“Phillip is enjoying himself,” he said.
They were four short words, yet they undid all of Tabby’s hard-earned control over her emotions. There was no denying the yearning she felt for the man, which only strengthened with each passing hour. Being around him was like scenting a heavenly meal on an empty stomach, but she knew she could not partake. And it was only getting harder to remember why she mustn’t.
“Yes,” replied Tabby, her voice rough. She cleared her throat. “He has always adored horses and ponies.”
“Then I am glad he is able to have this opportunity.” That low and gentle voice of his wrapped around her, unraveling her hard-fought self-control.
“Thank you for it,” she managed to say. Tabby did not look at the captain, but she sensed his smile.
“I would do anything for Phillip,” he said.
Tabby had no ability to guard her heart against such kindness. She swallowed back the emotions, blinking away the prickles of tears.
“And for you…” His words came out as little more than a whisper, so soft that she hardly knew if they were real or the imaginings of her muddled heart.
Straightening, Tabby raised her hand to Phillip. “You are doing splendidly!” she called, allowing the diversion to put some distance between them. The man had no idea how appealing he was, but Tabby needed to keep her wits about her.
“I have been thinking,” he said. “Perhaps it would be best if Phillip moved into Gladwell House. I have not spoken with Mina about it, but I doubt she would object. A boy needs his mother.”
Tabby turned to stare at Graham. He leaned against the gate, watching her with that half-smile of his on his lips. She should not have looked directly at him for it set her heart aflutter. Tabby wished she could shake some sense into her muddled head; she was no simpering debutante to be so affected by a gentleman’s attentions.
“To stay?” she replied. “You cannot be serious.”
Graham’s head cocked to the side. “And why not? He is a delightful child, and we both adore having him around.”
“It is unseemly, Captain Ashbrook,” she said, as though speaking his proper name would somehow allow her to gain control over her erratic heartbeat. “There would be talk.”
The man seemed to consider it, but he shook it away. “Perhaps, but certainly people would understand that it would be better than leaving the child alone. That neighbor you hired cannot be trusted with him.”
Tabby could not argue with that. There was no chance she would ever entrust Phillip with Mrs. Allen again, but before she could speak, Captain Ashbrook continued.
“Who else would watch him but you?”
Tabby’s knees felt weak, but there was no place to sit. Surely, he could not mean…
Her mind grasped for calm, but understanding dawned, and for the first time in her life, Tabby felt liable to faint. He did not realize she was still married. How could that be? She understood Mrs. Bunting’s misapprehension, but Tabby had spoken with Captain Ashbrook about her husband. She scoured her memory for what had been shared, and she could not recall if there had been anything explicitly stated.
But it was pointless. Clearly, Captain Ashbrook thought her a widow, and he would not think so if she had said anything to the contrary.
Holding back a groan, Tabby thought of all the time they had shared together. A dozen different moments came to mind, and she saw them all anew. His words, his gestures, his gazes. Knowing that he thought her free to welcome such attentions shed them in a different light.
Graham cared for her.
The sun blazed in the sky above, but a cold shiver spread through her. Turning away from the gentleman, Tabby closed her eyes as her own behavior surged to her forethoughts. Every kindness had been meant innocently, but now knowing what she did, Tabby saw how they might lead him to believe she was open to his affections.
The thought of it set her insides twisting and reeling, and Tabby wished she could disappear into oblivion. It was one thing to risk her own heart, but knowing she had led him on—however unintentionally—stung. There was no way to undo this. Not without bringing great pain to him.
“Mrs. Russell?” His voice was close behind her, and Tabby felt him at her back. His hand brushed her arm, and Tabby closed her eyes at the feel of it, allowing herself one moment of weakness.
A horse whinnied from inside the stables, the sound coming out like a great trumpet, and Tabby whirled around to see Phillip’s pony skitter. The groom kept the beast under control, but Phillip swayed in the saddle. He wrenched the pony’s mane, and it shrieked, knocking him clear off.
