A True Gentleman (Regency Love Book 2)

by M. A. Nichols

  And then Tabby’s thoughts strayed to the man who constantly lurked in the back of her thoughts.

  Tabby stood and returned to the cottage, wishing to brush her memories aside as easily as she brushed the dirt from her skirt. But once again, Captain Ashbrook came to mind when she stepped through the kitchen door. It looked nothing like Gladwell House, yet just having the similar accoutrements strewn around her was enough to recall the memories of them baking together.

  It was foolishness. A gentleman such as Captain Graham Ashbrook would not last long among the single ladies of Bristow. It had been nearly ten months since they had last met, and there was no possibility that he was unattached and free to pursue a further acquaintance.

  Snatching the nearest rag, Tabby began scrubbing at the pristine table.

  Heavens above, she didn’t even know if he desired such a thing after everything that had happened. It was one thing for him to help Phillip in their time of need, but that was no indication that he wasn’t infuriated at her deceit. He had a good heart, and anyone in his position would have fetched the physician. It meant nothing.

  And yet…

  Tabby froze, twisting the rag in her hands.

  And yet, she had seen the look in his eyes at their final parting. She thought she understood it, but then again, Tabby was no longer confident in her ability to read men. Joshua had certainly taught her not to trust appearances.

  “You should be out enjoying the fine weather, not sitting inside, fretting. Such lovely days are few and far between,” said Mrs. Engle, bustling into the kitchen and pulling the rag from Tabby’s fingers. “You are going to wear yourself out if you keep it up.”

  “I have a lot on my mind,” said Tabby as she took a seat at the table.

  “I’m certain you do,” said Mrs. Engle, glancing at Tabby for a fraction of a second before turning her attention to the pantry. “You’ve had a lot of upheaval in your life, and I would be worried if you weren’t at odds with yourself.”

  “At odds?” Tabby tried for nonchalance but failed miserably.

  Mrs. Engle retrieved a tin and shut the pantry door. Popping open the lid, she offered a biscuit to Tabby. “It is no sin to be happy that your life has become less complicated.”

  Tabby shrugged and turned the biscuit in her hands. “Tell that to my heart.”

  Mrs. Engle sat opposite her, shifting in her seat and toying with the tin. “I know what it is like to be rid of a husband.”

  Stilling, Tabby stared at the woman who studiously avoided her gaze.

  “It is not something I freely admit to most, but I was married before Mr. Engle.”

  The biscuit lay abandoned on the table, and Tabby waited for her to continue.

  Mrs. Engle took a breath. “In truth, my story is not terribly different from your own, though I was never as posh as you, ma’am.” At that, a shy smile stretched across Mrs. Engle’s face. “But women of any class can be blinded by the men they love.”

  Leaning forward, Mrs. Engle took Tabby’s hands in her own. “The truth is that I give thanks every day that my first husband is gone, and that I was able to find such a good man as Mr. Engle. At first, I felt wicked for being relieved that my burden was gone and I could start a new life without being dragged down by a selfish creature who cared only about himself.

  “I allowed that guilt to keep me from moving on with my life,” she said, her eyes shining. “I had men who wanted to court me, and I chased each one of them off. If Mr. Engle hadn’t been so persistent, I would never have known what it was like to be cherished and loved the way a woman ought to be. And I have come to believe that he is my reward for making the best of a difficult situation.”

  “But I—”

  Mrs. Engle raised a staying hand. “It has been nearly a fortnight since you arrived on our doorstep, and we have discussed much about your marriage. I know that you tried your best to make a go of it. There is only so much you can do about the actions of others, and you cannot allow yourself to get mired in guilt over being unable to love a man who treated his family so shabbily. In truth, I think you were far more patient with your husband than I ever was with mine.”

  “I appreciate the thought,” said Tabby, picking up the biscuit and turning it in her hands. “But you did not meet your Mr. Engle until after you were free to feel such things.”

