by D. J. Holmes
Making his way to his personal quarters, he informed his steward that he didn’t want to be disturbed. Sitting down at his desk James set the package in front of him. Slowly he pressed his finger to the scanner and it took a small skin sample to confirm his DNA. A few seconds later it opened to reveal an old style paper envelope. It was something James hadn’t seen in person before but he easily recognized it from the holovids he had seen back on Earth. As he lifted it out, he could see his name written on the front of the envelope. The handwriting was unmistakable. It was Christine’s.
James heart began to beat faster. He hadn’t received a single communication from her since he last left Earth. He had hoped for one when he had returned to Excalibur from New Stockholm but nothing had been waiting for him. When one hadn’t been sent to Raptor when they had returned from the raid into Chinese space he had begun to worry. He had feared the King had finally managed to talk Christine out of their relationship.
Carefully he opened the letter. It faintly smelt of her perfume and before he began to read it, he held it up to his nose. Then he looked down and began to read.
My dearest James,
Even as I write to you, tears roll down my cheeks. Since the day we met almost five years ago, you have been the only love of my heart. I still remember our walk through the rose gardens like it was yesterday. You know I don’t care about your family history or your wealth or political power. My dream, our dream, has always been about more than that.
I write to you now because I have to tell you our dream is over. You’ve been on the front lines of this war since it started. You know what it has cost, the lives that have been lost.
Since childhood, I have been raised to be a princess. My life has never been my own. Every move has been watched. Everything I have ever done has been planned. My purpose is to help my family and to strengthen and protect Britain. I now see it was foolish of me to think I could forget about all that when it came to love. I want you to know, no, I need you to know that you weren’t just a rebellious phase. I love you and I will continue to love you. But my love and my marriage aren’t just mine to give. No matter how much both of us want that to be true.
By now you know of the ceasefire that has been called. What you don’t know is that my father, your uncle and the prime minister have been in contact with Minister Na for the last couple of months. Together, they plan to end the war in a way that will bring lasting peace, in a way that will bind our nations closer together. There’s going to be a marriage. Na is single. Father has arranged that as part of the peace deal, we will marry.
Na is planning a dramatic change in the government of China. He will be making the presidency independent from the Politburo and with longer terms. The idea is to provide a system of oversight for the Politburo. If I, a princess, become his wife, it will give legitimacy to his changes. The changes we need to secure a lasting relationship with China. It will also give me a real influence in the running of the country. You know how the Chinese populace loves our monarchy; we have fascinated them since the twenty first century. I won’t allow myself to just be a figurehead; I can have a real impact.
I have to do this. I love you but I cannot be with you. I can only hope that you will understand. You have your duty. I have watched you fall in love with the RSN and that has made me love you all the more. But I have my duty too. If my marriage can help stop this war, if it can help prevent a future one, then I cannot put myself first. My duty, my people, must come first.
You will always be my first love, my true love, but we cannot have a future. Along with this letter I have included the rose you gave me on the first night we met. I have kept it ever since. You promised me then you would marry me. I’m sorry I am making you break your promise.
As I’m sure you know, we cannot be seen together again. I would ask you not to contact me and to avoid me if we happen to cross paths in the future. There cannot be any hint of a scandal. The official story will be that you were just a childish fling. It will be my official story too but I could not bear you not knowing the truth.
I hope in time this letter will bring you some comfort. Goodbye James.
In sadness and heartbreak
Christine
James could hardly take it in; it was as if time had slowed down to a standstill. He reread the letter twice. His hands were shaking so much that he scarcely managed to finish it the second time. As a tear began to run down his cheek, he reached into the packet and removed the case that was inside. He opened it to reveal a pressed rose, preserved between two vacuum-sealed pieces of glass. Below the rose was an inscription Christine had made on the glass along with the date. It was the date of the day they first met and read, ‘James’ promise.’
In anger, he vigorously shut the case and threw it across the room to smash into the steel bulkhead. With a sob he buried his head in his hands and began to cry uncontrollably. Raptor, her repairs, the war and everything else were forgotten. His future had just disappeared in front of his eyes.
Chapter 29 - The Burden of Duty
It is strange how we expect the biggest sacrifices from our armed forces and yet never cut them any slack. They are always expected to perform above their best, if they fall short, rather than helping them, we cut them loose.
-Excerpt from Empire Rising, 3002 AD
29th June, 2465 AD, HMS Raptor, Excalibur
Lieutenant Gupta sat in a corner of Raptor’s canteen with Lieutenant Romanov. They both had their heads close together and they were speaking in whispers. “It has been over a week,” Gupta complained. “The Captain has only been out of his quarters a handful of times. He should be overseeing the repairs. We’re struggling to cover for him. I don’t know how long we can keep this up. The crew know something is going on. Eventually the engineers on the repair station will figure something is wrong and word will spread.”
