by Bryan Fields
While I looked surprised, Rose looked horrified. She stared, open-mouthed and trembling, unable to bring herself to speak.
Nadia said, “Well, we talked, and I think we got everything worked out. We’re going to go ahead with the link, but Erica—Eric—needs some information to finish his new form.”
Rose said, “We can’t take male forms! The acceptance is based on female biology. You can’t change that!”
Eric took Rose’s hand and gave her several there-there pats. “I’ll be fine, really. When I realized I couldn’t get out of coming here, I started studying the acceptance ritual. I was approved to apply it fifty years ago, and I’ve worked with your mother to repair several applications. All I had to do was re-anchor the energy flow to the kidneys instead of the egg repositories. The energy transfer will occur normally. I’ll just have magnificently clean blood and piss like a tundra mammoth.” She, er, he, turned his attention to me. “David, I need an imprint of your physiology.”
That didn’t sound scary at all… “What does that involve?”
“I need to touch you for a few minutes to learn the pattern of your flesh. I just need your hand or shoulder.”
Nadia said, “I can take over driving for a few minutes. The map says we have about fifteen miles to Tuba City, so this would be a good time to swap.”
I didn’t have a good argument, so I pulled over and got in the back seat. Thankfully, land barges from this era were designed with huge back seats. Eric put one hand on the back of my neck and one on my wrist. He closed his eyes, and just stayed that way for several minutes.
His Adam’s apple appeared first. He tried his new voice several times, tweaking the results until he was satisfied. With that out of the way, his chest, shoulders, and hips rearranged themselves. He added some muscle bulk and body hair, topped off by a light dusting of stubble on his face.
When Eric opened his eyes, they were a pale sky-blue. He blinked at me twice, changing the color to more of a royal blue. “Is this coloration acceptable?”
“It’s fine,” I said. “Nice aesthetics.”
Then he pulled off the panties. “These genitals are unruly. Are they supposed to do that?”
Oh, Goddess. He’d found the Package Slider.
I looked out the window, hoping to spot a jackrabbit or something. Rose looked over her shoulder and coughed. “Oh, myyy... Um, Nadia, you might want to register an opinion here.”
Nadia snorted, trying to hold back her laughter. She pulled off the road and had a look over the seat, biting her lip to keep from laughing. The laughter stopped and her eyes bulged out. “Holy shit…Dude, that’s just…” She took a deep breath and tried to keep her voice as calm as possible. “Eric, you’re exceeding that body’s design parameters. Just…could you stick with mirroring David’s attributes, please?”
“Of course.” Eric set himself back to default. “Are these dimensions adequate?”
Oh, look—a broken beer bottle, out in the dirt on the other side of the road. I started counting the pieces I could see.
Nadia laughed again. “That will be just fine, thank you. Rose, do you have any clothes at all that might fit him?”
It took Rose a few minutes, but she was able to locate a pair of sweatpants and a belt. It wasn’t much, but it would have to do. I took the wheel and got us rolling again. Nadia pronounced Eric suitably male and agreed to the acceptance. As she did, I took Rose’s hand and relaxed, allowing the acceptance to bring our minds and emotions back into harmony. We stayed like that until the Tuba City exit. Thankfully, the nearest gas station was clean and modern. Equally thankfully, Eric didn’t require instruction in using the men’s room.
Nadia spotted a clothing donation bin in the back of the gas station’s parking lot. She picked the padlock on the door and we took a functional set of men’s clothes and a pair of athletic shoes. Armed with drinks, snacks, and a brand new, fully-dressed, low-mileage Norwegian, we got back on the road.
After some discussion, we decided to route through Flagstaff. It was a slightly longer trip, and I hoped anyone planning an ambush for us would be staking out the shorter, more northern route.
When we hit Flagstaff, I cruised past the gas stations right off the highway and drove until I spotted one adjacent to a grocery store in a corner strip mall. We made it through filling up the car and hitting the rest rooms without a crisis, so we decided to risk a sit-down meal at a small Native American restaurant. I went for a buffalo taco, piled high on fry bread stretched and cooked just for me by two grandmothers who laughed and pointed at Rose and Nadia’s hair while chattering away in Navajo. Then laughed harder when Rose thanked them for the food, also in Navajo.
