“Exactly like this,” said Vulgar. “The campers would accidentally wander too close to his house and hunger would take control of him.”
“Hunger?” said Otto. His voice came out as a high-pitched squeak.
“Yes, hunger,” continued Vulgar. “He’d leap out, his huge teeth snapping at—”
“Right, dinner’s over,” said Otto. “Time for bed.”
“What? But I haven’t finished.”
Otto ignored him. The teacher stood up and kicked dirt into the fire, putting it out. Darkness fell on the hillside. “Everyone into the shelter,” he said. “Anyone who isn’t asleep in five minutes will be in big trouble. Hurry, hurry!”
Muttering, Vulgar joined the others as they filed into the shelter. The ground was uncomfortable as he lay down on it, and the rock he was using for a pillow wasn’t doing his head any favours at all.
From somewhere in the darkness, he heard a whimpering. Freya, he guessed. She lived in the castle and wasn’t used to roughing it like this. She’d never make a proper Viking.
Gradually, Vulgar’s eyes began to close. Some of the other children were already sleeping. At last, with the sound of Knut’s snoring rattling in his ears, Vulgar managed to fall asleep.
“AAAAAAAARGH!”
Vulgar opened his eyes and sat up. “Wha—?”
The scream had come from somewhere in the corner of the shelter. Vulgar sat up as whoever was over there shouted again.
“Troll! Help, help, there’s a troll out there!” wailed the voice. “And it’s going to eat us all up!”
There was the sound of metal hitting stone, and Freya sparked up a flaming torch. The light of the fire revealed Otto cowering in the corner of the shelter. The teacher was wearing yellow woolly pyjamas. His big hands were holding something tightly to his chest.
“Is that ... is that a teddy bear?” Vulgar asked.
“Troll!” Otto whimpered. Freya frowned. “It doesn’t look like a troll.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s a teddy bear,” Vulgar said.
“Not Mr Cuddles, out there,” Otto sobbed. “Listen. Can’t you hear it?”
The whole class was awake now. They all held their breath and listened. For a long time they heard nothing, but then came a rustling and a cracking of twigs from right outside the shelter.
“See,” said Otto in a soft whisper. A tear ran down his cheek and he hugged Mr Cuddles tighter. “It’s a flesh-eating troll, like the one in that horrible story of yours!”
“Really? Brilliant!” Vulgar cheered. “Are you going to battle it?”
“Don’t be silly, I made that up!” Otto sobbed. “Someone get it away. We’re all going to be eaten!”
Freya shook her head. “Some Viking he turned out to be.”
The sound outside the shelter came again. It sounded louder this time. Whatever was out there was trying to get inside.
“He’s right, it’s going to eat us,” whispered one of Vulgar’s classmates.
“What do we do?” mumbled another.
Otto got to his feet. “I know what I’m going to do,” he said. “Run awaaaaay!”
With a crash, the big teacher charged straight through the wall. The shelter was filled with screaming as the rest of the pupils raced out after him, trying to escape whatever was trying to force its way inside.
Vulgar and Freya listened to the wailing of the children, and the even louder wailing of Otto. Down on the floor, Knut snored loudly.
“Can he sleep through anything?” Freya asked.
Vulgar nodded and gave his friend a nudge. “Pretty much.”
Knut rubbed his eyes. “What’s happening? Where is everyone?”
“They think there’s a troll outside,” Vulgar explained. “They all ran away.”
Knut nodded. “Oh. Right,” he said, then he turned over and tried to go back to sleep.
“Get up,” Freya barked. “What if a troll really is trying to eat us?”
“Then I’d rather sleep through it,” Knut grumbled, but he stood up anyway.
The rustling was right outside the hole in the wall now. Vulgar, Knut and Freya drew closer together, their eyes trained on the gap.
“It’s coming,” Freya whispered.
“It might not be too bad,” Vulgar said. “It might eat you first.”
Freya punched him on the arm, but kept her gaze fixed on the hole. Something was moving there, just outside the shelter. Something that definitely wasn’t human.
With a jolly hop, a rabbit appeared in the gap. Its little nose twitched as it sniffed the air.
The children stared down at the bunny, with its long ears and fluffy white tail. Then they burst out laughing.
“That’s the cutest troll I’ve ever seen,” said Freya. She gave the rabbit a pat on the head. It twitched its nose again, flicked its ears, then hopped back out into the darkness.
“Can I go back to sleep now?” yawned Knut.
Vulgar shook his head. “No. I think we should go home. I’ve had enough of camping.”
“Me too,” agreed Freya.
Knut shrugged. “OK. Lead the way.”
A full moon hung over the hill when they stepped outside. It cast a spooky white glow across the grass, giving them just enough light to see by. Vulgar peered into the gloom, deep in thought.
“What’s the problem?” asked Freya.
“I’m trying to decide which way we should go.”
“Well, down might be a good place to start,” said the princess. She pushed past Vulgar and began marching down the hill.
“I know we need to go down,” Vulgar said, as he and Knut trudged after her, “but we might be going down the wrong side.”
Freya shook her head. “We aren’t.”
“How do you know?”
