“You heard me,” he said softly, moving his lips farther down until he reached my heaving chest. He pulled my tank top to the side, exposing one breast, and he began to suck on my nipple. He took my breast further into his mouth and then gently flicked his tongue back and forth, teasing me until I groaned again, and then he kissed his way down my stomach. “I’ve always wanted you,” he repeated slowly, his voice husky with lust and desire. His fingers slipped beneath the top of my panties, skimming across the skin of my stomach, and he tugged the material down.
“Josh,” I panted, unbelieving this was really happening. Was Josh, the guy I’d grown up with and known for my entire life, really saying that he had feelings for me, too? Was he really here in my bed? He pulled my panties completely off and then kissed his way back up my leg, taking his time as he moved up my inner thigh until I was quivering with desire beneath him. Before I could say a word, he was burying his mouth in me, kissing and licking my tender folds with his tongue.
“Oh,” I gasped. My breathing became heavy as Josh continued to pleasure me. His tongue delved again through my folds until he found my tiny bundle of nerves. He gently licked me there, gauging my reaction as I writhed beneath him. I could feel an ache building deep within my core, and I was suddenly desperate for release. Josh inserted two fingers inside of me, working them in and out, and I couldn’t help but thrust against him.
“That’s it, Baby,” he said huskily. He lightly worked his tongue over my sensitive nub, and I felt a warmth surging through me. I gasped as he sped up his erotic caress, and as I thrust against his strong fingers again and again, he flicked his tongue back and forth until I was crying out in ecstasy.
Josh kissed his way back up my stomach, pushing my tank top up with him. He pulled it up and off over my head then gazed down at me. “I like making you come undone,” he whispered huskily, “and I can’t wait to make love to you.” He eased his boxer shorts down to reveal his erect manhood, pulled his tee shirt off over his head, and bent down to kiss me. The tip of his penis pushed up against my mound as his lips met mine, and I couldn’t wait until Josh was inside of me. I reached up to guide him, and I gasped as he slid in with one smooth stroke, filling me up with his length and girth.
“You okay?” he whispered.
“Yeah,” I said, slowly adjusting to the feeling of his hardness inside of me. Now that he was here I couldn’t imagine ever letting him go. His chest pressed up against my bare breasts as he began to slowly move inside of me, and I was having a hard time deciding what was more erotic—the expert touch of his tongue moments ago, the feeling of him buried deep within me, or the simple pleasure of his hard chest rubbing against my nipples with every movement he made.
Josh grunted as he tried to keep the pace slow and steady, but I could tell that he was holding back. The base of his penis was brushing up against my tender nub as he began to penetrate me more deeply, and I could feel the beginning of another orgasm starting to form. He held himself up on his arms, his biceps bulging, as he bent down to kiss me. His tongue pushed into my mouth, and I gasped at the overwhelming feeling of Josh completely filling me up. He began to pick up his pace, and I felt a new surge of pleasure shoot right through me. He gave another powerful thrust, and I let out a small cry of pleasure, wondering if he knew the effect he was having on me. Josh seemed to sense that I was on the verge of coming once more, and he thrust again and again, filling me up with his manhood, until I was crying out again and again.
Josh finished as well and collapsed on top of me. His head rested next to mine, buried in the pillow, and he turned and softly kissed my temple as he caught his breath. “That was amazing,” he said, finally pulling out of me and moving to my side.
“Amazing,” I agreed, still trying to catch my breath. He slung an arm over my waist, and I glanced over at him. “But what did you mean you’ve always wanted me? Since when?”
“Since always,” he said with a sly grin.
“Josh,” I protested. “That’s not an answer.”
“How about I tell you later?” he asked, a mischievous look in his eyes.
“Later? Why later?”
He rolled over, pulling me with him, so that I was splayed out on top of his muscular body. He kissed my lips, and I could feel him already growing hard again beneath me.
“Because I’m ready for round two.”
