Unnoticed and Untouched

by Lynn Raye Harris

  “Do I? I sometimes think I don’t go far enough!”

  “That’s enough, Miss Black,” he snapped.

  She recoiled as if he’d hit her. And then she gathered herself up, stood straight and tall and glared at him. She knew where she stood with him. Where she would always stand.

  “You told me that I didn’t trust people, and you were right. But you’re a hypocrite, you know that? You don’t trust anyone, either. You refuse to let anyone get close to you. You keep everyone at a distance. You cycle through relationships like you cycle through racing leathers. I knew it,” she said angrily. “And I was still dumb enough to fall for you.”

  “We are lovers, not soul mates,” he said coolly. “If you expected this from me, I am sorry.”

  “You aren’t,” she snapped. “You’re only sorry you didn’t get the chance to throw me out before I walked away.”

  He took a step toward her, stopped. Faith’s heart was breaking. She’d gone much further over the edge than she’d intended, but it was too late to stop now.

  “We’ll go to bed,” he told her. “Sleep. Tomorrow, everything will look different.”

  She shook her head. “It won’t. Nothing will change the facts. You are injured and you won’t admit it, and you intend to kill yourself on the track. I can’t stand by and watch you, Renzo. I won’t.”

  “Are you threatening to quit, Faith?”

  She snorted. “Quit? Is that how you see this? That I’m quitting my job?”

  His jaw tightened. “You can’t abandon me right before the season starts. I need you.”

  Those three words punctured her heart. He didn’t need her. He only needed the efficient PA by his side, nothing more. They’d had sex and he’d enjoyed her, but he didn’t love her. And he never would.

  “My God, my stupidity never ends,” she said, half to herself. “I didn’t learn my lesson with Jason. I’m just as gullible and needy as I was then. And I want to believe that the man asking me to give him a piece of myself cares for me when I know he doesn’t.”

  “We’re good together,” he said. “This doesn’t need to end.”

  She laughed, the sound broken and bitter. “Doesn’t it? I won’t watch you crash and burn, Renzo. I won’t be there waiting for something to happen, waiting for them to haul you away in an ambulance because you’re too proud to admit you can’t do this any longer.” She reached for her wrap, shrugged into it blindly. “I’m done. I can’t do this.”

  She fled toward the door, intending to escape into the Florentine night, to get as far away as she could, but he caught her before she could, turned her with rough hands.

  His face was livid. “You aren’t leaving me, Faith. I won’t let you leave me.”

  “Then tell me you’ll quit,” she begged. “Tell me you’ll stop this insanity and let someone else race the Viper.”

  He let her go abruptly and she shot a hand out to steady herself against the wall.

  “I won’t play this game with you,” he said harshly.

  “It’s not a game,” she cried. “I love you, and I don’t want to lose you—” She stopped speaking when she realized what she’d said. What she’d revealed.

  Renzo stood there before her, looking so cold and cruel. So removed, as if he’d already detached himself from the situation. Which, of course, he had. He’d had a lot of practice, hadn’t he?

  “I won’t stop, Faith.” His eyes glittered hot. “If you truly loved me, you wouldn’t ask me to.”

  She could feel the tears trickling down her cheeks. She’d just told him she loved him, and he didn’t say anything. Or, he did say something, but something designed to use that love against her.

  She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. “Jason said the same thing, did you know that? He said that if I loved him, I would do what he wanted me to do.”

  She hadn’t had sex with him because she’d been young and scared, but she’d felt the pressure of those words. Felt them so deeply that she made the stupid decision to take that picture for him. To try and appease him.

  She would never allow herself to cave in to that kind of pressure again, no matter the cost.

  Renzo looked furious. “You can’t compare this to what happened eight years ago. I’ve never asked you to do anything you didn’t want to do. I’ve never threatened you if you didn’t. You’ve made your own choices.”