“Phillip!”
Using his one free arm, the groom caught her son while holding firm to the pony’s lead. Tabby rushed around the fence and into the yard, hurrying over to her boy. With a great gasp, Phillip let loose a wail, which made the pony yank at the groom.
Tabby scooped Phillip into her arms, and he buried his face into her neck, his nose and cheeks wetting her skin.
“He’s fine, ma’am,” said the groom. “Only a bit of a scare.”
Rubbing her little man’s back, she sighed. “I know. A bit of a scare for both of us. Thank you for catching him.”
The groom gave her a nod. “Sorry about that. Buttercup doesn’t spook easily, but Black Devil has been in a mood today,” he said, nodding over to the stable where the horse that had started the trouble gave another agitated whinny, batting against its stall.
“Is he hurt?” asked Captain Ashbrook. Even with his sore leg, he was only a few steps behind her.
“No,” said Tabby, though Phillip had not released her. “Though perhaps it would be best if I took him home.”
Captain Ashbrook nodded, reaching over to pat Phillip’s back. “I shall have the carriage readied.”
Tabby shook her head. “I shan’t trouble you. I can walk.”
“Don’t be silly.”
The last thing she needed was to be in closer proximity to Captain Ashbrook. “It was time for us to leave anyway, and you are set for dinner with your sister and brother-in-law. I am certain it must be nearly time for you to join them.”
“Mrs. Russell,” said the captain, his eyebrows raised. “Surely, you understood that you and Phillip were included in the invitation.”
Phillip’s cries had never been a pleasant sound for Tabby, but at that moment, she was beyond grateful that he was sobbing. “I think it best if I get him someplace quiet. Perhaps another time,” she said, though she knew another time would not come.
“At least allow me to escort you,” he said, offering her his arm.
Tabby shook her head. “It would push you beyond your limits, and I could make the journey on foot faster than they can ready the carriage.”
Captain Ashbrook drew closer, and Tabby’s breath caught. Focusing on Phillip, she was able to keep her hands from shaking.
“I would like to be of assistance,” he said, his eyes pleading with her.
“We are fine. Truly.”
Disappointment clouded his gaze, but he stepped away. Without a backward glance, Tabby marched out of the stableyard and headed towards the path to Gladwell House. By the time she was out of sight, Phillip’s cries had calmed and he was quiet against her shoulder.
And that was when Tabby realized she had not corrected the captain’s misunderstanding. The thought of having to do so did horrid things to her heart, but she knew she must admit the truth. To allow things to stand as is would only cause greater pain to both of them. Perhaps it was early enough that his heart would not be bruised.
Hopefully, she would find a new position soon. They would part and never meet again. A weight settled in her heart, pulling at Tabby until it was a struggle to put one foot in front of the other. It was for the best, even if it did not feel so. Tabby must stay until she had a new position; they could not afford for her to leave now. For Phillip, she would bury her feelings for Captain Ashbrook, though she longed to pack her bags and disappear that instant.
&nb
sp; Thank heavens tonight was her evening off. She could take Phillip home and deal with this awful mess tomorrow.
Chapter 24
Flexing his fingers around the handle of his cane, Graham stood outside Simon’s study. In his thoughts, this step had been an easy one, but standing on the precipice was daunting. In the hours and days he had been thinking about this very moment, not once had Graham expected to be nervous. But there it was, that tickle in his stomach. Not that Graham doubted what should happen, but that Simon might not approve. And not that Simon’s disapproval would sway him, but Graham liked the gentleman and feared the possibility of a rift.
A gentleman and a servant. Graham may not be well-versed in the ways of society, but he knew enough to know that such a breach of social divides would not go unchallenged. Especially, when the couple lived under the same roof.
But Tabby was worth it.
