Maiya seems to understand I want time alone and doesn’t complain when I blow her off.
***
The woods around campus are calling out to me, so I go to check them out. The sounds and smells of the forest, although not the same as back home, give me goose pimples. The normally dry, crisp smell of back home is moist and damp smelling here, but it’s still so alluring. Excitement thrums through my body, the energy of my wolf coming to the surface as I walk deeper, telling me I’m home and it’s time. I have to fight the urge to change there and then. I have to battle hard against it because the thought of running with no feelings about anything else— just to run and hunt—I need that. My body almost goes with the change, and I have to fight to keep control. I want it so badly and to fight against it is painful. On my knees in the throes of battling my change, I get the sense someone else is there. I snap my head up, and my senses go on high alert. It is blue eyes, and he is close. And coming closer. I can hear the crunch of his feet over the leaves on the ground. Gathering myself, I stand and run in the opposite direction.
‘Hey, where you going in such a hurry?’ Shit, I really am not up for another round with this jackass.
‘Home,’ I sneer, the venom in my voice evident. He catches up and falls into step by my side. Fantastic. His hands are in the pockets of his leather jacket, but he is giving off menacing vibes, which isn’t good, I just don’t trust this guy, maybe it is the kitsune side of him, I’m not sure. Maybe I have mommy issues and won’t trust another kitsune again. I decide the best thing to do is keep him talking while I walk back to civilisation.
‘What are you studying?’ I blurt lamely making him laugh.
‘Come on you can do better than that?’ He cocks his head with a snide grin on his face. ‘I’m not a student, but I think you already know that.’
‘No, why would I know that?’
He laughs again. It’s a cold laugh that carries malice.
‘You really are a prize, Devon.’
Shit. I stop walking. I stand stock-still, staring at him. How the hell does he know my name? He’s still grinning, and he is very intimidating. And he knows it. ‘Tick tock tick tock,’ he says. I finally find my voice I’m about to ask who the hell he is, but thankfully a group of students comes into the small clearing we are now standing in, and he turns and walks away. My head is spinning. What the fuck?
‘It won’t be too long, Devon.’ I hear him shout through the trees. Before I know it, I’m sprinting. Holy shit, what the fuck is going on? Passing the student support buildings, I decide on a caffeine boost because I need a clear head and want to be somewhere public. Parking my ass in a circle booth, I order a latte with an extra shot of coffee. I’m toying with the idea of ringing my dad and running this whole mess past him, but that would be a bad idea. One because he would make me leave and go back home at the first sign of trouble. And two, I’m not speaking to him yet.
If this kitsune knows who I am, what does he want? Does he actually know who I am? Or just my name?
I sit there just mulling everything over in my head. Time passes, and I’m not sure how long I’m sitting there when I feel the familiar tingling that tells me Jared is near. I catch his scent at around the same time he comes into view. All my problems seem to melt away at that moment. He is so gorgeous, and my mouth waters. He walks up, sinfully sexy, and sits next to me, taking my shaking hand, which I hadn’t noticed until that moment. His face changes from happy to see me, to something in between fear and confusion.
‘What’s wrong?’
My eyes sting with that familiar burning sensation as they begin to fill, and the tears start to fall. Unable to answer, I just shake my head. He pulls me into his arms and onto his lap, and he holds me there. The coffee has gone cold, but another appears, piping hot, along with cake and a coffee for Jared. He urges me to eat, but I just can’t bring myself to. He feels so good against me, but I feel so guilty. I shouldn’t be enjoying his embrace. I need to steer clear of him. He needs a proper mate, not a fucking mongrel. I need to go home. I can’t stay here and not have him. It’s the only way. I have to, for Jared’s sake. This had already gone way too far.
I struggle against his strong hold trying to get up and leave.
‘Devon, talk to me?’ he says as he cups my face in his hands, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. I wanted to nuzzle against him, feel his warmth, but I can’t.
‘I have to go home.’ I tell him. His alarm shocks me. It’s obvious he realises I’m not talking about my room.
‘Like fuck you do!’ His voice is firm, commanding—he doesn’t like not having his way.
‘Jared, I’m wrong for you.’
‘Fuck that! ’he interrupts, but I carry on speaking over him.
