Anna caught Luke’s gaze and there was a moment of connection there. Neither of them was enjoying themselves in this setting.
It might be better somewhere else, Anna’s response of a smile suggested. Somewhere without any of this crowd and noise. Somewhere they could be alone. Together. It had to be her imagination but Luke seemed to be silently in agreement. If nothing else, he certainly recognised the connection.
‘Drink, Anna?’ someone asked.
‘No, thanks. I’ve still got patients I want to check on before I head home.’
‘Definitely not for me,’ Charlotte said happily.
‘Or me,’ James chimed in valiantly. ‘I’ve climbed on the wagon with my wife.’
‘Oh?’ Ben’s smile broadened. ‘For how long, might I ask? Seven or eight months, perhaps?’
‘Um … actually, there’s something we probably should have told everyone quite a while ago now.’
The tray was still within reach and Josh’s wife swapped her empty glass for a full one. Anna caught the expression on Josh’s face. He’s embarrassed, she thought in surprise. He doesn’t want her drinking any more. No. The tension was deeper than that. It was hard not to get the impression that he wasn’t comfortable having his wife there at all.
She took another glance at the woman she’d never met before. Rebecca had the kind of grooming that came, in her experience, with women who had plenty of money and too much time to spend on how they looked. Flawless make-up. Shoulder-length hair that was beautifully cut and exquisitely highlighted. Her nails sported a perfect French polish and her figure might be curvy but it looked well toned.
Rebecca had also caught the look from her husband. ‘What?’ she snapped. ‘You think I’ve had enough?’ A tiny snort suggested that an unhappy exchange was nothing new to this couple.
It was Anna’s turn to feel embarrassed. She looked away to where Lucy was giving Charlotte a one-armed hug that wouldn’t disturb the sleeping baby in the sling. Ben and Luke were both offering their congratulations to James and they all seemed unaware of the sudden atmosphere Anna was separating them from.
‘Maybe I have had enough,’ Rebecca said, too loudly. ‘Of everything.’
‘I’ll order a taxi for you,’ Josh said. ‘I’ve still got some work I need to do tonight.’
‘Of course you do.’ Rebecca’s laugh was brittle.
‘Let’s go.’
‘When I’ve finished my drink. It’s not as if I have any reason not to, is it?’
Josh’s voice was too low for anyone but Anna to hear. ‘I think we should go now. This isn’t the place.’
‘But it never is, is it, Josh?’ Rebecca raised her glass but, to her dismay, Anna saw that the woman’s lips were trembling too much for her to take a sip and tears were filling her eyes. Debating whether she should say something when it was obviously none of her business, Anna was relieved to see Rebecca blinking hard. Making a determined effort to control herself.
But then she shifted her gaze to where Lucy was standing with her tiny baby and Charlotte had pulled her top tight to show off her rounded belly, and Rebecca’s face just crumpled. She pushed her glass at Josh and turned, tears streaming down her face as she fled. The others all turned in surprise.
‘Oh … God,’ Josh groaned. ‘Sorry about that. I need to. Would you.?’
‘Give it to me.’ Anna took the champagne glass and Josh elbowed his way through the throng in pursuit of his wife.
‘What was that all about?’ Lucy looked worried.
‘What happened?’ Charlotte looked bemused.
‘Josh and his wife. They didn’t look very happy.’
Oh, no. Was this social occasion about to become the kind of gossip session Anna refused to engage in?
‘Not everyone appreciates Christmas,’ Luke said levelly.
‘That’s true.’ Ben nodded and went along with making the subject about generalities. ‘Look at the increase we see in A and E for things like self-harm.’
‘The hype doesn’t help.’ Anna was more than happy to direct conversation away from colleagues and their probable marriage woes. She gave Luke a grateful glance and then waved her hand to encompass the party and all the decorations. ‘There’s this huge expectation put out that it’s going to be the happiest day of the year. Brimming with fun, family times and the best of everything. No wonder it just serves to underline what some people aren’t lucky enough to have.’
