Baggage & Buttons
By C. J. Fallowfield
Kindle Edition
Copyright © 2014 C. J. Fallowfield
All Rights Reserved Worldwide
Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations and places or events, are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Image Copyright © 2014
Cover Art by Kellie Dennis at Book Cover by Design
www.bookcoverbydesign.co.uk
Foreword
Thank you so much for buying Baggage & Buttons, the eagerly awaited follow up to New Leaves, No Strings, book one of The Austin Series.
The series is designed to be read in sequence.
www.cjfallowfield.co.uk
www.facebook.com/cjfallowfield
Table of Contents
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Wednesday
Gabe Austin, what are you doing to me, I thought as I lay in my best friend Lexi’s bed, trying desperately not to cry again. My mind was still trying to process the fight I’d just had with him. He’d somehow found Lexi’s positive pregnancy test and had assumed it was mine, thinking that I’d lied to him about being a virgin and that my ex, Kai, had got me pregnant. Gabe had acted totally irrationally and had said some pretty hurtful things before Lexi had intervened and confessed she was the pregnant one, not me.
He’d been so upset and remorseful after, but he’d put me on the spot by begging for my immediate forgiveness when I was still angry. I hadn’t been sure I wanted to be with someone who could distrust me and wound me so deeply. I’d needed time to calm down, to think and I’d panicked and shut him out, retreating to the sanctity of Lexi’s bedroom, where I knew he wouldn’t follow, to be comforted by my best friend. I’d sobbed in her lap and she’d eventually made me get into her bed and had cuddled up behind me as I tried to sleep, but it evaded me.
I lay there thinking about the last week and a half since I’d started seeing Gabe. It had been amazing, he was so damn gorgeous and our sex life was just insane. With the exception of this fight, I also really enjoyed being around him, just spending time with him and I even missed him when we were apart, not that this was often, given we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. All of this was in total contrast to any of the relationships I’d ever been in before. I’d been physically distant and emotionally and sexually unavailable, determined to protect my heart, until I set eyes on Gabe and he’d immediately worn down some of my defences. It was like my mind and body had this uncontrollable attraction to him, my body especially. Just thinking about him could make my core quiver, my nipples stiffen and my clit throb.
I’d also not run when Gabe declared that he loved me, which was unprecedented. In the past, the minute any guy said those three little words to me I was off, like a Serengeti gazelle with a pride of lions hot on her heels, my only thought to protect myself from any heartache. I still found it really hard to accept that any man could love me, given my own dad didn’t, having walked out before I was born. Then there was my first boyfriend Alex … well … I’d adored him and he’d dumped me unceremoniously for refusing to have sex with him. The two of them had pretty much screwed with my head and my heart, leaving me trusting no men who followed.
There was something about Gabe though, something that I just couldn’t put my finger on. It was instant attraction, there again why wouldn’t it be? Surely no woman could be immune to his raw maleness. He was the personification of sex on legs and had the equipment to back up the title, he was seriously stacked. If there was a penis Olympics, Gabe would be awarded a medal position, he’d definitely be up on that podium. It wasn’t just his big penis though, or the fact that he knew exactly what he was doing with it, along with his fingers and tongue, nor was it his breath taking good looks, or muscular ripped swimmers body, that would make even a nun salivate. He was also charming, chivalrous, attentive, protective and funny, a seemingly irresistible package to woman kind, well definitely to me anyway, but more than anything he made me feel cherished.
Setting aside all of this however, something told me he was genuine, that he saw the real me, saw the damaged soul inside and yet he still really cared for me, or even loved me as he kept declaring numerous times a day. The fact that he hadn’t placed any pressure on me to make me feel the same way about him, or to have me say those words back to him, made it so much easier for me to hear and start learning to accept.
