by Emily Bishop
I hold my breath and look back at Sasha. Her face has gone ash gray. Her lips are pressed into a thin, angry line. Her eyes are fire. Worse.
They’re filled with betrayal.
“How could you?” she whispers at me. Without another word, she storms out of the office, and before I can even address the issue, she’s long gone. When I turn back to face Kieran, he has the gall to look amused.
That motherfucker.
“What did you hope to accomplish by doing that?” I ask. My voice is low. I can barely contain my anger, so I let it simmer just beneath the surface. Much like lava boils just before exploding from a volcano.
I am beyond ready to erupt.
Kieran shrugs. “It’s a good story. I’m not going to let it slide through our fingers just because you two haven’t figured out what you are or whatever. This is the kind of stuff that can make us money, Bo. This is gold!”
“No, this is my fucking life, Kieran! Last I checked, it wasn’t for sale!”
“Dude, I don’t know why you’re getting so upset. I’m not saying anything it didn’t happen, and it’s not like you guys did anything wrong. What is the matter with you?”
“With me? What’s the matter with me?” I can hardly breathe. I force myself to take in air before I lay into him. “From the beginning I have tolerated your asshole behavior, because when we were kids, I was an asshole, too. But we grew up, Kieran. Only you didn’t seem to notice because you’ve been too busy with your head up your ass this entire time to realize you’re acting like a child in an adult’s world. It’s one thing when it affects no one but you, but when you affect my company, my business…”
“This has nothing to do with our business! If it did, you would see that it’s a marketable story and not get your fucking panties all in a bunch.”
Kieran stands and faces me head-on. This might be a fight we’ve been needing to have for a lot longer than I want to acknowledge. I’ve let him get away with too much for too long.
Not today. Not when Sasha’s angry expression is burned into the back of my eyelids.
Kieran carries on with his rant. “No, this has nothing to do with work. This has to do with that girl, who you have officially just put ahead of your own damn company. I can’t believe you of all people would put a woman ahead of your own success! What has she done to bewitch you? Huh?”
“Watch your mouth,” I say.
“No. Not with you. We’re practically brothers, so I’m going to ask you again. What the actual fuck are you doing with that woman, and why would you sabotage your own success over her?”
“There are a million ways to market the app that don’t require my story being told. That’s beside the fact that I told you that in confidence, only to have you mock not only me, but her! To our faces. I will not put her at risk because you think you’ve figured out how to use us as marketing pawns. That’s not how I do business.”
“And how do you do business, Bo? Because last I checked, you were a smart and savvy businessman who knew better than to get entangled with women who could drag you down. Now you have an assistant who apparently can take you down with one blow, not to mention the rest of us. Is that a chance you’re willing to take? You?”
I lean in so my face is close enough for Kieran to really hear and understand my next words. “That woman is not just some secretary. She is not someone who works for this company. She means more to me than almost anyone I’ve ever met, and I know her character. She is not the kind of person to destroy everything we’ve worked toward. You will not tease her. You will not ever bring this up again. In fact, I want you to stay away from her.”
“Oh, what, now I’m forbidden from talking to your assistants? How the hell am I going to get in touch with you, then?”
“You know how to get in touch with me. Stop making excuses. Either leave her alone, or face my wrath. I don’t think that’s something you want to deal with, do you?”
“Fuck off, Bo. I never thought you’d be the one to cave to some woman, after all this time. She must be one hell of a good fuck.”
I slam my fist against Kieran’s jaw. My eyes are pulsing with anger. I can barely see straight. I need to get out of here and collect myself, but before I do, I throw one more disgusted look at Kieran. “You heard me. One more comment from you and I’ll find a way to buy you out and leave you to your parents’ mercy. I wonder how long they’ll be willing to fund your clubbing and alcohol habit. Something to think about, hmm?”
I leave him rolling around on the floor and step away from the office. Curious glances hound me, and I can’t take them. I walk to the elevator and take a staircase next to it, up to the roof.
I need to breathe. I need to relax.
I need to figure out what the hell I’m going to do about Sasha.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sasha
Tears burn my eyes, and I hate that I’m crying. Everything I’ve done, moving to New York, trying out a new life, all of it was the biggest mistake I could ever have made.
I should have never left home.
Through my blurry vision, I see my office, and I pick up my pace. I fling open my door and leave it open as I grab an old paper ream box and fill it with the few personal belongings I have here. I always wanted an office to put my little decorations up. Now I can’t get them down fast enough.
I sniffle as a tear finally escapes from my eye, and I brush it away.
“Sasha? Are you OK?” Lucy pokes her head in with a concerned expression.
I don’t bother looking back at her as I continue my packing. “No, I’m not. I’m afraid I quit. I’ll send my resignation email when I get home.”
“What? No. Stop. What’s going on? Back up a minute!”
I don’t stop. Lucy steps forward and tries to get in my way, but I step around her and continue what I’m doing. There’s not a minute to waste. I have to get out of this place, forever. I can’t stay here, where someone like Booker Knight exists just to toy with people and destroy their lives.