“What else can we do? We don’t even know what’s wrong with him,” Romanov said. “Peace is on the horizon but Raptor will be declared battle worthy in two more days, something needs to change and fast.”
“I have an idea about what’s wrong, but I don’t know how we can solve it,” Gupta informed Romanov.
“You do?” he asked surprised.
“Yes, but you must promise to tell no one,” she said in an even quieter whisper. As Romanov nodded she continued, “You know about the Captain’s affair with Princess Christine?”
“Of course,” Romanov said, “everyone saw the news vids.”
“Well, James received a messenger packet when we arrived back in Excalibur. I suspect it carried some news about Christine. The King has been doing everything he can to end their relationship. He may have succeeded.”
“Well, we all have our personal problems. Everyone has to deal with such things. We need our Captain back. In two days we’ll be heading back to a war zone. James can’t be in command in his current state. What are you going to do about it?” Romanov asked.
“Me?” Gupta said, slightly louder than she wanted. Her shock was evident.
“Yes, you,” Romanov said forcefully. “I will back whatever you do but you are the First Lieutenant. You need to find a way to get through to him or you need to declare him unfit for command. We have to think about the rest of the ship, not just the Captain.”
“You’re right,” Gupta conceded. “But what am I going to do, I can’t just confront him about it? We don’t even know for sure what is wrong with him.
“We don’t, but maybe there is a way we can find out,” Romanov said. “We need to talk to the Captain’s steward. I know Fox fairly well. We have both been on Raptor since she was commissioned. I think we need to pay him a visit.
*
Two hours later and Gupta was sitting at James’ desk in his private office. She was fidgeting nervously. Only a short time ago she and Romanov had cornered Fox. He had been reluctant to speak at first but eventually they had convinced him that they were trying to help the Captain. It seemed that James had received a lett
er in the message packet. Fox hadn’t been able to say any more except that it had been hand written on paper and that it had had a faint smell of expensive perfume. That had been enough to confirm Gupta’s suspicions. The letter could only have come from one person and judging from James’ response it could only have said one thing.
Now she sat waiting for the Captain to emerge from his quarters. He wasn’t expecting her but she knew if she had requested a meeting he would have denied it. She still hadn’t decided how to approach the subject but with every passing hour Raptor got closer to being ready to depart.
She continued to tap her fingers nervously for another thirty minutes. Still, she hadn’t come up with a strategy. Eventually she gave up waiting and opened James’ personal computer and keyed it to send him a message saying a high priority communication was awaiting him in his office. It still took him another ten minutes to appear.
When he did, Gupta was horrified by his appearance. His hair was all over the place, as if he hadn’t tried to straighten it out for days. He clearly hadn’t shaved since he had received the letter a week ago. He had his Captain’s trousers on but his feet were bare and he was wearing nothing above his waist. In his hand he clutched a once crumpled letter, he had obviously tried to straighten out. Gupta assumed it was the letter in question. His eyes were bloodshot, either from a lack of sleep or tears or likely both.
When James saw the Lieutenant a look of anger came across his face. He clutched the letter tighter and moved his hand down to his side slightly hiding it behind his leg and the angle of his body. “What are you doing here?” he demanded.
James’ anger flipped a switch in Gupta. She had given up the chance of a ship of her own to remain under his command and help him get Raptor fit for battle when he had been promoted to her Captain. She had worked tirelessly over the last month on the repairs to the ship. It had been even worse over the last week as she had tried to do his job and hers. Now, when he was failing the men and women who had put their trust in him, he had the audacity to get angry at her!
“I am here because I still know what it means to do my duty,” she retorted. “I’m here because you need to be reminded of yours.”
“How dare you talk to me like that,” James said raising his voice to match hers, “I am your Captain.”
“Wrong,” Gupta shouted back, “you were my Captain. A man I happily followed into the face of danger at New Stockholm and at Wi and at New Shanghai and in the Paracel shift passage. Have you looked at yourself lately?” Gupta paused for effect and let her gaze wonder over James. In response he unconsciously looked down at his attire.
“That man I followed isn’t standing before me now,” she continued. Before he could respond, Gupta pointed to the letter he was trying to hide. “Is that the source of your misconduct? A Dear John letter from your princess? You’re not the first person to go through a break up and you’re not the first person to suffer a loss.”
She started to list off names of crew members who had died under James’ command. She began with those from Drake who had died at New Stockholm and then moved on to Raptor before pausing for breath. “Each of those people had wives and husbands, parents and children. They all suffered a greater loss than you have. And what about the men and women still under your command? Do they mean nothing to you? Do you even care if they die because they have an incompetent Captain?”
