by Kate Brian
She must die … she must die … she must—
“I still can’t believe it,” Jasper whispered, stroking Ariana’s hair. “Lexa Greene. She is the definition of having it all. I guess it just proves that you never know what’s going on inside people’s minds.”
Ariana squeezed her eyes closed. I knew, she thought. I knew how distraught she was. Palmer was right. I should have done something. I should have known …
“Can we talk about something else?” Ariana whispered. Her voice was a mere squeak. She hated how weak and scared she sounded.
“Yes. Of course. Sorry.” Jasper kissed the top of her head. Ariana pressed her ear closer to his chest, listening to the comfortably rhythmic sound of his heartbeat. For the first time in an hour, her brain was silent. “I do have a question for you, actually.”
She tilted her head back so she could see his face. “Yeah?”
“Yes.” He shifted slightly, crooking his free arm behind his head. “Earlier tonight … what did you think I was going to tell you? What was the secret you thought I’d found out?”
Ariana’s heart thumped so hard she was sure it was going to stop beating altogether. Suddenly terrifying images flashed through her brain. Images of her shoving Jasper against a shelf-lined wall in the potting shed. Of her holding a pair of rusty, dirty garden shears to his neck. Of the fear in his eyes as he begged her to stop.
How the hell was she supposed to explain that? Ariana pressed her lips together and racked her brain. The “secret” Jasper had found out was that Briana Leigh Covington, the girl Ariana was currently pretending to be, had hooked up with a female professor at her old school. What other secrets could Briana Leigh have had? Secrets that might merit such a drastic reaction?
As she looked around her room, her eyes fell on a framed photo of the ranch house where Briana Leigh had grown up. Ariana remembered the last time she was there, and her encounters with Briana Leigh’s rich, crotchety old grandmother. “I thought you’d found out that I bought my way into Atherton-Pryce,” Ariana said, thinking quickly. “Lexa is the only person who knows, so when you said the two of us had been very naughty … I figured you’d found out about the bribe and that she was keeping the secret for me.”
She paused and licked her lips. It was thin, she knew, but it was all she had.
“I didn’t want the other members of Stone and Grave to find out, especially not the alumni, because even though I might have gotten in through a back-door deal, I’ve worked so hard since I’ve been here,” she rambled. “I’d like to be judged on the basis of that, rather than the fact that my grandmother felt the need to grease the admissions board.”
Jasper said nothing. Ariana picked a speck of lint off his T-shirt and crushed it between her thumb and forefinger. He wasn’t buying it. She could feel it.
“I just want everyone to believe I deserve to be here,” she said finally.
Because I do, she added. After everything I’ve been through, I so, so deserve to be here.
“Well, anyone can see that,” Jasper said.
Ariana looked up at him, feeling a thrill down her back. “Really?”
“Are you joking? You ace all your classes, you were the star of our pledge class, you were here about five seconds before you made friends with Lexa’s crowd.” Jasper pulled a face and scoffed. “You deserve to be here more than anyone I know.”
Ariana smiled and leaned in to kiss him. His hand went around the back of her neck and brought her in even closer. Ariana felt a stirring deep inside of her, but tamped it down. This was not the time to be getting physical. Not with Lexa in the hospital. She broke off the kiss and bit her lip.
“You know I never would have really hurt you, right?” she lied. She had been about to hurt him. She had been about to slaughter him, in fact. Anything to keep her secrets. It would have killed her to do it, but a girl on the run had to do what a girl on the run had to do. “I was just messing around.”
“I know,” Jasper said, cupping her shoulder with a grin. “Besides, I like a girl who can take care of herself. Less work for me.”
Ariana rolled her eyes, but laughed.
“Remember the other day when I invited you to Thanksgiving at my house?” Jasper asked.
Ariana’s heart fluttered. “Yeah.”
“Well? The offer still stands and my parents would love to meet you,” he said. “Have you thought any more about it?”
