Lady Anne came into the drawing room at that moment. ‘I thought I heard voices. How lovely to see you, Juliet darling,’ she exclaimed, kissing her granddaughter warmly on both cheeks.
‘Well, I’m here to stay, Granny,’ she replied softly, taking Lady Anne’s hands in both of hers. ‘I’ve come down to break the news to you that Cameron and I have parted.’
‘Oh, my dear, I’m so sorry,’ Lady Anne looked sad but not entirely surprised. ‘Why have you broken up?’
Liza spoke nervously. ‘We’ve got to keep it quiet, Mama,’ she explained. ‘Apparently Cameron picked up some nasty habits at Eton, and so of course Juliet couldn’t possibly remain married to him.’
‘You mean he’s a homosexual,’ Lady Anne said bluntly. ‘Poor chap. And poor you, too,’ she added, looking into Juliet’s eyes. ‘That must have been very hard for you. I imagine you’ll keep the baby, when it arrives?’
‘I certain will.’ Juliet replied, with a return of her former breeziness.
* * *
Rosie was astounded when she heard Juliet’s marriage was over. ‘How could you?’ she asked. ‘How could you throw everything you had away? I’d give my eye-teeth to have all that money. And Mummy says he’s letting you have the Park Lane house? It simply isn’t fair. You behave so badly, and yet you always come out on top. And what about depriving your baby of its father?’
Juliet looked at Rosie’s face. She’d put on weight and at the moment she resembled an angry, podgy cherub on a Victorian grave stone.
‘You shouldn’t be so judgemental,’ Juliet told her sister, sternly. ‘Things are rarely as they seem, and this is one of those occasions.’
‘You would say that.’ Rosie tossed her head. ‘The trouble is, you don’t know how lucky you are. You had as much money to spend in a few hours as Charles gave me in a year. Yet you chuck it all away on some whim. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.’ She picked Jonathan out of his play pen, and rested him against her shoulder. ‘You’re so spoilt, Juliet.’ She was almost shouting now, eyes blazing with vexation.
Jonathan started whimpering, unnerved by his mother’s angry voice.
‘You’re upsetting him,’ Juliet pointed out mildly. ‘Would it make you feel any better if you knew that Cameron actually didn’t want me?’
‘Every man seems to want you.’
‘Well, this one didn’t. We couldn’t go on living together, under the circumstances. It isn’t very nice when your husband doesn’t want to touch you with a barge pole.’ Juliet turned away, hoping she hadn’t said too much, hoping that Rosie, who was very naive about sexual matters, wouldn’t guess the truth. Juliet agreed with her parents and grandmother that nobody else should know about Cameron, especially as Rosie was inclined to gossip.
‘We were just totally incompatible,’ she added lightly.
‘Like I was… I mean, like I am, with Charles?’ Rosie asked.
Juliet nodded vaguely. ‘That sort of thing. The trouble is, you were a virgin when you married Charles…’
‘… Of course.’
‘… And although I wasn’t a virgin, I wasn’t experienced. I imagined it would be wonderful with all men.’ She gave a little sigh. Daniel had taught her what love-making was really like; she doubted if any other man could match that first experience. ‘I bet if you’d slept with Charlie first, you’d never have married him.’
‘But girls can’t be experienced, because then no decent man would want to marry them.’
‘That’s what Mummy drummed into us; now I think it’s nonsense. Would you buy a dress without trying it on first?’
Rosie looked profoundly shocked. ‘You can’t mean that?’
‘I do. If I’d spent one night with Cameron, I’d have known – I’d have known we weren’t suited,’ she added carefully. ‘It’s not just us, either. I know three girls who married around the same time as we did, and they’re terribly unhappy. They’d no idea what sex was all about: thought it would be wonderful, like in romantic novels. They were all desperately disappointed.’
Rosie nodded. ‘I know the feeling.’
‘If I have a daughter,’ Juliet continued, ‘I’ll encourage her to have sex with her boyfriend, before she decides to marry.’
