by Susan Laine
Will studied Charlie till Charlie squirmed, his cheeks burning at being the focus of such an inspection. “Are you saying (a) that you think you could be gay, or (b) that you want to have sex with me?”
For the first time in his life Charlie seriously considered passing out. His vision blurred and his brain whirred like a ceiling fan set to hyperspeed. “I don’t know. Both? Neither? One or the other? I don’t fucking know.”
Will breathed in and out, his expression still calm, as if he really wasn’t disturbed by the idea of Charlie being gay or wanting to sleep with him. Charlie envied his tranquility. He could have used a touch of that himself right now.
“Well, maybe we should… try it and see what happens,” Will finally proposed.
Charlie blinked in bafflement. “Uh… try what exactly?”
Will’s cheeks pinked and he coughed. “C’mon, you know. Making out, sex.”
Charlie’s jaw dropped so far he practically heard his jawbone snap. “What?”
“You’re my best friend. I don’t mind if it helps you figure some shit out.” Will gave him a shy smile. “I told you, I’m sexually fluid. I believe in that. And even if I didn’t, you’re still my best friend, and I’d want to help you.” He gently punched Charlie on the arm. “Besides, it’s not like we haven’t jacked off together before.”
Scowling, Charlie rubbed his achy arm. “Geez, stop punching me, dickwad.” Then he tried to make some sense of everything. “Aren’t you, like, worried that our relationship will change?”
“So? Change is a normal part of life.”
“Yeah, sure. But friends aren’t supposed to fuck.” He shook his head, baffled. “Things are changing so damn fast, I’m having trouble keeping up. Me liking dudes, you wearing makeup.”
Will sighed. “I just sort of realized that I like the way it feels and looks. Or does it make me look stupid?”
“Nah. You looked hot.” Charlie rolled his eyes. “Or weren’t my boners enough of a clue?”
Will chuckled, his skin ruddy again. “Well, yeah. Kind of flattering.”
“So I stroke your ego and you stroke my dick? That the deal you’re proposing?” Charlie bristled for reasons he couldn’t quite define. He was ashamed of his conflicting emotions.
“Argh. Don’t make me hit you again, dude. Still just trying to help out. Or… did that idea never really occur to you? That I could solve some questions you have? Me specifically?”
Charlie blew out a breath and nodded, half reluctantly. “Last night, yeah, I thought about it. But… you’re my best friend. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost that ’cause I couldn’t keep my fucking dick in check.”
Will smiled softly. “You’ll never lose me. Nothing could ever make me hate you or dump your ass to the curb. We’ve got plans for college, and I fully intend to follow through. We’ll be best buddies even when we’re old and gray and feeble.” Then he made a big show of looking at his wrist as if he wore a wristwatch, which he didn’t. “So, are we doing this or what? An attendant will come here soon to turn up our beds and bring us breakfast. Yeah, I made another ‘generous donation’ to ensure last night’s magic repeated. We also have to make an appearance with the others or they’ll boot you out of the camaraderie club, and I don’t want that to happen.”
If Charlie had loved Will best before, which he had, now he was certain that regardless of what happened between them today, nothing would be lost. They’d be best friends forever. Because Will had promised, and Charlie believed him.
“Okay.”
Chapter 10
THERE WAS only one thing left to do before Charlie and Will could get down to business.
And Charlie found her on the lower deck, chatting with their friends.
“Hey, Ash. Can we talk in private for a moment?” Charlie waved Ashley to follow him.
“Sure.” With a look of casual curiosity, Ashley walked with Charlie to the doors leading to the gangway between train cars. The clang of the train was louder there, and the smell of engine oil and dust increased as well. “What’s up? I thought we weren’t meeting until lunch at the dining car. Is something wrong?”
Ashley’s concerned tone made Charlie feel guilty. But he couldn’t continue to lead her on.
“Look, I’m really sorry to do this here, but….” When the time came to say the actual words, Charlie’s throat clogged up from an emotional lump. He didn’t want to hurt her. But how could he avoid it? The truth would damage their relationship no matter the outcome. As would lies.
