“Oh, hey.” She shook Vanessa’s hand. “I’m Angelique.”
Vanessa glanced quickly at Phonso as she accepted the woman’s hand, briefly wondering if there was actually a possibility that they might be siblings. But that would be impossible since Phonso was half black with a white mother while she was half black with a black mother. With no other choice but to play along, Vanessa introduced herself. “Hi. I’m Van-DONNA! I mean, Vanessa.”
Angelique’s smile faded away as she eyed Vanessa suspiciously.
Oh damn I’m about to get beat up at my first house party, she thought.
She felt someone standing behind her a little too closely and she turned, preparing to tell them to back off. Her heart nearly leaped from her chest at the sight of Scotty. His eyes swept over her before he quickly slapped hands with his brother giving him a half hug. He bent and kissed Angelique on the cheek and then surprised her when he did the same to her.
She blinked at him. In that moment skyrockets went off in her mind and the world moved in slow motion. Everything faded out except for Scotty, his cornflower eyes and the lips that had touched her cheek.
Again she was struck by his height and build. The simple shirt he wore clearly showcased the plains of his torso, and although he wasn’t dressed in a stylish fashion, his casual look was something she much more preferred.
“How are you Vanessa?” He asked, his eyes seeming to pin her in place.
“I-hi.” She stuttered.
Someone loudly greeted Scotty, slapping his hands. While the two briefly chatted, he placed a light hand on Vanessa’s arm, not allowing her to retreat. It surprised and delighted her because she certainly would have wandered away to give him privacy. She suddenly no longer felt out of her element…actually she suddenly felt like butterflies were flopping around in her belly.
Another man approached Phonso, whispering to him and they retreated, thankfully taking Angelique with them. Scotty finished his conversation and then leaned forward to speak in her ear. “Who are you here with?”
She shivered involuntarily as his warm breath touched her ear. She was about to say nobody when she suddenly remembered Jalissa and the gang.
“I’m here with my cousin Jalissa and some friends.”
He felt relieved that she didn’t say she was here with her boyfriend. “You’re not drinking anything. Do you want something?”
She nodded. “Sure.” He led her to the table where the drinks were set up, his light touch now on her wrist. It was as if he was holding her hand, like he was her date! She watched him walk confidently though the crowd and it reminded her of when they were younger. He never seemed intimidated or fearful. And now as an adult he was still comfortable in his surroundings—despite being one of two or three white people present. He was obviously well liked because several people greeted him with hand slaps or head nods. But then a sobering thought crossed her mind; Of course everyone would know him, he’s a drug dealer. Her brow furrowed. People get shot messing around with drug dealers…
She stared at the silky strands of his hair and her heartbeat sped up. This wasn’t just some drug dealer. This was Scotty. But the thought filled her with a sense of sadness rather than relief.
They reached the table that held the drinks and Scotty scanned the array of liquor before smirking at her. “Are you old enough to drink?”
Surprised at the question she stuttered. “Well…no.”
“How old are you?”
“Seventeen. But I’ll be eighteen in a few months…” she blushed, wondering why she had said that.
“I think you better stick with soda.”
She cocked her head at him, not wanting him to think that she still needed his protection. “Well for your information I’ve already had a drink tonight. Thank you very much.”
“Oh?”
“Yes.”
He rubbed his goatee and her eyes fell on his lips and the hair of his chin and she wished that it was her fingers touching him.
“And who’s driving?” he continued.
Vanessa pulled her eyes from his stroking fingers and quickly scanned the room. She pointed to Sal who happened to take that moment to chug back a bottle of malt liquor.
He suppressed his scowl and passed her a beer, bypassing the hard stuff. “Here. But I’m driving you home.”
Her head began to spin. Wait a minute…wasn’t this how men picked up women? Was Scotty trying to pick up on her? Or maybe he thought that he had to resume his role as her babysitter. That last thought bothered her.
Her brow gathered and her eyes bore into him. “I’m not twelve years old any more. I can take care of myself these days.”
Scotty didn’t try to hide the way his gaze ran slowly along her body. It gave her the sensation of fingertips lightly tracing her skin and she shivered. “I’m aware of that.” He looked away. “And I think that you have taken very good care of yourself.”
She was happy when he turned away—turning her loose of his gaze and the onslaught of sensations that were enveloping her. Her body relaxed at the reprieve, but her head was in turmoil as she searched her mind for something hip or cool to say. She was so bad at this; talking to boys, flirting, being cool that she wasn’t sure what to do next.
She opened her beer and took a small sip, hoping it would relax her. She noted that he hadn’t gotten a drink for himself and appeared to be in deep thought as he looked out into the crowd…perhaps searching for someone more interesting than her.
“So you’re really going to be my designated driver?”
He met her eyes again. “Yes.”
“And won’t your girlfriend get mad if a strange girl is in your car?” She held her breath waiting.
He gave her an amused look. “If you want to know if I have a girlfriend just ask me.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“Nope.”
She couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face at the same time that she wanted to kick herself for being so obvious. Why don’t you just jump in his arms and say yay! She thought.
