Kerr smiled adoringly at the camera and it was clear he only had eyes for her. “Love you, baby,” he cooed, and her smile grew wider.
Turning her attention to me she sighed, “Piper, I get your world is all glamor and people ditching people and getting with others. Kerr is part of that world where our relationship may be constantly questioned, but I’m not.”
I wasn’t sure what she meant, and I felt my brow crease.
She shrugged, “I’m a private girl and I have two options: either I become a suspicious, needy person who follows Kerr around, or I trust him. Honestly? I don’t have to trust either of you, but I do. The one thing he promised me was if he met someone else he had feelings for he’d end it with me before anything happened.”
My heart immediately squeezed for her. To think I was party to something that may have made her feel insecure, hurt me. “Thank you for trusting him and for trusting this story is a pack of lies,” I told her.
“Don’t think I’m a fool blinded by love, Piper. I have my own reasons for tolerating Kerr being close to you. I can see what he has with you, and it’s a close friendship. Better he has that with you than be lonely, but I’d be a saint if I didn’t say sometimes it makes me feel jealous. You get to spend time with him—time that I don’t. I guess my trust in Kerr has to extend to you because you have opportunities with him I can do nothing about.”
“Opportunities? You mean to cheat?” I asked, my voice rising in disbelief. “I’d nev—”
“I suppose,” he said, cutting in as he shifted in his seat and his eyes darted to Kerr. He looked hurt.
“There is no opportunity, Louisa. I’m not interested in Kerr in that way and neither is he, in me. He loves you completely. The way he talks about you tells me that. Besides, if you knew my background you’d know I’d never go there. Even the hypothetical idea of this suggestion makes me feel sick.”
Kerr sighed and leaned into the screen. “I want you to look into my eyes when I say this, Louisa. Piper is a gorgeous girl, I can’t deny that, but she isn’t you. You’re all I want, babe. I’m yours.” Kerr didn’t take his eyes off the screen and Louisa leaned forward to touch it.
“I miss you, honey. Can’t wait until tomorrow,” she murmured quietly to him like I had ceased to be present. For a moment they stared silently at each other, then Louisa turned her attention back to me.
“Listen, fuck the media and their twisted lies. They take delight in splitting up genuine couples and we know that won’t happen here. Let them say what they want. We can’t stop them speculating. It’ll be fun to see how they spin it when I turn up in Chicago tomorrow night,” she said with determination in her tone.
My heart squeezed, “I’m sorry about the hugs,” I said. I had been so caught up in my own needs and how innocent the contact was, it never really occurred to me how damaging it could have been for Kerr. “It was selfish of me to need them, but I never drew anything from them except comfort. But I do want to explain the picture. Kerr had helped me down from a loading bay as we left the venue in Seattle, that’s all it was.”
“Kerr hugs everyone, Piper, and I’d rather he hugged you than any other girl so long as it's only in a friendly way. I know how much he misses me.” Her understanding blew me away.
Kerr was a stunning looking guy with an amazing personality. Simon was right. I doubted I could ever be as understanding if Simon hugged another woman and I had to deal with that.
“Piper’s the sister I never had,” he stated to Louisa. “It’s so weird because I’ve never really felt comfortable in the company of women because they usually try to hit on me. You know how careful I am about that, babe. We’ve spoken about how much I hate it and I could never hurt you. This is like touring with my best mate. I don’t get that vibe from this one,” he said gesturing toward me with his thumb.
Relief washed through me because every contact I had ever had with Kerr had been spontaneous; and his reaction of hugging me was instinctive to comfort me through times when I hurt.
Innocent as we had felt we were, we had Louisa’s feelings to think about, and my dependency on his support could have cost him his relationship. When the Skype call dropped, I shook my head as a wave of empathy struck me for Louisa and I burst into tears.
“Hey,” Kerr said, his hands reaching for my shoulders to comfort me.
“Please, don’t. That poor girl. I know you want to comfort me because I’m upset, but Simon was right. We know you are only reacting to my distress, but that girl feels as if she has no choice but to accept the story flying about us. It's hurt her, I can see that.”
“We’re solid, Piper. Louisa is a very level-headed girl.”
“And she’s being forced to behave like a doormat because of my behavior. Simon warned me about this and I ignored him. I waved his concern about how we looked together off and accused him of being jealous. He may have read us wrongly, but he knows a lot more about the gossip mill where the press is concerned and I know nothing. I’m so fucking flawed I can’t see the woods for the trees.”
Kerr looked down at his hands and rubbed them together, and for the first time I felt an awkwardness between us. His face looked solemn as he glanced up and his eyes met mine.
“So, I’m to change how I am… to stop the press spreading lies?”
“No, I’m saying we both need to think more. How we behave affects the people around us. Louisa said you hug everyone. I’ve never seen you do that with anyone apart from me. The only person who ever hugged me in my life before my new family was my mom.” Kerr narrowed his eyes like he was angry at my admission.
I sighed, “Well, once before… at home, I had one brief boyfriend. Two months we were together. His hugs were… different.” I sighed again as I thought how to best explain what I meant. “His hugs were linked to kisses and it was the only time he put his arms around me. We messed around a bit, but his hugs were always an awkward, clumsy prelude to a kiss.”
