I reminded myself it would be virtually impossible for anyone to find me out here. Even Ben didn’t know where I was. It was just Thomas and me.
Thomas and me. What on earth was I doing? Apparently drinking made me stupid.
I shivered despite the fire. What would Luke think about what I was doing? What was he doing? Had he taken my note to heart and moved on? Gone back to Lisa and Louisa to begin starting a new life without me? Had I hurt him?
I took a swig of the vodka. My throat instantly caught fire, and it took all my strength to suppress my gag reflex. Luke… I took another sip.
“The stove is lit. It should be good and hot in the shack real soon. And look what I found.” Thomas was grinning with two large wool blankets in his hands. One look at my dismal face made his smile disappear. “Hey, what’s up?” he asked, dropping to his knees before me.
My chest hurt. I swigged more vodka, and Thomas gently took the bottle from my hands. “I don’t know what you’ve got going on, Kate, but for tonight, try to forget about it, all right? We aren’t gonna fix things, but we can distract you from it long enough to give your heart a break.”
I wanted to cry but didn’t. “Sorry, I’m just—”
“Hey, nothing to be sorry about.”
Thomas took a long drink, then pulled me to my feet. “C’mon, let’s turn that frown upside down. Let’s get sweaty.”
“Your pick-up lines are horrible.”
“Oh, darling, pretty little Kate… You ain’t seen this body yet in all its glory. I don’t need pick-up lines.”
He was right.
In the heated shack, he’d stripped down to a pair of red swim shorts that left pretty much nothing to the imagination. I had a tough time keeping my eyes averted from his bare skin. Any girl not dying inside from heartache would have been all over him. Lean and muscled, perfectly tanned and smooth… he was rather captivating. But he was wrong about something—not one part of my longing for Luke was replaced with lust for him. In no way whatsoever was I attracted to Thomas. But, I certainly could admire him—like one would an incredible piece of art that wouldn’t match the décor if taken home.
I’d stripped down, too, leaving on my undies and bra—garments Thomas had picked out at the Wal-Mart that he quite boldly pointed out fitted me perfectly. On a bench opposite from him, I watched as he splashed water onto heated rocks, sending clouds of steam into the air. It was hot as blazes. I was starting to sweat. Rivers were running down my back and seeping under my hair. Thomas was glowing, his dewy skin glistening in the soft light of an old kerosene lantern and the fire crackling in the wood stove. The shack smelled of cedar and the spicy cologne coming from his pores.
“What is that you’re wearing?” I asked, breathing in the steam and his scent, realizing I’d had too much vodka.
Thomas stood proudly and splashed a few more drops on the rocks. “You mean this little number?” he said, referring to his little red shorts.
My head felt a bit dizzy, but my body was so gloriously hot. “No, the cologne.”
He ran his fingers through his dark hair, flattening it to his head, which brought out the angular features of his face. “Oh, that heavenly smell… It’s ‘Eau de Hot Guy’, mixed in with a little Old Spice from the dollar store.”
I laughed. It sounded way more boisterous than I’d intended. “Oh. I thought it was ‘Eau de lonely cowboy who has no chance whatsoever with the girl in the sauna’. Mixed in with a sprinkle of desperation.”
Thomas howled. He laughed so hard I couldn’t help but join him. When he finally caught his breath, his cheeks were red and streams of sweat poured across his muscled stomach. I could not look away no matter how hard I tried.
“Sense of humor, too. Who knew?’ he said. Suddenly, he sprang from his side of the shack and was before me. He planted his hands on either side of my thighs and leaned in, face inches from mine. I didn’t flinch as his eyes took in the damp display of my chest. Boldly, with his fingertips, he grazed the skin at my collarbone. I should have felt scared to death, but I wasn’t. Not in the least. Picking the necklaces up from my skin, he regarded them curiously. I stayed put under the inspection. I could have pushed him away, but there was no need to.
“Such odd choices,” he muttered, fingers grazing the maple leaf, tooth, and pendant.
“What are you doing?” I asked a little too flatly for what was happening.
