by Meredith, MK
She hadn’t told Larkin about his Archer’s Angels plan. It was his brainchild, so it was important that he be able to share it himself.
Larkin offered. “He’s grown up. Maybe on the inside and out.”
Blayne jerked her chin to the side, her heart arguing with her head at every turn. “It doesn’t matter. My da warned me there was no honor in my actions or Jamie’s when we left Ireland. Jamie only proved that to be even more true when he chose his career and family business over me. That isn’t a mistake I’ll make again.”
“What mistake did you make exactly? Loving an eighteen-year-old? I hope you don’t make that mistake again,” Claire scoffed.
“Gross!” Blayne threw a pillow at her.
“So, what? You’ll just stay single forever?” Larkin popped another chip in her mouth.
Blayne raised her glass in a toast to her best friends. “It’s working for Claire and me. Maybe it’s not in the cards for us like it was for you.”
Claire raised a glass. “Hear, hear.”
“You two are dumb.” Larkin sighed. “This conversation is proof that celibacy isn’t working for either of you.”
Claire smirked with a raised brow at Blayne. “I can take care of myself for the time being.”
Blayne raised her glass in a toast. “That’s our girl!”
“But you don’t have to. Since a relationship with Jamie is off the table, I think sex with him should be on one. A big one. A big table for big sex. I’m talking an all-nighter, better yet, a 24-hour free-for-all.”
Heat rushed through Blayne’s chest with the thought as she laughed. She snatched Claire’s drink from her. “That’s it, you’re officially cut off.”
She saluted. “I don’t care as long as you go find Jamie and get off!”
The vision of Jamie’s naked torso clouded her vision as she tried to process Claire’s words amidst the echoes of laughter. Her pulse sped, her lungs constricted, and her fingers flexed under the onslaught of sexy horizontal memories. She’d have to be drunk or crazy to consider it.
So she tossed back the rest of her drink.
Chapter 7
At the insistent chiming of the lighthouse bell a few days later, Jay opened the door to find berry-colored lips pressed into a resigned thin line.
“This is a surprise.”
So surprising, adrenalin still pumped through him. The sight of her was both a salve to his soul and punch to the gut. She had her hair piled on top of her head, and his fingers itched to remove the pins, to see those thick, shiny locks fall to her shoulders.
She’d slap him, no doubt about it.
But ever since feeling her weight against him in nothing but her skimpy underwear—the look in her eyes, the hitch in her breath—he hadn’t been able to think of anything else. There was something about her that made him feel like he was unraveling, but she was the only thing that could keep him together at the same time.
Made no God damn sense.
“I’m not here for you.” She cut right to the point.
He dipped his chin. For every moment she softened toward him, another only showed that her resolve to keep her distance had strengthened. He didn’t blame her, but he wanted to.
He’d just have to work harder.
Opening door farther, he stepped away. “Come on in.”
“Nope.”
He hesitated, drinking in the sight of her.
She had on her overalls again, which only filled his head with ideas that would get him killed. Instead of her signature wedges or heels, her feet were covered in a pair of bright yellow Converse sneakers.
“No?” He rubbed his chest in confusion, delighted when her eyes followed the action and went dark with her dilating pupils.
She shook her head. “I made that mistake already. We don’t seem to do well in confined places together.”
The memory of her straddling his body jerked his dick to attention. “Actually, Bean, I’d say we do very well in confined places.” His voice dropped an octave with the memory.
“Too well.” She lifted one side of her lip in an Elvis scowl and dismissed the direction he’d hoped to take the conversation.
But he had to try. Anything to see that heat in her eyes or the unconscious way she darted out the pink tip of her tongue and licked her lips.
Fuck.
“We need to go over our options for directors, so we can vet out those we want on the board,” she said.
“But we can’t do this inside?”
“Nope.”
It made sense, and nothing made him happier than the fact she didn’t trust herself with him. His dick agreed.
If she worried, then she still cared.
And if she cared…then maybe there was still a chance for them.
“Fine. Let me grab my sneakers.”
He felt her eyes on him as he shoved his feet into his Nikes, wishing he knew what was going on in that head of hers. It would take time, but he’d find out. Maybe he’d even break some ground today. They needed to develop a friendship once again if he had any hope of something more. And God damn, he wanted more.
It had always boggled his mother’s mind that he insisted on taking on the hardest challenges, but he’d learned long ago, they paid off the greatest reward.
And nothing was greater than Blayne MacCaffrey.
He joined her and closed the door behind him. “Don’t we need to take notes, make our list, and brainstorm?”
“I know this town. As soon as I get home, I’ll get everything we discussed down on paper and you can approve it. We can set up a meeting next week to get a feel for who’s interested.”
“Did you just give me permission to approve something, and I didn’t have to win a game or bet first? I’d say this is progress,” he teased, grabbing her hand.
She resisted at first but soon fell into step.
“There’s a tree Ryker and I loved to climb when we were kids. Come on, I’ll show you.”