‘And you need to do what is right by your father. You can’t be with me, Jared. I’m not right for you.’ His hands slam down in fists onto the table, making me jump.
‘Who the fuck has been in your head? Kristen? Howard? Who? Tell me now, Devon? Because I’m not listening to this shit. WHO?’
He’s scary when he’s angry, but I love that he’s willing to fight for me. I can’t answer him. I can’t give him what he wants. Sobs escape each time I try to speak.
‘Come with me.’ he pulls me up, throws money onto the table and guides me by my arm to his car. ‘Get in.’
I do as I’m told, resigned to the fact that he isn’t going to drop this until he gets the answers he wants from me. He slams the door behind me after buckling my seat belt and gets into the driver’s side. He takes off without another word. We’re driving for about a half hour, and we don’t speak the whole way. His jaw is clenched so tight, the muscles twitching as he grinds his teeth. His knuckles are white from his tight grip on the steering wheel. He’s scary like this but sinfully sexy.
A lovely white house comes into view at the end of a dirt path. He pulls around the back and before he gets out he sits for a moment, clenching and unclenching his jaw. I still can’t speak. I don’t want to. I don’t want to open the floodgates and have to tell him everything. I can’t bear for him to hate me. He gets out of the car, slamming the door, and he stomps all the way around to open the door for me. He reaches in and unbuckles the belt and roughly helps me up out of the car. He unlocks the door to the house and pulls me inside. So this is where he lives. We enter straight into a kitchen. It is old looking but beautiful. I’m looking around when he pulls me from my reverie.
‘Talk,’ he demands.
Definitely not an option. I shrug my shoulders because honestly, I don’t know where the hell to start.
‘Do you want to be with me?’
Oh, Jared of course I do. I want nothing more. But how can I?
My answering sobs and the nod of my head buys me an embrace and a kiss to my forehead. ‘Baby, please. I can’t fuckin’ bear this.’
This isn’t right. I need to tell him. I take a couple of deep breaths as he lifts me onto the worktop. His hands cup my face, his eyes telling me that he would hold the world on his shoulders for me. Gathering my thoughts, I start and stop, the words running around in my head, trying and failing to find the right ones. He stands, waiting. It seems like an eternity has passed before I’m ready to speak aloud.
‘It’s not you Jared. It’s me.’
His eyes fill with irritation.
‘Don’t you dare use that fuckin’ line on me, Devon. Whatever this is—whoever this is, it stops now. You’re mine, and you’re with me. And I am yours. You said that was what you wanted? What the fuck has changed?’
His eyes are full of tears as he chokes on the last words. He is desperate. I am desperate. I love him. How that can be, so soon, I don’t know. But I love every fibre of his being. I’m sure of that. I reach up to hold his face in my hands, and he stills, his body trembling. He kisses me, tenderly, so soft like he might break me. His tongue slides against mine so delicately, and he relaxes against me, lost in the kiss I’m so eager to give him. Tears streak down my face as I greedil
y kiss him back. Wanting him more with each lovingly-given stroke of his tongue. His hands slide under my blouse, as his fingers slip around my back and deftly undo my bra. He cups my breasts in his palms and gently squeezes. Somewhere, a voice in my head is screaming to stop this. But I want him so badly. He’s undoing the buttons of my blouse when my conscience finally kicks in. His mouth is at my nipple.
‘Jared, stop.’
He stills, his hands unmoving. His eyes close, the pain clear on his face. He stands up straight. I begin re-buttoning my top, and he turns away and rests his hands on the table, giving me his back. I go to him, my hand going to his shoulder.
‘Don’t.’ He chokes the word out.
My heart breaks. ‘Jared, I need to explain.’
He turns then and glares with his arms folded across his chest. ‘Well fuckin’ explain then, ‘cause you’re fuckin’ killing me here.’
Where do I start? How do I start?
‘I’m not a full-blooded wolf.’ I just blurt it out. He frowns down at me.
‘Don’t bullshit, Devon, I’m not an idiot.’ He’s hurt and angry.
‘Jared, my mother isn’t a wolf, only my father is.’ I can see he’s thinking because his lips quirk up a little when he’s thinking. It’s cute.
‘Okay, it’s not the norm to mate with humans, but it happens. This doesn’t have to be a problem, Devon. My dad, he’ll come around to the idea, he doesn’t even have to know about that.’ Wait what?
