by K. S. Adkins
“Rogan?” she whispers, and my eyes snap open.
“A-Angel,” I say, looking away. “You’re back.”
“Stop it. Hey,” she whispers again. “Please look at me.”
“I can’t.”
“Stop punishing yourself, and look at me,” she says. “I’m sorry…”
I don’t know even what to say. You’re sorry? For what? You didn’t fucking do anything wrong, was what my head was screaming, but nothing came out of mouth.
“I’m sorry,” she says again. I want to interrupt, but she holds up her hand. “Let me finish, yeah? Apologizing isn’t easy for me, but I shouldn’t have shut you out like that without talking to you. I was just overwhelmed, is all. I just kept waiting for you to correct Tony, and when you didn’t, I do what I always do. I shut down, and that wasn’t fair to you. I can’t use being here as an excuse, because I would have done this regardless of where we were. Just, please, don’t ever lie to me again. I don’t think I could take it.”
“I thought I fucked up our forever.”
“You didn’t,” she says, squeezing my hands. “Can I ask why you didn’t tell me?”
“At first, it was the sound of your voice. I fell asleep to you, I woke up to you. I needed to know everything about you. I’d hear you talk to Macy about me, and I felt…I couldn’t believe you wanted me. I always wanted to keep you safe, so I’d stay out of your way, but close enough if you needed me.”
“And?”
“Fuck,” I say. “Then Gallo got under my skin, and I kept waiting for you to lie to me. But, you never did.”
“Did you want to stop?”
“No,” I say. “Anything to be close to you. I don’t think I’d have ever stopped.”
“Is it still on my phone?”
“I haven’t done anything with it,” I say. “I’ve been too busy worrying about you.”
“I don’t care that it’s on my phone, Rogue,” she says. “We’re partners, like you said, I told you, anyway but…if I need to talk privately to Macy, or anyone else, you need to respect that.”
“I got no problem with that,” I say. “I need to say I’m sorry now.”
“I’m not done,” she continues. “We’ll leave it active, because this nightmare is going to get worse, but you will let me handle Tony, agreed?”
“Fuck no,” I say. “He’s made it clear he ain’t giving up, and I’m not—“
“If I need your help, I’ll ask. Agreed?”
“I ain’t promising anything,” I say. “But I’ll try.”
“I can work with that.”
“I can’t tell you what seeing you hurt like that did to me,” I say, leaning into her hand. “I’ll be sorry for that, too, for as long as I live.”
“You have a habit of assuming fault for everything,” she says. “I know you’re sorry for lying to me, and I forgive you. But if you apologize for me being in here again, I’m going to kick your ass. You didn’t do this.”
“I fucking knew better,” I say. “Leaving you there didn’t feel right.”
“It felt wrong to me, too. Instead of listening to my gut, I ignored it. But there is a positive to this.”
“No, there fucking isn’t,” I say. “You almost—“
“Let’s look at this objectively,” she demands. “If you didn’t know me, but you had the facts, what would you be doing right now?”
“Tracking James Laurel.”
“We have a name,” she points out. “I don’t recognize it, but I also don’t think whoever did this to me was James Laurel.”
“Why not?”
“He wants me alive, at least until he has me. The guy that did this acted on instinct. He didn’t know me.”
“You’d be right,” I say. “The guy that did this to you was shot, point blank, by James Laurel.”
“Interesting,” she says. “How does Max know him?”
I fill her in on what Max had told us, and I can see the wheels turning in her head.
“Since I don’t interact with the crowd much, I’m not surprised I don’t know this guy by name. But for whatever reason, he’s fixated on me, and it works to our advantage. What doesn’t, though, is that he seems to know a little too much. We need a strategy.”
“My first strategy is getting you home,” I say. “The Cap, Rafe, and I won’t leave you out, and I’m sure Tony will have all sorts of fucking input. But we also need Max on this, so how would you feel if we had everyone over?”
“Macy?” she asks. “What about her? She needs to know.”
“I agree,” I say. “Macy, too. Rafe is going to go see her in the morning.”
“I’m in,” she says, laughing. “What could go wrong?”
I’m going home today, thank fuck. I need a decent meal, my own shower, and to take a hatchet to my legs. The coffee here is shit, too. No wonder so many people die in hospitals. I text Macy to let her know that Rogan has me, and asked if she’s talked to Rafe, but I haven’t heard back yet. Rogan says the Cap wants to come and see me before I’m released, and I owe him a bit of an apology, too.
Jesus, I’m apologizing to everyone these days. While Rogan is talking with the nurse about my discharge, I sit here enjoying the quiet. Odd, considering normally I’m not a fan of it. A lot has happened in a short amount of time, and I don’t know what I’d do without all of these people on my side. Look at me evolving. Who knew it could happen? It did, and I plan to protect it with everything I’ve got.
“Baby girl, you awake?”
“I’m up, Cap,” I say. “Come in.”
“You look beautiful.”
“Uncle, you need your eyes checked.”
“No, I don’t,” he says. “You are the perfect mix of Theresa and Brent. Like I said, beautiful.”
“What brings you by?” I ask changing the subject.
