‘You met me? I’m stopping you having fun?’ He sounded hurt, which wasn’t my intention and I scrunched up my face, annoyed with myself.
‘No, I love being with you and I have fun with you, but it’s not always going to be just you and me on our own all the time Gabe, plus you need to let me get drunk now and again, let loose.’
‘I’ve told you how much that scares me Mia. Please look at me when we’re talking,’ he sighed. I put my palms on his chest and leaned my cheek against them so I was tucked under his chin.
‘No, not until we’re finished, because you’ll dazzle me with your big blue eyes and your good looks and you’ll make me forget what I need to say.’
‘So talk fast.’
‘I want to be able to party sometimes and not have you cutting me off when I’m loosening up. Just let me just be a carefree 18 year old now and again Gabe, you’re my boyfriend not a protective father. I don’t want to look back and resent you for not letting me have a good time with my friends when I had the chance,’ I said quietly, dreading an argument. He sighed heavily and put his arms around me.
‘So you want to be able to party and get violently sick in the morning? That would make you happier?’
‘Yes though preferably without the sickness and what about when you’re away? Am I supposed to just stay in and pine for you? Would you be happy knowing I was at home miserable?’
‘No baby, I don’t want to make you miserable, far from it,’ he placed a soft kiss on the top of my head.
‘Then tell me how I can still go out and have fun, without you worrying about me?’
‘God Mia you drive me insane. Fine, if you’re not with me, Doug or Lexi, then you’re with someone I deem responsible enough to look after you. You don’t wander off on your own, or with someone you don’t know. I want you to update me each time you change venues and I want to track the GPS on your phone so I can always find you in case you need me.’
‘O my god! You’re so over protective Gabe,’ I exclaimed. Was this normal behaviour for couples? Surely not.
‘Mia I’m still not at all happy about this. I’ve conceded on you drinking, so these are my terms, none negotiable.’
‘Fine,’ I sighed. ‘But no lectures the next day if I’m feeling awful ok?’ He didn’t answer. ‘Gabe, ok?’
‘Fine. Now will you please look at me?’
‘No, there’s one more thing that you won’t like.’
‘Jesus. What now?’ he said with a heavy sigh.
‘We need to be less accessible,’ I replied as I picked at some imaginary lint on his jumper.
‘What?’
‘I think we need a few nights off from each other.’
‘What?’ he spat, as I felt his arms tighten around me.
‘Gabe we’ve only spent two nights apart since we first slept together. We need to slow down a bit.’
‘You’re saying you don’t want to see me as much?’ he whispered. I had to catch my breath, the pain is his voice was too much and his arms were wrapped so tightly around me.
‘Gabe that’s the problem, I want to see you all the time. It’s not normal, this consuming need we have for each other. I think we need to step back a bit.’ I could hear him breathing fast as his chest pounded against my cheek. ‘Gabe?’
‘What do you expect me to say Mia? You just want me to just pretend to be fine with this? Because I’m not.’ He let go of me and stepped back. ‘God damn it. I can’t have this fucking conversation when you won’t even look at me. Are you saying you made a mistake? That you don’t … that you don’t love me?’ I heard the break in his voice and raised my head to look at him, his eyes were full of sadness, like a wounded animal waiting to be put out of its misery.
‘No Gabe, god no. I’m saying I think I love you too much, I need you too much, it’s not right.’
We exchanged a look and the heat in it scorched me. I felt the pull to him and we both stepped forwards at the same time, colliding into each other. He grabbed me, lifting me up onto his hips, backing me into the wall as I wrapped myself around him and our hands tore through each other’s hair as we kissed like feral animals. When we finally came up for air, he set me down abruptly and stepped back again, both of us hot and panting. He wiped his mouth and ran both hands through his hair.
‘Christ Mia, what are you fucking doing to me?’ he snapped. ‘You tell me you love me, but you want time away from me. You tell me I’m consuming you, yet you kiss me like that? It’s like you’re telling me one thing and your body’s telling me the opposite. You want me, I felt it in that kiss, I can see it in your eyes.’