  “And I have to keep making them,” she said. “I can’t stay and watch you go on that track and worry every time that it will be the last.”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Think carefully, cara. If you are asking me to choose between you and riding the Viper, you will lose.”

  She shook her head sadly. “Don’t you think I already know that?”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  THEY raced at night in Qatar because it was too hot during the day. Renzo stood in the paddock in full leathers, wearing a baseball cap until it was time to put on the helmet and climb onto the shining red-and-white Viper, and talked with the press. Paddock girls pranced around in tight dresses and heels, carrying big umbrellas, but he barely noticed them even when one or two of them purposely came near and shot him coy smiles.

  They were sexy and alluring, but they were not Faith. Dio, how he missed her. It had been a week since she’d left him, and he’d been miserable just about every moment since then.

  She’d told him she loved him, but she’d lied. If she had truly loved him, she wouldn’t have left him. And she wouldn’t have given him an ultimatum.

  His leg ached today, but it ached every day. She was right that he’d kept that from her, just like he’d kept it from everyone. But he was used to the aching. Aching was nothing. Muscle cramps, on the other hand, were a bit more problematic.

  He’d been training hard, working the muscles, and he hadn’t had an issue in any of the test runs. He would not have an issue today, either.

  Faith did not understand that he had to do this. He appreciated that she’d been concerned for him, but if she’d truly loved him, she would have supported him. She would be here with him instead of back in New York, working for one of the other officers in D’Angeli Motors. She’d said she would leave the company and find another job, but he wouldn’t let her do it. He’d sent her back with a glowing recommendation, and had heard that she’d been put to work in one of the senior vice president’s offices.

  He would see her again someday, when he returned to New York to oversee the U.S. operations, but that day would not be anytime soon. Perhaps she would have found someone else by then, a man who could appreciate her and love her for the remarkable woman she was.

  His gut twisted hard at the thought of another man loving her. Loving his Faith. He held up his hand to signal the end of the interview and turned and walked away.

  He had to get his head into the game today. He could not keep thinking about Faith, about her silky blond hair and her sexy curves, about the way she smiled at him, and the way she hugged that silly cat and said the most ridiculous things to it.

  She’d left Lola behind, and he thought it had probably broken her heart more than leaving him had done. But she’d told him, while she stood there with tears in her eyes and hugged the cat close, that Lola would be happier in Tuscany. She had a big house to run and play in, and people there to take care of her. In New York, she’d live in an apartment and be alone most of the day while Faith worked.

  Renzo had promised that Lola would have the best care and that she would always have a home with him. Faith had seemed satisfied by that, though she’d quickly put the cat down and walked away after he’d said it.

  Out of his life and into the car that would take her to the airport.

  He’d been glad he still had Lola after she was gone. The cat slept with him, curled next to his body like a fuzzy rumbling heater, and he sometimes reached over and stroked her soft fur and thought of Faith lying in bed with him and doing the same thing.

  Dio, what was wrong with him? Was he a man? Or was
he a toothless beast who’d enjoyed cuddling up to a woman and a cat in the middle of the night?

  “And where’s the lovely Faith today? I had thought she would be by your side, hovering over you like a mother hen until the start.”

  Renzo looked up to find Niccolo Gavretti sneering at him.

  “Faith is not here,” he said shortly. He would always despise this man, but he somehow couldn’t find the energy to care much today.

  “Ah, I see.”

  Annoyance slid through him at the other man’s tone. “Do you?”

  Niccolo shrugged. “We are alike, Renzo. We enjoy women, and when we are finished enjoying them, we move on.”

  Renzo ground his teeth together. “Faith is not just any woman,” he said. “And if you ever touch her, I will destroy you.”

  Gavretti laughed. “If you’ve discarded her, Renzo, I can hardly see why you’d care.”

  Renzo took a step toward him, and then stopped, fists clenched at his sides. Gavretti just smiled a slick smile, eyes gleaming in challenge.