“You remind me of my sisters. Too trusting,” he said, face as serious as a heart attack.
Our knees knocked together. And now I gulped, not from possibility of what he might do to me, but from the proximity of his skin. I told my hands if they moved from my lap, I’d cut them off.
My throat became painfully dry.
“Look at me,” Thomas said. I forced my eyes up, and he grabbed my chin to hold my gaze. “I’m not the kind of guy who would take advantage of a girl. Not ever. Do you understand?”
I knew that already, but I nodded anyway. His hand fell away. This was a brotherly, alcohol-fueled bout of schooling, nothing more. He was trying to scare me, but he was a bad actor.
“But, as you know, there are many who would,” he continued.
I nodded again, looking directly at his bare chest and feeling my heart rate speed up a bit—from the heat of the room, though, not him.
“I could do whatever I want with you,” he said, trying his best to look villainous. “Tie you up… beat you…force myself on you… and there would be nothing you could do about it. No one would hear you out here.”
I sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Thing is, for some reason, I know in my heart you would never do that. So quit trying to teach me a lesson. I’ve had enough of them in the last month to last a lifetime.”
We were nose to nose. “Just don’t go for midnight swims or hang out in creepy shacks with anyone but me, all right?”
I giggled nervously, because I had the strangest urge to run my hands over his bare shoulders—a side effect of the vodka, obviously. “No one but you,” I said.
Satisfied with my reply, he stumbled away, and the mischievous smile came back over his face. He took another sip of the vodka. “Good. Now that we have that business out of the way… are you ready to race?
My limbs felt like spaghetti, and I was so hot I thought I might pass out, but I stood and got eye to eye with the weird, cocky cowboy who soothed me, intrigued me, pissed me off, and made me laugh all at the same time. I grabbed the bottle from his hands and tipped it to my lips, forcing back another couple of gulps. “Last one in the water makes the waffles in the morning,” I said, then bolted for the door.
I gave myself over to the cool lake water caressing my overheated body, letting it numb my emotions and senses until things became a blur. The lake stretched out in a seemingly unending expanse. When I tried to swim across it, Thomas dragged me back. I felt myself laughing as we dried off, giggling madly at the difficulty of getting dressed and tying shoes while damp and exhausted. Next to the roaring campfire, we sat on the blankets and howled at the moon, hooted like the owl, and told each other stupid jokes. There was a smile on my face and sounds of happiness coming from my throat, even though I knew it was a cover up of how I was really feeling; Thomas was an excellent bandage over my gaping wound of heartache.
Flat on my back with Thomas on one side and the fire raging on the other, I finally had to close my eyes and block out the starry sky that was starting to spin a bit too fast. My thoughts tumbled downhill into a void, and my body became part of the sandy beach. I couldn’t have moved or even opened my eyes if the world was blowing up around me. When I felt something on my neck, I was powerless to do anything about it. A hand was drawing down the zipper of my jacket, and the frigid air of the night hit my bare skin. What was Thomas doing?
“Get off,” I hissed and tried to raise my hand to push him away, but it was held down at my side, and my wounded arm was too weak to lift. Between heavy eyelids, I caught a glimpse of ebony hair hovering over me. I swore—at least, I though
t I did—and then the zipper of my jacket went back up. The skin at my chest became warm again. Within seconds, I heard Thomas snoring and I gave myself back to the night, passing out completely until waking up to the rising sun—and Marlene’s disapproving glare.
“What are you dumbasses doing?” she demanded.
I answered by throwing up on her boots.
I would never, ever drink again.
After a full day of chores, the silent treatment from Ben, and the lingering effects of the vodka, I figured a shower might make my head stop throbbing. I turned the water on as hot as it would go, steam filling the bunkhouse. Thomas was right, laughing had felt good and temporarily absolved all my problems, but now I was so tired and hung-over my emotions were hard to keep in check. At dinner, I hadn’t been able to sit through another minute of Ben’s death glare, so I feigned having a stomachache. Now alone and close to tears again, I took my time scrubbing and lathering.