‘That’s why Gabe, we can’t keep our bloody hands off each other. I want it to be more, I need it to be more than that. I started this with the intention of it being all about sex and I’ve encouraged it to be about that, because I don’t feel worthy of being loved and I’m scared that without the sex we’ll have nothing, but now I’ve fallen in love with you I need to know. I need to know we’re more than just raging sexual hormones.’
‘Mia, I loved you before we even had sex. That we’re so sexually compatible is just an amazing bonus.’
‘But you hardly know me Gabe, what if the sex is all that’s holding you to me, what if we run out of steam?’
‘You hardly know me. We can’t choose who we fall in love with Mia, surely you can understand that after so many failed and empty relationships?’ He came back to me and caressed the side of my face and I leaned into it closing my eyes. ‘You’re just scared Mia. I feel scared too baby, I’m terrified of you leaving me and breaking my heart.’ I heard and felt him sigh. ‘If you need to slow down, then we’ll slow down, just don’t run from me,’ he whispered. I opened my eyes and held his gaze.
‘I’m not pushing you away Gabe, I promise, I just need some time to breathe, to enjoy it. To try going at a normal pace, instead of this flat out one, it’s scaring me how quickly we’re going.’
‘So what now? Tell me what you need?’
‘Will you stay tonight? I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you away. Stay tonight then we could try two nights apart.’
‘Two nights? Seriously?’
‘Gabe it’s two nights, that’s nothing. Surely we can do that?’ I pleaded. He rubbed his face and sighed.
‘Mia it’s not what I want,’ he said firmly, shaking his head. ‘But if it’s what you need I’ll do it, but it’s on the condition that I’m still taking you to the doctors on Tuesday morning.’
I flung my arms around his neck and kissed the side of his face. ‘Thank you, I love you Gabe, I really do. Never doubt that.’
‘Then never doubt me Mia, it works both ways, it’s not just lust and sexual chemistry that I feel for you.’
We jumped as we heard a cough and looked up to see Doug in the doorway.
‘Sorry guys, you’ve been gone ages. Everything ok?’
‘Sorry Doug, Mia and I were just talking and lost track of time. We’re good to go if you’re ready?’
‘Sure, but Lexi’s fallen asleep on the settee and no way am I waking her up.’
‘Well don’t look at me, she’s Mia’s bloody friend.’
‘God you two are such cowards, she’s just a girl under all the crazy hair and outfits. I’ll go and do it.’ I went to pull away and Gabe tugged on my hand.
‘See you by the car when you’re ready?’
I smiled and nodded and went back in. Lexi was fast asleep half leaning on the arm of the settee, with her head back and mouth wide open. I chuckled to myself and sat next to her and gently stroked her arm. ‘Lex, Lex wake up, it’s time to go. Hello, how are you doing sleepy head?’
‘Shit, did I fall asleep? Where is everyone?’ she asked, rubbing her eyes.
‘Yes you did and I wouldn’t bother rubbing your eyes, I’d be more worried about that drool crusting up your chin.’
‘Noooo,’ she groaned as she rubbed her mouth.
‘Yep sorry, other side though. Come on, Gabe and Doug have
gone to the car, they’re waiting for us.’
‘God, tell me I haven’t been dribbling and asleep for ages? I feel knackered all the time at the moment.’
‘I don’t think so, you were awake when Gabe took me outside.’
‘You been off shagging in the toilets again?’
‘I told you we never did it in the toilets. We just cleared the air about alcohol and I told him I needed a bit of space.’
‘How did that go down?’
‘Better than I thought. I asked him to stay tonight, then we’re having Monday and Tuesday night off.’
‘You feel better?’
‘I guess. I just need to know it’s not all about sex. A full night’s sleep wouldn’t go amiss either.’
‘I bet,’ she laughed.
‘So you and Doug getting on well eh?’
‘Don’t start, unless you’ve forgotten he doesn’t know I’m pregnant. Even one night stand Lexi has morals you know.’
‘Two night stand now after Andrew, give yourself some credit Lex.’