“You wanna break up.” Ashley’s words came as a statement, not a question.
Charlie stared at the floor, half hoping it would open beneath his feet and swallow him whole to hide his shame. “Yeah, sort of. Sorry.” He shook his head. Man, he really needed to work on his communication skills. Then he caught on that Ashley hadn’t really sounded all that surprised. “Wait. Why aren’t you—”
Ashley offered him a rueful smile. “Look, I was there too, remember? Last weekend when you had your freakish meltdown. I can connect the dots. What you did to Will….”
Charlie felt blood drain from his face, and he gulped down a fear that he’d lose another friend. It would be logical and what he deserved. The second layer of fear involved exposure as sexually different. “I’ve apologized to him. He forgave me. Dumbass that he is.”
“Will’s awesome, isn’t he?” Ashley grinned, still sounding and looking upbeat. “I figured the cause of your train wreck—pardon the pun—had something to do with seeing a guy looking like a girl. Stop me if I’m wrong.” When Charlie didn’t speak, Ashley harrumphed, but not unkindly. “You really need to work on your delivery, sweetie.”
“Sorry,” Charlie muttered.
“Charlie, you’re great, but we’re about to go off to college and… and build our careers and lives and all that jazz. I love you, but lately it’s been more like friends hanging out than romantic gotta-have-you-now moments. I have a hunch you agree with me.”
Charlie sighed, slumping. “Yeah, I guess.” He took her hand, shaking. “Ash, you’ve got to believe me. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I believe you. Dolt.” Ashley bussed his cheek. “The truth is, even without the fiasco last weekend, I probably would have broken up with you soon. I’m going to a different college in a different town. I didn’t want you to continue thinking we were going places as a couple. And long-distance relationships are a hassle even for people who aren’t busy earning their degrees.”
“Yeah.” Charlie could only agree. This was for the best. “We can still be friends, right?”
“Of course. Silly.” Ashley glanced over her shoulder as if to ensure they were alone. Then she leaned closer and whispered, “Does your outburst mean you like guys?”
Charlie felt blood flood his face till he felt like he was boiling inside. “Y-yeah, maybe, I guess. Not sure.”
Ashley nodded slowly and smiled consolingly. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me. I don’t out people. And sounds like you’re still figuring things out. I get it. And we, sweetie? We’re cool.” She released a long breath, almost an explosion of air. “To be honest, I’m actually happy that I don’t have to pretend to still be your girl when we get to the lodge. That’d be awkward for both of us. I kind of like us just being friends.”
“Yeah.” Impulsively, Charlie pulled Ashley into a heartfelt hug. “Thanks, Ash. You’re the best. You’re gonna make some guy really happy.”
Ashley laughed. “My career comes first, men a distant second. I’m not going to build my life around men. I’ve got my own plans for the future.”
Charlie grinned. Ash was such a feminist. “Not everyone needs to have babies.”
Ashley pulled back with a look of pure horror. “Thank the fucking gods! I’m not a host or a punching bag. I’m my own woman and a human being. Sex and romance are nice, don’t get me wrong, but they’re not the end of all things. Neither is home, husband, and babies.”
“It’s not for everyo
ne,” Charlie agreed.
Cassie peeked past the corner and hollered, “Hey, Ash, you coming back or what? Ricky’s cheating at cards, and Phoebe’s taking off her bra.”
Ashley grimaced. “Coming.” Cassie disappeared, and Ashley faced Charlie again with an encouraging smile. “I’m still your friend. We’re all your friends. So don’t vanish into a hidey-hole. If you’re gay, then you’re gay. If you’re… whatever, that’s cool too.” She started to back away but kept holding his hand until they could no longer touch. “Don’t forget lunch. That goes for both of you.”
She winked at Charlie as if she understood exactly what he and Will meant to each other. Perhaps she did. Charlie realized it didn’t matter. Ashley wouldn’t judge. And maybe their friends wouldn’t either.
Coming out might not be such a terrible tragedy or a crappy catastrophe after all. Being bisexual or omnisexual or whatever carried a stigma—he might be designated as greedy or indecisive or some other bullshit. That much he knew, having done research about the subject with Will.