While we ate, I asked Rose, “How many Earth languages do you speak?”
She shrugged. “Twenty-eight living languages, plus Etruscan, ancient Egyptian, classic Latin and Aramaic. Mother normally only teaches ten, but she has friends.”
Eric said, “I was planning on disappearing into sub-Saharan Africa. I focused on Nigerian, French, and Afrikaans.” He laughed. “I didn’t find out until last week that ‘blood diamonds’ weren’t an actual type of gemstone. I changed my plans and decided to go back to Fair Banking and settle in at one of the counting houses there. At least until I decided what to do with myself.”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “Fair Banking? Do you mean Fairbanks? In Alaska?”
“Yes. Fairbanks. That’s where I am from, officially. It seemed a good location for staying fed.” He paused and licked meat juices off his fingers. “But, this boofallo, I could get used to eating. Where do they roam?”
“There are a few herds around Boulder,” Nadia said. “That’s where we’ll be going. Deer, moose, elk, wild antelope out on the eastern plains. We’ll keep you fed.”
We finished up and, armed with several to-go boxes filled with buffalo steak for Dragon snacks, we got back on the road. The navigation program in my phone said we were ten minutes behind schedule, so I pushed the car a bit. We cleared the town without issue, and soon were almost the only ones on the road, along with a few fellow long-distance travelers…and one really persistent storm cloud…
We were ticking seventy-five and it was gaining, coming up hard and fast on our six o’clock. I floored it, but we didn’t start pulling away from the storm cloud until we hit ninety.
Rose and Eric armored up. Nadia dug around in her purse until she found a package of steel sewing needles. Holding the needles in one hand, she chanted a long, tongue-twisting spell that consumed the needles and made the rear window glow for a few seconds.
The clouds parted, and an dozen Dark Elves rode out, mounted on dead horses wreathed in green flames. Smoke and fire shot from their nostrils and their hooves left a trail like a burning green comet behind them.
I looked at Nadia. “Nightmares?”
“Not quite,” Nadia said. “Hellsteeds. Those guys are Sanguine Vanguard. Bloodmaiden faithful who died in battle.”
“How powerful are they?”
“As bad as they were in life, plus a few benefits for being dead.” Nadia grabbed a rubber band out of her pocket and pulled her hair back. “They’re honored dead, like the Einherjar chosen to go to Valhalla.”
I nodded. “So, not as tough as a Valkyrie?”
“Shit, no.” Nadia blew on her hands and rubbed the palms together. “Valkyrja are pretty much a lesser order of angels. They come here all the time, but only to those dying in battle. Still, we’re in some deep shit.”
I glanced in the mirror. They were still closing, but...nice tight formation there, guys. “Are they immune to plasma grenades?”
“Let’s find out.” Nadia slid the canopy back while Rose pulled the grenades out of storage.
The Dark Elves read my mind—they split into two groups, both sticking to the roadway’s shoulders. They were close enough for bows, but attacking from behind would be problematic at best. That wouldn’t matter for long, though. Not at the rate they were overtaking us.
&nbs
p; With our canopy open, Nadia twisted the handle on top of the grenade, counted to three, and yelled “Cover your eyes!” She popped up long enough to throw it in front of the group on our left. It bounced wide and the charging Hellsteeds raced past it.
For an instant, a fifty-foot circle in the Arizona desert was brighter than the sun. The blast wave knocked one car off the road and sent us lurching to one side. The Dark Elves to our right were slammed to the side, all but two unhorsed and knocked to the ground. The ones to our left never emerged from the fireball. When the light faded, nothing was left but a cooling pool of molten glass.
The two still riding split up, putting plenty of distance between themselves. One threw a cloud of Darkness at us, but it was fixed in position. The car punched through it and was out of the area in moments.
The second guy was more devious. Whipping and kicking his Hellsteed hard enough to tear off dead flesh, the rider pulled ahead and let an arrow fly at the front tire. It hit dirt and exploded, leaving a good-sized pothole.