I stood up and gave her my hand and helped pull her up. We found the boys outside, Gabe was leaning on his car, one hand over his mouth, his other arm across his chest as he looked down at the floor. Doug was talking to him and patted him on the shoulder a few times. Gabe suddenly looked up and saw us, stood up straight and said something to Doug who turned to look at us both. It seemed girls weren’t the only ones who shared conversations. I hoped Gabe was ok.
We walked over and all got into his car and Gabe pulled out and headed back to the city.
‘Hey Mia got your phone on you?’ asked Doug.
‘Yes, do you need to borrow it?’
‘I want to put my number in, do you mind if I take yours too?’
‘No of course not.’ I rummaged in my bag and found my phone at the bottom. ‘Damn it, I forgot to ring Mum again, four missed calls.’
‘I thought woman checked their phones all the time,’ said Doug.
‘Thanks Doug, exactly what I said when I couldn’t get hold of her on Friday and she wondered why I was pissed about it,’ chipped in Gabe, flashing a scowl at me.
‘What? It irritates me when you’re out with someone and their phone’s more important to them than you ok? That’s why I leave it on silent. Well I’m not ringing her now and getting an earful with you all listening in, so here Doug, but you may want to cover your eyes as there’s a rather steamy picture of Gabe as my wallpaper.’
‘I’ve seen him in less,’ Doug said as he took it off me, inspecting it.
‘Really?’ laughed Lexi. ‘I’m intrigued, was this a whole we’re stuck at a boys boarding school with no girls to service our needs kind of deal?’
‘No,’ they both responded forcefully.
‘God I hope not. It’s bad enough woman all over Gabe trying to tempt him, I don’t need to worry about him looking back at the other 50% of the population as well,’ I said over my shoulder.
‘So, how about you girls? Any stories of pillow fights that ended up in a hot lesbian orgy?’ grinned Doug.
It was our turn to respond ‘No,’ at the same time.
‘See now I’d have no problem my girlfriend wanting to eye up members of the same sex, in fact I’d happily encourage it. So Lexi, am I getting your number too?’
‘Doug if you think I’m going to give you my number so you can call me up for a three way with another girl you’ve another think coming. I’m a strictly cock girl, cock all the way.’
‘Jesus,’ muttered Gabe, shaking his head as he kept his eyes on the road.
‘Well that wasn’t why I was asking, but does that mean you’re open to it being just me?’ questioned Doug.
‘Are you always so persistent?’ she asked, as I giggled to myself.
‘I’ll keep trying until you say yes. So how about your number? If Mia’s that bad at answering her phone, I may need to ring you instead.’
‘Why?’
‘Lex, as a favour to me will you just let him have it?’ I asked. ‘I’ll make him promise not to harass you.’
‘Ok what the hell’s going on here?’
‘Gabe’s worried about us being out at night without him, especially after that murder, so I promised we’d all swap numbers in case of an emergency ok?’
‘Fine, whatever, everybody exchange numbers. Are we going to speakerphone good nights to each other like the bloody Walton’s?’
‘Happy to talk to you in bed anytime Lexi, you just say the word. Here Mia. My number’s in and I’ve taken yours.’ Doug handed me back my phone and I smiled as he and Lexi continued to bicker in the back. I looked at Gabe, I’d not seen him look so distant before. I reached over and tucked his hair behind his ear and he looked at me, giving me a quick smile before returning his eyes to the road. I pressed the heated seat button and leaned back and closed my eyes.
The sound of crunching gravel woke me up, we’d arrived at Doug’s house. Gabe got out and Doug followed, then leaned back into the car.
‘Thanks for inviting me girls I had a really good time. See you soon I hope, especially you Lex.’
‘See you around Doug,’ said Lexi rolling her eyes at him.
‘Doug, would you be able to give me a copy of the picture you took of Gabe and I?’ I asked.
‘Which one?’
‘There’s more than one?’ I asked surprised.
‘Yes sorry, I’m a bugger for taking sneaky shots.’
‘The one Gabe has in his room of us holding hands.’
‘Sure thing Mia, listen go easy on him will you? He’s never had a girl back off him before, you’ve really thrown him. See you soon,’ he shut the car door as he and Gabe walked over to the front door. They looked deep in conversation again.