Heck, maybe Charlie wasn’t even bi. Regardless, he preferred to keep his options open. Nothing needed to be decided this instant.
Besides, his friends mattered; the world less so. For now, at least. And hell, if Charlie didn’t like how the world viewed bisexuals, then Charlie would change the world. One bigot at a time.
Even if that uneducated ignoramus was himself.
CHARLIE RETURNED to the room suite. Will rested on the couch seat, watching the tablet. He looked up when Charlie entered, a worried expression on his face.
“How’d it go? Was she mad?”
“It was fine.” Charlie flung himself next to his best friend. “She’d suspected something all along after last weekend. We’re still friends.”
“Oh. That’s good.” Will portrayed relief with a shaky smile, relaxed stance, and eyes full of joy.
“What’re you watching?” Charlie inquired, peering at the tablet.
The song “Midnight Train To Georgia” was playing. Will beamed. “Just listening to your train playlist. Didn’t wanna start a movie until you got back or… in case we got busy.” He scrolled through a list of videos while the music played. When it ended, he declared, “I think I wanna watch this silly Steven Seagal movie. Sounds perfect for this insane trip of ours.”
Charlie chuckled. Apparently they both needed to decompress for a time before jumping in the sack… or whatever. “Cool. Under Siege 2: Dark Territory it is.”
So they sat next to each other for an older action movie set on a train, eating candy and drinking sodas. Afterward they talked about college, how Charlie had designs on joining a local jazz band to play sax, and how Will planned on eventually landing an internship in environmental photography, or maybe even journalistic photography if he felt really adventurous. Thus far it was just dreaming out loud, but they could make those dreams a reality.
Then, before either of them could get cold feet, they faced each other and knew this was it.
Chapter 11
CHARLIE AND Will settled side by side on the couch seat, their backs against the backrest, both again half-dressed. Thankfully the couch was still turned down into a bed.
“Here.” Will offered his hand for Charlie, and slowly Charlie took it. Will was glad it seemed easier for his best friend to touch him this time. Their bodies pressed together, ankles and thighs, hips, arms, and shoulders. “Relax. I’m not gonna bite.”
His teasing tone made Charlie chuckle, at least. “Maybe I wouldn’t mind,” he jested.
Despite his daring words, Charlie radiated nervousness. Will squeezed his hand. “I’ll do my best to remember that. Let’s start with a kiss, eh?”
Charlie licked his lips, so he clearly wanted to. But he fidgeted in agitation, so he had to have doubts. Will didn’t know what to do to ease the heavy tension between them that made the fragile situation harder than it should be. After all, they trusted and cared for each other.
“C’mon,” Will cajoled gently. “It’s just a kiss.”
Charlie frowned, his expression revealing his dislike of Will’s definition. “There’s no such thing as just a kiss between friends.”
Will had to concede that truth. “Yeah, no. So… what do you wanna do?”
Charlie’s skin was hot and sweaty against Will’s palm, his fingers quivering. He faced Will slowly, his action hesitant, his eyes wild—half-scared, half-lustful. Then he leaned in, his focus on Will’s mouth, intense. Will followed suit, equally leisurely in his movements, not wishing to frighten off the man he’d vowed to help find answers.
Their lips came together, soft and fleeting like the wind. Charlie shivered against Will, who, to his own surprise, vibrated with anticipation and excitement as well. He postulated that the reason was his flexible sexuality, not his best friend specifically.
Charlie was warm against Will. Then his tongue tentatively swept across Will’s lips, and Will opened up to meet him. Their heads tilted as their lips sealed and their tongues entangled. A hot, wet touch sent Will’s heart into a fluttering frenzy, and his cock throbbed with need. Maybe it had been too long since he’d had sex.
Charlie cupped Will’s cheek with one hand and threaded the other through Will’s hair to his neck to keep him close. Will fisted Charlie’s T-shirt at the waist, wrinkling it. Then he started to push it up to get it off. Without breaking the kiss, Charlie raised his arms.
