by S R Watson
“Why?” I push. She’s going to have to give me more than that.
“Umm...” She looks down at the floor, and my cock jumps at her submission. She is playing with me. She knows me in that sense better than anyone else. She knows what gets me going because she pulled this out of me. My demons were created by her. “I’ve missed you.”
“No. Why are you here now?” I don’t do vague.
“I didn’t know how to find you after you left New York. I made a mistake, but when I came to find you, you had left. I heard about your band touring with Wild Silence on the radio, and I knew I needed to come. I knew there was a chance you wouldn’t see me, but I needed to say that I am sorry.” She is still looking at the floor. “I’m not that same person from a few years ago, Phoenix. And if I had to guess, neither are you. I had to grow up—to find myself,” she finishes.
There is some truth to what she is saying. I’m not that same naive fuck that she toyed with back then. That shit would never work with me now.
“So you’ve come and given your apologies. I accept. Now what?” It’s a legitimate question. What did she hope to accomplish by coming here?
“I don’t know. I didn’t get that far. I wasn’t even sure if you would agree to see me.”
“Well, you kind of didn’t give me much choice. It’s not like you gave security your name.” The security guy is standing over to the side, no doubt listening in on our conversation. She looks up at me finally.
“I’m sorry,” she says, and a lone tear trickles down her cheek. Damn her. She knows I don’t like to be the reason for a woman’s tears. That is why I try to be as upfront as I can.
I know I’m going to regret this, but I remove the rope so she can get through. I nod over at the security guy and walk her back to my dressing room. The guys have no idea who she is. I’ve never talked about her. Not even to Sevyn. When I left New York, she was dead to me. One thing all of this has shown me is that some people are worthy of redemption. Harlow has forgiven Sevyn and me, so maybe, if Melissa is sincere, I can forgive her. I’m trying to let our memorable moments outweigh the bad. She gave me an outlet—a sense of control. I was able to shed the weak boy who had been crushed by his father's disappointment and transform into the man I am today. I owe her a chance to be redeemed for that reason alone. I’m not looking for another relationship because no woman will get that from me…maybe ever. I will spend some time catching up with her and perhaps explore some of our mutual interests, but nothing more.
We enter the dressing room, and the chatter stops. Melissa latches onto my arm and casts her eyes downward again. Shit, she’s assumed the role of my submissive. She’s falling back into how we were before she left. The guys don’t know what to look for, so I doubt they catch on. I look toward Harlow, whose eyes are trained on her. She and I have never reached this level, so I’m not sure if she recognizes what’s going on.
“Stop,” I whisper. “I’m not your Dom, and my band doesn’t know that side of me, so you can’t...” She seems to understand. She raises her head slowly but doesn’t let me go.
“Who do we have here, Phoenix? I’m guessing this is the woman who the security guy was talking about,” Killian digs.
“Yes. This is Melissa. An old friend of mine.” The girls walk up to get a better look at her. Harlow has her arms folded, and her lips are tight. She doesn’t like this one bit.
“And when he says friend, he means an old girlfriend,” Melissa says timidly.
“An ex, huh?” Killian says, checking her out. “Damn, man.” I know he likes what he sees. Melissa is dressed in skinny jeans, a tight cleavage showing T-shirt, and fuck-me stilettos.
“Your voice is so cute,” Lily comments. “I wasn’t expecting such a cute squeaky voice coming from that package,” she adds, admiring Melissa’s curves like Killian.
“Phoenix has never mentioned you,” Asher admits before realizing his mistake. He face palms, and Melissa lets out the most adorable giggle.
“No worries. Our breakup wasn’t the prettiest one. I was devastated to learn that he had moved before we could reconcile,” she admits.
“So is that what you two are doing now? Reconciling?” Harlow finally speaks up. That fucking question is loaded with sarcasm. She’s pissed. Holy crap, how could the guys miss the jealous undertones? The room is shocked silent. Before Melissa can answer, though, there is a quick knock on the door, and Ivy barges in. The rest of her bandmates are right behind her.