There was a moment’s silence and Anna could have kicked herself. Had she been responsible for the atmosphere in this group going from joy at James and Charlotte’s news to entirely unnecessary gloom? She bit her lip.
‘I’m just hungry,’ she said apologetically. ‘Take no notice. I might go and find a sausage roll or something.’
‘And I’d better take these guys home,’ Lucy said. ‘We need to pace ourselves to get through all the parties lined up for the rest of this week.’
‘And I …’ Luke was obviously trying to think of a reason to excuse himself as well.
No surprises there. The noise level around them was increasing. Music had been turned up to compete with the laughter and happily raised voices, and there was a new sound mixed in with the general hubbub. A sharp cracking. People cheered and then there were more muted bangs. Someone was handing out Christmas crackers and people were pulling them with gusto.
The sound was not unlike distant gunfire. Anna’s gaze flicked back to Luke. He didn’t like parties anyway. How much worse would this be when it couldn’t fail to remind him of being in a war zone? She could see his tension escalating. Instinctively, she found herself moving closer. Wanting to protect him. He looked straight at her and she had never seen him look so grim.
James was handed a cracker. ‘Here we go.’ He laughed, holding it out to Charlotte.
This bang was much louder. Charlotte squeaked in surprise, Annabel buried her face in her father’s shoulder and little Josh burst into tears.
But Anna was still watching Luke. She saw the exact moment he stopped seeing her. When his face took on the same expression it had had in Theatre that first day. One of horror.
‘Luke.’ Anna put her hand on his arm and she could feel muscles as unyielding as steel beneath her fingers.
‘Luke.’ Her tone was more urgent now. She had to get through to him. Snap him out of this flashback before anyone else noticed.
But he didn’t seem to feel her touch. Or hear her. He started moving away and seemed unaware of the people in his path. Someone got jostled and spilled their drink.
‘Hey! Watch where you’re going.’
Ben and James were watching where Luke was going. Anna caught the glance the two men exchanged. Frowning, Ben opened his mouth to say something but Anna shook her head.
‘I’ll go,’ was all she said.
It was quite easy to follow Luke. People were stepping aside like a wave as they saw him coming. Smiles faded from faces to be replaced with dropping jaws. Anna didn’t catch up with him until he was well past the doors of the canteen. She barely noticed Josh coming in the opposite direction. Good grief, this party wasn’t proving very enjoyable for more than one person.
Finally, she got close enough to catch hold of Luke’s hand but he didn’t stop. He towed her along until he reached the end of the corridor. The noise from the canteen was muted now, like the lighting in this junction that contained the lifts. Two big pot plants on either side of a bench seat had some tinsel draped over their leaves.
Luke stopped and his head turned swiftly from one side to the other. At some level he was making a decision on what direction to take next. He still felt just as tense. Just as distant.
Anna had to distract him. Bring him back to the present. She stepped in front of him and reached up to hold his face with both hands.
‘Luke …’ She tilted his face, forcing him to look down at her. ‘It’s me. Anna.’
He was still caught somewhere else. A long way away in time and place. Somewhere dark.
; Anna had to do something. Without thinking, she stood on tiptoe, still holding Luke’s face.
And then she kissed him.
CHAPTER SIX
LUKE knew that Anna was kissing him.
Just as he’d known that she had followed him from the canteen and had caught his hand. He’d heard the urgency in her voice.
But it had all been on another level of his consciousness. Maybe that was what it was like for people in a coma. Or coming out of one, anyway. They could hear the voices and feel the touch but there was a transition period before they were able to enter the same reality.
Something had snapped inside him with the sound of that cracker and he’d known he was getting sucked into a flashback. He’d tried to fight it off as he’d stormed out of the canteen. Tried to shut down the even louder cracks of the real gunfire he could hear. The explosions of landmines. The screams of dying men. But the pull had been huge. Even the smell of savoury food became acrid. Like smoke. Rusty. Like blood.