The princess stopped suddenly and pointed up at the sky. “Look at the stars,” she said. Knut and Vulgar looked up. A thousand white dots filled the night above them.
“Yeah, nice,” said Vulgar. “So?”
“So the stars can help us get home. The village is to the north, so we follow the North Star. I thought a real Viking would know that?”
“Of course I did,” Vulgar replied. He looked up. “Which one’s the North Star again?”
Freya hesitated.
“You don’t know, do you?” Vulgar said with a smirk.
“I do so!” Freya replied. “It’s that one.”
“Well, I think it’s that one,” Vulgar argued. “What do you think, Knut?”
Knut gave a snore.
“He’s standing up,” Freya said. “How can he be sleeping standing up?”
With a splutter, Knut woke up again. “Five more minutes, Mum,” he said, loudly, then he realised where he was and gave an embarassed cough. “Sorry about that,” he said. “Carry on.”
“You two are hopeless,” Freya said. “I’ll find my way home myself.” She began marching down the hill to the left. Vulgar and Knut watched her go.
“Should we follow her?” Knut asked, eventually.
“No way,” said Vulgar. “She’ll never find her way home. It’s this way.” He began walking down the hill to the right. “Stick with me, Knut, and we’ll be home in no time.”
They walked for an hour or more, stumbling and sliding through the damp grass as they made their way down the hill. To pass the time, Vulgar told Knut the ending of his troll story.
“The children screamed and ran through the darkness, the troll’s big feet shaking the hillside – boom, boom, boom – as it gave chase.”
Vulgar stopped walking and Knut bumped into his back. “Then the footsteps stopped.” Vulgar’s voice lowered to a whisper. “And the campers realised that the troll wasn’t behind them any longer. It was in front of them ... ”
“In front?” Knut gulped.
“Right in front.”
Both boys held their breath. Vulgar’s belly filled with butterflies. His story was so scary he’d frightened himself.
“This is just a sto
ry, right?” Knut whimpered.
“Yeah,” said Vulgar, although suddenly he didn’t feel so sure. “It’s just a story.”
The boys exchanged a glance. “You think we should run?” whispered Knut. “Just in case?”
Vulgar nodded. “I think we should run.”
And with that, both boys ran. They raced down the hillside, their feet tangling in the damp grass. Vulgar heard a boom, boom, boom from somewhere close by. For a moment he thought it was a giant’s footsteps, then he realised it was the sound of his heart pounding in his chest.
Suddenly, something moved in the gloom right in front of them. Vulgar just had time to scream, “TROLL!”, before his head smacked against it. Stars twinkled behind his eyes as he fell over.
“Ow!” said a voice that was very un-troll-like. The last thing Vulgar saw before he fell unconscious was Freya’s angry face looming down at him from above.
Vulgar was woken up by a slap across the face. He blinked open his eyes in time to see Freya’s hand come swishing towards him again.
“Cut it out!” he cried, rolling to safety. “I’m awake! Stop hitting me. Haven’t you done enough damage?”
“What are you doing here?” Freya demanded. “Were you following me?”
“No way,” said Vulgar, standing up. “You were following us.”
“Ha, in your dreams,” Freya said. “I was following that star.”
“Well, we were following that one,” Vulgar told her.
Freya sighed. “It’s the same star, Vulgar.”
“No it isn’t,” Vulgar argued. He looked more closely. “Oh, wait, so it is. Well, we were following it first.”
“Uh, guys,” said Knut.
“You were not! I said that’s the one I was following.”
Vulgar scowled. “No you didn’t, you were following that one.”
Freya’s voice raised. “That’s still the same star!”
“Guys ... ”
“I wasn’t pointing at that one,” Vulgar said.
Freya clenched her fists. “Yes you were!”
“GUYS!”
Vulgar and Freya turned to Knut. “What?”
Knut put his finger to his lips. “Listen.”
A twig snapped somewhere nearby. Something swished through the grass.
“What was that?” Vulgar whispered.
Freya shook her head. “Oh, stop being such a baby. It’s probably another bunny.”
A series of loud snuffling and snorting sounds came from a little further up the hill. Even in the moonlight, Vulgar saw Freya’s face go white.
“Or maybe not,” she squeaked.
A low, rumbling growl filled the gloom behind them.
All three children began to run at exactly the same time. They raced down the hill as fast as they could. They didn’t care any longer which direction they were going, as long as it was away from the snuffling thing in the darkness.
“We’re going to get eaten by a troll,” Freya yelped. “This is officially the worst school trip ever.”
“Don’t talk. Just run!” Vulgar told her. He pointed towards a clump of trees.
“There. That way. We can climb up.”
“Can’t trolls climb?” Knut asked.
Vulgar had no idea. He hoped not. “We’ll soon find out,” he said.
They sprinted for the woods, tripping and stumbling through the long grass. The thing in the darkness came running after them, snuffling and growling with every step it took.
It took them less than a minute to reach the trees, but their hopes were dashed when they got there.
“The branches are too high,” Freya sobbed. “We can’t reach them!”
