by T. R. Graves
A few minutes later, Tawney and Gran were nestled into their sleeping bags and sound asleep. For whatever reason, I felt relieved. I wondered if this was what it was like for parents whose toddlers had finally crashed after they'd spent a hard day catering to the child's every whim.
I wasn't comparing Tawney or Gran to toddlers, but I had been spending a whole lot of time watching out for them, anticipating their footsteps, and intervening every single time they tumbled or tripped. I had to make sure they were fed and hydrated. I had to set up their beds and take them down. If parenting was anything like this, I'd never be ready to mother children.
"What are you thinking about so seriously?" Jayden said after he slid down the tree and next to me.
"I was thinking what a horrible mom I'd be and how there's no way I'm going to take on the assignment of Eve," I said truthfully. "I mean, dear Lord, I worship the ground these two people walk upon, and I can only sigh with relief that they're asleep and I can stop catering to them… stop worrying about them."
Jayden glanced toward the tents. "Yeah. I know how you feel… Except for me. One of my charges is still kicking around. Why don't you sleep first tonight? I'm not ready to sleep yet. I need some peace and quiet to think."
I reached my hand over. "Jayden… there is nothing to think about. I'm going to do what Gran wants me to do. He's not spent the first day away from me in his life. If he's telling me I have to go ahead without him, he has a reason, and I'm sure it's a good one. I need to respect him," I said.
"I know. I-I just need to figure out how we're going to do this without getting caught," he said, and with his words, I understood he'd resigned himself to Gran's plan.
"So you've never met Thorne?" I asked.
Jayden's shoulders bobbed. "At first, I didn't think I had. While we were hiking today, I remembered him. He wasn't a bad person. At least, that's the impression I got.
"I've never met his father, but I've heard he's pretty ruthless when it comes to his research. There's only one person who's willing to try out anything he invents, and that's Thorne. Your mom and Gran won't try anything out on you unless it's been extensively tested on animals and primates. There's just something that can't be trusted about a man who is willing to put his experiments above his own child's welfare," Jayden surmised.
"Well, you and I'll get to know Thorne better pretty soon."
"I guess you're right. Now… I'd really appreciate it if you'd climb in that tent and get some sleep," Jayden ordered while nodding his head toward his tent.
I yawned and it reminded me just how tired I was.
"Okay, but I expect you to wake me in four hours. Understand?"
Jayden waved me away. "I understand. Go."
Climbing into his tent and crawling into his sleeping bag brought back memories of the night before, memories of him holding me tight and begging me not to leave him. Every cell in my body wanted him back. Wanted him wrapped around me again.
I fell asleep thinking just that, and I stayed asleep until something I felt more than heard woke me. The door of the tent was open and the light from the moon illuminated my tiny surroundings, illuminated Jayden as he watched over me while I slept.
There was nothing brother-sister about the way he was looking at me, and as soon as my lids fluttered open, he stretched out next to me.
"I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered. "I just thought I'd lie next to you for a while before I woke you for your shift."
I slid my hand into his, and when I did, he didn't pull away. Instead, he squeezed so tight that I knew how afraid he'd been for the last six months without us. I wasn't sure what all Jayden had been made to endure, but I was certain it wasn't good. I wanted to end the life of anyone who was sadistic enough to mentally or physically injure my Surrogate Soldier.
Suddenly realizing how much I'd missed him and his survival training, that I'd not been allowed until now to show him just how much I missed him, I flung myself into his chest and squeezed tight and shared the feelings I never admitted, much less voiced aloud.
"I missed you, Jayden. I was so scared for you when you didn't come with us. Why… why didn't you come? You should have come." I cried the tears that I'd swallowed back the night we left, the tears that had been plaguing me every day since. Hidden just below the surface but never released or shared.
"I missed you, too, Carlie. More than you'll ever know," he said, putting his finger under my chin and tilting my head up toward his.