As he nocked again, Rose fired off three rounds from the gold Desert Eagle she’d claimed. One round struck him in the chest, the other two hit the Hellsteed’s shoulder. I couldn’t be sure, but I think all three rounds bounced off him and the horse. He grinned and loosed another arrow, blowing another hole in the desert.
“You need enchanted bullets!” Eric called out. “Give me the gun!” While he focused on it, Nadia peeked over the rear window and nailed the guy who’d thrown the Darkness spell. Her spell looked and sounded just like a blaster pistol out of a space opera. I guess she had better training than the average clone soldier, since the bolt ripped his chest open, sending his arms and head in several different directions. With its rider gone, the Hellsteed vanished.
“Nice! What was that? I don’t think I’ve seen it before.” Eric passed the pistol back to Rose. “There. Aim for the head.”
Nadia blew on her finger, pretending it was the barrel of a gun. “Mother calls it Zapper. It’s an upgrade of the basic Unerring Bolt.”
An explosion shook the car, shattering the canopy and sending bits of glass flying through the air. Thankfully, the spell reinforcing the back window held. Most of the glass scattered to the side or fell behind the car.
“Get a library, you two!” Rose leaned out and squeezed off three quick shots. A Dark Elf dropped to the ground, bouncing to a stop as his Hellsteed vanished.
Nadia took a quick look over the back seat. “Four playing catch-up, two on each side of the road,” she called out. She glanced sideways at Eric and tilted her head toward the oncoming riders. “Your turn!”
As she said that, a zone of Darkness appeared ahead of one of the riders. He entered it and a second one appeared ahead of us. I tried to dodge it, but it was too close. The lights only went out for a moment, but it was enough.
The first rider teleported through the pools of Darkness, appearing crouched on the trunk. He ignored Nadia and Eric, vaulting over the rear window and grabbing the back of my seat. He raised his sword to stab me, and Nadia kicked him in the back of his knee. He fell backward on top of her.
Nadia grabbed for the guy’s sword arm. He pulled away and elbowed her in the stomach. Eric tried to pull the guy off Nadia and got a face full of Elf boot. Rose tried to aim at the Dark Elf, but couldn’t get a clear shot.
Another arrow hit the rear window, blowing holes in the glass, shaking the car, and sending the trunk lid skidding and bouncing into the dirt. Eric wasn’t hurt, but the concussion knocked him to the floor. Rose switched targets and Bow Guy quite lost his head.
Nadia seized a handful of Elf hair and yanked the guy’s head backward. She bit hard, trying to tear his throat open. Good plan, but he was already dead. He reversed his sword and drove the blade through his own heart and Nadia’s.
Eric’s roar was pure Dragon, shattering the windshield and both of my eardrums. My sense of balance went to hell, leaving me ready to puke as the world spun around me. I slumped against the door, totally forgetting about things like driving.
Rose grabbed the wheel and stomped on the brakes, sending us bouncing and skidding off the road. The soft dirt slowed us down and Rose managed to get us stopped without rolling the car. She touched the side of my head long enough to heal me, but I was still too dizzy to stand.
As we came to a stop, Eric pulled the Dark Elf’s sword free and threw it at one of the remaining two riders. It went wide, but they dropped back. He got a good grip on the Dark Elf and hurled the corpse at the pursuing riders. They dodged it, but came to a stop as well.
Nadia’s body jerked, sending a stream of blood into Eric’s face. Eric ripped his shirt in half, trying to keep pressure on both sides of the wound. “She needs a healer!”
Rose vaulted into the back seat. “Two closing fast. Kill them while I’ll fix her!” She saw the doubt in Eric’s eyes and growled, “I’ve got her! Kill the rest, now!” She shoved Eric aside and cupped her hands over Nadia’s heart.
The last two riders spurred their steeds and charged. Eric stepped out of the car and stared at them, fists white-knuckled and shaking. They drew their swords and he gave them the finger.
Three rows of pikes, fifty feet across and tight as the teeth of a comb, shot out of the sand and dirt. Both riders and steeds crashed to a halt, each impaled a dozen times over. Eric turned back to the car, opening the door and crouching down to hold Nadia’s hand.
