by Marilyn Lee
"Would you like anything else?" I asked when she finally fell silent after what seemed an endless age.
She shook her head, smiling at me. "What I'd like is to know something about you. All I know is your name and that you're John's brother."
It was finally time to tell her what she should already have known. But given the fact that both Sherlyn and Amber would be pissed if I hurt her, I knew I had to choose my words carefully. "There's not much to tell beyond that except that I've been divorced twice and that I'm currently not interested in anything beyond a casual relationship."
"Oh."
She seemed so disappointed that I almost felt sorry for her. Almost. "How long have you known Sherlyn?"
She frowned. "You're doing it again."
I arched a brow. "Doing what?"
"Finding an excuse to mention Sher."
Her response surprised me. "What?"
"You've been doing it all night. Almost every time I say something or ask a question, you find an excuse to mention her."
"Have I?"
"Yes."
I leaned forward. "Since you've noticed something I wasn't even aware that I was doing, now is probably a good time to tell you that I like her."
"What do you mean you like her?"
I hesitated before responding. "I'm sure you know that you're a very pretty woman."
"But?"
I shrugged. "But I married two very pretty women, both of whom left me emotionally cold. Although I'm sure you're a wonderful woman with a lot to offer the right man, I'm currently not in the market to date another pretty woman."
She shook her head. "Are you implying you're not interested in dating me because of Sher?"
"No. I’m not interested in dating you because I've had my fill of pretty women."
"But you like Sher?"
I nodded. "As a matter of fact I do."
"And you're interested in dating her?"
"I'd love to, but she won't hear of it because of her loyalty to you."
"So last night when she was supposed to be talking me up, she—"
"She wasn't just supposed to be talking you up. She did talk you up. She nearly twisted herself into knots to convince me what a great person you are. My lack of interest in dating you has nothing to do with her failure to sing your praises. She did that ad nauseam."
She blinked rapidly and I feared she was about to treat me to a show of tears. "Why did you ask me out if you weren't interested in at least getting to know me?"
"I asked you out because she wanted me to," I admitted.
She compressed her lips. "I thought you liked me."
Shit. "I don't know you." And I didn’t want to know her.
"You don't know Sher either."
Touché.
"But you still like her?"
"Yes. I do."
"I...shall I call a cab?"
"I'll take you home."
She shook her head. "Please don't bother. The time you waste in driving me home is time you could be spending with Sherlyn."
Fuck! That sounded catty. "I've already pointed out that she won't see me because of a sense of misguided loyalty to you."
"Misguided? How is it misguided?"
"It's misguided because I didn't even know you existed until yesterday morning when I saw you both at the same time. There's nothing between you and I that would make her and I dating in any way disloyal."
"I don't agree and I know she won't either!" She pushed back her chair and stood up.
I rose and reached for my wallet.
By the time I took care of the bill she'd stormed out. When I reached the parking lot, I saw her getting into a cab. Although I suspected I'd get an earful from both Sherlyn and Amber, I was relieved that Janine now knew I had no interest in her. I was now free to decide if I should attempt to try to wrestle Sherlyn away from Darkwater who clearly was too stupid to know the real thing when he saw it.
* * *
Darkwater
I stopped on the way to Michael's place to send Sherlyn a text message. Forgive me. Her almost immediate response disheartened me. Never.
Oh, fuck. Had I blown things with her for good?
Michael listened in silence while I told him about throwing the picture against the wall. "Why did you do that?" He asked when I finished speaking.
I shook my head. "I was foolish enough to allow you and Am to convince me she really was still in love with me."
"We both happen to think she is."
"Yeah?" I turned to face him. "Well, you're both wrong."
"I don't think so."
"I know so. You want to know how I know?"
"Damn right I do."
"I texted her and ask her to call me. She didn't so I drove to her job and waited for her to come out. She was not pleased to see me and admitted she wasn't going to call me. Then I had to insist she let me follow her home to talk. When we arrived, Reddorn was waiting."
"Fuck! I warned you not to give him an opening. Did she ask you to leave?"
"She asked him to leave."
"There you go. She chose you over him."
"Before you get too excited, you should know that before he left, he practically stuffed his tongue halfway down her throat."
"And?"
"Even with me standing close enough to reach out and strangle him, she not only accepted his kiss, she responded to it. Hell, I don't think she would have objected had he palmed her ass."
"You're angry because she didn't stop him?"
"You're damned right I am!
"But why should she have? You've never lifted a finger to make her think she was worth fighting for. When she abruptly ended your relationship, instead of insisting she at least give you a reason or trying to win her back, you just walked away."
"I didn't walk away. She pushed me away."
"I'm sure she sees it differently."
"That doesn't change the facts!"
"No, Darkwater, and one of those facts is incontrovertible. You made no effort to change her mind. What do you think that said to her?"
"She kicked me to the curb and somehow that's my fault? I did nothing to deserve that shit from her!"
"I tend to agree with you, but I'm not the one you need to convince. She is."
