by C. J. Skuse
‘Me and Max don’t do it.’ I surprised myself, saying that to Zane of all people.
‘Why not?’
‘Cos it brings back memories. To me, sex means pain, embarrassment. Wishing I was dead. And I think I need to face up to that, or else nothing will ever get better. That’s why I suggested we come out here.’
‘Is it something to do with Neil Rittman?’
I gasped, like he’d dropped an ice cube down my back. ‘Why would you say that?’
My phone buzzed in my pocket – a text from Max. Where are you? I need to see you – and I posted it back inside my hoody.
‘I saw summing once. At Max’s house, when we were all round there. Saw him… kiss you. In the kitchen. It was summer, and we were all outside in the pool. You’d gone to get a drink or summing. He was touching you. And you were just standing there, letting him. You had your eyes closed. I started to hate you then, cos I thought you were having an affair. My dad ran off, about the same time, you see. Didn’t realise till later that this was totally different.’
‘You never told anyone what you saw?’
He bowed his head. ‘I told Jessica. The day before she died.’
*
The rain was easing off by the time we left the wood, and there were more scraps of blue tearing through the clouds. Hoods still up, we walked across the heath and climbed the rocky ground up to the Pirate Graveyard. I was bizarrely calm.
‘When it started happening, I was about nine. Maybe ten. It was just the odd kiss. Or touch. Sometimes he’d pat my bum. I thought it was just something adults did. When it got worse, I tried to avoid it. I tried just not being in places where he was. But he’d always find a way. Sitting down on the sofa next to me and… I didn’t know it was wrong. I just knew I didn’t like it. So I’d pretend I was frozen. Like in Narnia, when the queen freezes people. Ironic, considering I’m supposed to be “Volcano Girl”. But I couldn’t do anything else.’
Zane sat down on top of one of the graves.
‘Sometimes it was easy to avoid. I’d just stay right out of Neil’s way, or I made sure that whenever I went round their house, Max or Jo or Jessica was there too. Or I’d call round to Corey’s, or meet you and walk round?’
He nodded, but said nothing.
‘But once, there was a whole house full of people. Jo’s 50th, it was. Everyone was there, even you guys. We were all outside watching the fireworks on the hill. I’d gone inside to the loo and, when I came out, he was there. He pushed me into their bedroom. I could hear the party going on, the music thumping through the walls, the fireworks. He kissed me on the mouth. He was all cigar stink and his tongue was hard and slimy and his hands were everywhere.
‘He said it was my fault for showing my legs. And that I shouldn’t wear dresses cos they “fired him up”. He called me a deviant. He said I pretended to be all innocent but really, I wanted it. And he said if I told anyone, I’d be in big trouble. So I kept my mouth shut. And I stopped wearing dresses. And I stopped showing my legs. I stopped trying to be pretty.’
Zane stared across the bay, towards the hillside, where JoNeille House was, looking like he was trying to burn it down with his eyes. I could have told him not to bother. I’d tried that a million times and it had never worked.
‘Nothing else happened for about two years. In the meantime, he was over-nice to me. Kept giving me presents, through Max – jewellery, iPhones, money no object. Fifty quid for my birthday; a hundred quid for Christmas. When I started running, and getting good at it, he started sponsoring me, telling me what a big star I was going to be. At first, I thought it was an apology. Then on EastEnders one night they had a storyline about grooming. And I realised that’s what he was doing. He was buying my silence. Owning me. Like he owns everything else.’
There was another buzz in my pocket. Ella, where are you? M. No kiss.
‘Sorry,’ I said, getting my phone out and replying to the message. Will text u later. Then I turned it off. ‘The thing… the rape, it only happened once. Right here.’
Zane looked up, his eyes dark and dead. ‘Here? On the island?’
‘I thought it was all over. I thought he’d realised what he’d done wasn’t right, and that he’d stopped it all. I thought not wearing dresses and not wearing make up had worked. That I’d won. But then it was Max’s birthday. Remember, we all came out here for a picnic? Disposable barbecues, blankets, all his family, all of us lot? It was a scorching hot day. When I got to the house, no one else was there, but Neil made me think everything was OK, that Max and Jo and everyone had gone on ahead to the island. So me and him were supposed to take the rest of the furniture over in the speedboat.’
