“Why did you do that?” Gina demanded.
Thinking fast, I blurted out, “His wife answered.”
“Well, I don’t blame you then. I hate her.”
I kept my hand on the receiver just in case Merlin decided to call back. If he did, I would have to make up something to say that would explain my presence.
“So what are you going to do now?”
“Can I wash my clothes here? I’ll stop by and see Merlin in the morning about getting some other clothes.”
“I guess, but don’t be making this no habit. Ain’t nothing in this apartment free, and I don’t have money to be wasting it on extra water and shit.” She lit up a cigarette.
“Okay, Mother, I get it. Just give me a few weeks to get on my feet and I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Humph. I’ll believe it when I see it. I’ve heard it all before . . . Just can’t do right.”
There was a hint of sadness mixed with sarcasm in her voice and it hurt. She blamed me for my shortcomings, but I blamed her. If she’d been more loving and nurturing, maybe things would not have turned out as they did. As it was, she pitted me against my brother from as far back as I could remember. I wanted to say all those things and more, but I was forced to suck it up until I could do better.
I placed my clothes in the washer and went into the spare bedroom to take a nap. Gina was still on the sofa watching television as I gently closed the door behind me. With any luck, her other half would be around when I woke up.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
GAVIN MILLS
I lay across the bed. Sleep claimed me, and almost immediately I fell into the same dream that had haunted me since the fateful day I tried to steal something else from my brother and ended up in prison behind the shit, trying to get my dick wet.
I’d made a date with this cute little honey named Cheryl who thought the sun rose and set in Merlin’s ass. She flirted with him shamelessly, but he wouldn’t give her the time of day. He was too busy trying to be a basketball star. One day I asked her out, and she accepted thinking I was Merlin. So I borrowed—actually, I took—Merlin’s car and picked her up. She didn’t live that far from our Covington home, so I wasn’t worried about not having a license. I’d practiced driving before and felt like I was competent enough to do it. Perhaps things would not have turned out as badly as they did if I’d asked permission to borrow his car.
Cheryl was looking hot when I picked her up. She came out to the car after I tooted the horn, and stood by the door with her arms crossed across her breasts. I could not remove my eyes from their swell.
She cleared her throat. “Aren’t you going to open the door?”
This bitch was tripping. I fought back the urge to ask her if her fingers were broken. I wasn’t used to playing the role of gentleman. For some pussy, though, I was willing to play along. I got out of the car, sauntered around the back, and stood facing her. I wanted a kiss but knew it was too soon to be taking it. I reached past her and opened the door. “You look nice,” I said as I closed the door behind her.
She seemed to unthaw with those few words.
“Thanks, Merlin, you look cute too.”
I was wearing black jeans, a black Frankie Beverly and Maze T-shirt, and a black hat. I walked back around the car with a little pep in my step. I was feeling cocky and sure of myself as I got back into the driver’s seat. Although, I never heard a single song that Frankie Beverly sang, he just seemed like the type of artist Cheryl would appreciate, so I borrowed the shirt from my brother. I didn’t actually borrow the shirt, ’cause that would require my asking his permission, so I guess you could say I stole it too.
“Where are we going?” Cheryl was looking in the mirror and putting on lipstick. She wore a tight pair of blue jeans and a yellow tank top.
My eyes kept going back and forth from the road to her breasts.
“Merlin?”
I heard her talking, but I forgot I was pretending to be my brother until she nudged me.
“Huh?”
“I asked you where we’re going.” Her voice was beginning to get on my nerves.
Up until this moment I hadn’t spent much time around her, so I never noticed the whiny quality in her tone. I was taking the shortcut though the Indian reservation when the car sputtered and jerked.
“What the fuck?” I muttered as the car quit moving altogether.
“Did you just run out of gas?”
In my haste to get the car out of the driveway before my mother stopped me, it didn’t even occur to me to check if there was any gas in the car. “Shit.” I hit my hand on the dashboard in frustration. All week long Merlin had been catching rides to school and work with his buddy Braxton Harris, but he never said why and now I knew. He hadn’t gotten paid and was broke. He couldn’t afford gas.
“Please tell me you didn’t run out of gas.” There was attitude in Cheryl’s voice.
This was not good. We were on a deserted part of the reservation at the bottom of the hill, which was a disaster waiting to happen.
“You are going to have to steer the car while I push it off the road.” I opened the door and went around to the back of the car.
“I don’t know how to drive.”
I wanted to tell her neither did I, but time was running out. “Just turn the wheel to the right and keep your feet off the brake. Put it in neutral.”
She slid over in the seat. Any hope of getting some pussy tonight went right out the window. I’d be lucky if I got a kiss on the cheek.
She put the car in gear and I started to push. Getting the car to move was harder than I thought it would be. I had to dig real deep before it began to move.
“Now straighten up the wheel,” I yelled, grunting with exertion.
“How do I do that?” she yelled back.
Ooh-whee, I was sick of her, I thought. Instead I said, “Turn it a little to the left.”