This night just turned into a fucking hot mess in an instant. Melissa laces her small fingers through mine, and I don’t want to push her away. After all, Harlow hasn’t spoken to me all day after I spilled my damn heart to her, and Ivy has been giving me the cold shoulder since she found me holed up in a room with Harlow. My life is a fucking soap opera right now.
The guys come in and take a seat after raiding our liquor stash. To say they are oblivious to the tension that has increased to the nth degree since they walked in is an understatement. Ivy walks over and stares daggers at Melissa. Her glacial concentration hasn’t left our joined hands since she walked into the room. I feel it coming before it happens. I could predict it.
“You’re Ivy St. Clair, right? Backup vocals for Wild Silence?” It’s a rhetorical question since the band is pretty fucking famous. Melissa’s attempt to defuse the obvious anger radiating off Ivy is an epic fail. She isn’t even paying attention to Harlow even though she called Ivy a whore and rubbed in the fact that I was leaving with her when she was drunk.
“Obviously,” Ivy spits. “Who the hell are you?” Now, why in the hell is she jealous? I only fucked her one time. Thank God I didn’t tap that more than once if this is how possessive she gets.
“Ivy, stop,” I say, but Melissa answers. I see the train wreck.
“I’m Phoenix’s ex,” she answers. She tightens her grip and straightens a little taller. I can feel the hint of difference in her posture.
“Oh. Ex. As in insignificant,” Ivy retorts. “I fucked him just a few days ago, so I guess that makes me his ex too.” She laughs condescendingly.
“Are you really comparing your ex fuck with our two-year relationship?” She drops my hand. “Little girl, please. I’d run circles around you. You’d wish you knew half of what I knew in that department. Keep bragging cause if that pussy of yours was worth anything, we’d be having a different conversation. You wouldn’t be bragging about having him a few days ago because he would have already been back balls deep in that. When we were together, he couldn’t go a day let alone two or three.” And there it is. The whole room is so quiet you could hear a damn pin drop. Melissa is what you call a switch. She can go from submissive to alpha in the blink of an eye. Ivy, meet Melissa’s alpha.
The evil smile she’s sporting now is daring Ivy to do something.
“Whatever, bitch. Didn’t seem that way when I was making him come.”
“Okay. On that note, let’s go,” Asher says as he sees, like I do, where this is going. Harlow spins on her heels, and she is the first out the door. She doesn’t wait on anyone.
“Damn, man. I want to see a chick fight,” Killian grumbles. I push Melissa out the door while Ivy huffs.
“Silly girl. I hope you know that a dick doesn’t need pussy to come. Hell, he can do that with a few strokes from his hand. Please don’t let the natural result of friction against his cock be the indicator of whether your shit was good or not. Small hint for you. If he can go without it, it probably wasn’t.”
I don’t even know why I brought her back to the bus. I just needed to get her away from Ivy before things escalated. Melissa has a sharp tongue and an even bigger dominant personality. It really takes a bigger alpha to get her to submit—to top her. The thing is, I couldn’t transition into the Dom in me that she listens to in front of everyone. Otherwise, that little show would have been over before it started. I could have silenced her with a single command.
When we get on the bus, the guys are already sharing the “almos
t cat fight” as they call it with Sevyn.
When he sees her, he drops the water bottle he’s holding, and water spills on the floor next to the sofa where he is sitting. The guys scatter to avoid getting soaked by the water. Melissa goes statute still. I have to push her farther into the living area before she snaps out of it. I forgot to tell her that I had a twin. It never came up. It was all too new—to fresh—to bring up at the time.
“Melissa. That is my brother, Sevyn,” I say, stating the obvious. She gives a slight wave but then turns to bury her face in my chest. It’s endearing that she saves this vulnerable side for me. He waves back, but she’s facing me now, so she doesn’t see.
“Man, this girl ripped Ivy a new one,” Killian continues the story.
“What time do you have to be back?” I ask Melissa.
“I’m off for a week,” she admits. “I got a one-way ticket and left the return date open because I was unsure how tonight would go.”
