by Gail Sattler
As he dumped the peelings into the compost box behind the garden he looked over his shoulder at the kitchen window to Anna’s parents’ house.
In all things, God watched and knew what he was doing, but since God knew his thoughts, it didn’t scare him. Instead, it strengthened him.
But Anna’s father watching scared him spitless.
Chad sighed and let his arms fall limply to his sides. If he were a father with a daughter in a community like this, he didn’t know if he would think much differently than Anna’s father, although he hoped he wouldn’t be so harshly judgmental. Yet, considering his own history, Chad couldn’t entirely fault Anna’s father for his feelings. Chad had bared his heart and soul in his testimony in front of the church, and he’d done it again on a more personal level when he’d sat and spoken with Peter alone that evening, meaning to confess his sins and be forgiven for them.
But Peter still didn’t trust him. Probably Peter had forgiven him, in a Christian way, even though his sins weren’t for Peter to forgive. The bottom line was that Peter didn’t trust Chad with his daughter.
At the same time, knowing how tight this community was, being the only outsider, despite the welcome he’d received, he would never make it into that inner circle. No one would admit to it, but it was there. Up until now, it hadn’t bothered him. Now it did, especially if he had to be there to win the heart of the girl of his dreams and earn from her father the right to court her. He’d also felt that “inner circle” more from other members of the community as well. Not that he was pushed out, he just wasn’t in, and he never would be.
Chad turned and went inside the house to continue his meal preparations. Again, everything would be done in advance and not need any preparation or work until it was ready to serve.
For the tenth time, or maybe more, he looked up at the clock. Anna hadn’t said she wouldn’t come, so he had to think she would. Still his stomach wouldn’t rest easy until the doorbell rang and he saw two people—Brian and Anna—outside versus just Brian and his empty stomach.
When the doorbell rang, he knew it was Anna outside. Brian never rang the doorbell—Brian always knocked.
Chad fought to make himself appear normal, instead of being so excited he felt like pumping his fist in the air and grunting like his favorite team had just scored a touchdown.
He sucked in a deep breath to calm himself, then opened the door. “Hi. Come on in. I’m almost ready.”
He made one last check of his casserole and returned to the living room. However, instead of finding Brian picking through his CD collection, Chad found Brian and Anna sitting on the couch, engrossed in what looked like a very serious conversation.
The second they noticed him, conversation stopped.
“This looks serious,” Chad muttered, not sure whether or not to join them.
Anna turned to him. “Before I left to come here, my mama and papa were together in the living room, and my mama asked what my plans were—if I wanted to continue working at the factory. But it was strange, the way she asked. She knows I would not want to stay home to do housework and do sewing. If I did not work and did not spend most of my time at home, what would I then do? I wondered if she knew of my plan to move to find a home and a job in the cities.” She waved one hand in the air toward Brian. “I have just now told Brian my plan and how you are helping me. But I have not said anything of this to anyone else. Not even Rebecca.”
Chad shook his head. “I certainly haven’t said anything.” Already, he was not looked upon favorably by Anna’s father. Regardless of the fact that Anna had made her decision to leave Piney Meadows before he arrived, Chad knew he would get the blame anyway. “In fact, that was one thing I wanted to talk to you about.” He opened his mouth, about to tell her how valuable she’d become to the company and that he wanted to give her a raise and that he wanted her to stay, but stopped before he spoke. If he asked her to stay, possibly she would think he wasn’t supporting her in her efforts to leave, and then she would no longer trust him as she did now.
Anna’s eyes widened. “What is it you want to say?”
He snapped his big mouth shut and shook his head. “Nothing that can’t wait until we’re back at the office on Monday.” Where he’d tell her she needed to take more courses, which would hopefully keep her in Piney Meadows longer and give him more time to convince her to change her mind about leaving.
Chad rubbed his hands together. “I hope everyone’s hungry, because I have another treat for supper today, with yet another of my secret ingredients.”
Anna rolled her eyes, and Brian rubbed his stomach. “I am liking your secret ingredients.”
Chad grinned. “There’s always more where those came from. Let’s go eat.”
The evening passed quickly—too quickly—and before he realized the time, Anna and Brian left.
Chad didn’t feel right letting Brian walk Anna home, but he had no excuse to do it himself when Brian was leaving at the same time and Anna lived only next door.
He barely had the sink full of hot water to wash the dishes when pounding echoed from his front door. Pounding meant Brian had come back. Chad shut the water off and ran to the door. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he pulled the door open.
Brian stepped inside and closed the door behind him. “I think we need to talk.”
The delicious supper he’d made turned to a lump of lead in his stomach. He moved to the side, but his feet wouldn’t obey him to walk into the living room.
Brian waved one arm in the air in the direction of Anna’s house. “Why did you not tell me she was planning to leave our town? She tells me you have been helping her take courses over the Internet to become more skilled to get a good job in the cities. Daut es soo domm. That is so stupid. Are you a person who is going crazy?”
“But . . . I . . .”