She stomped on the brake, stopping the car.
“Get your fucking foot off the brake.”
“Who the hell are you cussing at?”
That had to be a rhetorical question since we were the only people out here.
I counted to five before I answered, “Cheryl, please. We have to get the car off the road before someone comes and hits us.” I pushed again and the car glided to the right. “Okay, that’s good. Put the brake on and put it in park.” I leaned against the bumper as I tried to catch my breath.
Cheryl got out of the car and stomped around to the back. Her four-inch heels made a clicking sound on the pavement. “What now?” She had her hands on her hips and was working her neck like some ghetto chick. It was not a good look.
Wiping the sweat from my forehead, I said, “I guess we walk.”
“Walk? Are you out your mind?”
“Do you have another suggestion?”
She was quickly getting on my nerves.
“Merlin, there is no way that I can walk with these shoes on.” She was whining again.
“Fine, stay here. When I get some gas, I’ll be back.”
“You expect me to wait here all by myself?”
Her question didn’t even warrant an answer. I just wanted to get as far away from Merlin’s car as my feet would carry me. I had a couple of dollars in my pocket, so I was going to get some gas, drop this bitch off at her house, and park the car back like nothing ever happened.
I said, “If we stay here, we’re liable to get hit, so the choice is yours.” I opened the trunk. I prayed that Merlin had a gas can in there, but luck was not on my side. “Shit.” I slammed the trunk and started going toward Salem Road.
“Why are we going this way? My house is back there.” She was pointing her finger back in the direction we came from.
My blood was starting to bubble. “I have to get gas, don’t I?”
“But if we walk that way, we will have to walk back.”
“Duh!” I was done being nice to her, and if she thought I was going to walk her home first then go g
et gas, she was silly in the head.
“You don’t have to be an ass, Merlin. It’s not my fault you ran out of gas.”
So now the bitch wanted to play the blame game. I started walking again at a fast pace. The way I figured, the quicker I got the gas, the quicker I could get rid of this pesky clickety-clacking heifer next to me.
“Must you walk so fast?”
“I ain’t tryin to be out here all night. I told you you’re welcome to wait in the car.” I could tell that she was thinking about it, but while she was thinking, I was walking. The road going through the Indian reservation was dark and without a sidewalk, so we had no choice but to walk on the road.
“Did you see a flashlight in the trunk?”
Dumb bitch. “If I saw a flashlight, don’t you think I would have brought it along?”
“You don’t have to be so nasty, I was just asking a question.”
Once again, her comment did not deserve an answer. The walk was beginning to take its toll on me. We had just started up the hill when we heard an approaching car. Without thinking, I grabbed Cheryl’s hand and quickly crossed to the other side of the road. The car rushed past us.
“What are you doing, idiot? That car could have given us a ride.”
“And they could have run us over. Didn’t your mother ever teach you to walk against the flow of traffic?”
“You leave my mother’s name out your mouth.”
The second she said it I realized my mistake. Cheryl’s mother had passed away a few months before.
“I’m sorry, Cheryl, I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.” I felt like kicking myself. Even though she was getting on my nerves, I didn’t mean to hurt her like that.
She stopped walking. “We could have hitched a ride.”
“You would have gotten into a car with a stranger?”
She said, “I wouldn’t be alone, you would be with me.”
“What good will that do if they have a gun,” I started walking again.
“You wouldn’t throw yourself in front of a bullet for me?”
I couldn’t tell if she was being serious or not so I didn’t respond. I kept walking, and she started following me again. I was glad because I really would have hated to leave her.
“My feet hurt,” she whined.
I ignored her and kept on walking.
“How far is it to Salem Road?” she asked.
“After we get off this reservation, probably about two to three miles.”
“Miles? You have bumped your head. I’m not walking no three miles.” Once again she stopped walking.
“Suit yourself.” I kept walking.
“You’re going to leave me out here by myself?”
“If you don’t come on, yes, I will. We’ve got to get to the gas station before it closes and pray that they have a gas can for sale. If it makes you feel any better, we can try to get a cab from the station.”
She appeared to think about it for a minute before I heard the distinct sound of her heels clacking against the road.
“Some date this turned out to be.” She ran to catch up with me.
I ignored her chatter.
“I can’t wait to get back to school and tell everyone on my cheerleading squad what an ass you are.”
For a second I almost stopped, until it dawned on me that she wouldn’t be smearing my name, she would be attacking Merlin. A chuckle slipped from my mouth. Hell she didn’t even go to my school
“Oh, you think that’s funny?
I wanted to tell her so badly that it was, but I wasn’t ready to disclose my true identity. Cheryl would have never gone out with me in the first place. According to her Facebook page she was on the A–list at school, a good student, and the vice president of the senior class. A bad word from her would be the kiss of death. I, on the other hand, was a second-class citizen. I failed twice, was always in trouble, and if I didn’t find a way to cheat on our next test, I would more than likely fail again. So yeah, it was funny to me. I had nothing to lose.
“I wish your feet would move as fast as your mouth.”