“So basically, you don’t have to be back tonight?”
“No,” she answers simply.
“That’s all that I needed to know.” We walk past Harlow’s bunk on the way to the bedroom, and she doesn’t even look up. She has her earphones in, and she is typing away on her laptop. The small intake of breath lets me know that she sees us. Our unfinished business is inevitable, but for now, she needs to explain a few things.
Chapter Eleven
Harlow
I haven’t heard back from Irelyn since I texted her. My status of “holding up” has died a slow death. Knowing that his ex-girlfriend of two years is here and that he invited her into our bubble has set me back to the fucking stone ages. Realistically, I can’t be jealous, but I am. Reality can fuck off. Right off, to be exact. I’m not strong enough to battle my emotions. I’m fighting an uphill battle. There. Are. Two. Of. Them. Both are more assertive than me, so I’m sure they usually get what they want.
Last night I had to immerse myself in my writing to keep from flipping the fuck out. The rationales Melissa gave about Ivy being insignificant apply to me too. He’s flirted with me here and there, but nothing to indicate he was going through withdrawals from how good our sex was. He didn’t even bother correcting her.
The bus is quiet, and I hate the insecure girl’s flesh I’m wearing right now. Refusing to wallow in the self-pity I’m creating for myself, I get out of my bunk.
Although we haven’t created a duty schedule for our chores, I figure I’ll pull my weight by cooking breakfast for everyone. Nothing extravagant like Sevyn and Phoenix, but on a scale of palatable to gourmet—edible. You can’t screw up eggs, right? I scramble eggs and make grits and bacon. Now that their breakfast is ready, I want to try my hand at making poached eggs. I put water on the stove and add vinegar.
“Morning, Harlow.”
“Morning, Sevyn,” I greet, turning to give him a once-over, but he is covered up this time. I can’t see if he has the tattoo or not. Only reason I can convincingly tell the two brothers apart now is because I’m sure Phoenix is still making up for lost time with Melissa.
“Smile, beautiful,” he encourages. “She’s only here for a few days,” he points out.
“I guess I’m being pretty transparent, huh?”
“Just a tad, but I’m here for you.” I turn back toward the stove so he can’t see the tears fall. I wipe them furiously with the back of my hand. We haven’t even fucked since the lake house. Yet, here I am so jealous. I actually let out a breath when I see Lily and the guys come to investigate the smell permeating throughout the bus.
“Remember what I said,” Sevyn says as he joins the guys. He doesn’t look back, but the words he left me with calm my overactive mind, to a degree. Lily is the first to arrive in the kitchen to make a plate for Asher and herself. She must see my red, puffy eyes.
“Harlow, can I ask you something?” she begins.
“Of course.”
“Anything?” Okay, now she is starting worry me.
“I would never say anything, but what is going on between you and Phoenix, and don’t say nothing,” she pleads. She’s promising not to spill the beans. I need to trust someone with my feelings, especially since Irelyn has her own priorities to worry about. That sole proprietorship stake in our friendship is dwindling. I’m so proud of her.
“Okay. What do you want to know?” I lead off.
“Are you two now, or have you ever been involved?” I can’t believe I’m sharing with her.
“Yup,” I answer simply.
“Oh, I am going to need more detail than that,” she gushes.
“Not here,” I say, looking around the room until I spy the guys on the sofa. I’m hoping the guys hadn’t tuned into her probing questions.
“Fine. Let’s finish our breakfast and have some girl time on my bunk.” I laugh because I’m not sure that spot is any better. Voices carry on this bus. I nod in agreement, and we head to finish our breakfast with the guys.
I catch Sevyn looking over at me a few times. Melissa and Phoenix finally come out of the room, and I cringe, seeing her wild bed hair. She’s wearing one of his band tees and the tiniest shorts ever that don’t even cover the bottom of her ass cheeks. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the night the two of them had. I feel a hand grip my knee under the table and realize it’s Sevyn. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. I need to move before they fall.
