by Melissa Huie
Cole smiled. “Yeah Squirt, the fact that you train for free is a bonus, right?”
We talked with Kate and Cole for another twenty minutes or so before exhaustion came over me. Plus, it was time for me to feed Katie. After saying our goodbyes, we loaded Penny into the car and drove the fifteen minutes to my mom’s house. As we turned onto Manor View Road, I wistfully remembered my childhood here, riding our bikes down in the woods, playing sardines in the heat of the summer nights, catching frogs in the streams behind the park. I want that for my child. Just as we pulled into the driveway, Mom opened the front door to the house.
“Welcome home!” she called, as we got ourselves unloaded and headed inside. Penny eagerly pulled me into Mom’s house, searching for the treat jar.
“Whoa Penny. Chill dog, let me get the leash off you,” I said with a smile. Once free, she charged up the short flight of stairs and went straight into the kitchen.
“Hi Baby doll,” Mom said, pulling me into her arms.
“Hey Mom.” She held me tightly and when she finally let go, I saw tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh nothing, I’m just happy to have you home. That’s all. I missed having you here, and now with Shane, the baby … The house feels full of love,” she said, wiping the tears away. Oh Lordy. Now I know where I get the weepiness from. I smiled at her and walked up the stairs to the main level.
My mom’s house is a simple, split-foyer house with the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms upstairs, and the rec-room, laundry and family room in the basement. There is another bedroom and bathroom down there that used to belong to me, but knowing Mom, it’s full of things that she couldn’t bear to throw away. Besides, I don’t deal well with those damn jumping cricket-spider thingys that always come in through the cracks in the walls.
“Holy shit.” The living room, as small as it is, was made even smaller thanks to the piles of baby clothes and boxes of baby gear filling it. Half of the things I didn’t even recognize. I turned to Mom, eyes wide as saucers. “Please tell me you didn’t buy out the entire baby section of Target.”
Mom shook her head. “Nope. Once everyone heard what happened, they started bringing things over. Jen brought over bags full of Lauren’s baby clothes; and Zara from down the street brought the things her daughter outgrew. Cheryl, from next door, brought over these cases of diapers. The entire neighborhood gave something. Between this and what you got at the shower, I think you’re set for a while now.”
Wow. The kindness and support my neighbors gave us overwhelmed me. Slack-jawed, I just looked at the bags of clothes, boxes of diapers and the never ending sea of baby stuff. “What do we do now?” I asked, clueless as to what I needed to do next.
Mom gave me a gentle smile. “Now we eat dinner, then feed your baby. One thing at a time, right?”
“Norah, it smells great. I’m starved,” Shane’s voice carried from down the hall. His large frame holding our baby girl down the narrow hallway was such a sight. Katie’s eyes were wide open. She was content in her daddy’s arms.
“Good, let’s eat before she starts fussing,” Mom said, taking Katie from him. After a loud smooch on Katie’s cheek, she settled her into the baby swing that was set up in the living room as Shane and I set the table. Eating together as a family felt right.
Chapter 17
Yeah, that whole “normal, content, happy place” I mentioned? What the hell was I smoking? The next two months went by in a haze. Not a blissful, everything-is-fucking-peachy haze. More like a sleep-deprived, over-emotional, stressed, frustrated haze. Between the rock hard boobs, lack of sleep, lack of privacy, and lack of shower, I was a zombie. Shane tried to help as best he could, but he didn’t have proper female equipment. Hell, I couldn’t even get my own breasts to function enough to feed my own kid.
It took Shane calling Jen at three in the morning, with my boobs bared to the world, frustrated tears running down my face and Katie screaming in hunger before I realized I had completely lost it. Mom tried to help me—bless her heart— but Jen took one look at me when she came over and handed me a bottle of formula. Mommy-induced guilt came over me. After reading all the stories and articles how ‘breast was best,’ I didn’t want to admit that I failed. It took Jen holding me in her arms, while Shane looked on in panic, and listening to her say it’s okay before realized I was still a good mom and wasn’t permanently damaging my child.