She punched me in the shoulder. Part of me wanted to slug her but I held my composure. It wasn’t her fault that we had to walk, but it wasn’t mine either. If Merlin had put gas in his car, we wouldn’t be in the situation we were in.
She nudged me. “So what are you trying to say? Are you saying I talk a lot?”
“A hit dog hollers.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She started walking so fast that she breezed right past me. I didn’t complain because it gave me the opportunity to watch her ass jiggle in her jeans.
“I know you’re watching my ass. Take a good look, ’cause this is the closest you will get to it.”
This time I didn’t bother to stifle my laughter. She was so full of herself I just couldn’t control it. “Girl, your ass is okay, but I’ve seen better. Leave the jiggling to Jell-O and firm that shit up.”
She fell back in step with me and raised her hand to strike me as Braxton’s car came barreling down the hill. I don’t know what came over me, but something told me to push the big-mouth bitch, so I did. Her screams permeated the air. The awful sound of crunching bones met my ears. The car rolled right over her stomach-cutting off all sound.
“No!” I yelled.
Braxton was fighting to regain control of his car. I rushed to Cheryl. Blood was pouring out of her mouth, and her eyes were wide open. I knew she was in pain.
“Cheryl, I’m so sorry.”
She looked as if she wanted to say something, but her mouth was not cooperating. Tears streamed down my face. “I didn’t mean it. I swear I didn’t mean it.”
Braxton’s car finally managed to stop in the middle of the road. The passenger door opened.
“I don’t have a phone. Could you please call for help?” I pleaded.
“Gavin?”
I looked up, confused. The voice sounded so much like my brother’s but that just couldn’t be.
“Call for an ambulance, please,” I begged.
“Oh, God, what have you done?” Merlin ran toward me.
“It was an accident. I swear it was an accident.” I felt like I was losing control. Faces that shouldn’t be there were popping in and making me nervous. I saw my mother’s face. She had a perpetual frown. My father’s face had a look of disgust, but the facial expression that hurt me the most was my brother’s. His had a look of horror.
“Is that Cheryl? Oh my God!”
I tried to shake Merlins voice from my head, but his face remained. He was crying and yelling at me at the same time.
“What have you done?” Merlin leaned down and started beating me about the head.
Since I thought this was all a dream, I tried to protect Cheryl as best I could, but her eyes were no longer open. I prayed that she had passed out and was not dead.
“Gavin?”
Slowly, I came back to the present after reliving my first murder.
My mother stood over me. “Didn’t you hear me calling you? I need to wash some clothes so you need to get yours out the way.” She walked out of the room without another word.
I was glad that she snatched me away from the memory that changed my life, but at the same time, I was kind of pissed that she didn’t put my clothes in the dryer herself.
I guess that would have been too much like right. She had abandoned me when I needed her, so why should I expect anything different now? I retied the towel around my waist and went to finish drying my clothes.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
MERLIN MILLS
My heart was heavy as I closed the door behind me. This was not how I’d envisioned my homecoming. I had tackled the hardest part, which was leaving, so coming home from Iraq should have been the reward.
“Cojo?” I thought she would still be sitting in the living room, but she wasn’t.
“I’m here.”
I followed her voice to the kitchen. She was laying on the floor in the corner. She wa
s my queen, and I’d reduced her to this. I rushed forward and gathered her up in my arms. She did not fight me as I lifted her from the floor and carried her into our bedroom. As I walked, I left a trail of kisses over her face. My heart was beating double time. I could not believe that I had used my hands against the only person in the entire world who loved me unconditionally.
“Baby, I am so sorry.”
She started to struggle against me, but that only made me hold her tighter.
“Let me go.” She was fighting me now as if she wanted to hurt me, but I couldn’t let her go.
“Please, baby, let me explain.” I didn’t know what I was going to say to her that would make things better, but I had to try.
“You promised—”
“I know, sweetie, and it will never happen again. I lost my head for a minute and couldn’t see what I had before me.”
She didn’t have to finish her sentence because I already knew what she was referring to, and she was right. I did break my promise. When she pushed me this time, she appeared to have the strength of ten men. I fell off the bed.
“Fuck that. I will not be your punching bag. You disrespected me and our marriage. I’m leaving you.”
“Baby, you don’t mean that. Just give me a chance to explain.” I got up from the floor, and she scrambled over to the far side of our king-sized bed.
“I said exactly what I meant. You violated our marriage vows. I just need to think about how I’m going to get away from you.” A long wail followed her sentence.
Deep in my heart, I knew that she still loved me. I just had to find a way to bring it to the forefront. “Can I talk to you while you’re trying to figure this out?”
“Do I have a choice?”
I wanted to get mad about the bitterness in her voice, but I understood the role I played. “Yes, you have a choice, but I am begging you to please listen to what I have to say. I don’t want our whole marriage to go down the drain behind this stupid shit.”
She turned around and faced me. My entire demeanor changed. I saw the damage that I’d done to her face and wanted to whup my own ass.
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