by Umm Zakiyyah
Larry huffed. “Long story,” he said. “But that’s not an option. He doesn’t even know we’re going.”
“Oh,” Jacob said, as if remembering something just then. “Okay then, I’m good.”
“All right, man,” Larry said, humor in his tone. “You better be. You’re not the only one who wants a good Muslim wife.”
Jacob chuckled. “Okay, Larry,” he said before giving the salaams and disconnecting the call.
“So Salima knows now, huh?” Aliyah said as she folded her arms, a knowing grin on her face.
“Larry sends his apologies,” Jacob said, laughter in his voice as he sat behind Aliyah on the mattress then wrapped an arm around her to pull her close.
She leaned into him and turned to look up at him. “It’s okay,” she said. “I was going to tell her anyway. I just wanted to give it time.”
There was a thoughtful pause, and Jacob kissed the top of her head. “How have you been feeling?” he said.
Aliyah shrugged. “Pretty good overall, alhamdulillah,” she said. “But I’ve been feeling nauseated off and on.” She chuckled self-consciously. “And I think my emotional rollercoaster is starting.”
“Really?” Jacob sounded surprised.
She scooted up to release herself from his arms so she could sit at an angle to face him. “Last night I was so giddy, it was crazy,” she said, chuckling. “I couldn’t stop laughing and giggling.” She coughed laughter. “I even got teary-eyed when I made the announcement about Deanna helping me plan the waleemah.”
“Well, I’m not complaining,” Jacob said, nudging her playfully. “You can come home wound up like that every night as far as I’m concerned.”
Her cheeks grew warm, and she averted her gaze. “Don’t count on it,” she said with a hesitant grin. “It’s just these pregnancy hormones coming in full force.”
“You didn’t feel them so much before?” he said, his tone more subdued.
She shook her head. “Not really. If it wasn’t for my cycle not coming and me feeling just a bit off, I don’t think I would’ve known at all.”
“So I guess you won’t be using birth control pills anymore,” he joked.
Aliyah smiled. “I guess not,” she said. “But I could’ve done something wrong since it’s a new prescription.”
There was an extended pause. “You sure you up to sticking it out at the college?” he asked, a tinge of concern in his voice.
Aliyah groaned. “Just when I restarted my doctorate,” she complained good-naturedly.
“If you decide to resign,” Jacob said, “I can pay for it myself.”
She shook her head. “It’s too much money. I don’t think it’s worth it.”
“It is if it’s something you really want to do.”
“We have SAFE now,” she said. “I’d rather we put money into that.”
Jacob creased his forehead, a concerned expression on his face. “Is everything okay with Salima and Jamil?” he said. “I know they had a disagreement about Jasmine while I was there during the snowstorm. But I figured it was just normal sibling rivalry.”
Aliyah frowned thoughtfully. “She hasn’t talked about it much, but I know she’s really bothered about Jamil getting involved with some cultish Muslims.”
“Is it that Khawaarij-type group that says everyone’s an innovator or disbeliever if they take pictures, listen to music, or don’t go to their masjid?” Jacob said, disapproval in his voice.
Aliyah shook her head. “No, I don’t think so,” she said. “This group seems to be more into sheikh worship and sainthood and stuff like that.”
A shadow of sadness passed over Jacob’s face. “May Allah protect him and preserve him,” he said. “It can get really confusing out there.”
“Ameen,” Aliyah muttered.
“I’ve always been a bit of a loner,” Jacob said reflectively. “So groups were never really appealing to me, especially religious ones. But I know they’re a huge fitnah for most people. No one wants to feel like they’re going at it alone.”
“But if you’re Muslim, you’re not going at it alone,” Aliyah said. “You have Allah.”
“Yes, but we all need tangible guidance and reassurance sometimes,” Jacob said. “And if you can find a righteous, knowledgeable person you can trust, that’s priceless.”
“That’s a big if,” Aliyah said, caution in her tone. “How do you know if someone’s righteous?” she said. “Or even knowledgeable, for that matter? Shaytaan has more knowledge than all of us. That doesn’t mean we should follow him.”