“Couple of things,” he says. “First, I’m sorry I deceived you, and second, I have an offer for you.”
“Forgiven,” I say. “What’s the offer?”
“I want you to partner with Rogan and Rafe, full time.”
“Really?” I ask. “A three way?”
“I’m serious, smart ass,” he says. “They need you, and you need them, especially Rogan.”
“What about the club? Macy?”
“Your call,” he says. “But I would think, at least in the beginning, being there would be a help, not a hindrance. Macy is your call. I know the boys will probably want her in, too. She’s too damn smart not to be useful.”
“When do you need an answer?”
“Go home and rest,” he says. “Rogan asked me to come by later to meet up, but I think it’s best he’s a relay at this point, so give it a week, eh? Let’s nab the bad guy, and then we’ll talk.”
“I can work with that.”
“Is Tony giving you problems?”
“No more than usual,” I say, laughing. “I’ll handle Tony.”
“I know you will. So, how’s the memory?”
“Still sketchy,” I say. “But I’ll get there. Say I was to say yes to your offer. How would that work, exactly? I haven’t put in the school, and I haven’t been a model citizen, so what strings are you pulling?”
“You’d be a liaison,” he says. “And as for the strings? You let me worry about that.”
“I’ll consider it,” I say, really unsure about the offer.
“Venessa,” he says. “You can’t go on like you’ve been, unprotected, hiding in the shadows, using drugs on these people. Its pure luck you’ve survived this long. You and Rogan have both changed in the short time you’ve known each other. Why continue the risk? Join us, get your justice, and just have the back up when you do it.”
“This is about him, isn’t it?”
“It’s about both of you.”
“Then my answer is yes. For him, though, this is for him. I just hope I get a learning curve,” I say.
Because, yeah, that about sums it up. I know this is what Rogan would want, but is it what I
would want? He likes rules, I don’t. He lives for justice. I like to pick and choose who gets it. He would do anything for me, I know that. I also know if we keep up as we have been, with him turning a blind eye to what I’m doing, eventually he’d be forced to choose. I can do this for him. Like the Captain says, I’ll still get my justice. I’ll just have back up. It makes sense, and gives me a lot to consider.
My musings are cut short when Rafe flies in my room, dripping with sweat and looking straight up menacing. Rogan is right behind him and we’re all standing here waiting for him to speak but his chest is heaving, his eyes are blood shot. Whatever happened isn’t good and for the first time since I lost my family, my fucking blood ran cold. In my bones, I know the answer, I fucking know it.
“Rafe? Where’s Macy?”
“Gone,” he says. “Gone.”
Then all Hell breaks loose.
I was wrapping up with the nurse on duty, making sure Angel had all of her papers, instructions, medicine, and follow up appointment. It’s probably my fault it took so long, since I asked everything twice. I just wanted to be sure, and I was giving the Captain a few minutes alone with her. He told me he wanted to approach her about teaming up with Rafe and me, and as fucking stoked as I am about it, I don’t know how she’ll take it. On one hand, I don’t want her to think I’m clipping her wings, but on the other, I need her safe. There’s safety in numbers. It’s a good compromise in my book. She can adjust to having to play by the rules, I know she can. I gather up all of the shit I need to get her home, when Rafe flies out of the elevator, and literally runs right past me to Venessa’s room, so I follow.
I look at Venessa, who’s staring at Rafe. I’ve never seen this look on her. If I had to name it, I’d call it dread.
Rafe looks like he’s either going to pass out or flip out, but he came to her room for a reason, and I can only think of one. Apparently, she caught on before I did.
“Rafe?” she asks. “Where’s Macy?”
“Gone,” he says, breathing heavy. “Gone.”
A mask comes over her face. This mask scares the fuck out of me. No, it’s not a mask it’s the face. The face that only Kharma wears.
She immediately grabs her shoes and phone and approaches Rafe, eye to eye.
“Tell me,” she says. “All of it.”
“Went to get her, I needed to apologize—“
“Rafe!” she snaps. “I don’t give a fuck about that! What happened when you got there?”
“Her door was busted,” he starts. ”She struggled. She fucking fought like a hellcat, by the looks of things. Two, maybe three, men were involved. Left her purse, took her phone.”
“Blood?”
“Some,” he says. “Fuck.”
“When do you think they took her?”
“Sometime between 6 and 8 am,” he says. “I drove by at 5:30 to make sure she was secure, and I was back at nine because I wanted to see—“
“Enough,” she says, glancing at her phone. “I have to go to the club.”
“Venessa,” says the captain. “Let’s handle this together. We just talked about a team, right? Let’s do this the right way.”
“I’m not involving you in this,” she says. “Not when it’s Macy. The rules do not fucking apply when it comes to Macy.”
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“You can either follow me, or stay here,” she says. “I’m going to suit up. Rafe, you comin'?”
“Fuck yeah, I am.”
She walks up to both of us, and looks us both directly in the eyes.
“Fuck the rules,” she says. “I’m out for blood. I’m going to tear the city apart until I find her, and I will fucking destroy anyone who tries to stop me. You both better be on board with that before we leave this room. Decide now.”
“Fuck the rules,” says Rafe.