Rapping his knuckles against the wood, Graham waited for Simon’s call and stepped into the room. Having never been inside before, it startled Graham how much it looked like his father’s study. But then again, Graham didn’t have much experience with gentlemen’s studies. Perhaps they all looked vaguely the same with their mounds of books stacked along the walls, dark woods, and massive desks sitting before even more massive windows.
“Graham,” Simon said in greeting and motioned for him to take a seat. “What brings you here?”
“I wanted to speak with you about my future.” Graham knew he should have begun the conversation with some polite inanities, but he had no inclinations towards the inane.
“Your future,” Simon said with raised eyebrows. Leaning into his wingback chair, Simon regarded Graham. “If it weren’t for the smile on your face that would sound very ominous.”
At that, Graham’s smile grew. “Yes, well, I have never had much of a head for finances, and I was hoping you would help me navigate it.”
“I would love to,” he said. “Though in truth, Mina asked me to take a look at your accounts months ago, and you are in a good situation.”
Why that revelation was surprising, Graham did not know. That was so like Mina to go quietly about ensuring that those she loved her were cared for. A mother hen through and through.
“Enough to purchase a home?” asked Graham.
Simon’s eyes widened. “You are looking to settle? Ashore?”
Graham squeezed the head of his cane and then drummed his fingers against it. A small part of him hurt at the thought of his lost past, even though he knew moving forward with his life was the best option. The only one. Fighting for his naval career had occupied so much of his thoughts and efforts that it was difficult to adjust to this change in course—even if had the promise of being a far better future.
“I have already written to my superiors to tell them that I am unable to continue my duties,” he said. “Though I have not yet received a reply, I don’t anticipate any trouble on that front. With any luck, the whole thing should be settled fairly quickly, and I will be a retired naval captain.”
Simon stared at Graham. “Is it wrong for me to be glad you have come to your senses?”
Graham huffed, though he smiled in return: the relief on Simon’s face was too humorous to do otherwise. “I have been a bit of a fool.”
“It happens to the best of us.”
“Yes, well, I’m ready to move forward, and that includes finding a home.”
“There is no need for you to move out of Gladwell House,” said Simon. “I know it may not be an ideal situation, but do not feel as though you need to leave the moment you are able.”
Graham shifted in his seat, leaning his cane against the chair beside him. “It is a fine spot for a bachelor brother, but as I am on the mend and hope not to be so…” Graham struggled to say the word and felt a blush creep across his cheeks, “unattached much longer, I believe it time for me to secure more permanent lodging.”
Simon grinned like a fool. “Unattached? And might I ask the name of the lady?”
Graham crossed his arms, but Simon gave him a steady gaze. He could not believe his brother-in-law was going to force him to say it aloud. Not that he minded saying it aloud. Any time he was able to speak of Tabby was a blessed event, but Simon was only tormenting him.
“Tabby Russell,” he mumbled.
“Congratulations!” said Simon. “I should send for Mina, and we can celebrate.”
Graham raised a hand. “I haven’t spoken to the lady yet. At this point, I am simply assessing what is to be done for our future.”
“‘Our future’, eh?”
Graham wanted to growl at the triumph in Simon’s face, but it was difficult to do when his mouth kept pulling itself into a silly grin. “Yes, our future. We haven’t spoken explicitly as I cannot press my suit while we are living under the same roof, but I have every reason to believe she is receptive.”
“‘Receptive’, eh?” chuckled Simon.
Sighing, Graham pinched the bridge of his nose.
Simon raised his hands. “I apologize, but it is impossible to pass on the opportunity to tease you.” Leaning forward, Simon rested on his elbows. “In all seriousness, I like your Mrs. Russell, and if you wish to start a life with her, we must alter your present arrangement. You courting a member of staff will raise enough eyebrows without you two being in such close quarters. We don’t want to add fuel to the fire.”
“She is not staff,” he bristled.
Simon raised placating hands again. “You may not think of her that way, and heaven knows Mina does not, but to everyone else, she is. I am not suggesting that you need to revise your plans, but you must be careful. I have seen how much damage rumors can cause, and for both your sakes and that of her boy, we must proceed with caution.”