As she said that last sentence, Gupta saw something inside James break. His anger turned to despair and he slumped down into the chair behind his desk. His head fell into his hands and he began to sob quietly.
“You don’t think I care about my crew?” he said between sobs.
With compassion, she reached across and placed her hand on his forearm, “I know you do. I’ve seen you care for them. I’ve seen you shed a tear over the losses we have suffered. Why are you letting them down now?”
“You don’t understand, you can’t understand. It’s not about them,” James mumbled before going back to sobbing.
“You’re wrong. It is about them. You have a duty to them,” Gupta said as she squeezed his forearm
“Duty? Don’t speak to me about duty!” James said, flicking away Gupta’s hand as his earlier anger threatened to rise up again.
“I will,” Gupta broke in before James could say anymore. “I will because you swore an oath to your King and country. I will because you have taught me what it means, what it looks like. I will because you have a duty to the two hundred and sixty six men and women under your command. I don’t know what has happened between you and the princess but it hasn’t changed your duty.”
In disgust James thrust the letter in front of Gupta, “here, this is what happened. Your duty be damned.”
As Gupta read the letter she began to understand the depths of James’ hurt. “You were going to marry her?” she asked.
“Yes,” he replied, “even if it cost me my career.”
“That’s not true,” Gupta said seeing an opening. “I know you. I know your love for the navy. You wouldn’t abandon those relying on you. Not really. If you didn’t care about us then why are you still here? You have risked your life in battle for the navy, for those under your command, for those in harm’s way. Each time you took your future in your hands and risked your hope of a life with Christine because you knew, as a RSN Captain, you had a responsibility, a duty.
“Did Christine ever begrudge the sense of duty she knew you had when it took you away from her?” Not waiting for a reply Gupta continued. “She didn’t. But now she has a duty. A duty she has had all her life. You cannot expect her to abandon it. No more than she ever expected you to abandon yours. If she had said no to this marriage, she wouldn’t have been the woman you fell in love with. If you truly loved her, if you truly knew her, you would know that she didn’t abandon you. She was caught between doing what she must and what she wanted. If she had chosen you, how do you think she would have lived with herself? She would have been miserable, wracked with guilt.
“I cannot take this pain away,” she told him. “No one can. But it does get easier. Christine wouldn’t want you to let this destroy you. She would want you to be the man she loved, to do your duty just as she has had to do hers.”
“And how am I supposed to do that,” James asked. “I’m a mess.”
Gupta recognized his question for what it was, a plea for help. He wanted to get out of his depression but he didn’t know how. “One step at a time James, one step at a time,” she said using his given name for the first time since she had entered his office. “First we need to get you washed and dressed. I’m going to call your steward. Come on, up you get,” she said as she walked around and lifted James to his feet.
Reluctantly, he followed her lead as she walked him back into his quarters. His steward was already waiting there, a look of concern on his face. “Take him into the washroom and get him showered and shaved. Then we’ll get him into his uniform,” Gupta ordered.
Turning back to James she said, “that’s the first step. The second is a tour of the ship. The crew has been working tirelessly over the last week to complete all the repairs they hadn’t been able to do without the help of the repair station. You’re going to do a tour of the ship and see what they have done for you. They need to see your face and you need to see theirs. You need to remember who you are, the responsibilities you have.”
As Fox led James into the washroom Gupta activated her personal COM, “Romanov, report to the Captain’s quarters in twenty minutes. We’re going to be taking the Captain on a tour of the ship to show him how the repairs are going.”
“Yes sir,” Romanov replied with more than a hint of relief and pleasure on his voice.
*
Two days later James strode onto the bridge of Raptor. He still felt tired and drained. His eyes were still raw and he knew he could do with several more nights of sleep. On the inside he felt hollow. The man he had once thought of as James Somerville didn’t seem to exist anymore. At least he had
hidden himself deep down away from where James could get to him. Now he just felt numb. Gupta’s words had gotten through to him. Or at least she had made him see Christine’s words in her letter. He had a duty to do. She had understood that. Gupta had reminded him of it, he couldn’t let his crew down. However, the last two days had almost been worse than the previous week. It had taken all the inner strength he could find, just to get out of bed. He had tried his best to put on a brave face, to let the crew see him happy and confident. He knew he had failed. No doubt many of them knew something was deeply wrong with him.
Still, there had been no sign of any complaints and the work rate had actually increased since his tour of the ship. Deep down James knew that it meant they trusted him. They were willing to follow him, even though he wasn’t at his best. At another time it would have been a great encouragement to him. Now he barely registered it.
As he sat down, Romanov announced to the bridge for his benefit, “the station’s docking clamps will be released in five minutes.”