I lay there, with Lexi’s arm over me hugging me tightly and kept replaying the fight with Gabe in my mind, over and over again. Even though I was still furious at his actions, in some bizarre way they actually proved to me that he really did care. Why else make a six odd hour drive to find out the truth? To confront Kai and punch him for being disrespectful about me? Gabe could’ve just taken the easy option and walked away from me, shut me out to protect his own damaged heart, but he hadn’t. I recalled some of the words he’d said in anger and it was like a knife to my stomach, but when I thought about ending it and never seeing him again, that pain was even worse. I’d been so hurt that I’d said some pretty horrible things as well, just to inflict some pain on him, to hurt him the way he’d hurt me. I shed some more tears of frustration and when I could cry no more, I wiped my eyes dry on my sleeve and sat up rubbing my face.
‘Ok Mia, spill,’ demanded Lexi, making me jump.
‘Shit Lex, you scared me. I didn’t realise you were still awake.’
‘Of course I’m awake, you think I’d go to sleep without knowing you’re ok?’
‘O god Lex I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin your night as well.’
‘I’m fine, I can sleep anytime. Talk to me, what happened?’ she asked as I lay down and faced her. I sighed and filled her in on as much as I could remember, with many interruptions and hisses through the teeth on her part as I recanted our verbal eviscerations of each other. ‘No wonder you were both yelling at each other, I thought one of you was going to commit murder that’s why I stormed in.’
‘Lex his face as I closed the door on him … it was just awful.’ I covered my eyes with my hands and shook my head. ‘How could I do that to him, after what he must have gone through today?’
‘Well he put you through a lot today as well Mia, you were hurt and angry so you retaliated. He should’ve come to you first.’
‘I know that,’ I sighed. ‘I really think he knows that now too. He wanted to take his anger out on someone else before confronting me, I get that, even if I don’t like it.’
‘Can you get past this?’
‘Lex, you may not understand this, but I sort of already have. He seems to genuinely accept what he did was wrong. He just needed time to process what must’ve been a hell of a shock. Imagine if one of his ex’s came up and told me she was pregnant, I’d have hit the roof. We were both angry and tried to lash out at each other that’s all. In some sick twisted way, now I’ve taken the time to think about it, I actually feel more secure about us, if that makes sense?’
‘Not sure I’m following you on that thought process,’ frowned Lexi.
‘Well now I know how much he cares about me, to
what lengths he’ll go to protect our relationship. I’m just not happy the way he went about it, that’s all.’
‘Ok, yeah I can understand that,’ she nodded. ‘You’ve got to be clear with him though that this never happens again Mia, that he talks to you, doesn’t shut you out again or go and get all Terminator on people’s asses.’
‘I have been clear Lexi and I will be again when I next see him. He was so devastated, I think he was more distraught at having doubted me, than the actual thought that I was pregnant. Hhe even said he’d have stayed if I had been.’
‘I’m sorry I yelled at him. I was just so mad that he’d left you hanging all day with no contact and I’m kind of extra cranky at the moment, I think it’s these bloody pregnancy hormones.’
‘You were seriously cranky Lex, you went all Terminatress on his ass,’ I smiled. ‘The way you stood up to him for me was amazing and telling him your news to convince him …’ I shook my head, unbelievably grateful to have a friend like Lexi in my life. ‘I’m just so sorry that you were put in the position where you had to tell someone else, I know you wanted to keep it quiet.’
‘Well you could’ve just told him straight away that it was me that was pregnant to save yourself all the agro and you didn’t. How the bloody hell did he find the stick though? I shoved it in the pedal bin.’
‘Hmmm, that’s the one thing I’m still really unhappy about. If he was rummaging through it, spying on me, it’ll be Kill Gabe Volume I.’
‘You’d look so good kicking his arse in yellow leathers with a samurai sword,’ she winked.
‘Thanks, I’d like to think I would. God I loved those films, maybe we could do a Kill Bill marathon this Tuesday? Watching a bit of stylised violence may get some of this aggression out of me. You’d look better in those leathers though, you’re more Uma than me.’