By the time he was in the corridor all Luke had been aware of had been the need to escape. To find somewhere he could be alone and bury his head in his hands until, somehow, he could wrestle the monster into submission and regain control. And then he’d felt Anna’s grip on his hand and heard her voice calling his name.
He tried to clear his head. Tried so hard. He wanted to get back to her. He was caught in the horror of a battlefield and she was there but not there. If he could just reach her, everything would be all right. Couldn’t she hear him shouting? That he was trying, dammit. Doing his utmost to get to her.
Maybe she had heard. Maybe that was why she was holding his head and pulling it down. Pressing her lips against his with such intensity.
God … he recognised this form of escape. Distraction. Release. An affirmation of life. Passionate sex that carried no strings because if you got involved you only risked more of exactly what you were using it to escape from.
How did Anna know?
It didn’t matter.
Luke could feel the force that had taken over his mind receding. He was in control again but instead of pulling away his lips moved over hers and his arms went around her body. He drew them both into the shadowy area between the bench and the giant pot plant.
He let his hands shape her body. Feeling the trim curve of her waist and the neat rounds of her buttocks and then up, beneath the layer of the tailored jacket. Up to the solid anchor of her shoulder blades and then around to the softness of her breasts. He cupped them and brushed his thumbs across the nipples that he could feel like tiny pebbles beneath the silky fabric of her blouse.
And all the time his lips moved over hers. Encouraged when they parted beneath his. Excited when his tongue made contact with hers. Aroused beyond belief when she responded, her tongue dancing with his and her hands touching his body.
This was Anna, for heaven’s sake! At work. The place where she had no personality or, at least, no personal life anyone was allowed to encroach on. Had she been drinking? No. She’d refused alcohol at the party because she had work she still needed to do. They were both sober. Sober enough to realise that this was totally inappropriate.
How long had they been standing here, locked in each other’s arms, lost in a flash of physical release that had exploded like a cork from a champagne bottle?
Too long. Not nearly long enough.
Had anyone seen them?
He had to stop but it was too hard not to taste her for just a moment longer. To hold her against the length of his body and imprint the feel of her into his brain. He would need that memory and it was too important not to make sure that it stuck.
He was kissing her back.
Anna had only intended to distract him. A brief, hard kiss that was supposed to have the same kind of shock effect that a slap on the face might provide to someone in the grip of hysteria.
But after that first stunned beat of time he had kissed her back. His lips had softened and moved beneath hers and his hands had touched her body and something inside Anna had simply melted.
He hadn’t seemed to hear her voice or know she was there as she’d followed him. Maybe he didn’t actually know who he was kissing. She could be anybody so she didn’t have to be Dr Bartlett, did she?
She could just be Anna.
An old version of herself, even. One that had been lost too many years ago to count. The young girl who had dreamed of finding true love. A prince who was going to think she was the most wonderful person on earth. Who would love her for being exactly who she was. For ever.
And layered on top of that dreaming girl were flashes of everything she’d discovered about herself later. The yearning for a soul mate. The ability to give love and the need to receive it. Wild things like a need for physical release. All the things that had had to be buried so that they couldn’t become a torment.
For just a few seconds Anna let herself sink into this astonishing kiss because she knew she would never experience anything like this ever again and she wanted to remember it, but the insanity began to fade and maybe she transmitted a tension that had nothing to do with desire. Something changed, anyway. She couldn’t have said who actually broke the kiss and pulled away.
Maybe they both did.
For a long, long moment they stood there, still close enough to touch but not doing so. Staring at each other. Anna could see it was Luke looking down at her, not a tormented soul who was caught in a different reality. He knew who he was. Where he was.
And who he had been kissing.