“Are you going to at least tell me what happened before you go? You owe me at least that, since I’m the one who got you in here!”
That stops me. She’s not wrong. I owe all of my success to Lucy. Even if we did end up working for a two-faced, conniving, evil son of a…
“It’s Booker. He’s played me.”
“Played you how?”
I plop into my chair and look up at Lucy with dismal despair. “He just had me go into a meeting with Kieran to take minutes for their marketing plan. Within the first few minutes, Kieran suggests using Booker and me as the advertisement example of how the app can work. Essentially, he wants to make money off my personal story. I haven’t even been able to explain to myself what’s really going on here, and here I am being used as some pretty face for a commercial?”
Another tear drops, and I grab a tissue. Might was well go big. I imagine I’ll be crying over this for quite some time.
“He lied to me, Lucy. All this time, he probably knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that I was new. That I was ambitious. He could have easily gone through the back-end and matched us to make this happen, then turned it around to sell more accounts. I’ve been played for a complete and total fool!”
I press the tissue to my lips as anguished sobs tear from my body. I allow myself a minute to grieve the perfect relationship I thought I had. For one minute, I thought that dreams might actually come true, might be possible.
A morose thought crosses my mind.
My god. I gave that man my virginity. I can never have that back, and it was all for a marketing tactic. I might as well have sold it to him.
Fresh tears pour from my eyes as Lucy sits in stunned silence. After a minute, she finds her words.
“Come on, Sasha. It can’t be like that, really. I know Mr. Knight is all business and whatever, but it sounds like whatever you two had was something special. Is something special. Did you hear what he had to say on the matter?”
; I shake my head. “I didn’t need to. I’ve been feeling weird about this from the moment I learned it was him. I should have walked away. I should have quit then and there. I didn’t because I believed… I believed…”
I can’t find the words. What? I believed Booker might turn out to be a standup guy? The kind of man a woman could spend a beautiful life with?
Clearly, I’m far too green to be living in the city. I should have known better. I should have protected myself, been a little more closed off.
I should have ended things before they went too far. Now I can’t take any of it back, and I wish I could. More than anything in the world.
“I was raised better than this, Lucy. You know this isn’t the kind of person I am. I need to get out of here. Maybe I can find another company to work for. If I have to, I’ll just go home. No matter what, I can’t stay here anymore. I just can’t!”
My heart stings as I stand and continue filling my box with the last few items I brought with me. A box of tissues, a stapler, a picture of my family.
“Sasha, please. I know you’re upset, but quitting over this isn’t you, either. You’ve worked too hard to get this far. Don’t give up on something that could be a misunderstanding!”
“You warned me. You told me not to get involved, that he had a reputation, and I didn’t listen to you. I, like an idiot, thought he could change, that I could be the one to change him. To help him be the best version of himself. I should have listened to you.”
Lucy has no rebuttal for that. She watches in stunned silence as I finish loading up my box.
“I know this is a lot to ask, but will you let him know that I’ve given my notice, effective immediately? I’m sure he won’t care.”
“You can’t be sure of that. Come on, Sasha. Just give it a day. Don’t quit. Take the day off and go cool down before you make any decisions you’ll regret.”
“I’ve already got more regrets than I can count. For once, I feel clarity about something. I’ve been used. I’ve been had. I know it. Now I’m going to act on it.”
I step out of my office with my box in my arms. Lucy follows on my heels. I ignore all of the glances in my direction. I’m sure I’ll get to be the office gossip for quite some time, until the next woman Booker screws over acts out and leaves.
Just another one in a long line of women, aren’t I?
Stupid, stupid Sasha. Ignorant, doe-eyed Sasha.
“Sasha, what Kieran said will never happen. There’s no way they’ll use you in an ad. Maybe it was just an honest suggestion. We don’t even know how Kieran found out.”
I roll my eyes at her as I reach the elevator and press the button to go down. “Please. Even you can’t be that naïve. He found out through the only other person who knew, who was there. Booker.”
“OK, but they’re best friends. It makes sense that he would confide in him. You told me about it, and I work here, too.”
She’s trying her hardest to get me to see things her way, but when I make up my mind, I follow through. Booker Knight is going to be a bad dream before long, and I’m going to make sure that’s the case. The elevator door dings and slides open to an empty cabin.
I turn back and look at Lucy. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it’s no use. I know what I am, and who I am. And this place isn’t it. Thank you for everything you did for me. I’m so sorry if any of this reflects badly on you.”
“I’m more sorry you’re giving up when you don’t have all the facts. You’re being rash, Sasha. I’ll ask you one more time. Don’t do this.”
I step into the elevator and press the button for the lobby, then turn to face her one last time.
“I’m sorry,” I say. The door closes on Lucy’s distraught face, and the office of Cupid’s Bow disappears from view. Instead, I’m treated to a reflection of my own blotchy, tear-stained countenance.