With everything that had gone on over the past few days, Ariana had completely forgotten about the invite. But after the awful drama of the night, running off to Louisiana with Jasper and putting Atherton-Pryce behind her for a few days seemed like a dream.
“I have and I’m in,” Ariana replied. “I can’t wait to meet your family.”
Jasper grinned. “I’ll book you a ticket in the morning.”
Ariana smiled and settled in again, cuddling into the crook between his arm and his chest as she imagined a big, picturesque family Thanksgiving—something she hadn’t experienced in years. She was more thankful for Jasper than for anything or anyone else in her life. If she had pulled a pair of garden shears on Palmer, he probably would have broken up with her in disgust and turned her in to the police for attempted assault, goody-goody that he was. Everything with him was black and white, but Jasper knew there were other shades to the world. As she inhaled the clean scent of his T-shirt it suddenly hit her full force that she could have lost him tonight. The horror of it crashed over her like a tidal wave, threatening to sweep her away and she found herself clinging to the front of his shirt.
Don’t leave me, she thought. Please don’t ever, ever leave me.
“Ana? Are you okay?” Jasper asked.
Ariana forced her fingers open and released his shirt. A little mound of white cotton stood up in the center of his chest.
“Can you just … stay with me? Until I fall asleep?” she asked.
“I was planning on staying the whole night,” he replied.
He leaned down and kissed her ever so softly, and within minutes, Ariana had drifted off to sleep.
COME TOGETHER
Wearing her black Stone and Grave robe, Ariana stood at her designated place between Tahira and Landon. The cavelike room beneath the library where all official meetings took place was as still as night. Candles flickered along the stone walls, set in sconces and candelabras of various heights and sizes, but other than the occasional rustling of a bell sleeve, the room was eerily silent. Ariana stared at the empty spots on the opposite side of the circle. Lexa, the president, was missing, of course. But the spot next to her, usually occupied by Palmer, was empty as well, as was the spot next to April Coorigan, usually occupied by Lexa’s boyfriend, Conrad Royce. No doubt they were both stationed dutifully at Lexa’s bedside.
Lexa’s current love and Lexa’s ex were each claiming a proprietary spot in the vigil. Ariana wondered if anyone had picked a fight yet. She hoped that if they had, Conrad had given Palmer a sound pummeling.
Finally, April lifted the hood from her head, exposing her mass of red curls. “We are the Stone and Grave,” she intoned.
“We are the Stone and Grave,” the rest of the brotherhood replied.
“You may be seated,” April said.
Robes swished and throats were cleared as the membership settled in on the cold stone floor. Ariana crossed her legs and sat up straight.
“I wonder what this is all about,” Tahira whispered. “Are we setting up a service for Lexa or something?”
Ariana shrugged as April began to speak.
“I’m going to dispense with ceremony for the evening,” she said clearly, her Irish brogue coming through. “We’ve all been through a lot in the last twenty-four hours, and we have some business to attend to, but first I wanted to give you all an update on our president.”
Ariana shifted her legs as everyone around the circle adjusted and squirmed, exchanging nervous, scared glances.
“I spoke to Lexa’s mother this afternoon and there
was, unfortunately, no change,” April said, blinking rapidly as if trying to hold back tears. Still, her voice came through crystal clear. “Lexa has been through three surgeries to stop some internal bleeding, and her body has suffered a lot of trauma. She’s currently unconscious, but breathing on her own. They’re not sure when … or even if … she’s going to wake up.”
“She’s going to wake up,” Soomie snapped, leaning forward. “Don’t say that.”
The membership froze. Rarely, if ever, had Soomie raised her voice—and definitely never at a Stone and Grave meeting. Ariana swallowed a hard, cold lump in her throat.
“I apologize, Sister Emma Woodhouse. I was merely repeating the facts as they were told to me,” April said calmly.
“Well, it’s crap.” Soomie crossed her arms over her stomach and looked at the floor. “She’s going to wake up. She’s going to be fine.”
April took a deep breath. “Is there anything else anyone would like to say? About Lexa or the situation or … anything?”