“And what about you?” He asked.
She paused before answering, taking another sip of beer. “Nope.”
Scotty relaxed. Not that it would have changed anything, he could go nowhere but forward. “And why is that?”
She chuckled at the question. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” For all she knew, maybe boys thought that it was just as jive to have a girlfriend as girls apparently thought it was to have a boyfriend. Maybe everybody just hopped from person to person.
He could have lied, but he knew that she was one of a very few people that he didn’t have to lie to. He sighed. “Because…having a girlfriend is a waste of time.” She tilted her head in surprise and waited for him to explain.
“It’s like playacting.” In his opinion, people used the poorest excuses for making someone their boyfriend or girlfriend—and generally love was not in the equation. “The person that is my girlfriend should be linked to me and not just a casual interest. Anything short of that is just a game.”
She digested that and found that it made sense. Isn’t that basically the reason that she had not connected with any of the boys from her school? She just didn’t feel anything powerful enough to make it worthwhile.
Vanessa suddenly realized that there was no need for her to talk hip and cool with him. She never had to in the past because he never did it himself. So what had turned that boy into this man that sold drugs for a living instead of studying his Latin phrases and going on to college? Was the boy that had been her first love still in him somewhere? She bit her lip lightly as she dredged up her secret guilt; that she was somehow responsible for Scotty’s turn for the worst.
“I heard about…well about you going to juvie.”
He watched her closely and then nodded. “Stupid, huh? I got kicked out of Walnut Hills. But I still managed to get my GED.” He saw that her expression had gone serious and he hoped that she wasn’t thinking that he was ju
st a waste of space.
Her voice came in a sudden rush. “Remember that last night? Back when I ran away from you?”
His brow gathered in surprise that she would want to speak of that night after what Tino had done to her. “I remember.” How could he forget? It had changed everything…
“I wasn’t running from you. I just wanted to tell you that.” After that night she had not seen him again. And maybe he had taken that as a rejection without realizing the many sleepless nights that she had spent missing him.
“It’s okay Vanessa. That was a bad time and I knew you weren’t.” She searched his eyes but saw only sincerity. “Are things better for you?” he asked.
She smiled. “Yeah, my grandma is great.” And suddenly there was no more pressure to act a certain way. Their conversation flowed easily. She told him about her grandma, and that she had just graduated from SCPA. His pleased smile was wide and bright.
“That is amazing, Vanessa. I’m happy to hear that.” He couldn’t believe that he was about to reveal this, but he wanted her to know. “I have to admit to something. I use to listen to you sing.”
Her eyes grew wide. “When did you ever hear me sing?”
“When you didn’t know.” He would hear her singing as he rode his bike around her parking lot. It was so long ago…back when he wanted to preserve the innocence of everyone else but he couldn’t even do it for himself.
An old Earth Wind and Fire song began to play and several people whooped despite the fact that it had been a hit back in the mid seventies.
Scotty took her hand. “Would you dance with me?”
She gave him a surprised look and he took that as a yes. He led her out to where other couples were slow dancing to Love’s Holiday. Her knees nearly buckled when he pulled her into his arms. She stared at him, barely daring to breathe. Was this real? The way he held her felt amazing, his body was rock solid against hers and again she felt how perfectly toned he was. Vanessa knew she had a dumb look on her face when he had to take her hand to place around his neck, reminding her to hold him too.
Scotty held her close, her body molding to his perfectly. He had never touched her like this, had never known that she would fit so perfectly against him. The last of his barriers slowly eroded away.
He had missed her. He had missed her a great deal. He lowered his head so that his cheek was against hers and then he inhaled her, relaxing for maybe the first time in years. In that moment he was transported back to a time and place when he had still been optimistic. Even though he had been a little thug, a little drug dealer, a little thief, he had dared to think that he could avoid becoming just what he had turned out to be.
He suddenly felt sorry for that dumb kid that had learned to bury his emotions in the hopes that he would be unable to feel anything. What other choice did he have? If he dared to trip up on some feelings then the pain and hurt would have overwhelmed him. But in protecting himself from pain—he had also denied himself feelings such as this. He wished that he could turn back the clock so that he could tell the thirteen-year old Vanessa that she was about the only bright spot in his horrible life.
He pulled back and stared into warm brown eyes as the lyrics of the song drifted around them; voicing his exact thoughts. All of the questions that the lyrics asked seemed to be coming directly from him. Vanessa’s lips parted as she stared into his eyes, seeming to read his unspoken emotions. Scotty wondered if their undeniable connection was what allowed him to read her so well, and that perhaps she could do the same to him.
Vanessa clearly saw his desire for her—and not the predatory look of men that were attracted to her light complexion and long hair, but a yearning for a remembered and shared past. Vanessa smiled. She suddenly knew that Scotty liked her every bit as she liked him, he just hadn’t shown it until now.
It’s alright, her smile said. Everything is alright. We have not lost anything as long as we recognize what we have now. And then she did something that completely amazed Scotty. She reached up and placed her lips on his.