“But you studied Islam formally for many years,” Jacob said. “Everyone hasn’t had that opportunity. Most of us are so busy living our lives, it’s a treat to even sit in front of a scholar once a year.”
“But I didn’t make bai’ah to any of my teachers,” she said, slight defensiveness in her tone. “There’s a big difference between benefiting from a scholar’s knowledge of the Qur’an and Sunnah and turning him into some sort of demigod or intercessor between you and Allah.” She huffed. “Or thinking he has some secret knowledge that even the Prophet, sallallaahu’alayhi wa sallam, didn’t have.”
Jacob’s face contorted in worry. “Is that what Jamil is into?”
Aliyah lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “Allahu’alam,” she said. “But it seems that way.”
Jacob appeared to be overcome with sadness all of a sudden, and his gaze grew distant. “I’ll keep him in my prayers,” he muttered.
Aliyah nodded. “I will too, insha’Allah.”
***
Holding her bathrobe closed with one hand, Salima stepped out of the bathroom as she pressed her cell phone against one ear. “Juwayriah,” she said, her face twisted in confusion as she shook her head, “you have to slow down. I can’t understand anything you’re saying.”
Salima had brought her phone with her to the bathroom because she had been expecting Larry to call back at any moment. She had turned up the ringer volume and set it on the sink counter before stepping into the shower, not wanting to miss his call. But when she heard the phone ring and parted the shower curtains, peering out to see Juwayriah’s name on the mobile screen, she’d sighed in disappointment and resumed her shower. She could talk to Juwayriah later, she’d decided. When Juwayriah called a second time, seconds after her first call, Salima had become annoyed and stepped out the shower to send it directly to voicemail. She had been back in the shower for less than ten seconds when Juwayriah called a third time.
Though still a bit irritated at the repeated calls, Salima grew concerned and immediately shut off the water and stepped out the shower to answer the call. When she heard the desperate rambling of Juwayriah’s voice, she didn’t bother drying off and had merely used her free hand to put on her bathrobe and open the door to head to her room.
“Deanna what?” Salima said, halting her steps in the middle of the hallway as she narrowed her eyes, trying to make out what Juwayriah was saying. “She passed out?” Salima repeated, unsure if she’d heard Juwayriah correctly.
Slowly, Juwayriah’s words began to make sense, and Salima’s heart sank in dread. “You’re at the hospital with her now?” Salima said, careful to keep her tone calm. She nodded as Juwayriah found her words, even as it was clear that Juwayriah was still a bit disoriented and understandably upset and confused.
“Look,” Salima said finally. “Just text me the floor and the room number, and I’ll call Jacob myself.”
She calmly shook her head as Juwayriah began to ramble and complain again. “Don’t worry about any of that,” Salima said, speaking slowly and carefully. “I’ll meet you there in about twenty minutes, insha’Allah. Then you can go home, and I’ll take it from there, okay?”
Salima disconnected the call and immediately walked up to Jamil’s door and pounded on it before opening it. Jamil was sitting at his desk in front of his computer, an expression of aggravation on his face, but Salima was only vaguely aware that he appeared to be in a video chat with som
eone.
“I need you to keep Haroon today,” she said, not bothering to ask if it was okay. “Juwayriah just called to say Deanna is in the hospital and I need to get there right away.”
“Juwayriah?” Jamil said, his face contorted in confusion.
“Apparently, Deanna spent the night at her house and—” Salima lifted a hand as if to stop herself. “Look, it’s not important. But I have to get to the hospital right now.”
“Why you? Doesn’t she have a family?”
“I don’t know why,” Salima said, slight impatience in her voice, “but she listed me, Juwayriah, Jacob, and Aliyah as her family and emergency contact.”
“What?” Jamil said, appearing even more confused than before.
“Just forget it,” Salima said, waving her hand. “I just need you to stay with Haroon for a few hours.”
“Whatever,” Jamil said with a shrug, turning his attention back to the computer monitor. “I’m not going anywhere today anyway.”
“Thank you,” Salima said, pulling the door closed without waiting for a response.
***
Arms folded over the chest of her coat, Aliyah stood in the foyer of Jacob’s home nibbling nervously at her lower lip as Jacob waited in the car for her with the engine running. He’d gone outside ten minutes before to warm up the car and put the hospital’s address into the navigation system as they waited for Larry to arrive to stay with the children.
