by Sadie Grey
“Please, mistress,” she said. “Please let me come.”
I pointed my finger right in her face. “Stay.”
I made my way to where Dominic stood in the darkness.
“Has she been paid?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said in a hoarse whisper.
“Good.” I walked back to Gillian. “Alright, you little slut. Get your shit and get out.”
She looked at me with a dumb expression on her face.
“No more games, bitch. Get out now. Before I throw you out.”
Gillian scampered to her feet and grabbed the pile of her clothes. She scrambled to put them on.
“I said now, bitch.” I made as if I was going to lunge at her. She yelped and ran for the door.
The expression on her face as she left was more satisfying than the orgasm I’d just had.
I turned to Dominic.
“Did you enjoy that?” he asked with a smug grin on his face.
I took two long strides to where he was standing and I slapped him as hard as I could. That satisfied smile evaporated. It was replaced by a look of utter shock. I didn’t care.
I fled from the room and into the studio, emotion overwhelming me. My eyes blurred with tears, but through them, I could just make out the ticking red numbers. Thirteen hours to go.
Chapter 18
I shut myself in the room where Dominic had painted me. It was the only place of privacy in the studio, apart from the bathroom, and I needed to be alone. I needed time to think.
The candles still flickered in the room. Vibrant swaths of color danced along the walls in a chaotic reflection of the emotions warring inside me. The room seemed to shift and bend, like something out of a nightmare. I flung myself on the bed and buried my face beneath the pillows, desperate to shut the world out.
But even in the dark with my eyes closed, a single terrifying question burned: What has Dominic done to me?
When the day began, the whole thing had felt like a naughty game. It was thrilling and provocative, but, ultimately, I felt safe. Dominic assumed the role of master and I was his servant. He handed me an outfit and I wore it. He commanded and I obeyed. That kept me from feeling guilty about any of it, because none of this was up to me.
But this last scenario was different. It had started out with Dominic in control, and like before, I’d felt safe. He made me wear a mask which made me feel like I was playing a part, like I was an actor on stage.
Gillian’s face had been hidden, too. The masks, both hers and mine, made the scene dreamlike and unreal. Dominic had called it performance art, and it had felt that way.
Then the masks had come off, and there was no art to what came next. Face to face with Gillian, I needed no direction from Dominic. My anger and resentment took over and I slipped easily into my dominant role, toying with her, teasing her, and making her beg.
I had gorged myself on her fear and obedience. The desperation in her eyes was sweeter than summer wine, more succulent than a ripe fruit. I had consumed her fear with a dark satisfaction, forcing her to pleasure me and then denying her that same pleasure. Even now, the thought of it thrilled me.
Power over another person was a potent narcotic. I wanted more and I hated myself for wanting it. I felt like a junkie itching for another fix. Replaying the scenario in my head made me simultaneously excited and sick, and I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. I knew what I’d done was wrong. I knew what I’d felt was wrong. The woman in that room punishing Gillian was not Angie Cooper. She couldn’t be me. I couldn’t be her.
Dominic said this day might change me, but this was not a change I wanted. He had transformed me into a stranger. I didn’t want to be this person. I didn’t want to feel these things. What did it say about me that I got off on this?
And what did it say about Dominic? What twisted game was he playing? All day he had been guiding me with his questions and his lessons. Was this what it had all been leading up to? Are these the sort of manipulative games that bored billionaires play? Turning regular women into sexual deviants?
There was a perverted logic to it. He had enough money to buy anything in the world so maybe the only things that could excite him were things that money couldn’t buy. Things like the corruption of innocent girls.
I told myself to calm down. The shock of what just happened was frying my brain. Dominic might be crazy, but he wasn’t a psycho. He’d run me through some intense things today, but at no point did I feel like he had bad intentions. But did his motives even matter?
Whatever game he was playing at, I was playing my own game. I needed money, plain and simple. I just had to ride out this storm for a few more hours. I could bear anything for a few hours, right? I wasn’t sure.
In just half a day with Dominic, a stranger had taken residence in my mind. She filled me with unfamiliar desires. Her passions ran hot and untamed, like a wildfire. I watched this stranger with suspicion. She was the woman Dominic urged me to be, but I was unsure if she offered salvation or damnation.
A voice in my head told me to stop fighting and just go with it. It compelled me to stop being so serious and uptight. It said forget about your doubts and take a risk, consequences be damned. I wanted to listen to that voice, but it sounded suspiciously like Dominic’s. I still wasn’t sure if I trusted him. The only person I had ever been able to trust was myself, and I didn’t feel all that reliable at the moment.