Nadia opened her eyes and smiled at him. “Sorry,” she whispered. “Rose did her best. I’m not going to make it. Only got…seventy, eighty years, tops.”
Eric bowed his head to Rose, but his eyes were locked on Nadia. “I guess we better make it count, then.” He reached his hand through the flesh under his ribs, going in well past his wrist. He emerged with a dead-black necklace connected to a bracelet assembly by a long chain of the same metal.
Dropping to one knee, he pressed the jewelry into Nadia’s hand. “We studied this Las Vegas in class. Something about it causes love to blossom for thousands of Humans. I…thought it looked glorious.” He looked sideways at Rose as she helped me sit up and get my focus back.
Looking back at Nadia, he said, “I do not intend to return home. I wish to stay here. I will remove the expiration on the acceptance, and be with you for the rest of our days, if you will have me as your wingmate and consort.”
Nadia raised her eyebrow. “Are you asking me to marry you?”
Eric blushed. “That is the word. Yes. Will you…marry me?”
A huge, elated smile crept onto Nadia’s face. Blood vanished from clothes and car interior while shattered glass reassembled itself into windows and canopy. In moments the car was clean, whole, and fit for hard purpose.
Nadia caressed Eric’s cheek and said, “Oh, fuck yeah.” She held up the assortment of jewelry. “How does this go on?”
I started the car and drove away from the impaled Dark Elves while Eric showed Nadia how to put the contraption on. As it turned out, the index and middle fingers of her left hand slipped into claw-tipped finger-covers, similar to what you’d see on a plate gauntlet. A layer of mail topped with overlapping scales connected the fingers to a bracer covering most of her forearm. A chain ran from the bracer up to a collar shaped like dragon wings covering her upper chest and back.
Once attached, the jewelry changed size to fit snug against her flesh. In a flash, it spread out to cover her entire body in a mix of plate, scale, and chain armor. In another second, it retracted to become a thin, flat, matte-black bracelet.
Nadia tapped it. “Instant armor. That’s pretty cool.”
“It is ancient,” Eric said. “This was made in the days when we stood shoulder to shoulder with Men. Only Dragonbound may wear it.”
“Dragonbound. I like the sound of that.” Nadia cocked her head to the side. “Will it interfere with my spellcasting?”
“It should not, unless your spell requires you to perform contortions.”
“No, that’s a different kind of magic.” She held
her right hand up and wiggled her ring finger at him. “I still want something sparkly.”
“I can do sparkly.” Eric pulled Nadia close and wrapped his arms around her. “I’ve got lots of sparkly.”
I looked over my shoulder at the happy couple. “Don’t forget, we still have to kill a demon first.”
“No problem,” Nadia said. “The marriage license office is open until midnight. Plenty of time.”
Chapter Twenty
Another Trail of Burning Wreckage
“Eric and I could fly across with Nadia, so if someone does blow up the bridge, you’re the only one we have to fix.”
That’s my Rose. Always providing helpful suggestions. “I doubt she’s had the time or resources to get a crew of demolition experts together. I say when we go in, we go in full throttle and race for the other side.”
Nadia said, “Just remember, the Don’t Get Involved spell can’t get people to move out of your way in a confined space like that bridge. Try to stay in one lane and give folks some extra room.”
I nodded, watching the traffic behind us for an opening. It took several minutes, but a nice big gap finally came along. I got us going and pushed the engine as hard as I dared before we hit the bridge, reminding myself to breathe and keep the car centered in the lane.
Even with the road smooth and empty, my pucker factor was high. It was a long, long way down to the Colorado River. Dragons seem to have no fear of heights or of falling, so while Nadia was busy pointing out various features of Hoover Dam—one benefit of taking the Dam Tour twenty Dam times—I looked straight ahead and hoped my sphincter would let go of the seat before we reached the hotel.
Back on solid ground, I eased up on the gas until we dropped back down below the speed limit. No sense coming this far and blowing the whole thing in the home stretch. I was tempted to take the shore road north along Lake Mead, but with Las Vegas in sight, nobody wanted to delay any longer. We blazed through Boulder City, Henderson, and into Vegas proper.
