him watching me from afar.
When he caught my stare, I saw him swallowing hard before quickly leaving. A strange feeling went through me at the encounter, but I didn’t have a chance to think about it before Maddie was breaking into my thoughts.
“Let’s eat, babe.”
I nodded, turning to the stool.
Chapter 27
Two weeks later
My gaze followed Alessio around the room. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He moved fluidly, his steps filled with purpose.
Alessio moved around like he owned the room…like he owned everything. And it was reality.
I liked his strength and the dominance he exuded. The pull I felt toward him made my body hum with pleasure.
Alessio shrugged on his dress shirt, quickly buttoning it up. His form was the most perfect I had ever seen. Not that I had seen a lot.
But he was absolutely perfect in my eyes. Inside and out.
I got off the bed and took his suit jacket in my hand. He gave me a warm look as I helped him. My hands made their way to his chest.
I laid my palms there, over his chiseled stomach. I could feel every muscle definition through his shirt. Alessio’s hands held my hips, moving me closer.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, running his fingers over my hips.
“Perfect.” I smiled up at him.
He nodded, and a sudden shadow crossed his face. Alessio looked thoughtful for a moment, and then he swallowed hard, like he ate something big.
I could feel that he was suddenly nervous. “What’s wrong?”
“This is going to be huge, Ayla. But we thought it’s time for you to know,” he started.
“Know what? What’s wrong?” My eyes went wide as panic started to course through my system.
Alessio placed a gentle finger over my lips. “Shh…calm down, Angel. Everything is fine. But Isaak wants to talk to you.”
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Isaak? But why?” I questioned.
Isaak had barely said any words to me. He never talked. But I caught his stare every now and then. It felt like he wanted to speak, but he just didn’t know what to say.
If I wasn’t mistaken, he was avoiding me. Just watching from behind the shadows sometimes. It was strange, but I never thought much of it.
“He has a lot to say, Angel, but he means well. Okay? Just keep that in mind. He’s not the bad guy,” Alessio explained, staring at me expectantly.
I nodded but then jumped in fright when a sudden knock sounded on the door. I was too tensed, my muscles locked tight.
“That’s him,” Alessio muttered before calling out. “Come in!”
I stood, staring at Alessio as the door opened. He gave me a small smile and turned me around so I was facing Isaak.
“Hey,” Isaak started with a tight smile. He looked really nervous. His hands were fisted by his sides, and he fiddled around on his feet.
It was a once-in-a-lifetime type sight. To see a man like him nervous.
“Hi,” I replied almost timidly.
Alessio walked us to the couch and sat down before pulling me on his lap. He settled me sideways, his hands drawing circles over my rounded belly.
I breathed out a sigh of relief and stared at Isaak expectantly.
He swallowed again and looked around before moving his gaze back to me.
“This is going to sound crazy, and you might even hate me after this, but I think you need to know. I need to tell you. It’s driving me fucking insane keeping it inside for so long,” he started.
“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s going to be okay,” I replied, trying to make him as comfortable as I could.
After my years of torture, I had learned that it was easier t
o see the positive in things.
Let the wave of negativity flow around you but never let it affect you. I guessed I was my own medicine to the virus.
My eyes caught Alessio. His attention was already on me.
Or maybe he was my medicine?
I smiled internally at the thought. My savior. I had the sudden urge to kiss him again but quickly bit on my lips and tried to concentrate on Isaak again.
When Isaak started talking, I didn’t have to force my attention anymore. He had my full attention.
My breath hitched as he continued his story. My heart ached with each word, and tears slid down my cheeks.
Alessio caught them for me. He soothed me with his touch.
But every word Isaak uttered, it broke my heart further.
When he was done speaking, he let out a loud breath and stared at me, watching my reaction. I sat still and stared back in shock.
My throat closed as I tried to speak. “You knew my mom?”
He nodded.
“You loved her?” He nodded again, a wave of pain crossing his face.
My eyes blurred with tears. “I can’t remember you.”
“Of course, you can’t. You were only a year old,” he replied gently.
My heart stuttered at his fatherly voice.
“But I wish I could remember you,” I whispered. “You were more a father to me than my own ever was. You cared for me when he didn’t.”
“I always cared for you, Ayla. Since the very first time I laid eyes on you. Even when I thought you were dead, I still loved you. You were my daughter.”
I sniffled and choked back a sob. How long had I craved to hear words like these? To have a father who loved and protected me?
For years, I dreamed of my father looking at me with soft eyes…if only just once. But he never did. He treated me as if I didn’t even exist.
But this man standing in front of me, he was looking at me with the love my father should have had for me.
I stood up from Alessio’s lap and went to Isaak. He straightened up instantly, standing to his full height.
“I never had a father,” I said, stopping in front of him. “I prayed and wished that I did, but that never happened. I didn’t have anyone.”
Before he could move a muscle, I wrapped my arms around him in a hug. He was startled, freezing in shock. “What I didn’t realize was that I had a father, loving me from afar.”