I knew I was too uptight sometimes, but it was because my ambition drove me to be the best. I wanted to succeed, and the only way to do that was to work longer and harder than anyone else. So maybe I wasn’t the fun girl or the cool girl. Maybe I didn’t date much or take risks. It was a worthwhile sacrifice to achieve my goals. Wasn’t it?
Indecision tore at me. The money I would make today was literally life changing. It bought me another year of college. It brought me one step closer to starting a career. One step closer to the security I so desperately needed. But to get that money, I had to risk losing myself in the process. The girl who needed that money might not exist by the time she went to collect it.
I had to leave. I had to get out while I still knew who I was. I had to get out before there was no turning back.
I heard a soft knock at the door.
“Angie. Are you all right?”
I wasn’t, but I didn’t know how to tell him that. I’d never been great at confrontation, and with Dominic in particular, I found myself unable to say no. Just hearing his concerned voice through the door shook my confidence in the decision I’d just made. Frustration welled up in me for being so weak.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
I emerged from beneath the pillows and glared at the door. “I’d rather you didn’t.”
“Please,” he said.
“Fine,” I whispered so softly I didn’t know if he even heard me.
The door slipped open and Dominic walked in with a troubled expression. I didn’t want to talk to him, but I forced myself to meet his gaze. I couldn’t be timid anymore. Enough was enough.
“Some reunion, huh?” Dominic said with a crooked grin.
“You think this is funny?”
“I’m just trying to lighten the mood.”
“How can you act like this is no big deal?” I asked, jumping out of bed. I began pacing around the small confines of the room.
“Hey, calm down.”
“Calm down? I feel sick.”
“What? Why?”
“Because of what you made me do,” I said. “And with her of all people.”
“You looked like you were having fun.”
“Fun?” I asked, almost spitting the word at him. “That was not my idea of fun. I’m not into all the sick shit you’re in to.”
“You could have fooled me.”
“That’s just it. This whole day, I’ve been doing things I don’t want to do. I’m not into bondage. I’m not into spanking. And I’m definitely not attracted to women. But you keep pushing me into these situations,
and you’re turning me into something I’m not.”
“You don’t understand. That whole set up was a gift. It was supposed to make you happy.”
“Well, it didn’t feel that way. It felt like a punishment. Like torture.”
“That wasn’t torture,” he said. “That was redemption. Gillian wounded you. She took something away from you. And I gave you a chance to take it back.”
“I didn’t need your help with that. I don’t need your help with any of this. Stop trying to fix me. Stop acting like you know who I am or who I should be. I’m not a fucking child.”
He flinched like I had slapped him. His eyes had a hurt look to them. Then his expression turned fierce. “No, you’re definitely not a child. I don’t think you were ever a child. Children know how to have fun. They know how to laugh and not be so damn serious about everything.”
“There you go again. All you ever do is criticize me. Can you go five minutes without lecturing me about everything that’s wrong with me?”
“I’m not trying to criticize,” he said sullenly.
“Well, then you’re failing, okay?”
“Okay, I guess it’s criticism, but it’s constructive criticism. I’m just trying to help.”
“I don’t know how else to say this. I don’t want your help, and I don’t need your help. In fact, I don’t want any of this. I’m done.”
“What does that mean?” he asked, shocked.
“It means I’m done. I’m leaving.”
I pushed past him into the studio, making my way to where my regular clothes sat piled neatly. Dominic came chasing after me.
“You can’t leave,” he said.
“Just watch me.”
“But we’re so close.”
I rounded on him. “So close to what?”
He mouth drew down into a thin line. I waved him away and turned back to my clothes.
“If you go, you’ll leave with nothing.”
I shed the sexy tank top and threw it at him. It struck him squarely in the face. “I’ll leave with my pride, at least. It won’t pay my bills, but it still has value.”
Dominic growled in frustration. “I don’t understand why you’re freaking out like this. You clearly enjoyed yourself in there. You’ve been having fun all day. I think you’re just too scared to admit it.”
I slipped my sweatshirt over my head. I felt mildly ridiculous arguing with him in a sweatshirt, panties, and thigh high fuck me boots, but I had to get changed and get out of there quickly. Dominic had a way of talking me into anything, and I knew that if I let him, he could convince me to stay.
“You’re taking me down a road I don’t want to travel,” I said. “You’re the devil on my shoulder, guiding me down a dangerous path. You’re like, ‘Hey little girl, just put on some dirty outfits, just let me tie you up, just spank this girl, just be this crazy sex slave for me.’ Well, I’m done listening to you.”
I struggled to get the boots off my feet. There was no dignified way to do it so I sat my ass on the floor and tugged them off. My face felt hot and red but I didn’t know if it was from my struggle with the boots or if it was because I was angry at Dominic.