  “You aren’t worth it, Nico.” He pulled in a deep breath that was filled with the scents of motor oil and fumes, heard the roar of the crowd in the stands and the growling whine of engines being tweaked and tuned—and he felt empty.

  It didn’t fill him with elation the way it once had. His blood wasn’t pumping hard in his veins, adrenaline wasn’t rushing through his body, and he wasn’t eager to climb onto the back of the Viper and roar around the track with a pack of other men who were also determined to win.

  His lungs filled again with the scents he loved, but again he felt empty. He didn’t care. If he rode the Viper to victory or not, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought. It only mattered what he thought. What he felt. He had nine world titles, a thriving company and a woman who loved him.

  A woman who loved him.

  He cared what Faith thought, he realized. He cared a great deal what she thought. It was a revelation to him, a sudden parting of the clouds so that the sun could shine down fully upon him and show him what a fool he’d been. What an utter idiot he was still being if he didn’t go after her and beg her to forgive him.

  Renzo spun from Gavretti without another word and stalked toward the exit. He had to get out of here, and he had to find Faith and tell her how he felt before he lost her forever.

  Faith was frantic. She’d been flying for hours and now she was rushing through the crowd at the Losail Circuit, trying to get to the paddock before the race started.

  She’d had to come. She’d been in New York, working and trying to forget that the first race of the season was about to happen. But she’d realized as she sat at her desk and refreshed her computer for the zillionth time, learning the layout of Losail and studying the course, that she’d made a mistake.

  She needed to be with Renzo, no matter what happened. No matter what her fears were, it hadn’t been fair to ask him to choose between her and the races. She understood that now, and she needed to tell him.

  “Matteo,” she screamed when she saw the D’Angeli crew chief. She was almost there, but hands were barring her way, stopping her from reaching the D’Angeli team. She’d gotten this far because she still had the cell phone numbers of some of Renzo’s team on her phone. She’d called Matteo from the airport in Doha, praying it wasn’t too late. He’d promised to get her through to the staging area.

  The noise was deafening. The crowd was screaming, the motorcycles were being tuned, and the paddock teemed with reporters and women in tight dresses who paraded around and smiled for the cameras.

  “Matteo,” she screamed again—and miraculously, his head popped up, his eyes meeting hers across the distance separating them. He spoke to someone, who came rushing over to extract her from the people holding her back. After a hurried conversation over her credentials, she was free and rushing toward the staging area.

  “Where is he?” she asked when she reached Matteo’s side. The gleaming Viper was gorgeous, its red-and-white paint scheme shiny, the sponsor decals prominent against the surface. She expected Renzo to be standing proudly near the beast, but he was not.

  Matteo shrugged. “Not sure, signorina. He was here a minute ago.”

  She turned in a circle, looking for the familiar racing leathers. But there were so many racing leathers, so many bright spots of color that caught her eye that she didn’t think she would ever find him.

  Her heart hammered in her breast and panic threaded through her belly. Where was Renzo? Would he ever forgive her? Would she ever have the right to wrap her arms around him again?

  And then she saw him, walking through the crowd toward the Viper, and her heart filled to bursting with love. She sprinted toward him, calling his name. He looked confused as he stopped. But then his eyes widened as he saw her, and his arms opened a split second before she crashed into them.

  He smelled like leather and gasoline and she closed her eyes and hugged him tight. But then he pushed her back until he could see her, and she nearly burst into tears at the look on his face. He seemed … happy.

  “Renzo, I—”

  “Faith, I love you,” he said, and her heart stopped. Literally stopped right there in the middle of the paddock with all the noise and craziness going on around them.

  But it kicked hard again, lurching forward at double speed. She was dizzy. Dizzy and drunk with happiness and love.

  “Did—did you just say …?”

  He tugged her to him and captured her mouth, kissing her until her toes curled, kissing her until she could hear cheering and clapping all around them. She could see the flashes of cameras from behind her closed lids, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care what they reported about her anymore. So long as Renzo loved her, they could say any damn thing they wished and print any picture they wanted. She would never be ashamed again.