Looking into his brilliant green eyes, I wanted him to kiss me, more than anything I'd ever wanted, but he didn't. He just studied my face, stroked the hair off my forehead, and squeezed me back into his chest.
"Sam would want me to keep protecting you. I'm going with you and Thorne. Wherever you go, I'm going. Do you understand me? Don't ever think I'd leave you again, because I won't. No matter what," Jayden said.
"Thank you."
We lay just like that. Neither speaking. Jayden's nearness had my heart racing and my face flushing, but I didn't move away from him until he was asleep. I only moved away then because I was worried I'd fall back asleep. The heat of his body was too comfortable and the rhythm of his heart too soothing.
It took some maneuvering to slip from his grip without waking him, but eventually, I'd done just that and was sitting just outside the door of our tent. I was watching out in the darkness and thinking about all the things Gran had told me today, about Jayden's confession.
"Carlie…." Jayden mumbled hours later from inside the tent.
When I glanced inside, I saw he was still asleep and he was having another bad dream based on the way he was holding his chest as if someone had stabbed him there.
I scooted inside the tent and leaned down toward him. "Jayden, sweetie, I'm here. I'm with you. Go back to sleep. It's not time for you to wake up…"
Before I could finish my sentence, Jayden had me penned beneath him and was kissing me like he thought he was about to lose me forever. My instincts at first were to push him off and tell him he was sleeping, but his kiss was so warm and wonderful. It was a million times better than using him as a pillow.
I could tell by the way he fumbled around that the normally graceful soldier was still asleep. I wasn't sure how ethical the kissing of a sleeping man was, but the grip he had on me, the way his hand snaked under my T-shirt and his palm splayed open on my back, rubbing up and down, felt too good to stop.
In a natural progression of things and because I'd been egging him on by kissing him back and letting him explore my body, Jayden rolled completely on top of me and slid between my legs. This may have been my first time in this position with a boy, but I knew exactly what Jayden wanted. I also knew he'd hate himself if he knew things had gone this far. Asleep or not.
I began gently waking him. "Jayden… sweetie," I hummed while he pushed deeper into me and kissed my neck near my ear.
I groaned because his every move was so suggestive and so welcomed that I didn't want to stop. This time, I shook him and whispered, "Jayden… sweetie."
At least, I did until he covered my mouth with his and slipped in his tongue, exploring places no other person ever had.
"Carlie," he whispered as if he were worshiping a god, and when he began thrusting against me, I decided for our best interests that I needed to definitely wake him.
I pushed him back and using a voice more stern than I'd used before, I said, "Jayden… you're dreaming. Wake up."
I fought his grip and knew the instant he woke because he stopped moving… stopped breathing.
Chapter 13
Bed of Snakes
Carlie
"Carlie… is that you?" he asked, looking around like he was confused about where he was and what he was doing.
When he realized he was positioned strategically between my legs, he knew exactly what he'd been trying to do and jerked away from me.
"Jesus! What the hell? What the hell is going on, Carlie?" he asked in rapid succession.
He d
idn't expect me to answer, and I was glad because there was little I could offer.
"I-I'm sorry. If that was me… I-I'm sorry," he murmured.
"You… you were having a nightmare. I was trying to wake you."
"Really? It doesn't seem like I was having a bad dream. In fact, it seems to me it was anything but a bad dream," Jayden said in a self-deprecating way that made me feel sorry for him.
"I wouldn't know. All I do know is you were tossing and turning. Now you're not. Are you going back to sleep or are you going to let me rest?" I asked, purposefully pretending I had no idea what Jayden had been doing, what Jayden had wanted just seconds ago.
"Be my guest," Jayden said, waving his hand toward his bed. "I'm not sure I'm going to be able to go back to sleep with you anywhere near."
I shrugged and crawled over to Jayden's bed, curled into a ball, and closed my eyes. Like Jayden, I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon, but there was no way for me to look Jayden in the eyes after that make-out session—asleep or not.