Brian crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Chad through narrowed eyes. “Waut denkje dü? She cannot go alone to the cities to work and live. She will be eaten like a young rabbit being chased by a cougar in the spring.”
Chad shuddered, the mental picture worse because he’d also compared Anna to a rabbit earlier that day, only Brian’s ending was much more graphic. “I know. I’m trying to get her to stay.”
“I have seen no evidence of this from what she has said.”
Chad dragged one hand over his face. “I haven’t specifically asked her to stay because I can’t risk that she’ll think I’m not on her side. If . . .” he shuddered and shook his head. “When she decides to stay, the decision must be her own, not because I’ve asked.” He also feared he wouldn’t merely ask—he’d probably beg. “I promised that I’d help her upgrade her skills, so that’s what I have to do.”
“Why did you make such a promise, to help her learn more so she could leave us?”
“When she asked, I didn’t know her. I also didn’t know how isolated this community is. Most people here really have no idea what it’s like beyond the surrounding farms. Except for a few, the farthest big city everyone’s been to is Bemidji.”
“Actually, most of my people have not been that far.” Brian studied Chad’s face. “You care for her very much, is this true?”
Chad felt himself sag. He wanted to tell Brian he loved her, but he wanted Anna to be the first person to hear it from his lips, not Brian, so he nodded.
“Then you must tell her what she will be facing there. I have already told her of my experiences at college—I did not go to a Christian college—but I came back, and I would not live any place else. But many of our people have left and not returned. The thing is that those who do not come back have not left alone. Either they go as a couple, as have Theresa and Evan, or they go to college and meet someone there and have the strength of a Christian brother or sister. This is like Leonard and Lois’s daughters. They planned to come back but met the men whom they married while at a Christian college. They did not move back to Piney Meadows.”
“I know. But I don’t know
what to say to Anna. Some of the stuff most people consider to be normal, she’d never believe. But it’s not all bad. If you hang with the right crowd and stay away from the wrong places, you’ll be fine. It’s not all bad there. Just different. Really different than here.”
Brian gave Chad such an intense stare, Chad almost felt himself melt. “You say that she still may be fine. But you do not look like you think she will be fine.”
Chad sighed and looked blankly at the wall, in the direction of her house. “No.” The day Anna left, she would take a piece of him with her—and he was afraid for her. She had such a trusting heart, it would be like sending a sheep out to a pack of hungry wolves—an image not much different than the one Brian had used earlier. “I need to do something to convince her to stay, and for her to think it was her decision.”
“Then let me warn you what I have seen. Anna’s parents acted different when I left her at home. Something has changed there, and it did not feel good.”
All his strength and ideas drained from him. Instead of getting better, he’d felt everything getting worse. He’d never felt so helpless in his life. “What can I do?”
“Ekj weete nijch, I do not know. The first thing I would say for you to do would be to pray.”
Chad sagged even more. “I don’t think it will make much difference. I’ve already asked God a million times to do something to convince Anna to stay. But as every day passes, she gets more determined to leave. I’m not a prayer warrior, I’m not even sure I know how to pray for this.” He gulped, barely able to say the words he feared, but he had to say them. “What if God really wants her to go?”
Brian shook his head. “I do not believe that, and I do not think you believe it either.”
“But what can I do? I’d really like for God to use me, to show Anna she’s meant to stay and that it’s the right thing for her to do. But I don’t know what to do.”
“Then you must let God use you as he wants. You must open yourself to that.”
“How? I’m not hearing God telling me anything. Nothing I’m doing seems to make her go the way I want, as though I’m doing everything wrong. I know even the greatest men of God had their flaws. David. Moses. Peter. But they had qualities he could use. I don’t.”
One corner of Brian’s mouth tipped up. “If God wants to use you, he will. You do not need to have great strengths. God used Lazarus, and Lazarus was dead at the time. Although I pray it is not how God wants to use you, my friend.”
Chad shuddered at the thought, but at the same time, he felt strangely strengthened.
Brian said, “I must go. I will see you and Anna in church tomorrow.”
After the door closed, Chad raised his palms to lean against the door and pressed his forehead against the cool wood. Certainly he was better equipped than a dead man, and now it was time to show how much.
Besides, he still had her bicycle in his garage.
28
Anna didn’t know what Brian and Chad had talked about after Brian saw her home, but she intended to find out. She hadn’t wanted to go sit in the kitchen with her mama and answer countless questions about what she did at Chad’s home, so she’d walked to the window, intending to watch Brian walking until he turned the corner. However, Brian had instead gone back to Chad’s house, where he’d stayed for a long time before leaving.
She had a bad feeling the conversation had been about her.
Fortunately, the time she’d spent at the window waiting for Brian to leave had been the right amount of time for her mama and papa to become involved in a conversation that didn’t include her, so she managed to escape to her room.
This time.
Her parents hadn’t spoken to her about her plans to leave Piney Meadows after she completed her online courses, so she was less worried they now knew. Still, their relationship had changed, and it made her increasingly uncomfortable. Her papa had always been a strict man, but he had become almost obsessive about needing to know where she had gone, how long she had been there, and who else had been there besides Chad. When she’d asked why he did not ask such questions of her sesta, he replied that Sarah always did what was expected and Anna did not.