Chapter 6
Josh and I finally managed to get out of bed at noon. He’d made love to me again and again, and it was only the phone ringing on my nightstand that finally managed to get us both to leave our safe and warm love nest. The police had captured a suspect and wanted Josh and me to come down to the station to ID him. After we’d quickly showered and dressed, I’d nervously held his hand as we’d taken the subway down to the station. Josh held me securely in his arms as we stood in a private room looking at a police lineup, and I flinched slightly as the sight of my attacker. Josh had tensed up as well, and the officer with us could tell from our reaction that was him.
We’d met up with Rob and Allie for a late lunch/early dinner at one of our favorite little cafes by our apartment. They’d been shocked by what had happened last night but even more surprised at the sight of Josh’s arm draped over my shoulders as they sat down across from us. The two of them exchanged curious glances before broaching the subject.
“So, I get that you’re protective of Jessica after what happened, but does this mean the two of you are finally together?” Allie asked.
“Well if so, it’s about damn time,” Rob said with a grin.
Josh and I locked eyes before looking back over at them.
“Yep,” Allie said with a laugh. “I think that look said it all.”
“We haven’t exactly discussed it yet,” I hedged, hoping we could change the subject until Josh and I at least had a chance to discuss things privately. Obviously we’d both wanted what happened between us this morning, but was it just a moment of passion fueled by the adrenaline of the night before? Just the circumstances getting the better of us? Although Mike had thought that I’d been too close to Josh all along, I’d only just noticed my newfound attraction to Josh days before. If Josh had feelings for me before his return home this weekend, why hadn’t he said anything earlier? There was definitely a lot that we needed to discuss.
“All right, we’ll cut you a break,” Allie said. “I’m really happy for you two though since you’re obviously meant to be together. And so, so glad that you’re okay. I mean what if Josh hadn’t been there last night?”
“The whole reason we got back then was because of me,” Josh said regretfully.
“It doesn’t matter now,” I said matter-of-factly. “They caught the guy, and he won’t be after me or anyone else.”
“So how are your parents?” Rob asked, changing the subject. “Allie said you drove down to see them yesterday. They must’ve been so glad to see you.”
“Yeah, for sure. I’d only been gone six months, but I think my mom’s ready for me to get out of the military,” Josh said, his voice deep. I glanced over and could see the tension across his face as he clenched his strong jaw. I knew it was hard on his mom having Josh deployed so far away. She struggled enough with her illness as it was, and having to worry about her only son much of the time probably didn’t help matters.
“Do you think you’ll ever get out of the Army?” Allie asked.
Josh gave a shrug. “Who knows. I’ve put in eight years, so I could. This is what I’ve been trained for though, and I’m good at it. It would be hard to just throw my career away at this point.”
“Just marry Jess,” Rob said with a grin. “She’s a doctor.”
Josh shifted uneasily beside me, and I glanced down at the time on my phone. “Look, we should probably be getting back. It’s been a long couple of days, and I’ve got work tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty wiped myself,” Josh said.
I hugged Allie goodbye as we stood, and Josh and Rob shook hands. “Let’s get tog
ether for a girl’s night soon,” Allie said. “It’s been way too long, and I want to hear all about you and Josh.”
I grinned back. “That sounds like a plan. We’ll find a time when Lexie is free, too. Tom can babysit.”
We finished saying our goodbyes, and Josh and I walked the short distance back to our apartment. It was late afternoon, and the sun was already starting to lower in the sky. Josh slowed his long pace to match my stride, and as we continued down the block, I could already feel exhaustion setting in. It was never a good idea to end the weekend less refreshed than when you’d started it, and I had a feeling that the next few days at work would be a killer. Twelve-hour shifts didn’t go well when you started one already at the peak of exhaustion.