They made their way past the fountain in the circle drive and the memorial going up next to the newly built well where Archer’s old well used to be. Her gaze lingered. Her frown made him want to wrap her in his arms and promise that bad things wouldn’t happen.
“We’re climbing trees now, are we?” She tugged her hand away.
He released it, not wanting to push her limits, but the loss was immediate, and he flexed his fingers against empty air.
Leading her down the path toward the woods, he laughed. “Please, I can’t think of anything you wouldn’t climb. From what I hear, that includes the corporate ladder.”
“For a bit. But it didn’t suit.”
They broke into the ethereal world of the cape woods, all the noise of reality muffled into a soft hum of life and potential. “I’ve always loved it here. There’s something so special about this property. It’s like we’ve stepped into another world. Reminds me of home.”
The mention of Ireland was like tightening a noose around his neck. “When was the last time you were home?”
He slowed. “Please tell me you’ve gone home.”
She ignored him as they passed a small bench and hummingbird feeders near an active apiary. A little grin spread her red lips wide. He could stare at that smile for the rest of his life and never get bored.
“What?” he asked.
“Larkin. She’s afraid of bees.”
“But Ryker’s a beekeeper.” He watched the hum and activity of the box. Ryker’s grandfather used to take Ryker with him as a boy. Jay was glad to see his friend reconnecting with his good memories from the Cape. Lord knows the bad ones were too awful to think about. “Has he convinced her to give it a try yet?”
She rose a brow. “Larkin? No way. In fact, she almost killed them both running from a few irritated bees up in the lighthouse lamp room when they’d first met.”
He shook his head. “Those stairs are no joke.” They came upon a big oak that was wider than it was tall.
Walking to the base, he patted
the trunk then tilted his head to stare up the length toward the top. “Here she is. I’ve missed you, Daisy.”
“You named a tree Daisy?”
He shrugged. “Ryker and I always thought she looked like a flower because she seemed to bloom so wide instead of being tall. You haven’t answered my question.”
The limbs of the tree started at about chest height. Jay grabbed on to one, then swung his legs up to another and leveraged to a sitting position. As expected, she followed suit on a thick branch next to him. Seeing her straddle the thing made him jealous as hell.
“I couldn’t.”
“But I never dreamed you’d stay here all by yourself,” he said.
“I never dreamed you’d leave.” She returned, using the branches above her to stand, then climbing two limbs above him.
He followed, hoping the weight of his guilt wouldn’t yank him to the ground.
With his arm looped around a branch, he held her gaze. “Blayne, I was a selfish, eighteen-year-old bastard.”
“Why did you ask me to come with you?” Her softly spoken question shredded his soul.
It was time to splay it wide open. “I fell head over heels in love with a Bean Laoch, my warrior.”
She rolled her eyes. “If you’re not going to give me an answer—”
“But I am. I loved you, never stopped.”
Turning away from him, she closed her eyes.
He wanted to wrap her in his arms, to take it all back. Desperation and determination warred with how to show her he’d changed. Grown up.
“No excuse I have is going to make it okay. I was selfish, driven. Too often given everything I’d wanted but desperate to prove I’d earned every bit of it. I thought I couldn’t say no.”
“So, you left.”
Rubbing a hand over his face, he nodded. “By the next morning, I’d figured out I’d made the biggest mistake of my life, but I knew I’d have to prove my worth to you before showing up at your door.”
She snapped her head around. “What?! You were going to come home?”
“I had the return tickets bought, but I kept playing our last conversation over in my head. You said if I left to never return.”
Incredulous, her mouth dropped. “So, it’s my fault?!”
His error caught too late. “No. Never. None of it was you. That’s not what I meant.”
She moved to climb down, but he grabbed her arm. “Don’t touch me.” She ground out, her eyes shiny with tears.
Fuck.
“Just wait a second.” He kept her by his side. “I didn’t mean it like that. Fuck, Blayne. I ditched you, for Christ’s sake. There was no way I could show my face to you again until I proved myself. Until—”
“Stop.” She trembled. “Stop with all the proving shit, Jamie. I never asked you to prove anything to me. I loved you.” The words ripped from her throat, and she stopped to swallow.
“I loved you for you. I didn’t care that you were an Astor or where we lived or if you were given everything you had. I loved how hard we played, how hard we worked…how hard we loved. You broke me.” Her breath caught, and he reached for her.
“No.” She stiffened. “Give me some space.”
The pain in his chest was suffocating, but he’d deal with it tenfold if he could take away the pain he’d caused her.
Yet there was so much more, so many reasons he’d thought staying away was the answer.
Jay had loved his childhood, the events and travel and opportunities. He loved and respected both of his parents. They were an adoring, close-knit family. Always there for each other even when they were apart. “Family first” was the motto drilled into him since he could talk.
But his mom had always been left behind while his father had pursued success. When his father was home, he’d take his mother on a trip as if it were the solution to all her loneliness—a passport payoff of sorts. At least that’s how it had seemed.
How could he ever get her to understand that he’d refused to make her live the solitary life hoisted onto his mother’s shoulders?
Or his need to prove that he was much more than just the heir to the Astor throne?