That wasn’t our only stress. Shane went through the ashes and skeleton of what was left of our home and managed to find a few things that weren’t totally destroyed. After the spate of break-ins last year, which we discovered the Cartel was directly involved with, all my important documents and sentimental belongings were safely placed in a fireproof safe under the stairs. I hadn’t left anything to chance.
We received the report back from the Fire Marshal, along with the insurance assessment. Apparently the gas burner was left on. I swore I turned it off, but then again, I can’t remember shit thanks to ‘mommy-brain.’ The fire was ruled accidental, but with reservations. Meaning they could open up the case again if they wanted to.
Our home was considered a total loss, so we decided to take the insurance money and move on. After everything that had happened—the fire, the break-ins, the FBI raid—the thought of living there didn’t sit well with me. It was no longer home. After everything we’ve been through together, I wanted a fresh start.
Truth be told, Mom didn’t want us to move out. Granted, space was tight and the only privacy you could get was possibly in the basement bathroom; but she was a huge asset to the both of us. Especially when I went back to work six weeks after Katie was born. Depressed that I couldn’t stay longer, but knowing full well we couldn’t afford me not working, I felt somewhat relieved that Katie was in Mom’s care.
Shane, on the other hand, didn’t feel depressed. Why should he? I mean, Katie was barely a week old before he was back at work. And when he’s not at work, he’s prowling the streets looking for his old drug contacts. Despite my pleas and cajoling, Shane’s relentlessly pursues any sort of lead about the Cartel. We barely saw each other anymore. When he was home, he was either sleeping or eating. Forget getting up with the baby, I’m surprised if he saw her for more than an hour a day. I understood that Shane had to pick up the slack with Kate in Europe, but it was still frustrating.
Needless to say, my attitude had gone from sour to downright bitchy at times. I snapped at Mom, people in the office, even my own innocent baby. Trying to stay strong, trying to stay above the fray wore me thin. Valentine’s Day came and went, with barely a mention and a last minute grocery shop bouquet of wilted roses. Of course, I tried to downplay the holiday, but it being the first Valentine’s Day for us as a couple, I couldn’t help but feel the disappointment when he walked in at eleven thirty that night. Katie had been up crying because of gas and my nerves were shot. Exhausted, I just handed him the card I had made for him from Katie and the gift-wrapped Fossil watch I had had engraved, and went into the bedroom. Shane felt horrible, which made me feel even worse. I hadn’t been the most pleasant person to be around either, so I know I was giving off mixed signals. I’m not sure what pissed me off more, the fact that the flowers were so obviously an after-thought or that he didn’t even bother coming home until he thought I was in bed.
After more than a month of silent treatments, short tempers, curt responses, and icy glares, I was done. I couldn’t stand to be the bitch anymore. So I pushed passed the feeling and moved forward. With everything going on, it was easy to lose sight of what’s important. Relationships are work and are something you constantly have to work on— Jen told me when I called her in tears.
That mantra ran through my head as I prepared a dinner for Shane to apologize for my attitude. Everything was on track and going according to plan. Mom took Katie over to Aunt Nancy’s for the weekend and I sent him a text, telling him that dinner was at six o’clock and that we were child free for the weekend. With an hour to spare, I quickly sh
owered and shaved my legs. Although it had only been eight weeks since we were last intimate, I felt like I was prepping for my first time. All the books say the first time after having a baby is somewhat awkward and potentially uncomfortable. But I figured a romantic night together was exactly what we need to relieve the tension in our relationship.
Forgoing panties and wearing my best push-up bra, I pulled out my little black dress from its hiding place in the back of Mom’s closet. After struggling with the zipper, I realized I hadn’t quite yet lost all the baby weight. Sighing in frustration, I slipped into a stretchy, cotton, navy blue maternity wrap dress that was more forgiving. I dried my hair, applied my makeup, and checked the time. Quarter to six, perfect. I hurried into the kitchen, pulled dinner out of the oven, and lit the candles. Sitting down, I waited for the roar of his truck.