Zane cleared his throat. ‘But no one was here.’
I shook my head. ‘He said he’d got it wrong. But never mind because he was sure they’d be here soon. Then he said we should get on with setting up the furniture anyway, and then go back and pick them all up. And I believed him.
‘The tide was in, so it wasn’t like I could just run back to the house. I was trapped. And I knew what was going to happen. He said we should go for a walk in the woods, and he kept asking me stuff, private stuff. He asked if I had a bikini on under my clothes. I said no. He asked if I’d started my period. I said yes. He asked if I was having my period right then. I said no. Then he started kissing me, but I didn’t kiss back. He told me to touch him. He forced my hands down… then he pinned me to the ground in the woods.
‘I tried so hard to make it difficult. I screamed at one point, but he held my neck. He said if I’d just lie there and let it happen it would be so much easier. Cos if I struggled, it would hurt more. And then Max would see the marks. And my dad would see them. And they’d both worry. So I stopped struggling and just let it happen. I let him hurt me in the most painful embarrassing way anyone can hurt another person. And afterwards, I kept it all inside me where it couldn’t hurt anyone else.’
‘You never told no one?’
I shook my head. ‘I tried telling Jess a few times but I always stopped myself. I didn’t want her to think badly of me.’ I looked out, across the water towards Brynstan Hill. ‘I’ve hated the sight of that hill ever since. Afterwards, Neil said he’d done me a favour. I’d got it “out of the way”. “No girl wants to be a virgin.” And again, he said if I told anyone about it, I’d be in big trouble. I thought he meant he’d find a way of stopping my dad’s cancer treatment. I don’t know how I got that into my head, but I did and it wouldn’t budge. Telling people about it meant losing Dad. It meant losing Max. It meant I was on my own. I changed that day. Something in me got cold. He did that. Just him.’
Zane looked down at the damp logs. ‘He did it to Jessica as well, didn’t he?’
I nodded. ‘I think Rosie Hayes was telling the truth at Jessica’s inquest. I’m sure she took her own life. I think she could handle what he was doing to her, but when she knew he was doing it to me too, she just…’
‘… couldn’t.’
I nodded. Zane came over to me and stood beside me at the little white stone.
‘Did Jess give you anything, the last time you saw her?’ I asked him.
‘No,’ he said.
‘Oh.’
‘I’ve never forgotten what she said to me though. She told me to be strong, whatever happens. No one can mess with you if you’re stronger than they are.’
A pain rattled deep inside my chest.
‘What about you?’
I shook my head. ‘No, she didn’t say anything. You think I should have told someone sooner, about what Neil was doing. Don’t you?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t think anything.’
Before I knew it, he had his arms out to me and I walked into them and he embraced me in the tightest, safest hug I’d ever known. And the wind took away the sounds of our crying, so no one else would hear them.
*
It was dark by the time I got back home. On the walk back I’d got several things straight in my head. Now I’d told Zane,
I knew it would be easier to tell others. Maybe even the police. Maybe they would look into it. Zane said I could trust him to back me up if no one else did. Telling Max would be a different story. What if he didn’t believe me? I’d already spun him a line about having sex at some imaginary sleepover. What if he told me I was disgusting and never wanted to see me again? These were all thoughts I’d had before. But I knew the time for bottling things up had ended. The volcano had to erupt.
There was a note from Dad in the kitchen saying he’d gone to swing dance class with Celestina. I didn’t even know he’d signed up for swing dance classes. There were twelve messages on our answerphone. I switched on my mobile to see twenty-three missed calls, all from callers various. The first voicemail I picked up told me all I needed to know. It was Fallon.
‘Ella, please pick up. It’s an emergency. Max is here. He’s got Pete Hamlin tied up in the boot of his car. I think he wants us to kill him.’
‘In the boot of his car?’
23
A Nasty Surprise
It didn’t make sense to me either just then, but I knew I had to get to the farm somehow and find out what the hell was happening. I scrolled through my numbers for the local cab firm and booked a taxi, grabbing all the loose change in the housekeeping tin for the fare. Then I paced the house, top and bottom, while I waited, thinking and overthinking. Maybe it was a prank. Maybe he’d got Fallon to mess with me? No. Fallon wouldn’t do that. And Max wasn’t a pranker. This was happening.