“You’re taking this all too literally,” Dominic said, almost shouting. “I don’t want to turn you into a sex slave. I’m trying to teach you something.”
“Well class is over, professor. I guess I failed.”
He looked down and shook his head. “No, I’m the one who failed. It wasn’t supposed to end this way.”
“Yeah, well, you have to learn that you can’t control things all the time.”
His shoulders sagged and he shook his head. “Maybe you learned something after all. It’s a shame. You leaving now proves what I’ve been trying to tell you all day. Your fear and inhibitions are holding you back. You’d sacrifice your entire future out of fear. You’d pass up all that money just because you’re afraid.”
I slipped my jeans on over my hips. It had been hours since I’d been so covered up. The clothes felt bulky and overly modest, like they belonged to someone else.
“I need money, yes, but I won’t give up who I am just to get paid. If I stay, I’ll never be the same. I already feel like you’ve done something to me. Like I’m not the same girl who walked in the door this morning.”
“You are the same girl, just with some of the layers stripped away. We’re getting to the root of you. The real you.”
“Whoever that girl is you’re looking for, whether it’s a better me or the best me or whatever, I can’t be that girl. I can only be me. The me I’ve always known. I’m done.” I put my shoes on and turned towards the door.
“Please stay,” he said softly.
I froze at the quiet pleading in his voice. In all the time I’d known him, he had never sounded that way. I forced myself not to turn around. I knew that if I did, I would never leave.
“Goodbye Dominic,” I said over my shoulder. With great effort, I walked out of his studio and out of his life forever.
Chapter 19
My hands shook as I rode the elevator down to the first floor.
I didn’t know if it was from fear or excitement or a combination of both. Walking away from Dominic and all that money was the hardest thing I’d ever done, but sometimes the hard choice and the right choice are the same thing. I clung to that thought as the elevator dinged open and I made my way to the exit.
I pushed through the towering metal doors and stepped out into the achingly bright world. Golden light from the dying day bathed me in its warmth.
Everything felt strange and unfamiliar, as if the hours I’d spent with Dominic had taken place in another time and another life, and I was only now returning to reality.
It was like emerging from a cocoon and I was experiencing the world with brand new senses. My body stood rooted in the entranceway while the chaos of the street overwhelmed me. The sounds of the living city sang loudly in my ears. A wild mixture of scents danced on the cool, sweet breeze.
Despite everything I’d just been through, I found myself smiling. Whether I’d made the right choice or not, it was done and I felt as if a great burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I leaned my head back and took pleasure in the simple joy of being free.
A river of people flowed by me on the sidewalk. I wanted to share my joyous reawakening with someone. My eyes flitted from face to face, looking for anyone who would see me, too, and share this wonderful, brilliant moment of existence with me.
But none of them did. They bustled past with their heads down or their eyes locked firmly in front of them. I could have reached out and touched them, they were so close, but they might as well have been on the other side of the world. Not only did they not see me, but there wasn’t a single smiling face in the entire crowd.
I recalled Dominic’s words from earlier in the day.
“Normal makes them numb,” he had said, referring to the people walking along the street below us. “They trudge forward in their narrow ruts, never veering from their routines. For us, the day is alive. We are living instead of just existing.”
I hadn’t fully grasped what he meant until this very moment. They moved like soulless robots, so wrapped up in their everyday worries that they forgot about how special every moment really is. They put their heads down and plowed through the day, seeing life as a burden instead of a blessing. I knew the feeling well. It’s how I went through the day. Hell, it’s how I’d gone through my whole life. That was, until I met Dominic.
The man was almost certainly crazy, but somewhere in the madness of the day, he had given me a gift. He had made me appreciate the world in a way I never truly had before. We only have one life to live. One brief period in time where we blaze brightly in the universe. Dominic had taught me not to waste my precious time on this earth. For that, I would be eternally grateful.
I considered returning to his studio to tell him what I’d seen and what I’d felt. I wanted to to thank him and tell him he was right. I banished the n
otion with a shake of my head.
I liked Dominic. A part of me might have even loved him. There was no doubt that in the short time I’d known him, he had taught me things about the world and about myself that I would carry with me for the rest of my life, but I couldn’t shake the terrifying thought that being with him would mean losing myself completely. I just couldn’t do it.
My only real regret, aside from giving up the money, was that I’d never know exactly what Dominic had been up to. Sure, he told me he was trying to teach me, he told me he was trying to help me, but the one thing he never explained was why. He’d danced around the reason every time I brought it up, always shifting the focus of the conversation to something else. Oh well. It would just have to remain a mystery.