Twenty minutes later, I was still awake and Jayden was taking long, deep breaths periodically. There was no mistaking the fact that he was beating himself up mentally. Unable to take one more long-suffering sigh, I flipped toward Jayden and said, "For God's sake, Jayden, you were dreaming. Get over it," I whisper-shouted.
"Just go to sleep," he replied over his shoulder.
I wanted to go over to him and make him talk to me… make him realize I was no worse off than I was an hour ago. Actually, I was worse off because an hour ago I had no idea what it would be like to be with Jayden. Now I did, and I wanted more. I needed him to kiss me deep, to hold me tight, and to crave me more than his next breath. That was what I wanted.
That's all I want, I thought right before I drifted off to sleep.
* * *
Hours later, I woke and saw Jayden sitting in the door of the tent. I sat up.
"How long did I sleep? Why didn't you wake me so you could get some more rest?" I asked, stretching and moving toward Jayden.
The closer I got to him, the stiffer his back became and the more his muscles rolled. Everything about his demeanor made me feel like I was approaching an injured animal, one that had never been shown the first ounce of kindness.
"Jayden… do you want to try to get a little more rest before we take off today?" I asked, tenderly.
I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder, deciding a gentle touch might be the best remedy for a lifetime of emotional neglect. If Jayden's back wasn't already as rigid as it could be, he would have tensed more.
"I'm assuming I was the reason we were cuddled together yesterday morning?" Jayden said incredulously.
"It doesn't matter. When you pulled me close, it kept you from dreaming. It was the least I could do for you since you are helping us so much," I said after resting my chin on his shoulder.
"I don't want you… I don't want anyone to be with me like that because she feels sorry for me. That's the last thing I want, Carlie," Jayden replied.
"Good, because I don't feel sorry for you. You are a godlike Surrogate Soldier. You have talents the rest of us mere mortals can only imagine," I chided.
Jayden didn't say anything. Finally, I gave him what he wanted. "Why can't you believe what I'm saying? Nothing you did last night or tonight offended me." I stopped before taking a loud gulp and closing my eyes. "And if you must know… I found it…"
Jayden's stare jerked my way while he waited for my last words.
"I found it… exciting," I said, burying my burning face in my hands while resting my forehead against his bicep.
He palmed the back of my head and squeezed me into him. "Yeah… that's what it was for me, too. Exciting," he murmured wistfully. "I wish I could remember more of it."
I laughed quietly.
* * *
Later that afternoon, our tiny expedition was making its way over a small hill covered with early spring's ground cover, the kind that, according to Jayden, provided perfect hiding places for poisonous snakes.
By Dad's and Jayden's own admission, I had a keen eye when it came to picking out the most dangerous copperheads, cottonmouths, coral snakes, diamondbacks, and rattlesnakes. It was as if I were the snake whisperer because I knew where they were before anyone else.
As the appointed snake whisper, I was leading the team. Jayden was following behind us, gauging Tawney's and Gran's progress and deciding when rest periods were required in order to prevent complete collapse and the loss of hours rather than minutes.
"All right, everyone, let's take a few minutes to rest and hydrate," Jayden yelled from behind us.
Instinctively, I glanced around to see who required the rest, Tawney or Gran. It only took a second to see that both looked like they were about to fold in on themselves. I dashed back toward them. While Jayden ushered Gran, only because he was a tiny bit worse off than Tawney, over to a log where he could sit and rest, I grabbed a pale and shaky Tawney's elbow.
"Tawney, you need to come over here and sit down," I suggested, leading her to a log on the opposite side of the trail, since the log Gran was resting against was too small for the two of them and possibly even too far away from Tawney to walk given her current condition.
Tawney nodded, and like Gran had with Jayden, she allowed me to guide her. She tripped and stumbled a couple of times, and with each, I became more confident that neither Tawney nor Gran would be leaving the spots they dropped down into for the next hour. If then.