My hope to bring freshness into the relationship diminished as time ticked by and his favorite penne rustica grew cold. My phone calls went unanswered and I finally received a text response, just saying that he was running late and would be home soon—at eight o’clock. An hour and half later, my phone lit up with a message. My hope deflated when I saw it was from Jen.
Don’t forget, Jason’s going away party is tonight at Double J’s. We’re on our way. See you there?
I had totally forgotten about Jason Russo’s party— a good friend since high school and one of the owners of Double J’s, the local bar. Baseball is in his blood and he had finally gotten called up to the major leagues, training with the Tampa Bay Rays and starting on Monday. I sat for a minute and debated with myself. Part of me—the wistful, hopeful romantic part—wanted me to stay home and wait. The other part—the part that was growing more and more pissed as each second ticked by—urged me to say “Fuck it” and go.
I quickly sent off a test text message, to see how he’d respond. Are you on your way?
Five minutes later. I’m in the middle of something. Will call soon.
“Fuck it,” I growled, texting him back.
Don’t bother. I’m going out
I threw my phone onto the table. There was no point in waiting for his call. If anything, it was probably best that I not answer his call, especially with the heated anger I felt. Childish I know, but at what point do I stop being a second thought? After putting away the food, I headed down the hall to change. After putting on panties, jeans and a V-neck cream sweater, I quickly locked up the house and hopped into my car.
When I got to Double J’s, I was greeted by many familiar faces. Everyone in town was here to say goodbye to the local celebrity. Voices struggled to be heard over the sounds of Southern Edge, a local band that’s been getting a lot of radio play recently. Josh, Jason’s brother and co-owner of Double J’s, maintained his post by the kitchen, surveying the crowd and making sure everyone was happy while Jared, their cousin, proved his skills behind the bar. And of course, the guest of honor held court at the center table.
“Hey Megs,” Jason said, noticing my wave. Standing at six foot even, I barely made it to his chest, so he had to bend over to hug me.
“I’m so happy for you!” I cried with a smile on my face.
“Thanks. It’s good to see you. I’m glad you could come out. Where’s Shane?” he asked, gazing around the room.
“Don’t know.” I said with a shrug, ignoring Jason’s raised eyebrow. “When do you roll out? You have to report on Monday right?” I changed the subject. Knowing Jason, he’d press until he got answers.
Giving me a look that showed me he knew what I was doing, he let it slide. “I drive down tomorrow and have to check in Tuesday morning,” he replied, leaning in so I could hear him.
“Is Ashley going with you?” I asked loudly, mentioning his longtime girlfriend.
“You mean is my fiancée going with me?” That sly dog. He’d been holding out on me. Well hell, the world could have ended last week and I’d still be wandering around asking what happened. That’s how far gone I was from the real world.
“About freaking time! How long has it been, three, four years now? Congratulations!” I said, giving him another hug.
“It’s been five years. She’s been down there for a month now, since winter semester started. I had to settle up a few things here with Josh and Jared before heading down. Jared bought half of each of our shares. He’s now the third co-owner.” He said with a smile. Knowing the family history, I knew that having Jared on board will make Jason feel better about leaving the place.
I felt guilty taking him away from the celebration, so I gave him another hug goodbye, promised to text him often, and then went in search of Jen and Matt, finally spotting them at our normal corner booth
“Hey guys!” I called over the sound of Southern Edge’s latest single. With a heavy guitar riff in the background, I settled myself next to my best friend.
“I’m so glad you came out!” Jen said, giving me a hug. I leaned over her and kissed Matt’s cheek.
“Yeah, I was due for a good time.” I managed to get the waitress’s attention and ordered a hard apple cider.
“Where’s Shane? Is he here with you?” I gave her a look, and she immediately took the hint.
“What happened?” she asked gently.
I shook my head and took a long sip of the crisp cider. God that tastes amazing.
“Megs?” Jen tried again, touching my arm. After draining half the bottle, I finally looked at her.