They were forced to separate when the fabric got in the way. Charlie’s eyes glowed dark, and Will was certain his own mirrored the lust he saw in those hidden depths.
“S-still okay?” Will murmured, his voice cracking.
Charlie nodded assertively and took Will’s lips again, smashing their mouths together in a ravenous kiss. Guess there was no need for further reassurances or encouragement. Will liked this side of Charlie, the one that lost all doubt when passion swarmed him.
Then Charlie’s deft fingers fumbled with Will’s boxer briefs, groped the bulge, and slipped underneath to feel him up for real in all his naked glory. Will’s cock seemed to fit perfectly in Charlie’s eager palm as he stroked him, his grip harsh and tight at first, then gentling.
Will decided to return the favor.
Since Charlie was wearing his underwear, Will could cop a feel. He fondled Charlie’s cock, rubbing his palm and fingers up and down Charlie’s rigid length through his boxers.
Charlie’s hips jolted upward and he groaned into the kiss. “Mmm-hmm….”
Will smiled at his instant success. He slithered his way into Charlie’s underwear and took a firm hold of his dick. Charlie jerked and grunted again, then kissed Will deeper, hungrier.
They caressed each other’s erect cocks, neither really exposed, neither really watching what they were doing, both guided by instinct and desire.
Will pulled back from the kiss to take a deep breath. He felt flushed, as though he’d been dipped in hot, sticky liquid from head to toe. “Charlie? Do you… would you like me to… I could do it, you know.”
Charlie frowned, clearly baffled. “Do what?”
Will thought it best to add a little levity. “Want me to blow your sax?”
Charlie’s eyes widened. Then he blinked hard. Then he burst out laughing till he had tears in his eyes. “Geez, how long’ve you been holding on to that one?”
Will smirked. “Since the start of this trip. You brought your sax, and I… well, maybe I saw this coming.”
Charlie blinked again. “You mean… us? Doing this?”
“I guess.” The admission wasn’t easy for Will. He didn’t have second sight. But the way Charlie had reacted to him had given Will an idea of what might be troubling his best friend. He hadn’t liked keeping a secret from him, but needs must.
Charlie studied Will for so long that Will felt like there was something he was missing. “I didn’t see it. Just so you know. So… how are you doing? Is this okay with you?”
Will smiled, meeting Charlie’s gaze. “I don’t mind kissi
ng you, if that’s what you’re after. It’s nice. More than nice, actually. Hot as hell, to be honest. Doing it again, like, a lot is no damn hardship. And as I’ve said all along, I’m flexible.”
“Fluid.”
“Right.”
Charlie pursed his lips, his expression pensive. “So would you consider, like, a friends-with-benefits type of deal?”
Will drew in a breath, surprised. “Are… are you serious? As in seriously suggesting that?”
Charlie visibly swallowed, uncertain. Yet his hand never left Will’s dick. “Maybe. For now at least. To see where we are, where I am, all that. Just say no if that’s not something you’d ever be interested in. Even for a friend. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.”
Will snorted. “Dude, I just offered to suck your dick. I think we’re way past acting coy.”
“Wait.” Charlie leaned back a little to stare at Will with a shocked expression. “Are you saying you’d actually be willing to do that?”
“I said as much, didn’t I?” Not all the bravado in Will’s voice was authentic, but he wanted to assure Charlie that they were good regardless of what they did together today or any day.
Charlie licked his lips. The gesture seemed more skittish than enthusiastic. “Listen, I don’t know….”
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, I swear,” Will reassured him.
Charlie chuckled shakily, rubbing the back of his neck. “Fuck, it’s not like I hate blowjobs, ’cause they’re fucking awesome. I just….” He met Will’s gaze, appearing ashamed and sad. “I can’t. Not with you. I just can’t. You’re my best friend.”
Will smiled. “And not your lover. I get it. Really, I do. ’Cause you’re my best friend.”
The profound relief that washed over Charlie’s face assured Will that he’d done the right thing. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Will quickly bussed Charlie’s cheek. “Love you, man.”
