by Lauren Smith
He cares. Truly.
In the dim light of the room, his eyes changed to a dark mossy green, making her think of that afternoon on the boat after they fished and kissed. She had pointed out the speckled brown backs of toads leaping off mossy rocks, laughing at the little splashes they made before they disappeared into the water. That sunny day had been full of quiet, content magic, and he’d shared it all with her. Now they were caught in another spell of enchantment, this one different but just as deep in its intimacy.
She freed one of her hands from his to stroke her fingers along his jaw up to his hair, brushing it out of his eyes.
“How are you so beautiful?” she asked in a small voice.
“Me? You’re the beautiful one.” He leaned down, stealing a slow, delightfully sweet kiss that made her heart ache. “Audrey… Let me ask one thing of you, please.”
Her chest flooded with panic and she tried to get away from him, but he kept her beneath him.
“I would’ve wished to do this properly, but it seems I would never have the chance unless I had you beneath me and sated with pleasure.” His tone was half frustration, half amusement.
“Please—”
“Hush, little sprite.” His lips curved into a boyish grin.
“Then what—?”
“Will you ever be quiet? Lord, woman, let a man talk, or he can’t propose properly.”
Shock tore through her. “Propose?”
Was he teasing her? Surely he couldn’t be asking to marry her.
“Yes. I’d get down on bended knee, but I’d look a tad foolish with my trousers down around my ankles.”
“Oh, I don’t know. You might look very fetching.” She couldn’t resist teasing him, but her mind was still racing. Was he serious?
“You’re never going to be easy, are you?” Unable to think of a witty remark, she just shook her head. “Good. I like complicated.” He kissed her again and again, so often that she had trouble forming words.
“Do you want me to answer you?”
“No. You said to take what I wanted, and I just did. You as my wife. All I have to do is see it finalized with a ceremony and some very boring paperwork with witnesses.” He raised himself up and withdrew from her. At first she expected him to leave, but he merely finished stripping out of the rest of his clothes. Then he tucked her between the sheets and got into bed with her. She immediately cuddled up next to him. The last week she’d grown accustomed to sleeping next to him, but tonight would be different. He stole the covers frequently, but he was also so warm that all she had to do was curl into his side and he was like a fire in the hearth all on his own.
“Should we blow out the candles?” She hoped he would say no, for she didn’t want him to move.
He pressed a kiss to the crown of her hair. “Let them burn a bit longer.”
“You truly don’t want me to answer your proposal?”
“I don’t want to give you any chance of telling me no. We will discuss wedding plans in the morning.”
Her smile faltered as she remembered that she had other plans in the morning. Other duties. Ones that would take her far away to France, far away from him. She could never tell him.
He may feel as though I betrayed his trust. But if I don’t go, I’ll never know what I am capable of. I will not simply be a man’s wife.
She had to know if she could be something more than just a fine English lady. She wanted to show herself, show the world, that she, Audrey Sheridan, was not a creature obsessed with bonnets and the latest issue of La Belle Assemblée.
I am more than that. We are more than that. A woman can be whatever she sets her mind to.
She closed her eyes, clinging to Jonathan and trying to imprint everything about this night in her mind, just in case never happened again.
For one night, he was mine. At least I will have that.
19
Jonathan stretched out, feeling at ease for the first time in as long as he could remember. A smile spread across his lips, and it had everything to do with last night. Finally bedding Audrey and telling her they were to be married had been a dream he’d never thought possible. Yet it had happened, and she hadn’t said no. Every moment of last night had been a victory a year in the making. He rolled onto his side, but when he reached for Audrey she was gone.
What in the blazes?
He sat up, brushed his hair out of his eyes, and realized with a sinking feeling that the room was empty. Had she simply stepped out for a moment? Seen to her needs? Yes, that was possible.
“Audrey?” he called out. Only silence answered him. He glanced around the room; not a piece of clothing was left. Not even a note this time.
His little sprite had run out on him. Shame cut through him, and he had trouble swallowing past the pain.
Did I do something wrong last night? Did I push her too far and too fast? What if she hadn’t been ready to make love last night and now regretted her actions? She was brave enough to pretend, but he hoped to God she hadn’t been.
Whatever I did, it upset her, and now she’s run. I’ve destroyed my chances with her…again.
Every dream he had hung his hopes upon in the last year quivered like dew on blades of grass, ready to drop to the earth and sink into oblivion. The emptiness in his chest nearly choked him. He closed his eyes for a minute, forcing himself to breathe deeply.
I wanted to give you everything, Audrey, but you didn’t want me.
He slipped out of bed and gathered his clothes, his hands shaking as he collected each button torn from his waistcoat the night before.
For the first time in his life he truly knew shame and humiliation, and he’d grown up as a bloody servant in his own house. He’d hurt her or upset her, and he’d lost her. He was increasingly convinced that he had presumed too much, pressured her too much, and for that he felt nothing but regret. So much for being a gentleman. He’d apparently been a bastard last night, only he’d just not seen it.
Jonathan pulled on his boots. He was ready to leave and never come back when the door opened and Sean Hartley, first footman of the Sheridan household, entered.