And as James Alexander Wilmington Astor the III, it had been his duty to follow suit. More so, he’d been determined to show everyone he’d deserved to. His drive to succeed in the short term had blinded him to what he’d wanted in his future.
He hadn’t expected the opportunity to come when it had, and he’d thought they’d have more time. He thought he had time to establish a relationship with her and find a different way for the next Mrs. Astor to live that would be more fulfilling. But his sense of duty, his drive to succeed hadn’t been her responsibility.
He’d talked himself into believing it was kinder to encourage her to go home to Ireland and live a full life than one dictated by the ties of his family’s history. Always left waiting for him to come home.
He shook his head. “Blayne.”
She climbed higher. “I’m not talking about this anymore.”
The tightness in her voice was more than enough warning, but he had to do the hard thing and pursue it anyway.
Joining her in the middle of the treetop, he straddled the branch she was on and faced her.
“Look.” He adjusted his position. “I couldn’t ask you to keep following me around because of my family business.” Regret piled so high, he could barely see around it.
She stared him in the eye. “You never asked. You explained, but you refused to discuss it. You decided for me…which I hated the most. As if I didn’t have an intelligent thought of my own. And then you left me, Jamie. You left and never hesitated.”
“I did. I told you.”
“But you didn’t.” She leaned against the trunk. “If you had, you’d have known I’d stayed. If you had talked to me, you’d have known that I could not go running to my da after hurting him the way we did.”
The sorrow in her eyes tore at him.
“He warned me. Did I ever tell you that?” she asked softly, her voice thick. “He told me our haste and our actions were selfish. But I ignored him because nothing was going to keep me from being with you.” She closed her eyes against the sight of him. “But you didn’t feel the same for me.”
He shot his hand out. “No. Blayne. That’s not—”
“You left,” she interrupted. Two words that told a story he was ashamed to star in.
All the years flashed through his mind. Holidays, birthdays, simple weekends. She’d missed them all. Trying to protect her from himself, from his mother’s lonely existence, only left her lonelier than she ever would have been as his wife.
Hell, he’d hate him, too.
“Wow. That is the truth of it, isn’t it?” she whispered, her lip trembling. “All this time, I’ve been so mad at you, but I’m the real one to blame. I should have never left Ireland.”
He shook his head. “What we had was special. If you hadn’t come with me, we would have never—”
Bewilderment widened her eyes. “Never what? Broken up? Been alone? None of it mattered. I devastated my father, abandoned my siblings…and for what? A boy who didn’t really love me.”
She blinked and gazed past him, with a shudder. Her eyes roamed the landscape behind him for a few silent moments. “But I never would have had this. I do have you to thank for that.”
He tried to swallow, but his throat closed at the finality in her tone. Glancing over his shoulder, he stared across the cape toward the lighthouse and the Atlantic beyond. It was a breathtaking view and somehow made his actions worse than he’d imagined.
“I’m sorry.” He wanted to shout at her for saying he didn’t love her, but the truth was, he had to take responsibility for his actions back then. “I fucked up, then convinced myself I was doing what was right. I made a huge mistake, but you can’t say I didn’t love you. We were best friends.”
“Friends?” she scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Friends don’t abandon each other, Jamie.
Larkin would never walk away from me like that.”
His gut twisted as she seemed to slide further away even though he could reach out and touch her.
“We work together. We dated once upon a time.” She leaned toward an adjacent branch and grabbed on, then slid her legs from the one they shared. Branch by branch, she made her way down the tree until she paused and looked back up at him through the newly budding branches.
The hollow look in her gaze dropped all his hope like a stone in his gut.
“But we are not friends.”
* * *
Blayne forced the words out. She had to make Jamie think there was nothing between them in order to keep herself from running to him. The sincerity in his eyes, the passion in his voice had tugged at her in such a way that she wanted to abandon all thoughts of reason and open up to him once again.
She couldn’t let that happen.
It was time to get on with her life. To connect with her family. She’d learned a very hard lesson about trust, about who and what she could count on.
Love certainly wasn’t it. It came with conditions and ultimatums.
Larkin loved her. But she wasn’t her friend’s priority and shouldn’t be.
Her da told if she left to never come back. The words had torn her in two and must have been a family motto since she’d been guilty of the same with Jamie.
Karma may have been sending her a message, but so had common sense. She was not destined for a forever love. A heavy weight forced a sigh from her lips as she slipped to the earthy floor, the crunch of dried leaves and pine needles reminding her of the consequence of trusting someone—of loving someone.
So here she was, faced with all the feelings she wasn’t good with, and had to find a way to stay strong. The answer was keeping the one man she’d ever loved at arm’s length.
He dropped down beside her, the vibration of his landing reverberating through her body. “The hell we aren’t.” His voice held an edge that skittered up her spine.
The stone gray of his eyes seemed to harden with the most delicious intensity when he was upset, and she tried to ignore the hold they had on her. “Look, we need to talk about the board of directors. As much as I hate admitting that Ryker is right about anything, we do work well together. So, let’s work.”