Graham nodded, not liking the stark reality but accepting it all the same. His eyes drifted to Simon’s desk, mindlessly tracing over the knick-knacks cluttering it. Graham would hate for Tabby to be hurt by such malicious things, and if there was any way for him to protect her from it, he would do his part.
“I am happy for you,” said Simon, drawing Graham’s gaze back to him. His fingers tapped the desk, and Simon’s own eyes drifted away. “To find someone with whom you wish to spend your life is an incredible thing.”
Tabby and Phillip entered Graham’s thoughts, and he could picture their future together. The image filled his heart until it was ready to burst, though a flicker of fear lurked in the shadowy edges of that glorious future. “She has not yet accepted me. As I said, I haven’t spoken with her, and she may not feel the same.”
Simon grunted and nodded. “That is a terrifying place to be in—loving someone and unsure of whether they reciprocate—but the risk is worth it. As one who has been in your shoes, I will attest that finding the right woman can make your life heaven on earth and losing her brings on the agony of hell.”
“That is not comforting.”
Simon shrugged, his gaze turning to a vase of lilies displayed on a pedestal against the wall. “The greatest blessings often come with the biggest risks. I cannot begin to tell you how terrified I was to prostrate myself before Mina and beg her to forgive me. Not because of my pride but because I was certain she despised me.”
Graham straightened, staring at Simon. “What did you do that was so terrible?”
Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Simon straightened and swallowed, though his gaze did not return to Graham’s. “I would prefer not to dredge up that bit of my past.” Simon ground his teeth together. “It does not reflect well on me, and though years have passed, it is still painful to recall. But the point is that securing your Lady Love may not be easy, but it is worth it, and if there is one thing that Mina has taught me, it is to hold onto hope.”
Graham chuckled. “That sounds like Mina.”
Simon’s expression softened as it usually did when he was thinking about his wife. It was filled with love and contentment, the kind which Graham hoped to find with Tabby. The kind he knew was possible wit
h her. The kind that nestled into his heart and warmed him like the sun, turning his frigid world into a summer’s day.
“Well, we shall need to formulate a plan to get Mrs. Russell out of service and Gladwell House,” said Simon. “But if we are to do so, it would be best to include Mina in this discussion. My brilliant wife can find a solution far faster than either of us.”
Standing, Simon led Graham out of the study, and the two men made their way through the house.
“I know she will not accept charity,” said Graham, his cane tapping along with his dragging steps. “She despises being a drain on others.”
“And I like her all the more for it, though it presents a bit of a challenge,” Simon replied. “Perhaps with you nearly able to live on your own, we can offer her a position as Mina’s companion. I would feel better having someone around to assist her during the last months before our child is born. My steward is taking over more of my duties as we get closer to the arrival so that I may be free to watch over my wife. Perhaps we could pose Mrs. Russell as a similar sort of helper. Mrs. Witmore does a fine job with the household, but Mina has a myriad of other duties with which she could use some help.”
“That could work,” said Graham as they reached Mina’s private sitting room.
“Dearest,” said Simon, pushing open the door. “Mina?” Simon disappeared into the room, hurrying to his wife’s side. Graham hobbled in to find Mina bent over, leaning on the sofa arm, one of her hands wrapped around the swell of her belly.
“What is the matter?” asked Simon, helping her to sit.
Her face was pinched, and she eased out a breath. “Only a bit of pain, Simon,” she said when she could speak. “Dr. Clarke assured us it was normal to feel such things from time to time.”
Simon crouched before her, taking her hand in his. “That does not look like ‘only a bit of pain’, Mina.”
“It is gone now,” she said with a tired smile. “Truly, I am fine.”
“Perhaps, but I would feel better if we sent for Dr. Clarke,” said Simon.
A True Gentleman (Regency Love Book 2) Page 19