“I have no idea. I texted him and all I got back was ‘In the middle of something, Will call later.’ So instead of waiting for him, like I’ve been doing for the past few months, I’m here, having fun.” The look of sadness in her eyes burned the flame of rage boiling in my stomach. Fuck this, I don’t want her damn pity. “Don’t worry about it. We’re fine, just thought we could do something fun tonight since Mom has Katie but apparently he has other plans.”
Finishing off the rest of the cider, I looked around for the waitress, but decided that going to the bar would be faster. “I’m getting another drink, want one?” They both shook their heads and I made my way to the bar. Jared and Fallon, my other favorite bartender, were serving drinks as fast as they could.
“Hey, Jared. Can I get a cider?” I asked once I finally grabbed his attention. Jared Mason, looking gorgeous as ever with his lean, muscular build and dark brown eyes, gave me a sexy grin.
“For you good lookin’, anything,” he said with his country drawl. Jared popped the top of my favorite brew and set it in front of me. I protested when he wouldn’t accept my cash. “Nah Megs, it’s compliments from the man at the end of the bar.”
Surprised, I looked in the direction he pointed, and locked eyes with Tommy. Thanking Jared, I meandered my way through the crowd toward Tommy, curious as to why he was here. This is a private party and I’m pretty sure he isn’t close with Jason.
“Thanks for the drink,” I said, giving him a hug.
“You’re welcome,” he said with a smile. “You’re looking good.”
“You’re looking pretty decent yourself. Haven’t seen you out of your suit in a while.” Dressed in dark jeans and a black button-down shirt, Tommy looked the most relaxed I’d seen him in a while.
Chuckling, Tommy drew on his long neck beer. “Yeah, it’s been a while. I finally have a night off. How’s the baby? Everything going okay?”
“She’s great. Everything else is good.” Except for Shane ditching me tonight. “Are you here with Jessica?” I asked, taking a huge gulp of my drink.
Tommy shook his head. “She had to work tonight. Where’s your man?”
I shrugged, as the alcohol hit my system and my resentment toward Shane slowly faded away. It’s not as if I didn’t care where Shane was, but seriously? I can go out and have a good time without him. I ignored Tommy’s questioning look and moved past the elephant in the room.
“So I didn’t know you were close with Jason.”
It was Tommy’s turn to shrug. “I make it my business to get to know the local establishments
, to build a relationship. If any shit goes down, it makes both our lives easier. Besides, they have kick-ass wings.”
I nodded. I guess that made sense. “How’s it going at work? How’s the case on the Cartel coming?” I asked, low in his ear. Tommy looked taken aback for a second, before recovering.
“The case is coming along but there’s not much going on right now. Everyone’s pretty much scattered in the wind,” he drank more of his beer.
Huh. Then why is Shane spending so much time working on it?
I opened my mouth to reply, but Southern Edge broke into a cover of “Funky Cold Medina” and my body started moving on its own. A cheer went up in the room and the energy was contagious.
“Come on, let’s dance,” I pleaded, putting my empty bottle on the bar.
“You know I don’t dance,” Tommy said with a laugh. “I’ll be right back, I need to make a phone call.”
“You big pussy,” I teased, turning toward the dance floor. Jen grabbed my hand and led me into the mob that was gyrating and dancing to the beat. We stayed on the dance floor for a while, lasting until the band took a break. Jen and I headed to the bar, determined to quench our thirst. I chugged another crisp apple cider like it was water.
“Hey, let’s do shots.” I exclaimed, after my beer was finished. Apparently I said it loud enough and a cheer erupted from the people around us. “Jared, can we get some Washington Apple Shots?” Shaking his head with laughter, he set up the shot glasses and started pouring the Crown Royal.
“Oh Lordy,” Jen said with a smile. Jared handed us the glasses full of whiskey, Apple Pucker, and cranberry juice.
“Here’s to the men who make us crazy and to us for putting up with their shit,” I called, holding the glass with unsteady hands.
“I’ll drink to that.” We clinked glasses and drank the tart, sweet mixture in one swallow. I slammed down the glass and called for another. Jen refused, shaking her head.