Salima didn’t talk long when she’d called Jacob’s phone and he’d answered on speakerphone, as she was on her way to the hospital herself. But from what Aliyah could gather, Deanna had passed out in the guest room of Juwayriah’s home, where she had slept the night before. Apparently, that was where she had gone when she’d left the masjid last night, and she had waited hours outside of Juwayriah’s house until she came home.
“I don’t know…” Salima had said through the speakerphone, sounding exhausted after Aliyah had asked why Deanna didn’t just stay at the masjid and go home with Juwayriah from there. “It probably just ended up being too much for her,” Salima said, sadness in her voice.
Aliyah sensed Jacob’s mood becoming somber with Salima’s words, but she didn’t have time to dwell on it because they were in such a hurry to get dressed and get to the hospital after they ended the call. But while he was putting on his coat to go outside and start the car, Aliyah did ask if he was okay.
“I’m fine,” he’d said distractedly, avoiding her gaze as he opened the door and disappeared outside.
“Is Mommy sick or something?”
Aliyah started at the sound of a voice, and she turned to see Younus standing feet from her, his arms folded over his chest as he still wore his two-piece long pajamas. Aliyah opened her mouth to answer in the negative but decided against it. With Younus, he was probably asking more for confirmation than information.
“It seems that way.” She pressed her lips together in a frown of empathy. “But insha’Allah, we’ll find out soon.”
Younus nodded thoughtfully. “So Uncle Larry’s coming?”
“Yes,” she said. “He should be here any minute, insha’Allah.”
There was an awkward silence. “Aunty Aliyah?”
“Yes?”
“Is she going to be okay?”
Aliyah felt a wave of sadness at the question. “We’re praying on it, Younus,” she said. “And you should too.”
He pursed his lips and nodded firmly in an apparent effort to appear emotionally stronger than he really was.
Aliyah started to say something reassuring when she heard the quick beep of a horn. “I think that means Uncle Larry just pulled up,” she said with a sad smile, apology in her tone. “But hopefully, we won’t be gone long.”
She gave Younus the salaams, but before she could turn the door handle and open the door, she felt a thin body wrap around her and squeeze her tight. She let go of the door and held Younus in a warm embrace. For several seconds she held him, saying nothing. When the door opened and Larry stepped inside a second later, Younus jumped away from Aliyah and quickly wiped his face.
“As-salaamu’alaikum,” Larry said, his tone solemn. “Jacob said to let you know he’s ready to go.”
Aliyah returned the salaams and nodded. “See you later, Younus,” she said offering a gentle smile before stepping outside into the cold.
Chapter 38
Where’s My Diagnosis?
“And Professor Thomas?”
Aliyah turned around just before she stepped into the hallway. “Yes?”
Dr. Warren had a pained expression on her face and the beginning of what looked like a poor attempt at a smile. “Thank you.” She spoke as if the words were bitter on her tongue.
Aliyah creased her forehead in confusion. She started to respond in kind when she realized she had no idea what her supervisor was thanking her for. Had it been anyone else, Aliyah would have simply said, “You’re welcome.” But with Dr. Warren, even casual formalities could be mistaken for some unspoken agreement with some underhanded cause or another. And given that Aliyah had simply come to Dr. Warren’s office for a signature that her graduate school required for some paperwork, there was nothing for the two of them to be agreeing on, underhanded or otherwise.
“For your work here, I mean,” Dr. Warren clarified.
It was difficult to gauge from Dr. Warren’s expression whether she was speaking sarcastically or in earnest, but Aliyah decided that since it was at least clear what was being ostensibly discussed, it was safe to resort to formalities.
“Thank you for having me,” Aliyah said, realizing in that moment that she really was grateful to her supervisor for giving her the opportunity to work in the department. Since childhood Aliyah had an affinity for mathematics subjects, and she’d never imagined that she’d be appointed as a professor at a reputable college one day. That she was also trusted to teach computer science and networking courses was an additional honor.