  Crossing her arms, Mrs. Engle gave Tabby a hard look. “So, I am right to believe that someone else holds your heart? Perhaps that Captain Ashbrook you’ve mentioned a few times?”

  Tabby’s shoulders slumped, and she abandoned the biscuit again. There was no hiding the truth anymore, so she laid out the entire tale to the sweet woman who sat so patiently throughout it. Though she asked a few clarifying questions, she simply listened as Tabby poured out all her troubles.

  “And that’s what you are tearing yourself up about?” asked Mrs. Engle. “I would have expected at least a little more impropriety.”

  “I fell in love with a man who is not my husband!” Saying the words aloud made Tabby press her hands to her mouth and blush until she was a deep scarlet.

  “Oh, you silly goose,” said Mrs. Engle. “It is true that in a perfect world your heart would have remained untouched, but in a perfect world, your husband would have lived up to the promises he made. Given the circumstances, I am quite impressed with your resolve. I don’t know if I would have been able to do the same.”

  Tabby opened her mouth, but Mrs. Engle raised another staying hand.

  “I know you are going to argue with me, but do not bother for you shan’t convince me otherwise,” said the woman. “Yes, you felt things that are reserved only for a husband. That happened, but we are not always in control of our hearts. What is important is that once you realized the situation you were in, you made plans to leave. There are not many people who would face such a temptation and remain true to their marriage vows even while their husband broke his. That is courageous, Tabby. Do not think otherwise.”

  With those simple, heartfelt words, Tabby felt her shame ease. She had carried it around with her since the moment she had discovered her feelings for Captain Ashbrook, a constant reminder that had become a bit of background noise in her life. Tabby had not even realized it was so entrenched in her heart until she felt it lighten. Only a touch, but it was a beginning.

  “So, what are you sitting here for?” asked Mrs. Engle. “Go find your young man and tell him the truth.”

  And like that, Tabby’s stomach clenched, her peace fleeing her like a fox before the hunt. “I cannot possibly do that, Mrs. Engle.”

  “And why not?” she asked. “You are a respectable widow now.”

  “Not so respectable,” said Tabby, shaking her head. “Bristow was abuzz with this scandal. Even if I could ignore that, to take up with anyone so soon after my husband passed would set the gossipmongers in a dither.”

  “Oh, for goodness sakes!” said Mrs. Engle with a huff. “To turn away such a gentleman simply because others wouldn’t like it is ludicrous.”

  “I’m certain he has moved on, and I fear it is time that Phillip and I do the same,” said Tabby, coming to the decision that she had been so hesitant to make. “We must leave Rosewood Cottage and make our own way.”

  “You cannot think—” she began, but Tabby stopped her.

  “No, Mrs. Engle. It is the right thing to do,” said Tabby, standing and heading to the door. “We cannot trespass on Mrs. Kingsley’s generosity any further.”

  Mrs. Engle shook her head, crossing her arms with pursed lips. “Rubbish!”

  ***

  Fingers tapping on his knee, Graham stared at the passing countryside, desperate for the carriage to move faster. Farrow came into view, and Graham did not know if his churning stomach was due to anticipation or agitation. He had certainly been in a constant state of both since the letter had arrived. Any semblance of peace he had found in his life had evaporated the moment he had read Mina’s words.

  Tabby was free.

&
nbsp; But what if Mina were wrong? Or what if Tabby had no interest in renewing their acquaintance? Graham fell forward, his hands raking through his hair and scrubbing at his face. If he weren’t sitting, he was certain his legs would give out from under him. Tabby was free. His heart thumped in his chest, pulsing through him as he fell back against the squab. He could not breathe.

  And that was when the carriage pulled to a stop. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Graham took several steadying breaths. He had faced armed frigates and the threat of death countless times, yet none of it compared with the possibility of having Tabby taken from him again. Another breath and a few more on top of it, and Graham wrested his self-control into place. No matter how terrifying the prospect, driving away without speaking to her was not a possibility.