I hoped Thomas wouldn’t be mad I used up more than half his bar of soap and washed my hair four times with one of his manly smelling shampoos. Inhaling the heavenly scent of pine and mint, I stood under the flowing water as the bubbles collected around my feet and spun around and down the drain. I was about to shampoo my hair again, but the light shifted and there was a slight creaking sound of weight on the floorboards…
“Who’s there?” I asked.
There was no reply.
Thomas had probably come in to get something and left. He’d promised to keep everyone out of the bunkhouse while I cleaned up. And by everyone, I knew he specifically meant Ben.
I faced the hot water, letting it blast my cheeks and chest until I turned pink and the water turned cold. Toweling off and squeeze drying my hair as best I could, I smoothed some lotion into my skin that I suspected was Thomas’s. It smelled like his skin in the poor man’s sauna, and the memory of us laughing and howling at the moon put a smile on my face. Suddenly, I feverishly hoped there would be more moments like that between us. Then I mentally kicked myself—those should be moments spent with Luke.
The floorboards creaked again. “Hello?”
No answer.
I held the towel tight, waited for a moment, and heard nothing. No. Thomas wouldn’t let anyone in. I was hearing things… I really was that tired.
I tiptoed over the cold floor, eager for some warm clothes, but stopped dead in my tracks. Ben was sitting on one of the bunk beds. His hat was off and next to him. His cheeks were shadowed with heavy midday stubble, and the death-glare that had been in his eyes all day was replaced with a look I could only describe as… hunger.
“Feeling better?” he asked.
I clutched the towel tighter, wishing it was longer. He was directly between me and my clothes. “How long have you been in here?” I asked, realizing he had a pretty good view of the showers from where he sat.
He stood. “I wasn’t watching. Swear. Didn’t see nothing. I was just check on you is all.”
He was drunk. His cheeks were as red as I imagined mine were. I marched past him to my bunk, as I felt his gaze on my exposed skin. I grabbed the first item of clothing I could reach and kept my voice calm—Ben looked unstable.
“You couldn’t have waited until I was done showering?” I said, trying to remain neutral.
“Thomas wasn’t…” Ben’s eyes slowly scanned the room before they settled on me and narrowed. “At dinner either.”
“So?”
“So I thought… he might be in here. With you.”
The accusation in his tone made me angry. “And what if he was?”
Ben’s eyebrows drew together, and his cheeks grew even redder. I saw his pulse quicken at the base of his throat. A muscle bulged in his jaw. “Then I would deal with him,” he hissed.
“Deal with him?” I felt my heart race. “Listen, I have no interest in Thomas except as a friend. None. But if I did, it sure as hell wouldn’t be any business of yours.”
Ben’s hands balled into fists. “Everything you do is my business, Kate,” he said, voice a low roar. “From the moment you came to me for help, scared to death and runnin’ like you were being chased by the devil, you became my business. When I found out Thomas was trying to get Jeb Carlson to hire the both of ya, I knew what he was up to. But I’m not gonna let that happen. I’m certainly not going to let him take you away from me.” He stumbled back a bit as if pushed, but then righted himself.
“Listen, Ben, I don’t know what Thomas is up to, but I—”
In two large strides, Ben was before me, breathing heavy, every corded muscle in his arms tense. I backed away and found myself against the bed frame, dropping the dress I was going to change into in order to keep the towel secure.
“Back off,” I warned.
His body was now too close to mine. His hands took hold of my shoulders, and I got the distinct whiff of alcohol on his breath. He wasn’t just drunk; he was dangerously drunk. Every bit of female intuition I had sent off warning bells to run.
“I can’t back off,” he breathed, fingers digging in a little too deep. “Don’t you get it? Can’t you see that fate brought us together? Finally, after all these years of waiting and giving up on ever finding the one… you fell into my lap.”
I tried to stay calm as he stared at me like he might devour me whole. “You’re a sweet guy, Ben, and I’m grateful for all you’ve done. But I don’t feel that way about you.”