“Thank God you’re still here,” Sean said.
“Not for long,” Jonathan growled. He and Sean were old friends and had never stood on ceremony, even after Jonathan was elevated to the status of gentleman. A status he no longer felt he deserved.
“You have to go after her,” Sean said.
“I most certainly will not. Whatever I’ve done has upset her, and I fear that I deserve whatever scorn she has for me right now. If she wanted to see me, she would have stayed here.”
Sean crossed his arms. “Jon, I know you, and more importantly I know her. You didn’t do anything to upset her. She didn’t leave because of something you did. She left to board a ship for France with Avery Russell.”
Jonathan paused in the middle of tying his cravat. “What? Why?”
“Her mission. She’s sailing to France within the hour. You have to go after her.”
“France?” His heart stilled. How had he forgotten all that Horatia had said? He’d been so focused on sleeping with Audrey last night that he hadn’t stopped to think logically, and afterward all thoughts had drained away.
“Last night she instructed the staff to pack a trunk for her and to call a coach in the morning to take her to the docks.”
“Was all that before I arrived?” A flutter of foolish hope stirred in his chest. She hadn’t left because of him, but some misguided sense of duty?
“Yes.” Sean looked grim, but Jonathan smiled. Before was a beautiful word. Before meant that what she’d wanted to tell him last night hadn’t been to refuse to marry him, but that she was leaving in the morning for a mission. If there was one thing he knew about Audrey it was that she wouldn’t let a thing like a marriage proposal stop her from whatever schemes she was in the midst of.
“What ship is she bound for?”
“The Lady’s Splendor.”
“Excellent.” Jona
than took a moment to think about his next step, but it seemed that moment was too long for Hartley.
“Well don’t just stand there!” Sean snapped. “Go find her!”
“Right. Send a message to my brother at once. Inform him of what’s happened. With luck, he can use one of Ashton’s ships to chase after us. And send a message to Lonsdale and Rochester. They were supposed to find Avery last night while I came here. Make sure everyone in the League knows to make haste to get to Calais.”
Sean winced. “You’d better not blow anything up this time.”
Jonathan snorted, but there was little humor in it. The last time he’d gone after someone on a ship it had ended with him and his friends jumping overboard just before it exploded.
“I do not plan on it. If the winds are favorable, we could all be on French soil by nightfall.”
“Bring her home safe,” Sean said, shaking hands with Jonathan before he rushed off.
Jonathan moved quickly, calling for a hackney once he was outside and giving the driver instructions to get him to the Pool of London, where he could reach the docks.
It took several long minutes of shouting at the dock master to finally find where the Lady’s Splendor was moored. It wasn’t a large vessel, but rather a smaller swifter-looking vessel than the large cargo ships that dwarfed it. The creak and groan of wooden masts and the flutter of canvas sails mixed with the shouts of dockworkers and sailors. Jonathan carefully dodged men who were busy carrying trucks and supplies aboard. He reached the top of the gangplank, where he found a young officer supervising the loading.
“Good morning.” He nodded at the young man. “Do you have any passenger berths left?”
“We do. Just a few. It’s two guineas to travel. And I’ll need to see your papers.”
Jonathan handed the lad two guineas and proffered a set of documents, including his passport, which he’d retrieved from his study before leaving. Ashton had trained him to always keep papers giving him the right to travel with him.
“Cabin four, sir. You have any trunks?” The young man glanced around, expecting to see a footman with a traveling case.
“I do not. How many of the passengers do you have on board?”
“A few gentlemen and one lady.” The officer’s face reddened. “A rather pretty one.”
“Well then, that should make the voyage intriguing.” He grinned at the lad and passed him by. He went below deck, hastily checking the gilded numbers hanging on the cabin doors. When he finally found his berth, he slipped inside and closed the door.
He would have to stay out of sight as much as possible. If Audrey suspected he was on board, he honestly had no idea what she would do. Or what he should do. If traveling to France and playing the spy meant this much to her, then he would let her go, but he would not let her go alone. He would be a shadow, one that protected her from any danger, but she could never know.
He faced his cabin and was surprised to find spacious accommodations, which were illuminated by a window that faced the deck. There were rows of compartments on each side of the cabin that could hold his belongings—had he thought to bring any. The bunk was clean, with white bed linens. The bed was shielded with green blockade curtains. He pushed them aside and sat down, feeling the ship roll beneath him. Not too bad. He was fortunate he did not fall prey to seasickness easily.
Retrieving his pocket watch, he noted he still had half an hour before the ship was set to sail. He penned a hasty note using the stationery of a small desk in the corner and carefully peered out of his cabin. A few sailors and a gentleman passenger walked by, but once they were gone all seemed to be clear. He went back up on the deck and found the young officer who had greeted him.
“Would you have a cabin boy see that this is delivered to the Duke of Essex at the ascribed address?” He handed over the note and a few shillings.