This wasn’t supposed to end like this. In fact, it wasn’t supposed to end at all. This was going to be my ticket to the big time, to the place where people who love what they do go to work every day just living their dreams.
I had so many dreams when I first walked through those doors.
Booker Knight has smashed them all, and I doubt he’s even given me a second thought.
The doors open into the lobby, and I stare straight ahead as I make my exit from the building. I know people are staring. There is only one reason a woman walks through that lobby in tears with a box of all her office belongings. I hear some sympathetic tsks from a woman walking by.
“It’ll be all right. This is a great area to be in. Whatever happened, you’ll find your place, honey.”
I glance at the woman. She’s young and blonde, dressed in a crisp black suit. I nod to her, but I can’t find the words to respond. What would I say, anyway? She thinks I’ve been fired.
How long before people find out it was so much more than that? How long before Booker sets the tabloids on fire with this story, just so he can get free advertising for his new app?
I step out into the cold afternoon air and realize the one thing I forgot was my jacket, still hanging on the rack behind my door. There’s nothing for it. I’ll have to walk home in the cold, without a coat. Isn’t that what I deserve, anyway? I’ve been a complete and total fool.
This can be my equivalent of being set up in the stocks, made to be ridiculed by the people around me. I shiver as I walk down sparsely populated sidewalks. I imagine the lunch rush has just come to an end, and people are getting back to their busy and productive lives.
A world that I will no longer be participating in.
Somehow, I manage to make my way to the subway. A train arrives, and I bask in the warmth even as my body and mind go completely numb from heartache. When the doors open again, the cold outside wakes me up again, but all I feel is pain and loss.
The elevator ride to my floor takes an eternity. I just want to be home, somewhere I feel safe. When I open the door to my apartment, I step inside and close the door behind me. I glance at my sofa, where I first sexted with “Master.” Was that all just a little game for him? It meant everything to me.
Everything.
I close my eyes against the memory and allow myself to slide to the floor by my front door. I won’t be able to afford this apartment anymore, now that I no longer have a job.
Should I go back? Should I heed Lucy’s advice and change my mind?
No. It’s too late for that. I can never face him again.
I pull out my phone and type out a resignation email. It’s short and sweet.
Dear Mr. Knight,
Please accept my resignation, effective immediately.
Sasha
My thumb hovers over the send button, then I think about Kieran’s face as he pitched his little ad, and I drop it down. The message sends, and more tears fall from my eyes.
I’m done.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Booker
Frosty wind burns my face as I stare out at the city far below. I’m glad for it. I deserve to be as uncomfortable as humanly possible. Realization dawns on me as winter air cools my fiery temper, and I understand exactly how big of a mess I’ve created for myself.
Jesus Christ, I punched Kieran in the face!
He’s forgiven me for worse, but can I forgive him for his behavior through all of this? Hitting on Sasha? Purposely taking aim at our relationship? I’m not convinced I can even call it that. As of right now, we are nothing.
But we could be something, couldn’t we?
I release a breath, and it dissolves into the city air around me. I can’t spend the rest of the day hiding up here. I need to talk to Sasha. I need to let her know how stupid I think Kieran’s idea was. And that I had nothing to do with it.
That I’m sorry.
I am sorry. For everything. Sometimes, I wish I’d never tested the app in the first place, but when I think about how good it felt, every experience I had with Angel, with Sasha, I can’t force myself to regret a singl
e moment.
Except the one that just happened.
The sky is charcoal gray, and it matches my foul mood perfectly. I turn away from the city and open the door to step back down into the office. My footsteps echo against the white-painted brick walls on the way to my floor. When I enter, the entire office seems to turn and look in my direction.
What the fuck’s happened now?
I stare down every face I see. I don’t have time to be the center of drama or gossip. I have a fucking business to run. Before I can reach my office door, Lucy flies out of hers and nearly grasps my arms to keep me from moving. She stops herself just in time and lowers her hands to her sides.
“Mr. Knight. Could I speak with you a moment? It’s urgent.”
I glance over at Sasha’s office and realize it’s dark, the door shut. She must have decided to leave for the day. I don’t suppose I can blame her. Maybe after some time to think, she’ll come back ready to talk rationally about all of this.
Maybe I will, too.
When I look back at Lucy, her eyes are moist with unshed tears.
What?
“Lucy, what’s going on? Why are you upset?”
“It’s… Sasha,” she whispers. Her eyes dart around, and when I look up, I can see everyone still looking at us.
“I believe there is work to be done,” I say in my loudest boss voice. “Does anyone feel like getting fired today for slacking on the job?”
That does the trick. Heads dart back down, and the productive clacking of keyboards recommences, though I imagine it’s more the office chat going nuts than actual work being done.
Yet again, I’ve gone off the rails here. People used to respect me. Now they’re watching me like I’m some reality TV star and they’re just waiting to see what I’ll do next. I don’t think any of this is covered in the management books.