A man jogged by us wearing headphones, passing a little closer than he needed to, and Josh quickly tugged me to his side. I glanced up at him, slightly puzzled. “Now I’m always going to be worried about you,” he said quietly. He pulled open the door to our building and held it for me as we walked inside. We silently rode the elevator upstairs to our apartment, and I could tell that something was on his mind. He was much quieter than usual and his mood seemed to have changed significantly from when we’d left our apartment together hours ago.
I walked over to the sofa and sank down onto it, pulling the chenille throw draped across the back around me. Josh sat down beside me but didn’t put his arm around my shoulders or pull me close like I was expecting. I glanced over at him, wondering what exactly was on his mind.
“So, are we going to talk about what happened this morning?” he asked, a serious expression on his face.
“Yes, I think we should,” I said slowly. “I’ve been thinking—”
“It was a mistake,” Josh said, cutting me off. “I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that, and I’ve felt terrible all afternoon.”
“Taken advantage…of me?” I asked, confused. I’d been lusting after Josh practically since the moment he arrived home, and it wasn’t like I’d exactly pushed him out of my bed this morning. We both knew exactly what was happening when our first kiss led to much, much more.
“You were upset and vulnerable. I never should have let that happen.”
“Josh,” I started to say, but he cut me off again.
“I should be looking out for you. I should have last night, before that guy attacked you, and I should have this morning, too.”
“Don’t I get any say in the matter?” I asked, suddenly feeling perplexed. “It’s not like I was exactly fighting you off earlier. Things have been different between us ever since you got back. You think I’m the only one who changed while you were gone? You’ve changed, too!”
“I suppose we both have. That didn’t give me the right to let things get carried away this morning though.”
“Josh, seriously, I’m a grown woman. I knew exactly what was happening and wanted it just as much as you did. And what did you mean when you said that you’ve always wanted me? I’ve known you my entire life. Why didn’t you ever say anything before?”
Josh sighed, not seeming to want to broach the subject. “This year, last year, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter now.”
“So you wanted me then but don’t anymore?”
“No, it’s just—”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” I repeated.
“You were happy with Mike—for a long time anyway. Then I was leaving, so it seemed pointless to bring it up. You never even told me that you guys broke up. I assumed you would end up marrying the guy.”
“And you were just going to let that happen—never telling me the way you really felt.”
“Maybe I should have; I don’t know. But that has nothing to do with letting things get carried away between us earlier. It never should have happened, simple as that.”
Suddenly the distance between Josh and me on the sofa felt like it might as well have been miles rather than mere inches. I’d already told Josh that I’d wanted this morning as much as he had, but he was still insisting that it was mistake. Obviously he didn’t really feel the way that I did. Caring about me at some point in our past, before he deployed to Afghanistan, didn’t mean he felt that way anymore. Like we’d agreed, we both had changed. “Fine,” I said angrily, standing up and letting the blanket fall to the ground. “If you don’t want us to be together, then just say so. I didn’t realize this morning was so terrible for you.”
“Jess, that’s not what I meant,” he said, getting to his own feet as I hurried down the hall. Tears smarted my eyes, and whether Josh meant what he said or not, his rejection of our amazing morning together stung. Maybe he really did feel guilty since we’d been friends for so long or he thought I didn’t know what I wanted. Maybe he was just scared, but the last thing I wanted to hear right now was for the guy who’d just made love to me to say it had been one big mistake.
Josh caught up to me as I reached the doorway to my bedroom and gently grabbed my arm, his warm hand burning into my skin with his touch. “Jessica, that’s not what I meant,” he said softly, his voice deep. “Of course I don’t regret being with you in that way—it was the best morning of my life. I just want us to take things slowly.”
I sighed, but couldn’t bring myself to look at him. What guy in his right mind, who had already had sex with you, suddenly decided you needed to take things slowly? I was pretty sure that was just guy speak for saying he’s not interested after all. “Josh, it’s been a long day. I just want to get some rest.”
“Aren’t you even going to look at me?’
I shook my head silently as a tear slipped down my cheek, and Josh turned me around so that I was facing him as I brushed it away.