Sunday morning she stood at the door, waiting for Chad to knock so they could walk to church together. Secretly, she prayed that Chad would hurry so she could leave before her papa was also ready to leave. Then she could avoid his criticism of her clothing. Instead of plain dresses like those her mama and sesta wore, she’d selected her new pink blouse, because it had been a gift from Chad, and a matching skirt. He’d told her he liked the color on her, making her want to wear it when she was with him.
Again, she looked at her wristwatch. It was unusual for Chad to be late, although just as she’d finished getting dressed she’d heard triumphant squawking coming from the chicken hotel, telling her that Blinkie had laid another egg. Knowing Chad, instead of getting ready, he was at the entrance of the coop waiting for Blinkie to settle down so he could pet her for her accomplishment.
Almost as if she could have timed it with a clock, the clucking stopped, and Chad was at the door.
She opened the door before he knocked to find him with his fist raised and grinning ear to ear.
Anna gulped. She liked to see him smile. He didn’t smile enough.
She couldn’t help smiling back. “I am thinking that you have another egg this morning.”
His smile widened. “Yeah. And this time, it was Waddles. They’re both hens. Isn’t that great?”
“I suspected Waddles was a hen, but I did not want to say, just in case that was not correct.” She looked up into his face, remembering what had happened when Blinkie laid her first egg. He’d kissed her. It had been sweet and exciting and wonderful.
And she wanted it to happen again.
Except this being Sunday, they now stood on the porch of her parents’ house. This was not the time, nor the place. She shouldn’t have felt disappointed, yet she did.
He held out one hand, as if she needed help walking down the steps. “Come on, we should go. I’m a little later than usual. I had to give Waddles a hug.”
“I knew you would do that.” Not wanting to think about it too much, she slid her hand into his. His fingers wrapped around her hand firmly, but instead of guiding her down the steps, he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
“You look very nice today.” He smiled again and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.
She didn’t know why, but her heart quickened at the simple touch. “Danke shoen,” she mumbled as he guided her down the three steps to the sidewalk. “You are looking very handsome, as well.” Today, he’d dressed in his new pants and a nicely ironed blue shirt complemented by a shiny black tie with a picture of a guitar on it, complete with his new suspenders and his black shoes shined to perfection.
If she weren’t mistaken, Chad blushed at her compliment.
When both her feet were on the sidewalk, he released her hand. A pang of disappointment struck her at the loss of his touch.
As they walked, she found herself looking up at him, thinking how much he’d changed since he first moved to Piney Meadows, yet in other ways, he hadn’t changed at all. He was still fairly useless with tools, and sometimes a bit dangerous, but he still did his best when asked to help and behaved graciously when the other men obviously gave him only the easy tasks. On the other hand, everyone respected him enormously for his work with all the improvements at the furniture factory. Unfortunately, as he’d told her would happen, since he’d now been there for eight months, his excellence in management had become normal and even expected. He accepted it without complaint, simply happy doing the job he had been hired to do.
She knew he was a talented musician, skilled on the guitar and an excellent singer, yet he was too shy to sing in front of people, so no one knew of his gift. She had also felt the same way when Miranda had asked her to perform in the Christmas play. When the play was over, Anna still didn’t like to sing when anyone could hear h
er, so she and Chad spent much time singing to Chad’s guitar accompaniment on evenings when he invited both her and Brian over for supper. Brian was not a very good singer, but he was willing and they enjoyed themselves, and that was all that mattered.
Besides his beautiful singing, Chad’s greatest talent was also something no one knew about—his skill at cooking. She could never tell anyone, but Chad was a better cook than her mama—almost the best cook she knew, second only to Lois. Yet because of their culture, so different from his, he couldn’t share his joy by inviting guests to his home to share a wonderful meal he had prepared. It saddened her not to be able to tell anyone, but Chad already accepted much teasing about his different ways. When anyone called out “City Boy,” Chad answered as readily as he answered to his name. He took it all in stride, always with good humor.
Chad Jones was a kind and considerate man and so different from anyone she’d ever met. Perhaps it was part of his charm. He made her smile, and being with him she felt happy, even at work.
When she left Piney Meadows, she would miss Chad very much. In fact, the thought struck her—she maybe would miss him so much she might want to stay a little longer. He had suggested perhaps she might want to take a few more courses before she left, and she liked the idea because even though she had to face increasing criticism from her parents, it would give her more time to be with Chad.
Pastor’s sermon today centered on the balance between judgment and forgiveness, and many times her breath caught. Pastor usually didn’t give such a harsh message, but today he held nothing back. Many times she felt like standing and pointing to her papa, to remind him of many of the comments she’d heard him say about Chad when he didn’t know she was nearby. However, standing in judgment of her papa wasn’t God’s will, either. Instead, to show her support for Chad, she brushed her fingertips along his hands, which he clasped tightly on top of his Bible in his lap. Feeling his tension, she splayed her fingers over his hand and gave his fingers a gentle squeeze.