‘Think Gabe’s ok?’ Lexi asked.
‘I hope so,’ I sighed as I watched him out of the window. ‘He looks so serious and it sounds like I’ve bruised his ego too. I don’t think I should have told him that I needed a bit of breathing room Lexi.’
‘Hey, you’ve got to be honest with him. He loves you Mia, he’ll be fine when he’s had time to digest it.’
‘He hasn’t touched me since we left the pub.’
‘He kept looking over at you to check you were ok while you were asleep and he even smiled to himself when you started that little snoring thing you do. Stop doubting him.’
‘Thanks,’ I twisted to look at her and smiled. What was wrong with me at the moment? I felt so out of sorts.
‘Don’t think I’ve forgiven you over this little set up of yours though,’ she said, narrowing her eyes at me.
‘I thought you had a good day?’
‘So not the point and you know it.’
I smiled again and sat back as Gabe climbed back in the car. I looked over at him, but he was focused on driving again as we pulled away. I stayed watching his face for the rest of the journey waiting for him to look at me, but he didn’t until we were approaching the apartment.
‘I can drop you off and go,’ he whispered.
‘Not tonight Gabe, unless you want that?’ I whispered back. I felt a wave of relief when he shook his head and drove around to park in the car park. We walked in silence and I noticed he didn’t reach for my hand, so I took his and smiled at him. Lexi opened the front door and we headed in and she shut the door behind us.
‘Right guys, thanks for a nice day out and for inviting me, I’m beat I’m going to bed.’
‘Already Lexi? It’s only just past eight,’ I said astonished. We were naturally born night owls, eight was way too early for Lexi.
‘Do I have to keep reminding you that I’m pregnant? I’m absolutely bloody knackered. Cheers for today Gabe, see you both in the morning,’ she smiled, as she disappeared into her room.
Gabe and I stood in the hall just looking at each other, so I dragged him into the lounge.
‘Are we ok Gabe? You’ve hardly said a word to me since we left the pub.’
‘I’m just finding the thought of not se
eing you for a few nights very hard.’
‘So am I, but I feel like it’s the right thing to do. So can’t we just enjoy what we have left of this evening?’
‘What do you want to do then?’ he sighed. ‘Are you hungry?’
‘Yes, but I couldn’t eat a full meal, not after that huge Sunday dinner.’
‘How about I do a carpet picnic?’
‘Sounds great. I’d like to come and see what you’re doing.’
‘Aren’t you supposed to be phoning your mum back?’
‘Damn it,’ I muttered. ‘Why do I keep forgetting? She’s going to be so pissed.’
‘So go and call her, I’ll sort out the food and see you back in here when you’re ready?’ I nodded and pursed my lips, but he quickly kissed my forehead and headed out.
I sighed, it seemed I’d really pissed him off. I sorted the lounge, putting on the fire and table lamps and closed the curtains, then headed to my bedroom and changed into my shorts and leg warmers. I stripped off my bra, it always felt so constrictive when I was on. I headed to the bathroom and knocked back a couple more painkillers and went to sit on the bed and took a moment to mentally prepare before I rang mum, she was going to be so mad. I was surprised when it went to answer machine.
‘Hi mum it’s me, Mia. I’m so sorry I didn’t ring earlier I was out for the day with Lexi and … well some other friends. We’re fine, we’re both fine so there’s no need to worry about either of us. I hope you and Gerry are ok, it’s not like you to be out on a Sunday evening. I’ll try you tomorrow instead. Love you.’
I put the phone down and shook my head. How many times in one short call could I lie to my own mother? “O by the way since we last spoke Lexi’s pregnant, has no idea who the father is and she’s thinking of having an abortion. I’m having sex, unbelievably amazing sex, I’ve fallen in love and he’s virtually moved in and I’m really terrified about it and o yes I need to see a gynaecologist as I may have cysts and an incurable disease.” The truth would just blow her mind in one call, let alone on an answer message. I went into the lounge and found Gabe sitting on the floor, his back to the sofa facing the fire and he turned to look at me as I shut the door and leaned against it.
Baggage & Buttons Page 21