  Popping open the carriage door, Graham looked at Rosewood Cottage. He could not remember the last time he had been there. They had visited various times when he was a child, but he had never felt a kinship for the place as Mina did. Now it was Graham’s most favorite spot in the world for it held his future.

  Stepping onto the road, Graham made his way to the front door, listening for any sign of Phillip, but there was nothing. On such a sunny day, he would have expected the boy to be running about the fields of Farrow, but there was not a soul in sight. Graham wrapped his knuckles against the front door.

  No answer.

  He knocked again and waited. Nothing.

  His fingers wrapped a steady beat against his leg as he tried again. Leaning over, he glanced through the front windows but was greeted by an empty room.

  And then he heard a sound that was a blessing from heaven. Phillip whooped and laughed, drawing Graham around the side of the cottage into the garden. Sitting in the dirt, the lad marched his soldiers through the flowerbeds, waging war on the petunias.

  As he was about to greet the boy, Graham caught sight of Tabby through the kitchen window, freezing him in place. She sat at a table, chatting with another woman. Neither noticed him, and he was free to enjoy the picture she presented. The turn of her lips, the way her eyes crinkled at the edges. The slope of her neck. Those slight dimples of hers. Graham knew them all so well, yet his memories had not lived up to her beauty.

  Standing, she turned to leave the kitchen, but when she glanced over her shoulder, her warm eyes caught his, and it was as though an unknown weight lifted off his chest. For the first time in months, Graham was able to breathe again. Her eyes widened, and her hand inched upwards to cover her gaping mouth. It wasn’t until he stepped forward that she moved to the kitchen door, stepping out into the garden.

  His feet carried him forward without bidding, bringing him to stand toe-to-toe with her. For a silent moment, they stared at each other, Graham’s mind unable to form thoughts. Tabby was before him, inches from his touch.

  “Is it true? Are you free?” he whispered as he breathed in her scent, bringing with it a dozen memories of her.

  Her chin quivered as tears gathered in her eyes. And then, she nodded.

  His strength fled him, and Graham staggered, a bark of laughter bursting from him. Tabby spoke as she steadied him, but Graham’s mind was unable to comprehend the words. She was free. That was the only clear thought in his mind. Another bout of laughter burst forth.

  “I know I behaved abominably, but I can only hope that you can forgive me…” she said, gripping his forearm.

  At that, Graham stilled and straightened, gazing into her eyes. “Why are you apologizing?”

  Tears slipped from her eyes. “I never meant to mislead you. I had no idea that you believed me widowed, and I never thought I was risking your heart. If I had known what you felt for me I would have left long before—”

  But she stopped when Graham took her hand. The feel of her skin his set his heart racing, and he brushed his thumb across it. Slowly, he raised it to his lips, his gaze never wavering from her. A few more tears trickled down her cheeks, but Tabby’s eyes glowed at the gentle kiss.

  “You have nothing to apologize for,” he said, stepping closer to her, clasping her hand to his chest. With each movement, he watched, looking for any sign of trepidation or rejection, but he only found that glow of joy in her gaze.

  “I have spent the last months fighting what I feel for you,” he whispered, pausing to form the words he needed to say. “But I couldn’t. They are buried so deep in my heart that I could not cut them out. And now that I am free to do so, I must tell you…”

  Graham ducked his head, taking a deep breath at the wave of gratitude that overwhelmed him. Clearing his throat, he met her eyes again and said. “I love you.”

  The tears in Tabby’s eyes brought a sparkle to them as her gaze softened. She did not return the words, but Graham did not need them. With what she had suffered in her married life, it was a miracle she was willing to open her heart again, and Graham would not press her, but neither could he allow her to doubt where his heart lay.

  Leaning in, Graham watched her carefully as he pressed his lips to hers. It was not the kiss he wanted to give her, but it was the one he sensed she needed. It was filled with hopes and promises for the future, and to Graham it was as much a vow as one made before a vicar in a church. With that one chaste touch of lips, Graham gave her a silent promise to honor and cherish her for the rest of his life.