‘Will you? Oh God, I wouldn’t want Sophia to do that.’ Rosie shook her head. ‘It was so nice being pure and untarnished on one’s wedding day,’ she added dreamily.
Juliet looked away, a sudden bitterness etched on her features. ‘Some of us never had that luxury,’ she said abruptly.
* * *
The traditional Sunday lunch was in progress, and once again the Reverend and Mrs Temple were guests, joining the family after Morning Service.
Now that she was ten, Charlotte had been allowed to join the rest of the family, sitting between Rosie and Henry who was at the head of the table. Conversation was of a general nature, and Charlotte longed to contribute to the chatter, because it would make her feel more grown-up. The talk was mostly about the war, growing one’s own vegetables, and always carrying a gas mask, all of which she found very boring.
That was until she heard Juliet mention to Mrs Temple that she would be living in London in the future.
Charlotte brightened, seizing her big moment. ‘Yes,’ she announced brightly, ‘Juliet’s going to be living in London, because she’s found out her husband’s a bugler.’
For one scintilla of a moment there was a terrible silence.
Then Juliet took a quick deep breath. ‘And I just can’t stand music,’ she remarked, looking smilingly around the table, at the circle of stunned faces.
As soon as luncheon was over, Liza dragged Charlotte into the library, away from the rest of the party who were having coffee in the drawing room.
‘Why did you say that… about Cameron?’ she demanded furiously. ‘You won’t be allowed to join us for Sunday lunch again. Little girls do not speak at grown-up parties, far less air their views. That was terribly naughty of you.’
Charlotte burst loudly into tears. Henry and Juliet, followed by an intrigued Rosie, came into the room at that moment.
‘What’s going on?’ Henry demanded, glaring at Liza.
‘I didn’t do anything wrong,’ Charlotte sobbed. ‘I heard Daddy say to you that Cameron was a bugler.’
Juliet stepped forward, and wrapped her arms around her little sister. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart,’ she said softly, ‘and no one’s going to be angry with you.’ She wiped Charlotte’s cheeks with her handkerchief. ‘Don’t cry any more, darling. Maybe, though, you should remember that it’s not a good idea to repeat other people’s conversation, because sometimes they can say something very rude.’
‘I didn’t know,’ Charlotte wailed, burying her face in Juliet’s shoulder. ‘Why was it rude to call Cameron a bugler?’
‘Because it is!’ Liza snapped, ignoring Henry’s looks.
But Juliet spoke with care, refusing to tell an outright lie because, as she knew from experience, that that can confuse a child more than ever. ‘It can mean someone who doesn’t like being married, you see, and as I was married to Cameron, that’s not very nice for me, is it?’
Charlotte raised her head and looked earnestly into her older sister’s face. ‘No,’ she agreed. She gave a hiccupping sob. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘My darling, it’s all right. As long as you never say it again, there’s nothing to worry about.’
‘I promise.’ Charlotte crossed her heart with her small hand.
Juliet hugged her close again and kissed her. ‘You’re such a good girl, and I love you madly. Now, why don’t we put on our gumboots, and warm coat and go for a walk? Maybe Amanda and Louise would like to come too. Why don’t you go and ask them?’
‘Yes-s-s!’ Charlotte crowed, and dashed off happily, all smiles again.
‘Well done, Juliet,’ Henry commented. ‘You handled that perfectly.’
‘But the Temples will know what she meant,’ Liza fretted anxiously, overcome w
ith the shame of the situation. That a son-in-law of hers should be…
‘Bugger the Templers,’ Henry snapped angrily.
Rosie’s eyes widened in sudden understanding. ‘So that’s what Charlotte meant? You mean Cameron is…?’
‘Yes,’ Juliet said. ‘So you see the break-up wasn’t my fault, after all.’
Rosie sank heavily on to one of the much-worn brown leather sofas. ‘Oh, my God.’ She looked up at Juliet. ‘I’m sorry I said those things. It must have been terrible for you?’
‘It wasn’t exactly jolly,’ her sister commented drily.