‘Your dad isn’t okay with this? With us?’ He purses his lips flat.
‘No, not yet, but he will be, he’ll have to be.’
Right there is just another reason why I am bad for him. I groan and prop myself against the table end. He reaches out to me then, but I hold my hand up for him to stop.
‘There’s more, Jared, a lot more, and you may not want me here when I’m finished.’
‘Try me.’ he says in a smart-ass tone like I could say anything and he wouldn’t change his mind. I pull out a chair, he follows suit and sits next to me, turning it so he looks directly at me. Just do it, Devon. Get it over with. I take a deep breath and throw it all out there.
‘My mother isn’t human either.’ He cocks his head, and I can see he’s trying to work it all through and he can’t figure it out. ‘She’s a kitsune, Jared.’ I fiddle with the hem of my blouse, desperate not to meet his eyes. The silence is deafening. Resting his elbows on his knees, he scrubs at his face, and still he says nothing. The silence stretches on, and I can’t take it anymore. I grab the bag I dropped and snatch my cell. I dial for the local operator. ‘Could I have a local cab number please?’
‘Would you like me to put you straight through?’
‘Yes, please.’ I have my back to Jared. I can’t face him. As I’m put through to the cab firm, he takes the phone from my hand and disconnects it before giving it back.
‘You just gonna leave? Is that it?’
He looks broken. Defeated. I don’t know what to do, or what to say.
‘I thought that’s what you would want?’
He shakes his head at me. But he says nothing, his face showing no emotion. I feel uncomfortable just standing there. I can’t meet his eyes, afraid of what I’ll see there. I want to go. I can’t bear this. As I look up, I notice the change, the angry flicker in his eyes. And it's directed at me.
‘This is so fucked up. Who sent you? Do you work for that cocksucker trying to take what’s ours? Did you get a guilty conscience? Suddenly decide that now you’ve suckered me in you’d just fuck off now your job’s done?’
I’m shaking my head violently. He is so far from the truth, but I can’t speak for crying.
‘Save the tears, sweetheart. You got me good, really fucking good.’ He spits the words at me. He’s so angry, so cold. I reach out to him, pleading. I need him. He doesn’t meet my eyes, but he steers me toward the door, throwing me out.
‘Jared, I didn’t know.’ I sob desperately. ‘My dad never told me. I swear to you.’
He slams the door behind me. I hear him clattering and banging about inside, breaking things in temper. I clutch the phone in my hand and dial again for the operator. By the time the cab comes I’ve walked up the dirt drive and met the cab at the roadside. He takes me back to my room. I’m in no mood for small talk, so I avoid the lift and take the stairs. I’m so desperate for a change now, so I drop my stuff in my room, switch my phone off and change to gym clothes and sneakers, while Maiya looks on wide-eyed and questioningly. She obviously worried at my state. But I can’t talk, not right now.
‘I’m going for a run.’ It isn’t a lie. Just a small omission of the full truth.
Jared
I’m sitting at the table when everyone gets home. My hands are bleeding, and I no doubt look a fuckin’ mess. I don’t give a shit.
‘What the fuck happened?’ Brad asks. I don’t look up at him. They’re all staring wide-eyed around the room,
‘Jared?’ It’s Zoe. ‘Who did this?
Shit, Jared, are you okay?’ Brad comes back into the room. I hadn’t even noticed he’d left.
‘Nothing’s missing. It’s just in here that’s a wreck,’ he announces. They think someone else has done it. I don’t explain, instead, I get up and go to the bathroom.
‘Jared, let me see to your hands.’ Zoe again. I wave her off. I’m not capable of throwing any words out there just now. I’m still fighting the tears. I have that fucking burning in the back of my throat, and I need to make myself scarce. Sitting on the toilet lid, I let it all out like a pansy ass motherfucker. Gradually, they all come and knock on the door. But I don’t want to see or speak to anyone. When it’s Howard’s turn again, the asshole tells me either I speak to him, or he will speak to my fucking dad. Dickhead. I let him in.
‘What the fuck, Jared?’
I start washing the blood from my hands and pulling the shards of glass from my knuckles. My world has just bottomed out, and this asshole is demanding answers,
‘Fuck you, Howard. I don’t owe you any explanations,’
‘Well, you sure as shit owe me something. Let’s start with why you totalled the fucking kitchen?’