His breathing sped up and his eyes danced in his head. I could feel this wasn’t the Ben who had carried me to bed, tucked me in, and so gently cared for me. Alcohol had brought out something dark in him. It had taken over his mind.
“Ben…” I said, hoping to snap him out it, hand on his chest to keep him from getting closer.
His gaze moved from where my hand rested against him, and then traveled up my bare arm to the edge of the towel to stop and linger on my mouth. Before I could react, his lips were on mine and his hands were firm at the back of my head. His mouth was searching, searing, and the heat coming off him was like a roaring bonfire.
I turned my face away. “Stop it,” I yelled, holding the towel with one hand and pushing him away with the other.
“Just lemme,” he slurred.
“No—”
My words were muted when his mouth covered mine again. I struggled against him, but my resistance only seemed to fuel him more. He was tight against me, relentless and crushing. I fought harder, but this just seemed to incense him. So I became perfectly still, trying the opposite approach, hoping this would douse his flames.
“Ah. Kate…my beautiful Kate…” he said, hand traveling down my shoulder and across to my chest. He paused, then tugged on the towel to expose my breast. He gritted his teeth before gripping it possessively.
I attempted to shove him away, but he latched onto my wrists. I was no match for his physical strength. It was effortless for him to restrain me while his mouth moved across my cheek and down my neck. I struggled, panic starting to blind my thoughts. I could barely breathe. “Stop it Ben, please, you’re drunk. Stop…stop…”
But my pleading fell on deaf ears. He swung me away from the bed and pinned me against the wall, both wrists secured behind my back in his unshakable death grip. I wondered if he even knew what he was doing now; his eyes had become nothing but black holes.
“I don’t want you to touch me,” I said firmly, hoping the tone of my voice would snap him out of it.
His free hand began reaching under the towel.
“Don’t you dare…” I hissed. “This isn’t you, Ben. This is the booze. Please let me go. You don’t want to do this!”
He was panting hard and prying my legs apart with his knees, intent on getting what he wanted. I fought like my life depended on it, which made him more aggressive… more determined. As his teeth grazed my neck and his calloused hand roamed across my body, panic took hold. When his fingers found that place at the apex of my thighs, every muscle in his body grew rigid. From deep in his throat came a predatory m
oan. I screamed. I put all my strength into my voice…
And I was heard.
Ben didn’t even register Thomas storming into the room until he was pulled from me and slammed to the floor. Thomas spun to face me giving me the once over with wide, wild eyes. “Kate…?”
The question on his lips was answered with one look at my tear-streaked face and the towel that had dropped to the floor. He yanked a blanket from one of the beds and wrapped it around me while I stood in shock over what just happened. I tried to breathe as I stared at Ben, now struggling to his knees.
“Are you hurt?” Thomas asked.
I shook my head. “No…but he… he tried to… he was going to… I said no, but…” I couldn’t finish what I was trying to say. And I didn’t have to.
Thomas threw his hat to the ground. He turned his attention to Ben in a complete rage. “I’m going to kill you…”
Thomas drove his knuckles into Ben’s cheek, sending him flying backward, then ascended without missing a beat, fists connecting with Ben’s ribs and face. I had to dig deep to find my voice.
“Stop. He’s drunk, Thomas. Stop hitting him.”
Thomas got one more in before he hesitantly backed away. Blood spurting from Ben’s nose pooled onto the floor.
“What the hell is the matter with you, Ben?” Thomas roared.
Ben muttered something incoherent and stood, assuming a defensive stance, feet wide apart and hands up. His eyes shifted in and out of focus until the bunkhouse door swung open and Mr. Carlson, shotgun in hand, stormed into the room. Then Ben’s eyes grew wide and his hands dropped to his sides.
Mr. Carlson’s anger over having his dinner interrupted dissolved when he saw me shaking like a leaf. “Oh, shit,” he said.
“Yeah. That’s right. You know what happened, Jeb?” Thomas roared. “Exactly what I told you would happen.”
Nocturne Page 14