After she was situated, I strolled over to Jayden and held out my hand for a bottle of water for Tawney. I caught it when he tossed one over and headed back over to where my cousin was sitting. I was just about to drop down next to her and give her the water when I saw something slithering behind her head.
My heart stopped, and before Tawney made any sort of movement that would cause the coppery snake to strike, I jerked her away from the log while blocking her from the snake's face. As suspected, the sudden movement startled the serpent, and it lashed out, biting the closest moving target, which just happened to be my forearm.
As soon as the fangs sank in and the poison shot into me, I dropped to my knees. I felt as if I'd been stabbed right before having boiling water injected into my veins.
"GODDAMMIT!" I shouted.
When I looked down at the ground around me, I realized there was something worse than the bite I'd just gotten, and that was the fact that I was suddenly surrounded by at least a dozen more copperheads.
Leave it to me to stir up an entire den of poisonous snakes.
I was shaking like a leaf, and no matter how still I tried to be, it wasn't enough for the snakes that were coiling themselves around my arms and legs, biting me with every last shiver.
I was too focused on being their prisoner, on the scalding poison pumping through my veins, to give any thought to anything going on around me. In a distant way, I realized Tawney had escaped clean and free of bites and Jayden was cursing viciously behind me.
"Don't move, Carlie!" he ordered.
Does he really think I'm moving on purpose?
Deciding it would be better for me if I closed my eyes and pretended to be anywhere but here, I did just that. The next thing I knew, Jayden was in the middle of the snakes' den with me. The difference was Jayden was grabbing them by the tails and slinging them far away from me as fast as I've ever seen him do anything.
I'm sure I was bitten a few more times as the snakes showed me just how much they hated the way Jayden was man-handling them. Fortunately, there was a point when there just wasn't much more they could do to me. As soon as Jayden had the last snake off me, he had me in his arms and was carrying me in the direction opposite the den.
A few minutes later, the venom pumping its way through me was beginning to cause other effects. Dizziness. Nausea. Blurred vision. Slow heart rate. Low blood pressure. Increased swelling every place I'd been bitten.
MicroPharm or not, there wasn't enough medication to instantly—if ever—act as
an antidote to all of the venom pulsing through me and killing off every cell it seeped its way into.
When an ache in my chest that made me feel as if an elephant were sitting on it made every other throb and burn pale in comparison, I knew things were bad. Within seconds, I was gasping for a long, deep breath of air, but nothing I did made me feel like I was getting it.
Hysterical, I began jerking and thrashing. I needed to stand up… I needed to see if I could catch my breath. I fought Jayden until he finally and very carefully put me down. I may have naïvely thought I could stand and do what I needed to, that I'd be fine if he put me down, but I'd been wrong.
My legs were so wobbly that I dropped to my knees and fell forward, face planting into the forest's floor.
"DAMMIT! DO SOMETHING! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HELP HER! DO SOMETHING… PLEASE!" Jayden yelled, and I just assumed he was directing his anger at my scientist great-grandfather.
Taking short, wheezing breaths and drifting in and out of consciousness, I heard the dumping of our backpacks' contents, the shuffling of feet, and the ripping of material. After that, I felt another sting. This one was in my thigh, and I wondered if a final, malevolent snake had come back to finish the job.
By then, I didn't care. A heartbeat later, the blurring greens and browns of the forest turned into complete and utter blackness.
Chapter 14
Shooting Monkeys in a Barrel
Carlie
Worse than the snakebite pain were the hallucinations. I felt Jayden hold me in his arms and gutturally moan as if he'd lost the love of his life. I saw teams of soldiers swarm our little group of defectors like we were public enemy number one.
I heard Jayden swear that Tawney and Gran hadn't been with us for days, that they'd gone out on their own after deciding we had a better chance if we separated. I saw, felt, and heard the way the soldiers beat Jayden until he was within an inch of his life when he refused to be more helpful when it came to Tawney and Gran.