  When he finally lifted his head, she clutched his arms for balance, her heart careening out of control with all she felt. But she still hadn’t said what she’d come to say.

  “Renzo, I want you to go out there and win. Do you understand? I want you to win.”

  He only smiled and slid his thumbs against her cheeks. “I don’t care, amore mia. It’s over, and I don’t care. I’m not racing.”

  She blinked. “Is it—” She couldn’t finish, so she glanced down to his leg, back up again.

  He shook his head. “No. But you were right. I need to end it now. I need to retire and let someone else take the team to victory. I’ve had my time in the spotlight.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “Please don’t do this because of me. If you want to race, I want you to race. You’ve worked so hard.” She tipped her head toward the men in cherry-red uniforms who were standing and watching them. “They’ve worked hard. If you want to take the Viper out, then don’t stop because of me.”

  “I don’t need the success anymore,” he said. “I craved it because it was all I had, the only way to prove I was worthy….”

  He didn’t say anything for a long moment and she squeezed him tight. “Cara, everything I’ve done has been to prove that I was good enough to be my father’s son. He may not acknowledge me, but by God he will know who I am and be sorry. I’ve let it rule me for far too long, and I no longer need it to validate my life.” He smiled crookedly, and her heart broke for him. “I only need you.”

  “Oh Renzo, I understand.”

  “I know you do. We’re alike, you and I. I know you’ve struggled with your feelings about your father. You’ve taught me that you just have to let it go at a certain point. It will always haunt me, but it doesn’t have to rule me.”

  She squeezed him tight, her eyes flooding with tears. “Your father’s a fool. A stupid, blind, ridiculous man who doesn’t deserve you.”

  He laughed at her fierceness, but she meant it. “I know that, cara. Thanks to you.”

  There was an announcement of some kind, and then the teams began to move the motorcycles toward the starting grids. Matteo glan
ced over at them as he gave the order to move the Viper.

  Renzo turned his head to watch them. She could see the spark in his eyes, the glint that said he was proud of the motorcycle and knew it would be amazing. And she wanted him to have this moment more than she wanted anything else. Because that’s what you did when you loved someone.

  She smiled at him through her tears. “Go, Renzo. It’s okay. I swear it’s okay. Just come back to me in forty-five minutes, you hear?”

  He hesitated for a moment more. And then he bent and kissed her swiftly. “I will, Faith. I promise you I will.”

  EPILOGUE

  THEY were married in the Duomo in Florence with one thousand of their friends and colleagues—as well as Renzo’s mother and sister—packed inside the church. Outside in the square, thousands more gathered for the wedding of their favorite champion and his former PA. When Faith and Renzo emerged from the church, the crowd cheered in a loud, thundering rumble.

  It sounded the same as when Renzo had been standing on top of that podium in Qatar, Faith thought. He’d won the race that day, and then he’d announced his retirement from MotoGP while a shocked crowd gasped and groaned.

  But they’d forgiven him quickly, and the D’Angeli team was even now traveling the circuit and racking up wins on the Viper. The new production motorcycles had hit the dealerships, and business was booming.

  Renzo tugged her into his arms and kissed her on the steps of the church, and then they were hurrying to the car that would take them back to the villa. Of all the places they could have honeymooned, that’s where Faith wanted to be. Lola was there, and Fabrizio and Lucia. The vines were heavy with grapes that were ripening, the olive trees were bearing fruit, and the countryside was green during the day and golden in the evening. It was the most perfect place on earth, and she couldn’t imagine another place in the world she would rather be.

  They retreated to the bedroom where Renzo gave up patiently trying to divest her of her wedding gown and instead bunched the beautiful white taffeta around her hips as he held her against the wall and thrust into her urgently. It was the first time they’d made love without a barrier between them, and the sensation was exquisite.