Of course he’d kissed a girl before. He was no longer a fourteen-year-old virgin. But when Vanessa’s lips touched his it nearly brought him to his knees. In one second it was as if a new Scotty had been created in an explosion of subatomic particles.
When she pulled back he felt naked and lost, as if her lips were an extension of his own. In that one second he was stripped bear of every internal safeguard that he had erected around himself. In that brief moment that their lips parted, Scotty knew that the person in his arms was everything that he could ever want.
Chapter 22
When the song ended and Eric Bourdon and War’s Spill The Wine began to play, everyone around the couple resumed their fast dancing. But not Vanessa and Scotty. They just stared into the others eyes and moved slowly and rhythmically to their own song.
Phonso turned to Angelique, “I think big bro just might have found someone who he actually trusts.” Phonso had hoped that something could pull his brother out of his solitude. He was like one of those monks from the karate movies that whipped themselves for some unknown sins. His smile wavered as he thought about Tino, but then Angelique kissed him lovingly and he remembered that he was in the here and now and he was happy.
Jalissa grinned as she watched the couple out on the dance floor. “Well it’s about damn time.” Dope boy or not, the way Scotty was looking at Vanessa was a way that Dante or none of the little fools she messed around with ever looked at her. She decided that maybe it was time for her to look for something real.
Two girls that had been sweating Scotty for years began mean-mugging the couple, gossiping that of course Scotty would go for the half-white girl.
A man that had been patiently waiting to get Scotty’s attention finally shot caution to the wind and approached the young man.
“Hey, Scotty. Sorry to interrupt man, but can I bend your ear a second?”
Scotty looked over his shoulder at the unwanted intruder. It was one of his regulars—but there was a time and a place.
“Man, don’t you see I’m busy?”
“Sure. Uh…sure. I’ll holler at you later.” He retreated wondering how long Scotty was going to be with his little young thing. Shit, money was money and that came before pussy, in his opinion.
Vanessa looked at the retreating man and then at Scotty and because of the sudden implosion of emotions between them, he could clearly read the change in her expression, in her posture. He could see that she knew that the guy had wanted to score some dope from him.
He stroked her hair back from her face, hoping to recapture that moment before the junky had interrupted them. But she was mentally retreating.
“Do you want to go outside and get some fresh air?” All of a sudden he wanted to be away from the projects and all that it represented--although he knew that he couldn’t run from himself. He was everything that he hated about the ghetto.
“Yeah, that would be good,” she said.
He took her hand and led her out of the room and then outdoors where the party was going on just as strong. He leaned against the stoop, still holding her hand and she liked the way it felt to have his big hand over hers. But there was a reality that she had to face; this man was a stranger to her. The boy that she had known was not this person and she could not confuse the two. Her desire for him was almost desperate but it also saddened her that he was going down this route. Something inside of her wanted to reach out and tell him that. And after a quiet moment in which he seemed to be waiting for her to do or say something, she spoke.
“Can I ask you a question?”
He nodded grimly. “You can ask me anything.”
It took her a long time to speak the words and when she did, she only managed to whisper. “Are you a drug dealer?”
He shrugged. “I suppose that’s what it amounts to.”
“What?” She asked not entirely positive of his response.
He looked at her steadily. “Yes Vanessa. I am a drug dea
ler.” When she just looked at him without responding he continued. “What are you thinking?”
She didn’t smile. “I thought you were smarter than that.”
Scotty looked away and inhaled deeply. After a moment he looked at her again. “It is what it is.”
“Everything is everything.” She said suddenly. He saw that she was disappointed in him and just the idea that she disapproved of something he’d done made him feel hollow inside. He fought against that feeling. His story didn’t allow for any regrets. He had done what needed to be done, but he could give her something that he had never bothered to give any other woman before; the truth.
He looked at the people milling around them. “Can we take a walk?”
She hesitated. “I can’t stay away too long. I don’t want Jalissa and the gang to worry…”
“Just around the block. I want to tell you something.”
He released her hand, and Vanessa had a sudden memory of her mother saying; this is real talk…
They began walking away from the party and when it appeared that they were no longer in the vicinity of people wanting to greet him with a head nod or hand slap Scotty spoke.
“I suppose you know that my older brother was a big time dope dealer.” Vanessa nodded but Scotty didn’t continue for a long moment. They walked silently while he collected his thoughts. “I didn’t mind because it brought us food and lunch money and clothes that didn’t come from the thrift store. When he told me to make a drop or to pick up something I just did it. I didn’t think in terms of right or wrong. I did it because I wanted clothes, lunch money and food.
“But then things began to change and money was being made but it wasn’t coming to us; it was going into Tino’s veins. He’d gotten hooked on his own drugs. When I was a kid I thought it was such a waste; having all that money and throwing most of it away on a high. I had it already planned out—my life. I was going to be a drug dealer that didn’t use. I wanted to make so much money that I would never want for anything again, and I wouldn’t waste it on chicks and drugs and flashy shit. To me, that was what a successful businessman was; a street hood that didn’t get caught up in his own hype.
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