No one said a word.
“All right then,” April continued, casting a wary glance at Soomie. “As the highest-ranking member of the order now present, it’s my duty to enact the bylaws of our ancient brotherhood. Those bylaws state that if our president is incapacitated and unable to fulfill his or her duties, we are required to elect an interim president.”
Soomie scoffed, rolled her eyes, but said nothing. Landon raised his hand.
“Yes, Brother Pip,” April acknowledged with a nod.
“Wouldn’t Palmer … I mean, Brother Starbuck just become president? Since he’s the V.P.?”
“That would make life easier, but unfortunately, that’s not the way it works,” April replied.
“As far as I’m concerned, Brother Starbuck has no business acting as president anyway,” Tahira grumbled.
A few people exchanged confused glances, but Ariana noted that those who had been present in the ER the night before turned to look at Ariana, their expressions grim.
“Seriously,” Maria said, reaching back to quickly tie her long brown hair into a floppy bun. “The guy’s a gargantuan asshole.”
Ariana hid a smile behind her hand.
“Hey!” Landon protested.
Maria shot him a death glare from the other side of the circle. “An asshole who can’t handle a crisis,” she added. “Is that really the type of person we want running our chapter?”
“Look, the guy was freaking out, okay?” Landon said. “You can’t hold it against him.”
“Whatever,” Soomie put in, rolling her eyes. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Lexa’s going to get better and she’ll be back before we know it. Whoever gets elected will probably only be in office a couple of weeks.”
Her assertion was met with complete quiet. Ariana glanced at Tahira and knew they were thinking the same thing—that everyone in the room was thinking the same thing—Soomie was in denial. Of course, no one had actually seen Lexa. No one knew firsthand how severe her injuries were. But anyone with a grasp on reality had to know that even if Lexa did get better, she wouldn’t be back at school for a while, if at all.
“Maybe we should just take nominations,” April said, looking around the circle. “Anyone?”
At that moment, Ariana’s cell phone let out a loud ring. Tahira flinched and Ariana glanced around apologetically as she tried to fish the phone out of her back pocket.
“I’m sorry. I know we’re supposed to turn them off. But I thought that, under the circumstances …”
Ariana slid the phone out and checked the screen. She had one new text message. Her heart rate sped up when she saw that it was from Conrad.
“It’s from Brother Lear,” Ariana said, her thumb quaking as she opened the text. She stared at the words for a moment, her mind going blank, her skull weightless.
“Well? What does it say?” Soomie demanded.
Ariana looked up. The flickering candlelight seemed to dim and brighten and dim and brighten. “Lexa’s awake.”
THE HONOR
The pink light of dawn was just warming the windowpanes of the ICU waiting area when Mrs. Greene finally emerged from Lexa’s room. Ariana and her friends lifted their heads in unison, like some macabre ballet. In her rumpled green sweater set and gray pants, Lexa’s mother looked exhausted, but also hopeful. The eyeliner around her eyes was smudged, and she wore no lipstick, but there was a small smile on her dry lips.
“Ana?” she said, lacing her fingers together. “Lexa is asking for you.”
Ariana’s heart skipped an excited beat as all eyes turned to her. It was all she could do to keep from shooting a triumphant glance in Palmer’s direction. He’d already been here when Ariana and her friends had arrived, but had stayed seated in the corner, far away from the rest of the crowd. Over the past couple of hours he hadn’t moved a muscle and hadn’t uttered a single word to anyone.
Think our friendship is fake, huh? Ariana thought as she smoothed the front of her eyelet cashmere sweater. Idiot.
Jasper reached up and gave Ariana’s hand a squeeze. She lifted her chin as she followed Lexa’s mother down the hallway. This was an honor, being the first person summoned to Lexa’s bedside, and she felt the import of it down to the tips of her toenails.
Ariana paused outside the door. She looked hesitantly at Lexa’s mother. “Is she … I mean, is she … okay?”