"If you think I'm going to give her another chance to humiliate me in front of another man—"
"You can worry about being humiliated or you can work on winning back the woman you love. Come on, Darkwater. You're an intelligent man. If you saw her and Reddorn together, you saw what I saw. He can take her from you but only if you let him by refusing to fight for her."
"You might not be so damned certain of that had you seen the way he kissed her. And she admitted she allowed him to do a lot more than kiss her."
"I don't care how he kissed her or what else he did. Whatever happened between them was not enough to overcome her feelings for you."
"Feelings? What the fuck are you talking about, Michael? The only feeling she has for me is lust! She just wants a fuck! She said as much."
"If all she wants is a fuck, I'm sure he was more than willing to accommodate her."
"I'm sure that bastard was."
"Then apparently you're the one she wanted to fuck her or she would have asked you to leave instead of him. I know things didn't go well and she's probably pissed at you, but I still think she's yours to lose. Don't let your pride or the fear of being hurt again make you hand her to him on a damned platter. If he's going to end up with her, make him fight for the privilege. Don't lay down and play dead at the first sign of trouble."
I stared at him. "Are you calling me a coward?"
"Emotionally, yes. Otherwise you would never have just let her walk away in the first place when you knew damned well that you loved her and some other fool was bound to come along and take her."
"So I'm a coward and a fool?"
"Yes, Thomas, you're both because who besides a cowardly fool would allow the only woman he ever loved to walk away
without a fight?"
"You're making a lot of baseless assumptions, Michael."
He shook his head. "When the fuck are you going to wake up and realize you're going to have to admit you're in love with her to win her back? I don't care how much you deny it, we both know you're in love with her. Hell, we all do."
"Who the hell is all?"
"Me, the other guys, and Am. We know you're in love with her. And I know you have been in love with her for far too long to keep making these stupid decisions that only serve to convince her your only interest in her is pussy."
"Where the fuck do you get off saying that?"
He shrugged. "I know it's not true, but according to Am, that's what she thinks."
"Why the fuck would she think that?"
"Probably because you've allowed her to."
"I didn't."
"You did and more than once. When she met Don, you walked away and gave him a freehand to win her heart. Then you walked away at the first sign of trouble in your relationship. Now you're ready to walk away again and allow Reddorn to take her from you. What the fuck is wrong with you? Given your track record, how can she think anything else?"
"If that's all she thinks of me, fuck her. And you too. Fuck off, Michael!" I turned away.
"No!" He grabbed my arm and swung me around. "No, I am not going to fuck off. You wake the hell up and get a fucking clue, Darkwater. She thinks you're just after pussy. That's the reality you have to deal with. If you're not yet up to admitting you're in love with her, at least fight for her. Let her know you think she's worth fighting for. And when you're ready, admit how you feel."
I jerked away.
"We're about as close as brothers can be. Can't you at least admit how you feel to me?"
I stared at him. "I'd like her in my life but I'm not going to beg for the privilege."
"Why not? Isn't she worth it?"
"Even if I thought she was, she's not likely going to want to see me again after I tossed her precious picture across the room. Do you know what she said to me? That he was the only man who ever loved her!"
"As far as she knows that's true. You never told her you loved her. Hell, you won't even admit it to yourself. Naturally, she clings to his memory and still has his picture up. Give her a reason to let him go and take his picture down. If you can't tell her you love her, show her."
I shook my head.
"If you won't try again for her or for yourself, do it for dad."
"For dad?"
He nodded. "I don't know what he said to you near the end, but he told me that his life hadn't been easy but it had been happy. One of his few regrets was that he wouldn't live long enough to see even one of us in a committed relationship. He told me that regret was somewhat mitigated by his belief that he'd met your future wife."
I frowned. "How could he have told you that?"
"Easy. He, like the rest of us, knew how you felt about Sherlyn. He expected you to finally settle down with her."
Michael's revelation explained dad's sudden obsession with Sherlyn before he died. During the last months of his life, he'd frequently asked me how she was and if she were seeing anyone. Now I knew why. Had I known how he felt, I might have...
I sighed and shook my head. "I didn't know he felt that way."
"He did. I think he needed to discuss it but didn't want to burden you with his hopes and expectations."
"But you do?"
He shrugged. "I'm not dad. I see nothing wrong with forcing you to face the truth."
"I'm not sure why he felt that way."
"Then I'll tell you, Darkwater. He said he saw a level of affection in your eyes whenever you spoke about her and that you were always eager to discuss her."
"I never spoke about her unless he asked about her and then there wasn't much I could tell him." I sighed. "I wished I could have given him what he wanted, but I couldn't. And now, no matter what I feel, it's over."
"The hell it is!" Michael snatched his keys and stormed towards the door.
"Where are you going?"
He turned to face me. "If you won't make any effort to save your relationship, I will."
"And how the hell are you going to do that?"
"I'm going to tell her you're in love with her. And if she doesn't believe me, which I'm sure she won't, I'll ask her out my damned self. Hell, if she wants to be fucked, maybe I'll do that too."
"If you touch her, Michael—"
"She'll be touched!" He said and left, slamming the door behind him.