‘I’d look so good in them, though I’d prefer black leathers with yellow stripes. I ought to contact her and offer to be her body double you know. I mean how many six foot actresses are out there eh? You’ve wet my appetite now. “When do you want to die? Tomorrow? The day after tomorrow?” you so need to use that line on Gabe.’
‘“How about tonight bitch”’ I giggled, thinking we spent way too much time watching movies and learning quotes. My mum had a lot to answer for, it was her fault we were movie buffs. She was a Film and Media studies teacher at the local college back home, as well as doing private elocution lessons, so Lexi and I had pretty much grown up watching everything with her, both the new and the classics leaving us with eclectic tastes.
‘O we’re so on,’ grinned Lexi. ‘Kill Bill movie night it is. Anyway, how have you left things Gabe?’
‘You mean other than me walking away from him when he needed me? I don’t know,’ I sighed, feeling an aching pit in my stomach. ‘I still want him, even with all this bloody drama. I’ve never wanted anyone like this Lex, it’s like he’s done something to me that I can’t explain. I think about him when I’m not with him, that’s new, I hurt when he hurts, I really enjoy his company and the sex is just …’ I blew out a deep breath, the thought of it alone had me in a spin. ‘I guess we’ll have to talk it out, he’ll call first or I’ll call first and we’ll end up having sex again to reconnect, as we that’s when we seem to be at our most compatible, when we’re in bed.’
‘Or up on the roof terrace, up against the wall, in the bath, the park or anywhere else you’ve done it, slut,’ ribbed Lexi, making me laugh properly for the first time in hours.
‘Don’t remind me, I’m missing it already and it’s only been about 16 hours. I think he’s injected me with some kind of addictive sexual toxin.’
‘I’d think anyone would be addicted after an injection with that cock,’ she winked. ‘You know I’d take it as a compliment that he thought you were experienced.’
‘Really? You think?’ I asked, surprised. That had been the most hurtful thing that he’d thrown at me, to say he thought I’d lied about my inexperience, that I’d had sex before. I mean I’d bled on him for god’s sake, but there again I was small and he was … not. He’d probably just thought he’d hurt me by being too rough. Anyway, I’d read his comments as him saying I was a slut.
‘Hell yeah, you must have some serious skills in the sack. I mean if he’s been with a few hundred women and says it’s that amazing with you, he obviously knows what he’s talking about with his history. He knows what he wants sexually and you’re doing it for him. If it’s that sensational be happy and keep enjoying it. I’m so bloody jealous,’ she sighed. I smiled at her quickly.
‘Maybe, but how am I satisfying him Lex? I don’t understand why he says it’s better with me than them. I’m so inexperienced.’
‘It’s from watching porn. You’re like emulating Jenna Jameson.’
‘I’ve only seen a couple of movies as I was curious, don’t make out like I’m a porn addict,’ I giggled. It felt really good to be laughing again, instead of bloody crying. Since becoming a teen, other than when Alex dumped me four years ago, or whenever I watched The Notebook, I rarely cried. Since meeting Gabe all I seemed to do was cry. It was like he’d turned on my emotion tap and thrown away the handle so I couldn’t turn it off again.
‘Some people are just more compatible Mia, plus you’ve been as adventurous and uninhibited as you could to make up for your lack of experience, it’s all obviously helping. Add in the fact that he loves you, well he just wasn’t that connected to the other girls he slept with, that’s got to make it more intense.’
‘You think?’
‘Hey I’ve never been in love, what the hell do I know,’ she shrugged. ‘But why else stay with someone long term? There has to be some bonus to having to wash a guy’s skid marked underpants hasn’t there?’
‘O gross Lexi,’ I laughed.
‘Well I guess the more you have sex, the better you know what each other likes, so it has to get better.’
‘Maybe,’ I nodded. ‘God knows how much better it can get, because he blows my mind now.’ I shook my head as I remembered our last session, bent over the kitchen table and felt my stomach flutter and everything south of my naval contract, even my toes.