Liza looked despairingly at her two eldest daughters. What had gone wrong? They were both beautiful and charming. They’d had every opportunity.
Instead of which, here they were, back at home, with Juliet getting divorced, and Rosie wishing she was.
* * *
Within a few weeks Juliet was back in the swing of things, and in spite of being pregnant, she was going out most evenings armed with a flash-lamp, its light subdued by a black chiffon scarf, because the black-out was all encompassing. Windows were totally darkened and anyone showing a light could go to prison; there were no street lights, headlamps were shielded downwards, even traffic lights were shaded.
Juliet found it all rather thrilling. It was hard to believe there was a war on; in fact she sensed an atmosphere of adventure in the air. And anticipation, as everyone groped their way about the London streets.
Archie Hipwood was on leave from Cumbermere Barracks, at Windsor, and both John Bandon and Edward Courtney were stationed at Knightsbridge Barracks. When they had twenty-four hours leave, they all wanted a good time to relieve the tedium of Army life.
‘Come along, old girl!’ they chortled, dragging Juliet off to the Mirabelle for dinner, or Quaglino’s, where the much-lauded black singer, Hutch, br ought tears to her eyes as he sang ‘A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square’.
‘It makes me feel really sad,’ Juliet confessed, ‘as if those carefree days are over, for ever. As if our youth has gone.’
‘It’ll all come back, sweetie,’ Edward reassured her, with more conviction than he felt. ‘Let’s go on to the Four Hundred.’
So they managed to find a taxi in the dark to take them to the fashionable Leicester Square club. Next door to the Four Hundred, the Odeon cinema, once a neon-strip extravaganza of different hues, was lit tonight only by a ‘Bomber’s Moon’, as Archie explained knowledgeably.
‘Enemy planes would be able to spot every bloody building in London tonight, with a moon like that.’
Juliet looked up at the clear night sky. So far there had been no German planes, and no bombs either; perhaps there never would be. She felt the baby kick, as if in agreement. She patted her stomach reassuringly and wondered what Daniel was doing at this moment.
Part Two
Aspects of Austerity
1940–1942
Three
Juliet awoke with a start. Something was terribly wrong, and for a moment she lay there wondering what had happened. Through the chink in her curtains the first glimmer of dawn filtered into her room, making the posts of her silver bed gleam.
Then she tore back the bedclothes and screamed, as she looked at the fatal darkness staining her sheets.
‘Oh, no! No… Oh, God!’ She reached for the bell and pressed it several times. She was losing the only part of Daniel she’d got left. She pressed the bell again. Something must be done before she bled to death.
‘Dudley…!’ she shouted as loud as she could. A moment later he was knocking on her door. ‘Ring for an ambulance,’ she told him with feverish anxiety. Her precious baby’s life was slipping away. A violent spasm of pain shot through her body, making her gasp in agony. ‘Quick! It’s urgent… and when you’ve done that, bring me towels.’ Tears were streaming down her face now. Daniel – I need you now like I’ve never needed you, she thought, frantic with fear. But Daniel didn’t even know she’d been pregnant so why should he be here?
Juliet didn’t remember much after that. Everything was a blur as she swung between consciousness and oblivion, and when she finally awoke that evening, tucked up in bed in St George’s Hospital, she felt confused at first.
‘How are you feeling?’ a kindly nurse asked, holding her wrist as she took Juliet’s pulse.
‘What’s happening?’ The pain had stopped. She felt weak and woozy.
‘The doctor will be along to see you in a minute.’
A few minutes later a man in a dark suit came to her bedside and looked down at her. He smelled clean and fresh and his eyes were filled with compassion.
Then she remembered. ‘I’ve lost the baby, haven’t I?’ she whispered hoarsely, suddenly trembling all over.
‘I’m afraid so,’ he said gently. ‘I’m so sorry. There was nothing we could do.’
‘Why? Why did it happen?’ Juliet wept.
‘These things do happen, without any particular reason. It doesn’t mean you won’t be able to have more children, though I know that’s no great comfort to you at the moment, but I do understand how you feel.’