“God, Jess, please don’t cry.”
I managed to look up at him and willed myself not to shed another tear. “Let’s just talk about this tomorrow, okay?”
His blue eyes filled with concern. “I’m just messing this up more and more,” he muttered.
I gently extracted myself from his grip and stepped into my bedroom.
“Jess, wait,” he said, reaching out toward me.
“Goodnight,” I said sadly, closing the door as I stepped away from his grasp. How could a day that had started out so amazingly well have gone so horribly wrong?
Chapter 7
I slept fitfully that night, tossing and turning more over my troubles with Josh than the nightmare that had woken me the night before. At one point I thought I heard Josh up as well, pacing in the hallway, but then I realized he was probably more exhausted than I was and certainly fast asleep. I wasn’t sure how things had quickly gone so wrong between us. Josh’s feelings for me seemed to have changed from red-hot to lukewarm at best. But why the sudden one-eighty? We’d moved full-speed ahead and Josh had suddenly put the brakes on anything else. It was one thing to a take a new relationship slow from the get-go, but we’d already jumped in head first. Not to mention that we’d know each other literally our entire lives—it would be hard to take anything much slower.
It would be really awkward to take a step back now and act like nothing had happened between us. How could I look him in the eye across the breakfast table every morning knowing that we’d had sex? Over and over again? Although I loved having Josh as my roommate, I just didn’t see how we could work past this and pretend everything was back to normal. I was sure we could salvage our friendship after a little time had passed, but living together would just be too painful.
I got up before my alarm, which was just as well because my shift started early at the hospital. I quickly showered and dressed, deciding I’d buy a bagel and coffee on my way in to work. I convinced myself it was because I needed to get there early, but let’s face it, I was also hoping to avoid seeing Josh first thing this morning. I didn’t think I could take it considering the amazing morning we’d had only one day before.
When I arrived in the ER, I stuffed my purse and other belongings into my locker. My coworker, Carrie, asked how my weekend and Josh’s homeco
ming was. For a split second a feeling of panic washed over me, and then I realized she was simply asking how our reunion after his deployment had been. I’d been telling everyone about our planned night out with friends on Friday to celebrate his return. She had no idea what had passed between us and probably assumed I was happy to have my roommate and best friend home at last. I gave a brief rundown of his return on Friday but focused mostly on recounting the details of Saturday night.
“Oh my God!” she squealed, looking absolutely horrified. “You must have been terrified! Thank God Josh was there to help you. And they caught the guy? Unbelievable!” She was talking so loudly that a few more of my colleagues joined our conversation, and I found myself having to repeat the story. After answering questions for what felt like forever, I was finally able to start my shift. At least the general craziness of the ER would keep me from having to think too much about the mess in my own life as I set about helping other people for the day. I treated a child who’d broken her arm falling down the stairs and then helped a young woman having an asthma attack. By the time late afternoon rolled around, I was exhausted.
I quickly checked my cell phone as I pulled my things from my locker and saw a text from Josh.
Going for a jog. Know you’re on shift now. Dinner later? Josh
I wasn’t sure if he’d bring his phone with him while running but went ahead and typed a quick reply.
Sounds good. See you soon. Jess
I quickly showered when I got back to our apartment and wrapped myself in a towel before stepping out of the bathroom. Josh wasn’t back yet, so I figured that I had plenty of time to get changed and ready before dinner because he’d want to shower and dress when he returned from his run. I headed down the hall toward my room and almost bumped into Josh as he came out from his own bedroom. He’d taken his shirt off and was wearing only his running shorts and sneakers as he headed to the bathroom. I flushed at the sight of his bare chest and all the rippling muscles across his abdomen as I remembered kissing him up and down his six-pack yesterday morning. I knew he’d only removed his shirt because he was getting ready to shower, but just the sight of him shirtless was getting me flustered.
In the Arms of a Soldier Page 4