Vulgar stood at the base of one of the larger trees. “Here, I’ll give you a boost, then you can pull me up.”
Freya didn’t wait to be asked again. She clambered up Vulgar, caught hold of the lowest branch and pulled herself up.
“Now you, Knut,” said Vulgar. Knut put his foot in Vulgar’s hands. Straining, Vulgar helped lift his friend until he was high enough to reach the branch.
“Now you,” Knut said, as he and Freya both reached down. Vulgar stretched up. His fingers brushed against Freya’s, but then something large and heavy slammed into him from the side, sending him crashing down on to the forest floor.
Vulgar heard Knut cry out. He heard Freya scream with shock. Then he heard the troll give a happy bark, before it licked him right on the lips.
“Grunt?” Vulgar spluttered. “Is that you?”
The shaggy dog barked again. There was a rustling sound from above them as Knut fell out of the tree.
“Whoa,” he muttered, sitting up and rubbing his head. “I fell asleep again.”
Grunt gave Knut a slobbery lick.
“If we’re not about to be eaten alive, someone get me down,” demanded Freya from up in the branches. Knut and Vulgar looked at each other.
“Should we leave her?” Knut asked.
Vulgar grinned. “Tempting.”
“Don’t you dare!” Freya warned them.
“All right, all right,” grumbled Vulgar. He gave Grunt a final pat and got to his feet. He held out his arms and peered up into the tree. “Jump. I’ll catch you.”
Freya hesitated, but then Vulgar heard the branches above him creak. “OK. Are you beneath me? I can’t see you in the dark.”
“I’m right beneath you,” said Vulgar. “Hurry up!”
There was a short scream and Freya crashed to the ground on the other side of the tree. Vulgar looked over at her, then he pointed up into the dark foliage.
“Sorry,” he said. “Accident. I thought that was you there.”
Freya jumped up. Her face was splattered with mud and she had strands of grass and several twigs in her long blonde hair.
“You did that on purpose!” she snapped.
“Me?” said Vulgar, innocently. “I’d never do a thing like that.”
“Hey, look,” said Knut, interrupting them before they could start fighting. “I think Grunt’s trying to tell us something.”
All eyes turned to the dog. He was backing away from the group, wagging his tail excitedly.
“What is it, boy?” asked Vulgar. Grunt ran in a circle, darted a few steps down the hill, then turned and ran back. “Do you want us to follow you?”
Grunt barked loudly.
“Does that mean ‘yes’?” asked Freya.
Vulgar shrugged. “I have no idea. But I think he’s going to lead us home.”
And he did. The three children fell in line behind the shaggy dog as he made his way down the hill. It was still dark, but Grunt’s sense of smell made sure they were walking in the right direction.
After fifteen minutes or so, they came across the rest of their class. The children were all huddled together, crying and complaining about being lost.
“Where’s Otto?” asked Vulgar, as Freya set about organising the pupils into pairs, making them line up behind Grunt.
“He ran off,” said a small girl near the front. “Crying for his mummy.”
Vulgar and Knut laughed. So much for the big tough proper Viking.
They set off again all together, with Grunt at the front and a long line of children following close behind. The sun was starting to come up as they finally made it back to Blubber.
When they drew close to the village they saw a large group of worried parents standing around outside the Great Hall. As soon as the parents saw the children they ran to meet them, whooping and cheering with relief.
Firm hands caught hold of Vulgar and his mum pulled him into a great big bearhug. “You’re OK,” she said. “We were so worried.”
“Why?” wheezed Vulgar, because his mum’s bearhugs always took his breath away. “We weren’t due back until later.”
“I spotted that Otto running through town when I was on my way to work,” said Vulgar’s dad. “Screaming something about a troll, he was.”
Vulgar looked down at Grunt. “Oh yeah, the troll. I
t turned out to be quite friendly in the end.”
King Olaf strode over to join them, leading a very messy Freya by the hand. “I’m afraid Otto will no longer be your teacher,” he said. “He told me he had to go and conquer Denmark at once. In his pyjamas, apparently.”
Every one of the children cheered at that, but Vulgar cheered loudest of all. No teacher meant no school. From here on, life would just be one long holiday.
“But don’t worry,” said King Olaf. “You’ll be pleased to hear that Dagmar the Dull is back on his feet, and he’ll be back teaching you as of Monday.”
Vulgar groaned. Not Dagmar the Dull.
Still, after the week they’d had with Otto, maybe there was something to be said for boring old school work, after all.
Copyright
With special thanks to Barry Hutchison
VULGAR THE VIKING AND THE SPOOKY SCHOOL TRIP
First published in the UK in 2012 by Nosy Crow Ltd
The Crow’s Nest, 10a Lant Street
London, SE1 1QR, UK
This ebook edition first published 2012
Nosy Crow and associated logos are trademarks and / or registered trademarks of Nosy Crow Ltd
Text copyright © Hothouse Fiction, 2012
Illustrations copyright © Sarah Horne, 2012
The right of Hothouse Fiction and Sarah Horne to be identified as the author and illustrator respectively of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988
All rights reserved
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
Vulgar the Viking and the Spooky School Trip Page 3