“I don’t see what that has—”
“Let me finish. When the man that saved me from destitution hugged me, it was the first time in my life I felt completely safe and comfortable when a man touched me. I can’t tell you what his protective hugs did for me as I absorbed the news about my mom… and then after her death. It was as if nothing could ever hurt me when I was with him.”
“And that’s how mine make you feel?”
I nodded. “They do, and I guess I’ve grown somewhat dependent on the hugs you’ve readily given me.”
“I can’t help wanting to comfort you. From all you’ve told me life has been so fucking difficult in the past. You’re the bravest girl I’ve ever met, and when I see you hurting it wrecks me.”
My heart clenched at his admission. “It’s not your job to make me feel better. It’s my job to grow stronger, become more resilient.” Kerr considered my comment and nodded.
“Maybe so, but I care about you and my natural instinct is to want to make you feel better.”
“Over Louisa’s feelings?”
His eyes widened. “Of course not, but I guess I’ve been naïve and pretty thoughtless too.”
Even with the mess of my personal life, I knew I could never allow anything to affect my performance. Fortunately, I had spent my whole life putting on a brave face, so I knew that wouldn’t be an issue.
The following concert after the story broke turned out to be my best, and Thomas said the offers were coming thick and fast as word got around about how talented I was.
Everything I had envisioned for myself had come to fruition. I should have been floating with excitement, However, Simon’s continued silence was breaking my heart.
Two concerts in two nights, one the day the story broke and one the day after, yet I saw nothing had prompted Simon to contact me. In the end I concluded either he hadn’t seen it, or he didn’t care.
Somehow after the fifth gig we performed, I managed to act as if nothing was bothering me, and after eating his food, Kerr retired to his cubby to spent a
couple of hours talking to Louisa. Although it wasn’t my intention to listen, I heard snippets of conversation.
When they spoke about the chat he and I had following the Skype call earlier that day, Louisa really had understood my position. Then she admitted to Kerr I was right in what I had told him. Louisa felt she had no option but to accept things as they were.
Climbing into my cubby, I realized how headstrong I had been about my independence and figured I had so much more to learn about how someone’s selfish behavior impacted on another. In that moment I cried.
Swallowing rapidly, I tried to stem the salty tears burning my throat as I weakly fought against an agonizing wave of anger and grief that flooded though me. Giving in to my feelings, I silently sobbed into my pillow and cursed God for taking my mom when I needed her most.
Chapter Thirty-One
Waking with a pounding headache, I fumbled for the buzzing cell vibrating somewhere in my bed. Eventually I found it and saw Chloe’s number.
“Morning,” I croaked and held my cell back to see the time. We had a day off when we got to Chicago.
“Are you okay, honey?”
“Sure. You?”
“Have you only just woken up?”
“Yeah,” I said sleepily and stretched out as much as I could in the confined space of my bunk.
“Thomas hasn’t spoken to you yet?”
My brow creased, and I shifted up on one elbow, propping my head up with my hand.
“No, why is there a problem?” I asked, suddenly more in tune with the concern in her voice.
Chloe sighed. “Have you heard anything from Simon?”
I swallowed roughly, my heart aching at the mere mention of his name.
“N- no, I haven’t,” I answered, ashamed by my admission.
Chloe’s breath hitched, “I see.”
“What do you see?” I snapped, frustrated because she wasn’t getting to the point.
“When was the last time you spoke to him?”
I felt my face flush with embarrassment even though she was on the phone.
“Piper, honey, are you awake?” Kerr’s voice sounded soft at the other side of the privacy drape to my cubby.
“Yeah, I’m speaking to Chloe at the moment,” I offered and tried to focus back on the conversation.
“Is that Kerr with you?” she asked.
“He’s outside my bunk,” I stated quickly, in the event she got the wrong idea.
“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that,” she replied, and I shook my head at my paranoia.
I sighed heavily. I knew she didn’t mean anything by it. “I know, I’m sorry. The article the other day has made us both defensive of the people we care about. Neither Kerr nor I want to give people the wrong idea.”
“You’re seeing Gibson tonight? I wish I could come but I have this thing with Mel—”
I smiled, “Its fine, Chloe. It’s all good. I’m glad you’re getting to spend time with Melody; she should always come first,” I interjected.
“This isn’t why I called. Look, there’s no easy way to say this other than to say it outright.” Her voice held a tinge of sadness.
“There are some pictures in the media today of Simon…” A shock of electricity shot through me and if I hadn’t been lying down, I was almost certain I would have buckled at the knees. Dread flooded through me and I knew what she had to tell me was going to hurt me.
“Sparky Mitchell, the lead singer from STLO band who died two years ago?” she said like she was asking a question, “He was one of Simon’s friends when they were younger.”
“And?”
“We all know first-hand how things can get twisted by the press reporting but there are some pictures of him all over social media. In them Simon’s lying on the deck of a yacht in the Caribbean with Sparky’s widow and her two teenage kids. He was linked to her before, a month or so after Sparky’s death, but they both denied there was anything going on between them.”