The taxi arrived. On the way there he tried to make small talk about the tourist trade in Brynstan, but all my replies were one-word answers. I couldn’t get Corey or Max to answer their phones – both kept going to voicemail. What if I didn’t get there in time? What was Max going to do? What had Pete done to deserve this? I had a horrible feeling and the feeling wouldn’t shake.
A part of me knew – had known all along. Max was jealous of Pete, always had been. I’d tried and tried to convince him there was nothing between us, but he didn’t believe me. Why would he believe me anyway? I’d kissed Pete, hadn’t I? I’d done this. I’d caused it.
When I got there, the sky was darkening – it was just after 7 p.m. The taxi dropped me off on the road outside Whitehouse Farm and zoomed back up Long Lane.
The lane was quiet. The house was quiet, too. I knocked on the door of the lean-to, and the security light blinked on above my head. But apart from the usual barking and meowing and squawking hullaballoo inside, nothing else happened. I couldn’t see Max’s car, or any sign of a struggle. Quiet wasn’t good. The security light blinked off again.
My phone buzzed. A text from Corey.
We’re at Witch’s Pool. Hurry.
And I just took off then, sprinting through the damp fields, into the woods and down the dry tracks onto the Strawberry Line, pelting along the road through the long dark tunnel, not stopping until I’d reached the section of embankment we’d climbed up a million times and the sign for ‘Wit Po’.
I scrabbled through the long grasses until I saw a movement. Heard a noise. A baby was crying. I ran closer, into the clearing, and saw Fallon first, standing back from the pond. Corey was in front of her, shielding her it seemed. They both saw me at the same time. Then their eyes darted back across the pond.
There on the rickety bridge stood Max. And at his feet was a large, long bundle with a bag over its head. A wriggling bundle. A wriggling man. I got closer. It was a pillowcase over his head. The pillowcase was tied around his neck. The bundle was Pete.
‘Is he dead?’ I whispered. I don’t know why I whispered. It was as though any sudden noise and Max would kick forwards and Pete would roll into the pond and disappear.
‘No,’ said Fallon, her voice soft, quivering like feathers. ‘But he says this will get the truth out of him. Ella, he won’t listen to us.’
‘He said he wants us here as witnesses,’ said Corey. ‘He’s hit the green stuff hard tonight, Ella. He’s not thinking straight at all. He’s out of his mind.’
I turned back to the pond. ‘Max,’ I said, as calmly as I could. ‘If he goes in there, he’ll drown. You don’t want to kill him.’
‘I want him to tell the truth,’ said Max. I started moving around the edge of the water, getting closer to Max. His cheeks were tear-tracked and he looked shabby. Dirty, even. There was stubble on his chin and his hair was as greasy as I’d ever seen it. His pale green T-shirt had a couple of stains down the front. Oil-dark. Blood-dark.
‘I want to hear him say it.’ Max pulled on the pillowcase and it flew off Pete’s face and he was yanked into a sitting position. One of Pete’s eyes was puffy and his nose was bleeding. His skin was sweating and his T-shirt was wet through. When he saw me, his good eye opened wider, and he garbled behind his gag. ‘I want to hear him say he raped you. Then I’m gonna kick him in. Let them deal with him.’
My mouth dropped open. ‘Max, no,’ was all I could say. ‘No. No. No.’
I looked across at Fallon and Corey, who were shivering like two puppies left out in the cold. Let who deal with him? I wondered. And then I got it – he meant the witches. The women who’d drowned, the ones who haunted the pool.
‘It’s just a bloody story for God’s sake, it isn’t real. It’s something they made up for tourists,’ said Corey, wrapping his arm around Fallon’s shoulder. She was shaking so hard, even though it wasn’t a cold evening. It was only then that I noticed Fallon had the baby in her arms, wrapped in her coat.
‘Why are Fallon and Corey here, Max? They’ve got the baby. It’s not fair…’
‘I need witnesses,’ he gabbled. ‘People to testify whether or not he sinks or swims. Otherwise it won’t work.’