There was no way she could ask what she really wanted to ask, which was how grotesque Lexa looked. She wanted to be prepared, but she was certain it would be impolite and unkind to press her mother for details.
“I won’t lie, dear, it’s a bit of a shock at first,” Mrs. Greene said, reaching up to fiddle with her pearls. “But you get used to it.”
Ariana nodded, placed her hand on the cold steel door handle, and walked inside. She half expected Lexa’s mother to come with her, but the door closed slowly and quietly behind her. The moment Ariana saw Lexa she froze, realizing how stupid her question to Mrs. Greene had been. Nothing could have prepared her for this. Lexa was turned away from her, but Ariana could see that one side of Lexa’s face was a huge purple bruise, so swollen Ariana could barely make out the slit of her eye. Angry black stitches clung to a huge gash along her cheekbone, and her battered face was covered with hundreds of tiny cuts.
Slowly, Lexa turned her head to face Ariana. The other side of her face looked relatively untouched except for a few red scratches. Her hair had been shaved back over her ear and a bandage was taped to her skull. Only one of her hands was visible—the one with all the IVs and monitors attached to it—and it lay limp atop the light blue hospital blanket.
“I know, right?” Lexa said, her voice scratchy. “I could have my own horror franchise.”
Ariana managed a small laugh and took a tentative step toward her friend. “Are you in much pain? Do you need anything?”
Lexa closed her eyes briefly as she swallowed, as if the mere act took concentration. “No. I’m good. I’m so hopped up on painkillers I feel nothing.”
Carefully, Ariana lowered herself onto the edge of the chair at Lexa’s bedside. She felt as if touching or moving anything could set off an alarm.
“Ana, listen … I asked you to come in here because I wanted to tell you … I’ve decided I’m going to tell my parents about what happened with Lily.”
Suddenly Ariana felt as if the floor had dropped out from under her. She reached out and grasped the cool metal safety rail around Lexa’s bed as her vision darkened with gray spots.
“No,” was all she could think to say.
“I have to, Ana,” Lexa said, her voice sounding tinny and very far away. “It’s going to be okay. It was all done in self-defense. I’m sure my father will make sure nothing happens to you. But I have to tell them. Clearly, I have to tell them,” she added, looking down at her broken body. “I can’t handle it anymore. You have to understand.”
The temperature in the room seemed to grow warmer with each passing moment. Ariana reached up a
nd tugged at the collar of her sweater, trying to breathe. Trying to think. Trying to see past the gray spots. This could not happen. She could not let this happen. This would mean the end of everything.
And then she saw it. Sitting on a countertop on the opposite side of Lexa’s bed. A silver tray lined with medical equipment. A pair of scissors. A roll of gauze. A scalpel. A syringe. Slowly, Ariana pushed herself to her feet and walked around the end of Lexa’s bed.
“Do you want to talk to them with me?” Lexa asked, following Ariana with her eyes. “If we told them the story together … exactly how it happened … it might come out better.”
Ariana glanced down at the tube running into Lexa’s left arm. It was filled with dark red blood. She was receiving a transfusion even as they talked.
“Sure,” she said, her voice flat. “Sure, I’ll do it with you.”
“Really?” Lexa’s head lifted a centimeter from her pillow, then fell back again. Apparently just that effort was too much for her. She closed her eyes and breathed out through her mouth. “Thank you, Ana. I knew you’d understand.”
Ariana tugged a pair of plastic gloves from a cardboard box on the counter and pulled them on, making sure not to snap the wrists. She lifted the syringe, keeping her back to Lexa. Slowly, she sucked a nice, big pocket of air into the syringe.
“Of course I understand. We can’t have you trying to kill yourself again,” Ariana said.
Lexa exhaled once more and tears seeped out from under her closed eyes. “I just … I couldn’t see any other way out,” she said. “That night I just … I couldn’t imagine making my parents suffer through that scandal. Us possibly ending up in jail. Everything seemed so bleak. I just … I couldn’t take it anymore.”