  Stepping away, he gazed into her dazed expression and the swell of color filling her cheeks. As her eyes focused on his, a tremulous smile tickled her lips. The sight of it drew him in, but Graham restrained himself for Tabby needed time. At present, it was enough to know that there were no more impediments to their future together. The rest would be sorted out later.

  Tucking her hand into his arm, Graham led her to the garden bench, her eyes never leaving his as they sat together. There was so much more that he wished to do and say, but he knew it was too soon. Phillip continued to run about the yard, chasing butterflies and catching bugs, and Graham took Tabby’s hand in his.

  Smiling at him, she squeezed it, the glow of utter contentment in her face.

  Sitting there, there was no need for Graham to count his blessings. No need to remind himself to find the joys of his new life, for there was nothing better to be had than a lifetime of days filled with Tabby and Phillip. Even his happiest moments paled in comparison to the sublime pleasure he got from having this incredible lady at his side.

  A French cannonball had stolen his naval career, but it had given him so much more in return.

  Epilogue

  Bristow, Essex

  Ten Months Later

  A pox on mourning rituals. A pox on wagging tongues. A pox on the Royal Naval Academy. And on all of Portsmouth. And if it were not for the fact that Tabby adored Graham’s sense of honor and duty, she would curse that, too.

  Tabby stared out at Avebury Park’s burgeoning gardens, witnessing the clear sign of time marching onward. It was awful enough that she felt it in her heart with each long day stretching before her but to see the budding trees and spring bulbs coming to life before her eyes was more than she could bear. How she missed Graham.

  “He shall be free soon,” said Mina from her place on the sofa.

  Glancing over at her friend, Tabby gave a rueful smile. “I had not realized I was that transparent.”

  “You have been standing there sighing for the last ten minutes,” said Mina, peeking up from her needlework. “As you do so regularly, it is not difficult to guess where your thoughts lay.”

  Coming over, Tabby sat on the couch with another sigh. “I miss him terribly.”

  “I can imagine,” said Mina, working her needle through the fabric. “In the years we have been married, I have only been apart from Simon for a sennight, and I cannot imagine being separated for longer than that.”

  “Even though you were glad to be rid of him at the time,” said Tabby with a smile.

  Mina shook her head, giving a mock scowl. “Of all the things I felt during that time, ‘glad’ was not one of them, and I should never ha
ve told you that story. I shan’t tell you anything more if you insist on teasing me about it.”

  The sitting room door opened, and Jennings stepped inside to offer up a thick letter to Mina. Tabby leaned forward to glimpse at the handwriting, but she could not make out who it was from. A flutter of anticipation flitted through her, hitching her breath as Mina took it with a smile. Breaking open the seal, she pulled out a hidden secondary letter and handed it to Tabby.

  “I suppose I should feel put out that yours is so much thicker than mine,” said Mina. “But as Graham has written me more during the last ten months than in all his years in the navy, I will be satisfied with the shorter missive.”

  But Tabby did not respond. Hurrying towards the door, she rushed past a grinning Jennings and scurried to her room. Sitting on her bed, she pulled open her letter, savoring Graham’s scent that lingered on the paper. Tabby absorbed each word, reveling in even the minor details he had to tell her. The exciting and mundane all held her in their grip as Tabby imagined all the goings on in his world.

  She wished she were a part of it.

  It had made sense ten months ago for them to undertake such a secretive courtship. Being newly widowed and far too fragile, Tabby had been in no position to contemplate anything more serious, but months of separation were becoming a torture. Perhaps it would be different if Graham were nearby, but his commitment to the Royal Naval Academy kept him in Portsmouth, which was too far a distance for regular visits. If it weren’t for Mina conveying their letters hidden among her own, the courting couple would be denied even that little contact.

  Tabby read the letter twice more before going to her dressing table to tuck it away with the others. Though not all of them contained anything romantic or sentimental, each was a precious piece of him, and Tabby would not part with a single one.