‘The baby doesn’t need to be here though.’
‘Yes, she does. She’s in the Five.’
‘Jesus, Max, this isn’t a game any more. This isn’t a Fearless Five thing. You’ve got to see that. You’ve got to untie him.’
‘No.’ And he yanked him closer to the edge of the pond and balanced his foot sole on top of his thigh. ‘Not gonna happen.’
‘Max, Pete hasn’t done anything to me,’ I said slowly, moving closer to the bridge. ‘He really hasn’t, I promise you. You need to untie him now.’
‘Don’t touch him. He’s mine.’
‘OK. I’m staying here. It’s all right.’
His chipmunk smile had been replaced by a thin, closed mouth, like his teeth were caged just inside, frightened to be seen. ‘I’m teach-ing the tea-cher a les-son,’ he sing-songed.
‘A lesson in what?’ I said, breathlessly, desperately trying to keep the panic at bay.
Max laughed, the candles all around him flickering. ‘A lesson in revenge, of course.’
‘But Pete hasn’t done anything! Listen to what I’m saying. He’s innocent.’
‘I don’t believe you, any more than I believe him. So we’ll let the water decide,’ he said. ‘I figured it out, Ells. Why you hate running. Why you’re always angry. Always moaning about Pete. Why you’ve been coming back injured from training. Why you never ever wanna talk about it. And why you won’t let me touch you there.’
His eyes dropped to my thighs and my cheeks flamed instantly.
‘He’s gonna pay for what he’s done to you, at least. Just like the Shaws paid for what they did. Just like Zane paid. Just like Shelby paid. Only much worse.’
‘I told you at the hospital he’s never laid a finger on me. It wasn’t him, I swear.’
‘He said you kissed him.’
I looked at Pete, then back at Max. I could smell rotting vegetation at the edge of the pond where it had all silted up. The water looked black in the early evening light. Oily and thick with weed. ‘That was all me, Max. And it was only a few days ago and my head was all over the place. Seriously, that was nothing…’
‘He did it to Jessica, as well. I know he did.’
‘What? No, he didn’t. Jess didn’t even go to our school.’
Max nodded slowly. I di
dn’t know what he was nodding at but he rolled Pete closer to the edge of the pond. I couldn’t figure out why Pete wasn’t fighting back and then I realised his feet and hands were tied together. And he was right on the water’s edge now.
‘I swear to you, this is a massive mistake. He didn’t even know Jess.’
‘They do this, you know. I Googled it,’ he said. ‘They groom their victims until they can’t even admit what’s happened to themselves.’ He looked up at me. ‘You and Fallon – when you changed in Jess’s room the other day, at my house. You looked in her journals.’
‘I…’
‘We put them back after,’ Fallon called out. ‘All of them.’
‘One was out of place,’ said Max. He fumbled behind him and pulled out the yellow Composition notebook that had been tucked into the back of his jeans. ‘This one,’ he announced to the meadow.
I could feel Fallon’s eyes on me, and I glanced at her. I could hear her quiet sobs on the warm summer air.
‘You left it sticking out. Only slightly, but it had definitely been moved. I would know, see, because I have to make sure everything’s back the way it was for when Mum goes in there. She doesn’t like anyone touching Jess’s stuff, even me. She still thinks one day Jess is going to come home. You were both acting weird over lunch.’
‘So were you,’ I said.
‘Yeah well I’d seen it, hadn’t I?’ he shouted. ‘I’d seen this.’ He opened up the book and held up the white page but the writing was too fine to see.
‘I think we should take the baby back to the house now,’ said Corey quietly, moving himself and Fallon away from the water’s edge.
Max heard him. ‘Stay where you are. I need you here. All of you.’ He started thumbing through the pages. ‘Stories. Drawings. Little thoughts Jess had over the years. Some of it I didn’t get at first. It confused me. But some of it was clear enough. About wishing kids never had to grow up. About this older guy taking advantage. Kissing her when she didn’t want him to. Forcing her to do stuff. She never said who. I could only read so much of it.’ He held the same page aloft again and I moved close enough that I could read it.