“Of course.” The officer put his fingers to his lips and let out a piercing whistle. A quick-footed boy ran up and snatched the letter and shillings in a flash and was off. Jonathan returned to his cabin and lay down upon the bed, closing his eyes. It would be a long day hiding here in his cabin until they reached France. Hopefully Godric would get his note and bring a few days’ worth of clothing and money. He was not at all prepared to fend for himself alone in France. His French was rusty and limited mostly to discussions that were best saved for bedroom activities. That was the problem with a French courtesan tutoring a man in bed.
At last the ship cast off and sailed out to sea. Most ships left Dover to make a hasty trip to Calais, but for some reason Avery was taking Audrey through London. It would add hours, possibly even a day to their journey if the winds weren’t fair.
He started to drift off. The sound of the waves lapping against the wooden hull and the shouts of men on the rigging preparing the sails were oddly comforting. He wasn’t sure how much later it was when he woke to the sound of two voices in the hall.
“Pretty little bird, that one,” a gruff voice said with a laugh. “I’d give anything to ruffle her feathers.”
Another man laughed. “I’d do a bit more, eh?”
“Maybe we can…if we can get her alone in her cabin when those other gents are gone.” The first man’s voice lowered to a gruff whisper.
“You’re not worried about them?”
“Eh, she wouldn’t say nuffin if she knew what was good for her.”
They were talking about Audrey, they had to be. Jonathan shoved the curtain back from his bunk and stood, listening at the door, but their voices grew more distant. He cracked the door open and focused on the two sailors, both burly fellows who had no doubt lived their whole lives on the sea. He needed to keep an eye on those two. He closed the door again as new voices came down the hall.
Audrey’s voice came through the crack he’d left in the door. “Avery, I don’t know if I feel comfortable posing as Mr. Sheffield’s wife.”
What the devil?
“I understand.” Avery’s voice was gentle, but it didn’t offer Jonathan any reassurance. “But we must go forward with this. There is no turning back. Sheffield is a decent fellow, I assure you. You have a separate room, and he won’t do anything untoward.”
“Do you vouch for him?”
“As a professional, yes. I’ve never known him to act outside his orders.”
“Very well. I think I’ll retire to my cabin,” Audrey said. “The waves are a bit…” The boat rolled and dipped as it hit a swell. “A bit much for my constitution.”
“Get some rest. We’ll likely be on board for at least several hours, possibly a day if the winds aren’t fair.”
Audrey made a noise as though she were ill. Jonathan heard her booted feet as she ran past his room, and then a door slammed down the hall.
His poor little sprite, the would-be spy, was seasick. He wanted to go to her, to render some form of comfort, but he restrained himself. He had made a promise to be her shadow. He wouldn’t go barging in when she needed to stand alone. She was proving something, not to him or her brother, but to herself.
I will let her face this task alone, at least the parts that do not put her in mortal danger.
He slumped against the door with an inward curse as the boat dipped again. It was going to be a long day for both of them.
Godric St. Laurent entered his home after having had a pleasant walk with his wife. Emily was a few feet ahead of him and had already removed her bonnet, handing it to a footman. Godric removed his hat and did the same.
“An urgent letter for you, Your Grace.” The footman slipped a letter into his hand. Godric broke the wax seal and read.
“What is it?” Emily leaned against his body, placing one hand on his arm.
“A letter from Sean Hartley.”
“The Sheridans’ first footman?”
Godric nodded and read the letter aloud.
Your Grace,
A thousand pardons for the directness of this letter, but I am sending it to you at Mr. St. Laurent’s urgent r
equest. He is sailing aboard the packet ship the Lady’s Splendor out from London. He is following Miss Sheridan, who I fear may be in peril. Mr. St. Laurent has requested that you and Lord Lennox pursue him posthaste. He expects to arrive in Calais by nightfall, weather permitting. He says Lucien, Charles, and Cedric are all in London and must come as well.
Your humble servant,
Mr. Hartley
“Calais?” Emily breathed. “Why on earth would Audrey go to—” Emily covered her mouth with one hand, eyes widening with fear.
“What is it?”
“She must have gone on a mission—a spy mission, I mean. She’s talked of little else in the last few months.”
“She wants to be a spy, yet she’d been telling everyone about it? Not an excellent way to start her career.” Godric’s biting sarcasm wasn’t lost on his wife.
“She’s only nineteen,” Emily reminded him.
“As are you, and yet you wouldn’t do anything so reckless and foolish.”
Emily shrugged. “Perhaps, but I was forced to grow up much sooner than most girls her age.” She tugged on his arm. “What are you going to do?”
“We’ll have to give Jon whatever aid he needs. Blast. I can only hope he knows more about what’s going on and can fill us in when we arrive.”
“And do what?” Emily asked. “You can’t just drag her back to London, not if she’s working for the Crown.”
“I have no intention of interfering with Audrey’s mission unless such a thing is absolutely necessary. But I have to assume that there is more to this than the letter can convey. We must get to the docks at once.”
“Yes, of course. Let me fetch my bonnet.”
“No, Em darling, you must stay here.” He caught her hands, raising them to his lips so he could brush a soft kiss over her knuckles.
“But—”
“You forget. You are carrying our child. Please, Emily. You may fight me all you like once I’m safely home.” He cupped her face in his hands and pressed a tender kiss upon her lips.