Although I was pissed, I didn't follow him because I knew he wouldn't touch her. But Reddorn sure as hell would.
I sat in Michael's darkened living room thinking of dad. He'd spent most of his working life struggling to take care of a large family that only got larger once he married Am's mom. But he'd never complained about the crazy hours he worked or kept track of who was wrong or right in his marriages. In fact, he'd once told me that only a fool valued being right over keeping the woman in his life happy. He told me he'd often apologized for things he hadn't done to keep both his wives content.
He'd certainly done that. I couldn't ever remember my mother saying anything disparaging about him. And Am's mom still tended to tear up when she talked about him. Whereas, I had a feeling, Sherlyn would struggle to come up with something positive to say about me. Clearly, I hadn't learned shit from dad about how to keep the woman I wanted in my life happy.
Deciding it was probably time I faced the reality of my situation I left Michael's place and went home.
Chapter Six
Sher
While I sat in my living room, thinking of my conversation with Am, my visitor bell chimed. I rose and walked over to the small monitor mounted on the side of the wall. Janine stood in the lobby, looking angry. Oh, hell. I was not in the mood for another showdown that night, but I couldn't very well pretend I wasn't home. Well, I could, but it would only be putting off the inevitable confrontation.
I took a deep breath before pushing the intercom. "Janine—"
"We need to talk, Sher. Right now."
"Come on up," I said and pressed the button to release the lobby door lock. Then I paced the floor until she rang the bell outside my door. After glancing out the peephole to make sure it was her, I opened the door.
"Janine—"
"How could you?" she asked, pushing past me.
Oh hell. Shane had obviously made his lack of interest obvious and she now wanted to blame me. I closed the door and walked past her into the living room.
She followed me. "Well? What do you have to say for yourself, Sherlyn?"
Her tone suddenly pissed me the hell off. I turned to face her. "About what?"
"About how you stabbed me in the back with Shane Reddorn! He tried to deny it, but that must have been one hell of a dinner you two had last night. When did it end? Sometime this morning?"
"If you're implying that we spent the night together, we didn't!"
"Then why is he interested in you instead of me?"
I'd had a rough day and I just didn't feel like taking anymore shit from anyone. Her implication that no man could possibly prefer me was the end. Don had preferred me to her. As had Darkwater and clearly Shane. "Maybe because I actually have a personality and don't need anyone else to sing my praises to get a date with the man of my choice!"
She recoiled. "Are you implying I have no personality?"
"No, Janine. I'm coming right out and saying it! It's not my fault he prefers me to you. I tried to get him interested in you—"
"When? Between attempts to titillate him yourself? Every damned time he opened his mouth he found a reason to mention you. You might not have slept with him last night, but I'll bet you came pretty damned close! What did you do? Give him a blowjob?"
I sucked in a breath and stared at her. I was angry and afraid. I know I should have admitted the truth, but certain our friendship hung in the balance, I wimped out and shook my head. "I tried to steer him to you—just as I'
ve always done when you asked me to. It's not my fault it didn't work."
She stared at me with an angry look in her eyes until she spotted Don's picture still lying in the twisted frame. "What happened?" she asked in a cool voice.
I shrugged. "Darkwater tossed it against the wall in a fit of...something."
"Oh. I see. So because you can't have him back, you thought it would be a good idea to take Shane from me?"
Her lack of empathy eroded my sympathy for her. "In order for me to have taken him from you, he had to be yours in the first place. He never was!"
"I hope you and he have a good time fucking each other over before moving onto other people! When he's finished screwing over you like Darkwater did, don't expect much sympathy from me!"
I stared at her, in shock. How could she say such hurtful things? "I don't believe you just said that—not after all we've been through together."
"Believe it," she said, turned and slammed out of my apartment.
I sank down onto the sofa and let a flood of tears stream down my cheeks before I got up and went into the kitchen. I sat pushing cold veggies and a piece of fish around on my plate just before ten p m when my visitor bell chimed again.
Oh, hell. What now? I was shocked to see Darkwater in my lobby. "What part of I'm never going to forgive you didn't you understand, Darkwater?" I asked.
"I know saying I'm sorry is inadequate, but—"
"You're damned right it is."
"But what the hell else can I say, Sherlyn?"
"Nothing. That's all I want to hear from you. Nothing."
"Really? Well, that's too damned bad because I have a lot more than that to say to you."
"Doesn't mean I'm going to listen."
"The hell it doesn't. Release the door," he said.
"No."
"Release the door or I'll do it myself."
"What?"
"I haven't changed my lock codes any more than you probably have."
"So?"
"So let me in or I'll let myself in," he said, his hand hovering over the keypad.
I’m not sure why, but it had never occurred to me to change my code after our relationship ended.
"Are you going to let me in or do I need to do it myself? Either way, I'm coming up."
And of course, I'd never bothered to ask him to return the keys to my apartment, just as he hadn't asked for his back. So once he was past the lobby, keeping him in the hallway would be impossible. I could put the chain on the door but the way my luck was going, he'd probably kick the door in.