‘Damn him. I really wanted to hate him Mia, he was so out of order today, or yesterday, or whenever it was, but he obviously loves you to go to those lengths and if sex is really that good and you love him back, then you have to work this out.’
‘Love him?’ I choked. ‘Who the hell said anything about love?’
‘Come on Mia, you’re telling me you don’t? You’ve never been this into anyone and you’d certainly never had put up with all this shit with any other guy you’ve dated.’
‘I wasn’t having sex with any other guy,’ I reminded her. ‘Let alone sheet clawing, multiple orgasm, blow my freakin’ mind sex.’
‘O bugger off rubbing it in,’ she smiled, shoving me. ‘Are you going to speak to Kai about what he did?’
‘I don’t know. I’m bloody furious at him too, but he must’ve been so gutted to realise I’d slept with someone else so quickly, especially after refusing his advances for so long. Anyway, it sounds like Gabe put him in his place with a decent punch.’
‘Well he was bloody disrespectful if he described imaginary sessions with you. I may follow up on Gabe’s punch with a couple of my own next time we go home.’
‘I love you. You’re the best friend ever Lexi Clarke,’ I smiled as I wrapped her in a big bear hug.
‘And don’t you ever forget it,’ she whispered and hugged me back.
‘Can I still stay in here with you tonight? I don’t want to be alone.’
‘Sure. Are you really feeling ok now?’
‘Going over it all again and talking to you has really helped and I will be ok, once I’ve spoken to him and we’ve cleared the air.’
She kissed my forehead and killed the lights. I wanted to sleep, but the image of Gabe’s face and the sadness in his eyes as I’d shut him out kept rousing me. He thought he may have lost m
e to Kai, then again thinking I’d break up with him after his reaction to it. Then I left him standing out in there in the hall, when all he wanted to do was hold me and reassure the both of us that we were going to be fine, I just knew I’d wounded him badly. I imagined him walking away from me when I needed some comfort and it sent a shiver down my back. He’d just wanted me to know how sorry he was and for me to accept his apology.
I suddenly sat up and gasped, covering my mouth with my hand as I realised why. How could I have been so stupid not to think of it before? The argument he’d had as a child with his mum, his last words to her before she died were ‘I hate you.’ He’d still not forgiven himself for running away on angry words and he’d never seen her again, never had the chance to apologise and tell her that he really loved her. I knew how much that ate him up, as he’d broken down on me in the bath the other night, no wonder he’d looked so distraught. Now I could understand his out of character meek and needy reaction, why he’d begged and pleaded. He didn’t want me to walk away before I’d let him know if I’d forgiven him, he desperately needed closure. Leaving him hanging, unsure of whether I still wanted to be with him or not, was as bad as what he’d done to me yesterday and I definitely knew how much that hurt.
I looked around at Lexi, she was already gently snoring next to me and when I glanced at the clock I saw it was nearly 3 a.m. I had the sudden awful thought that maybe he’d think we were over, that he’d have gone out to a bar, or club, to pick up some random woman to fuck to take his anger out on. I had to swallow really hard to stop myself being physically sick at the thought of it. I needed to ring him right now, before it was too late, if it wasn’t already.
I tiptoed out of Lexi’s room and stood in the hall trying to remember where I’d left my phone and my heart did a high jump, that would have put me up on the Olympic podium with Gabe’s penis, when I heard a long low moan come from the living room. My eyes darted to the front door to see if it’d been forced, but it was closed with the security chain still in place. The palpitations vibrating through my chest were so forceful, I was positive whoever it was would have heard me from the pounding of my heart alone. I wondered if I should go and wake Lexi and make a run for it with her, confused as to how the hell a burglar had made it into our locked apartment in the first place. I stiffened as I heard the noise again, it sounded like a name being moaned, my name. It sounded like … Gabe? I looked at the front door again, how had he left earlier if the door was still chained from the inside? He couldn’t have, it must be him in there.
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