Oh … Lord …
Anna swallowed hard. How on earth was she supposed to handle this? And not just the kiss. She’d witnessed another flashback incident. He’d said it wasn’t going to happen again but it had. OK, so he wasn’t in the middle of surgery and it hadn’t endangered anyone, but there was no way her conscience would allow her to make excuses or ignore the implications of this.
She had a professional responsibility here and she had just complicated it to the nth degree by not thinking and by doing something as outrageous as kissing her new boss.
Then again … maybe that gave her a way in. An opening to talk about what had happened and what they were going to do about it.
She took a deep breath.
‘Feeling better?’
She knew. Too much.
Luke could feel himself closing off. Slamming mental doors in an effort to protect himself. To protect her?
‘Maybe I should ask you the same thing,’ he said coolly.
‘Sorry?’
‘You kissed me.’ He managed to sound offhand, as though it hadn’t blown him away. Like it hadn’t meant anything at all.
He could see the way her eyes widened in shock as though he’d physically slapped her. The way she collected herself and looked away.
‘You needed distraction.’
She couldn’t know. Not everything. Not that she was already a distraction that he held onto every single night. That she represented a kind of rope that he could use to haul himself back to where he needed to be. A link that he had now tied firmly into the horrors of the past but one that led back to the present. To the future. A rope that he just needed to run his hand along to save his sanity. He would get where he intended to go eventually, as long as he could feel it running beside him.
The rope had been formed largely due to the intrigue that the contrast between what this woman was like at home and at work had sparked. Appreciating the fact that she was an attractive woman had woven another strand into it. But this … this blinding demonstration of what physical passion she was capable of did more than thicken the rope. It had come alive. It was warm and soft and he could stay glued to it with no effort at all. He didn’t even need to touch it because a part of his mind could see it. Glowing.
‘It was the Christmas crackers, wasn’t it?’ Anna asked. ‘That sound like gunfire. You had some kind of flashback, like you did that day in surgery.’
‘Nonsense.’ It was. It had to be because if it was
n’t, it would mean he would lose his job and that was all he had to fill his future.
And if he lost his job, he would lose Anna.
‘I didn’t like the noise,’ he admitted stiffly. ‘I told you I didn’t like parties. I left because I’d had enough. The noise of the crackers was just the last straw.’
‘Do you actually remember leaving the canteen?’
‘Of course I do.’ And he did, in a vague, dream-like way. A background that had faded rapidly as he’d got sucked into the flashback. He remembered that Anna had been following him and … ‘I … bumped someone,’ he said aloud. ‘They spilled their drink.’
That surprised her. ‘You didn’t look like you were aware of what you were doing.’
‘I was … angry.’
‘Why?’
‘The party. The noise. All that food and drink and the silly costumes. It’s all such a waste of time and money.’
She wasn’t convinced. ‘You didn’t stop, Luke. You didn’t hear me calling you. I kissed you because I couldn’t think of anything else that might shock you enough to get you off whatever planet you were on.’
‘And I hope you plan to include that little gem in whatever report you’re obviously intending to make.’
A spark flashed in Anna’s eyes. ‘For God’s sake, Luke. This isn’t about reports or jobs or whether someone gets embarrassed. This is about the fact that if there’s any chance of you “losing focus” or having a flashback or whatever the hell that was really all about that you’re obviously not prepared to talk about, then you can’t operate on people.’
Luke watched the play of expression on Anna’s face. Her distress was all too easy to see in the frown lines framing her eyes. In the way her lips trembled.
‘I’m not out to get you,’ she said fiercely. ‘I want to help you.’
It was more than that, Anna realised as the words left her mouth. Had it been growing within her all the time she’d been watching Luke so carefully? Hoping to see him smile? Thinking so often about that short space of time when they’d been alone in her house and tumbling ever further into the confusion of her response to him. She could see the shadows that clouded his life and his eyes. There were things that haunted him and closed him off but she’d had a glimpse of the man he’d once been. Or could be.
St Piran's: The Brooding Heart Surgeon Page 8