“I know we’ve had a few misunderstandings.” Dr. Warren spoke in a tone that suggested that she’d given this a lot of thought. “But I want you to know I’m pleased with what you’ve accomplished with our students.” Her lips formed a thin line of disapproval, but Aliyah understood that her supervisor meant it as a pleasant expression. “I’ve received several positive reviews about your teaching, and the registrar’s office has informed me that they’re receiving specific requests from incoming students to have you as a professor.”
A proud grin played at Aliyah’s lips. “I’m happy to hear that,” she said sincerely.
“We are too,” Dr. Warren said, “given, as I’m sure you can imagine, that we aren’t the most popular department in the school.”
Aliyah nodded knowingly, a pleasant smile on her face. “Math and science usually aren’t students’ favorite subjects.”
“Well, it looks like that tide is changing, even if just a bit.” Dr. Warren gave a tightlipped smile again. “And you’re partly to thank for that.”
Aliyah was smiling to herself and turning back toward the door when Dr. Warren spoke again. “And Professor Thomas?” Aliyah turned to her supervisor. “Let’s meet first thing tomorrow morning. There are some department project ideas I want to run by you.”
A smile still lingered on Aliyah’s face when she returned to her office that Monday afternoon. But her expression became more pensive when she thought of Deanna still in the hospital. Perhaps it was a combination of the pregnancy and the stress of the situation the day before, but when Aliyah had arrived with Jacob at the hospital, she’d begun to feel nauseated and weak. She ended up sitting in a waiting area near the main entrance instead of accompanying him to Deanna’s floor.
When Juwayriah was passing through the main lobby on her way out shortly after Aliyah had sat down, Juwayriah had done a double take upon seeing Aliyah. Aliyah immediately got to her feet and started to ask Juwayriah how Deanna was doing, but Juwayriah had contorted her face and lifted a palm to stop her before she could get the w
ords out. “Don’t speak to me,” Juwayriah had said, not bothering to slow her steps and even look in Aliyah’s direction as she spoke. “People like you disgust me.” The automatic doors of the entrance slid open in a single motion, and seconds later, Juwayriah was lost in the rush of people exiting and entering.
Stunned into silence, Aliyah had sat dumbfounded, completely puzzled by Juwayriah’s rude behavior. When Aliyah mentioned Juwayriah’s behavior to Jacob later that afternoon on their way home, he’d brushed it off saying that everyone was stressed and had had a long day. Aliyah had thought it odd that Jacob showed no signs of shock or disturbance at Juwayriah’s words. But when he’d explained that Deanna’s condition was induced by stress and depression, his nonchalance began to make sense. Juwayriah was most likely blaming Aliyah for Deanna’s condition, and Jacob was most likely blaming himself.
Aliyah’s phone buzzed and chimed, and she immediately set her handbag on her desk and fished out her phone.
Is it okay if Larry picks up Ibrahim? We need to talk.
Aliyah creased her forehead in concern as she read Jacob’s cryptic message, her thoughts flying immediately to Deanna. Something must have happened, she thought to herself in dread. Otherwise, why would Jacob need to talk to her without her son present? She imagined that Larry was picking up Younus and Thawab too.
Yes, Aliyah texted. She started to ask if everything was okay but decided against it. Clearly, whatever it was that Jacob needed to talk about couldn’t be conveyed via text messaging. Otherwise, there would be no need for making elaborate arrangements with his brother.
I’m on my way home now, Jacob replied. Meet me there.
Okay.
***
As Aliyah drove to Jacob’s house that cold January afternoon, the sun glinted off the snow, and she couldn’t get Juwayriah’s disgusted expression out of her mind. Part of Aliyah was offended by Juwayriah’s behavior, but another part of her couldn’t cast blame. After all, Juwayriah was one of Deanna’s closest friends, perhaps Deanna’s best friend since the falling out between Aliyah and Deanna. Most likely, during the night of the waleemah, Deanna and Juwayriah had spoken at length, and Aliyah imagined that Deanna had confided in Juwayriah about her lingering resentment toward Aliyah and Jacob. Though Deanna had gone through great lengths to make things better for herself and support Jacob’s new situation, it was obvious that it would be a long time before she was fully healed.