“I got your back,” I say.
“Let’s go,” she says, walking out with purpose. We both follow her lead, because if you’re going to fuck the rules, she’s the one you want to roll with.
The trip to the club was a silent one. She spent that time making calls, sending texts, and I’m afraid to ask what she’s setting up. I’m her back up, so I ain’t saying shit yet. Rafe just studied her, almost seeing her for the first time. Venessa has all these sides to her. Kharma doesn’t. She has one side. You don’t want to find yourself on it.
She unlocks the door to the club and Max, Tony, and Julian Perret are already there, waiting.
She doesn’t speak, she passes them, and heads to the locker room. Rafe looks ready to follow, I know I am, but Max and Tony have other ideas.
“She okay?” asks Max. “She looks pale.”
“She’s solid,” says Rafe. “Fucking stone cold.”
“She’s ready for battle,” I say, and everyone nods in understanding.
“Good, because trouble's coming,” says Max. “Tonight.”
“You two off duty?” asks Tony.
“Yeah,” we say in unison.
“I have everything secure,” says Julian. “I need to speak with her briefly, then I’ll go.”
“Speak to her about what?” I ask, looking at Tony, because that fucker knows. He always does.
Tony nods at him to go ahead.
“She’s requested her living will,” he says casually, although he has the decency to look pissed about it. “It’s prepared and ready for her to sign, with witnesses.”
“Living will?” asks Rafe, confused. Tony won’t look at either of us now.
“Fuck!” I say to Tony. “You fucking knew about this?”
Tony nods, looking as destroyed about it as I do.
“She’s requested, in the event of her death, that all of her holdings belong to you, Detective,” says Julian. “With a private allowance going to Ms. Kowalski.”
“Tonight?” asks Rafe, changing the subject. “How do you know its tonight?”
“Because he fucking called me and told me,” Max says, seething.
“You told Venessa?” I ask, looking at Max directly.
“No,” he says. “Tony did.”
“She needs to be prepared for any eventuality,” he says.
“Jesus,” I say. “I know what she’s doing.”
I feel like my life, or what’s left of it, flashed before my eyes. She doesn’t plan on coming back to me. She’s going to give herself up in exchange for Macy, die trying, or whatever other crazy shit she has going through her head. She’s trying to shut me out. Not going to happen. Over my god damned dead body, she is.
From the hospital to the club, I made several arrangements. While I made those arrangements, I made sure the app tracker wasn’t functional. The first text was to Rafe, who was actually sitting next to me in the truck. I asked him to send me the sketch copy, because I need to confirm my kill. He promises to have it to me within the hour, so I’ll need to stall. The second was to Julian, asking him to prepare my living will, and to retrieve an item from my locker. The third was to Tony, asking him to keep the details of the extraction quiet, and to leave the key to his Beamer in my locker. The final was to Rafe again, asking him to be ready when I needed him to get Macy out, and also to not tell Rogan I’m gone until I send him the location, or all bets were off.
The final was to Macy. I kept it simple. ‘I’m coming for you. Tell me how to find you.” Within seconds, I got my answer. An address. An address I’ve never forgotten. Who forgets the address to their childhood home?
Like I did those few short years ago, when plotting the death of the two men that took everything from me, I took out the latex cat suit that I’ve kept in my locker. I’ve worn this suit only one other time. I’m wearing it tonight, because I plan to coat myself in blood and I hate when my good clothes get stained. There are no weapons to be hidden here.
When I first started coming here, I met a man, in his early 40s maybe, his name was never shared. But I saw the way he watched my marks, because I think he was watching them, too. I suppose I di
dn’t disguise my hatred as well as I thought I had. He approached me one night, and handed me a necklace. He told me vengeance had a price and, if done right, vengeance was worth it. I never saw him again, but I did keep the necklace. That necklace was the garrote I used to slit their throats, and watching them die was beautiful. Revenge is beautiful. I’ve never lost sleep over their deaths, and never will. It’s the fact that they had ever lived in the first place that haunts me. Many nights I wonder what ever happened to that man. He gave me a gift, and I’ll be forever grateful for it.
Looking in the mirror, going over options and mentally preparing yourself for war isn’t as hard as you would think. Here’s what I know as fact: I’m getting Macy back, and I’m prepared to die to see it done. Fact: Rogan is my mate, and not everyone gets one, so in this I’ll count my blessings. I’ll love him in this life and in the next, but I have resigned myself to losing him to save Macy. Fact: I’m going to kill tonight, and there is no limit on how many lives I’ll take to secure the lives of the people I care about. That’s who Kharma is, but don’t you dare think that Venessa isn’t totally on fucking board, too.
Making sure the app tracker is still off, I tuck Tony’s key and phone into the cleavage in my suit, and make my way out to meet Julian. Signing needs to be brief, because I need Tony and Julian’s help to get out without being detained by Rogan.
When I enter the main room of the club, the situation is hostile, to say the very least. Rogan is hanging on by a thread. I care about these people, but I can’t worry about that right now. This is bigger than my fucking feelings. I have no fucking feelings anymore. I have lives to save, lives to take, and the sooner I leave here, the sooner I can make that happen.