“Hmmm. What is that, smelling so yummy?” Melissa asks, prancing her ass into the kitchen with Phoenix in tow. Unlike Sevyn, he can’t even look at me. Asher tells her that I made breakfast, but it feels like my head is underwater. Everything sounds muffled. I’m in a vortex of emotions spinning out of control.
I push back from the table and plaster a fake smile on my face. “I’m going to hit the shower now that the room is free,” I say casually to Lily. I feel anything but. She nods, and I take my plate to the kitchen. I walk right past Melissa and Phoenix, but I avoid eye contact with them both. Once I reach the shower and turn it on, I allow myself to have the meltdown that has been building. I remove my clothes and literally crawl in. I let the water run over me as I hunch over in a ball. I’ve never felt so lost as I do at this moment—so broken. I don’t have anything left with Phoenix, so I can’t even be mad. No, my inner turmoil is not from anger. It’s from the constant feeling of emptiness. A feeling of merely existing when life is happening all around me. The feeling of never being quite good enough. The world’s punching bag. I have no fight left, and I just want to leave now. I don’t know what I was thinking. I can’t do this.
I feel this bus slow to a stop, but I don’t move from this spot. I can faintly make out Phoenix and Melissa’s voices over the water. Apparently, they’ve come to get clothes and whatever else before getting off the bus.
“I still can’t believe you came all this way and didn’t bring luggage.” Phoenix laughs.
“I wasn’t sure if I’d be turning right back around,” she explains.
“Well, we can get you something when we get off the bus.”
“Sounds like a plan,” she agrees.
And then they’re gone. “Harlow?” I hear Lily call for me from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?” She doesn’t even get ready in this bathroom, so I know she’s just checking on me.
“I’m showering now, Lil. I’ll catch up with you later,” I say, trying to force the words past the lump in my throat.
“Um, okay. I hope we get a chance to have that talk.” The closing of the bedroom door tells me that I’m alone again. I wish this water could wash away everything I’m feeling right now. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting on the floor of the shower. The hot water is long gone. The shower door creaks open, but I don’t even look up.
“Harlow. Come on.” Strong hands reach in to pull me out. Instinctively, I know that it is Sevyn. I don’t even resist. My whole body is limp from being on the shower floor so long. He just wraps me in a towel and carries me into the room. He tries to sit me o
n the bed, but I claw at him and hold on for dear life. He must understand that I don’t want to be on the bed he shared with her because he walks me over to the chair in the corner instead.
“Where are your clothes?” he asks.
“Closet,” I say, pointing at the open closet next to me.
He pulls out sweats. He dresses me in them, forgoing any bra or underwear. I don’t even care that he’s seeing me naked right now. I don’t care about anything. I’m just here.
“We’re getting off this bus,” he informs. I shake my head, but he continues right on by putting shoes on me. “I wasn’t asking, darling.”
The change in his voice—the firmness—snaps me to attention. He can’t be…could he? I can’t explain it, but Phoenix’s voice dips into a different octave when his inner Dom comes out. Are he and Sevyn similar in this way too? It’s not like I can ask without potentially giving away Phoenix’s secret. Once I’m dressed, he links his fingers through mine and pulls me up. An electric current shoots through my body. I welcome the feeling. It’s a pleasant contrast to the numbness. When we get off the bus, Sevyn doesn’t release my hand.
“Where to first?” he asks.
“I don’t know. This was your idea,” I point out. “My vote would have been to stay on the bus.”
“Sorry, but self-pity isn’t an option today. Now you don’t have to like it, but I’m rescuing you.” He begins walking, and it looks like I have no choice but to keep up.
“Rescue me from what?” I challenge.
“From yourself,” Sevyn answers without hesitation. I can’t argue with that. Solitude would have just given me more time to overthink shit and fall deeper into sadness.
We spent the entire day goofing off after he found out that the bus wasn’t moving until later this afternoon. He took me to some arcade, and we challenged each other on various games. I was surprised that I was even able to laugh. He pretended to be a sore loser, but I think he was letting me win.