I remembered the article in the press at the time. It happened when I first went to live in the Barclay’s house and I’d overheard Simon deny there was anything in it.
Still, that knowledge didn’t prevent my chest from tightening as I fought for breath, because knowing how Simon was in the past gave me cause to think the worst.
My heart pounded so hard my lips buzzed with its pace and I cussed at myself for being so trusting and innocent to the ways of men. “I see,” was all I could manage as I choked back a sob.
“Don’t. Please don’t cry. I know you’re upset. I’ve been where you are, remember? Every other week there was someone new linked to Gibson the moment I wasn’t with him. The media was partly what Gibson was afraid of with Simon.”
Partly being the operative word; the other part was how Simon had been a player for the longest time. The words leopards and spots came to mind, and I pushed that saying out of my mind, refusing to judge Simon guilty until I had all the facts.
“Gibson is flying down tonight. For what it’s worth he hasn’t been able to speak to Simon himself, but to say he is furious would be an understatement.”
“I don’t want to see Gibson if all he’s going to do is lecture me with ‘I told you so’s,” I snapped angrily through another sob. Swiping at the tears staining my face, I shook my head at my own stupidity. Who did I think I was? How the heck did I believe for one minute I had what it took to capture and hold the attention of someone most women fantasized over?
The bare truth of it all was I didn’t want to face Gibson after the way I scolded him when all he had wanted to do was protect me against how I now felt. Digging deep, I fought for control of my feelings.
“Let’s not tear ourselves up until we know the truth of the matter, honey,” Chloe reasoned, offering me a fresh glimmer of hope. “You have to let Simon explain himself. Then you will be able to decide what to do.”
“Can I call you back in a bit? I’m needed out in the galley.” I lied through my teeth in a small shaky voice because I could feel my anxiety growing and I was seconds away from losing it. Chloe was hundreds of miles away and I didn’t want her to hear the full impact of how hurt I was.
When I cancelled out the call I crumbled completely, my heart felt crushed. Soaking my pillow with fresh tears I heard muffled sobs long before I realized they were mine.
“You okay, Piper?” Kerr’s caring voice came from the other side of the thin gray curtain again.
“You knew, didn’t you?” I stated in a flat tone.
“You decent?” he asked, concerned.
“Mm-hm” I said, wiping away my tears with the sleeve of my cotton pajama top. Pulling back the drape my heart cracked when I saw the devastating look of sympathy in his eyes when he first saw my face.
“Petra showed me the pictures when I went to get breakfast a few minutes ago.”
“It’s bad isn’t it?” I asked and sobbed into my hands.
“Hey, come here.” Kerr ignored my question and tugged at my sleeve to entice me toward him.
“No, Kerr. This isn’t your problem,” I said, angry he felt the need to comfort me. “I got myself into this mess… it’s my own fault for trusting him.”
“We don’t know what the deal is yet,” he reminded me, and I figured like Chloe, he was trying to make me feel better. “I mean there was no truth in the stuff about us,” he added.
“Let’s look at the facts. Simon hasn’t rung me. Not even after the shitty article about us. He couldn’t get away from me quick enough when I got back on this bus. He wasn’t even there when I turned around to look at him as I left. I’ve had one line of text in six days. Even that seemed like an afterthought because it arrived about two minutes before I went on stage… and there’s been nothing since. Nada.”
Kerr continued to try to pacify me, but I couldn’t accept any of the explanations he touted and eventually he accepted the best thing he could do was allow me to wallow in my pain.
Thank God for the day off. Fury and frustration mad
e my heart sink in my chest. Depression was something my mother had suffered with and until that night I had managed to keep my half-full glass attitude in check, but it had been much harder to do since Chloe’s phone call.
Somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to look at the pictures. I didn’t need to see how it looked to know how I felt. I felt it would have destroyed every precious moment I had spent with him in the past and it would make everything he ever said to me lies.
My resilience was only so strong and from what had happened to me in the past there were only so many knock-backs I was prepared to take.
Kerr couldn’t lift my mood. In the absence of my mom, the only person I wanted was Gibson. Even at that, I feared his lecture about how vigorously he had tried to protect me from Simon would piss me off more.
Then again, I had told him I was prepared for this to happen. It was one of the risks I had felt I had to take and it would appear the thought of being prepared and living out the reality of it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
The only constructive thing I could do was to pull myself together or risk Gibson turning on his band member. It was all a huge mess and the consequences of what I’d created were my own fault.
The least I could do was pretend to Gibson I had backed off. It was the only way forward I could see for him and Simon to remain bandmates and continue with M3rCy.
For some reason I felt relieved when we checked into our hotel in Chicago. I wasn’t sure if it was due to me seeing Gibson a few hours later or being off of the bus. It had felt monotonous since the conversation with Louisa and Kerr.
The relationship between me and Kerr just wasn’t the same. We were both being wary, and I hoped as time passed we’d find that natural affinity we had for liking the same things to bring our friendship closer again in the future.
During the night I had cried copious tears as I lay heartbroken about Simon. The way he had treated me was disgusting.
Piper: A Last Score Spin Off Page 27