‘Leave. Me. Alone.’
He stands, defying me, staring me out in the mirror. I roar out my frustration and shatter the mirror with my fist. And he still stands there. I turn my rage on him. He’s on the floor, taking hits when Brad comes in and hauls my ass up and into the hall. I was done anyway. Still covered in blood I take my ass to bed.
Howard knocks on my door a while later. I’m calm now and ready to talk to Devon. I should have fucking heard her out. I shouldn’t have reacted like I did.
‘You ready to talk?’ He’s bruised and has a split lip, but it is already healing.
‘Everything is fucked up, Howard.’
He doesn’t ask for an apology, and he hears me out. I tell him what happened, what Devon had revealed to me, and I make it very clear how I feel about her. He listens and the whole time doesn’t say a word. The question now is, will he have my back or will he go to my father, his alpha? We both know what he should do, but I’m hopeful that he is with me on this. He looks torn. Like someone is messing with his moral compass.
‘I’m only going to say this once, Jared, and I won’t admit it to your father. But as your friend, if she is what you really want, then no-one needs to know she’s—’ he pauses, clearly thinking of the right word, ‘different,’ he finishes. Relieved I let out a long breath.
‘This stays between us right?’
He nods, agreeing. Now I have to right a wrong.
I leave through the kitchen and realise just how bad it is. The girls are still cleaning shit up, and Brad is trying and failing to repair the wooden doors. I keep my eyes on the floor.
‘Leave it, get take out. I’ll have someone come and fix it. I’ll make some calls tomorrow.’ Brad follows me out to the car. ‘Wait up, man,’ he calls.
I turn and face him. I’m sorry for all the shit they are having
to deal with, but I’m not up for a lecture. ‘Listen, man. Whatever has you all chewed up—I’m here. I’ve got you. Just so long as you know that, ‘kay?’ He claps me on the shoulder.
‘Appreciate that, Brad.’ I trusted all my pack mates with my life, but with this business, they have to choose between my father, and me, and that was a big ask. He was their alpha, and it was huge to expect them to agree with me over him. If I could help it, I wouldn’t have them make that decision. So as much as it pained me, it would be a secret that only Howard and I would bear.
I go deeper into the forest than I had earlier in the day. There’s no trace of anyone else around, so I find a tree, undress and hang my clothes over a branch discreetly, so no one wandering around will come across them. If ever I leave my change to chance, without making a decision beforehand, the wolf is always dominant, and she is the more powerful of the two and the one I always favoured. I’d never shared that information with my parents. I was always worried about hurting mom’s feelings. Pfft—shame she couldn’t have thought that way about me when she fucked off. I crouch and feel the first tingles of my change. It’s painful and exhilarating all at the same time, and it gives me a sense of freedom. When I become one with my wolf, it always feels as if I have been locked away, and I’m then being set free.
To run through the forest unhinged is amazing. The sounds and smells are all unfamiliar to me, but they call to me all the same. Here it’s damp and misty on my fur. It smells clean and fresh. And full of prey. Rabbits begin thumping their hind legs in warning as I stalk closer. Darting from side to side they run, and I chase. Not from hunger, but for the challenge. I love a challenge, and nothing can beat the chase. Whipping through the forest at speed has me hungry in no time at all. It is time to pounce. I kick up my speed and watch as the rabbit I have in my sights darts from side to side, trying to evade me. I kick up another gear and out-smart it. I feign left, and it goes right just as I planned. It squeals as I clamp my jaw around it and the sound makes my mouth water. I snap its neck. A quick and clean kill. I’m settled down with my meal when I sense someone close by. I have my nose deep in the rabbit, but I can hear someone—branches snapping a distance away. I swivel my ears, listening intently. There it is again. I snort, clearing my nose. Jared. Jared is coming. It’s early evening now, and there is barely any light in the forest. I stayed put but on alert. The rabbit still between my forepaws. The sound of his feet stop, and I hear the unmistakable sound of his change. The wrenching sound your throat makes as the pain almost makes you hurl. Then nothing. My ears are swivelling one side to the other, my hackles raised. Unsure of what to expect, I’m scared. Why has he come?
Forbidden Love (Stone Pack Book 1) Page 7