He pulled up a hard wooden chair and sat down beside her, looking sympathetically into her distraught face.
‘You’ve lost a lot of blood, I’m afraid, so you must stay here for a while, until you get your strength back.’
‘I don’t think I can bear this…’ she sobbed, turning her face to the wall.
‘We contacted your husband when you were admitted, and told him what was happening…’
‘My husband?’ Oh God… Cameron! She felt deeply shocked. She’d forgotten all about him. It was natural, though, for Dudley to have contacted him; no one, apart from her family, knew of her impending divorce.
‘He’s not coming down from Scotland, is he?’ she whispered.
‘I expect he will,’ the doctor assured her warmly. ‘He’ll be just as disappointed as you, I’m sure. Fathers can take the loss of a baby just as hard as mothers.’
Cameron was going to devastated, she realized, because he still thought the child was his. ‘Was the baby a boy?’
‘A little girl, actually. Perfect in every way; just too small to survive, I’m afraid.’ He pushed back the chair with a scraping noise. ‘Now, try and get some rest. We’ll give you a sleeping pill. You’ll feel much stronger in the morning.’
‘Thank you,’ she said automatically.
* * *
‘I’d like to go up to town today to see Juliet,’ Rosie announced the next morning. ‘I can’t imagine how awful she’s feeling. If anything had happened to Sophia or Jonathan when they’d been born, I’d have died from misery.’
‘I might come with you,’ Lady Anne suggested. ‘I’ve saved some petrol so we could go in my car. We could take her an orchid plant from the conservatory, and a jar of Mrs Dobbs’ bottled raspberries.’
‘And we could do some shopping,’ Rosie continued. ‘I’ll run and ask Nanny to look after the babies for the day, and I’m sure Spence can pick the children up from school. Perhaps we could meet Mummy for tea at the Ritz?’ she added hopefully, as Liza was spending another few days in town.
An hour later Lady Anne set off in her beloved 1929 Austin Seven. Beside her in the passenger seat, Rosie preened herself, looking smart in a red coat with a little feathered hat perched over one eye and matching lipstick. On the back seat a basket of carefully chosen goodies for Juliet nestled next to a pot plant.
‘I hardly ever go to up to town these days,’ Rosie remarked, but she was not really complaining. The fact she had two healthy children made her realize, compared to Juliet, how lucky she was.
‘I feel happy that I don’t have to go at all, except for a very good reason,’ her grandmother remarked, foot down on the accelerator. ‘Juliet’s had such a hard time lately, and now to lose the baby must feel like the last straw for her.’ Then she continued, ‘God moves in mysterious ways, you know, and we have to accept what He decides. Maybe He had a reason for gathering that little
baby’s soul before it was ready to be born. A child needs two parents, and Juliet is now on her own. It’s not the best start for a child. There’s the war, too. None of us know what’s going to happen next.’
Rosie looked at sharply. ‘We’re safe at Hartley, though, aren’t we?’
‘Darling, in this war I don’t think any of us are going to be safe, no matter where we are.’
* * *
Juliet awakened as she felt a hand take hold of hers. Thinking the doctor had returned to see her, she smiled before opening her eyes.
‘Hello, Juliet. How are you feeling?’
Her eyes flew wide and she struggled to sit up.
‘Lie down. You must rest,’ said Cameron. ‘I gather you’ve had a very bad time.’
‘I didn’t know you were here.’ She gazed up into his face. He looked as if he’d been crying.
‘I rushed down as soon as I heard.’ He bowed his head. He seemed crushed. ‘This is a great loss – to both of us,’ he lamented in a low voice. ‘I know you had a little girl, but it would still… still have been something.’
‘A greater loss than you’ll ever know,’ she replied quietly.
‘Juliet,’ his voice broke, but with an effort, he pulled himself together. ‘Juliet, I’m so sorry. Sorry for everything.’
‘You couldn’t help this happening,’ she said gently.
He turned agonized eyes on her. ‘I might have done. The shock you had of finding… the upheaval of moving south… the end of our marriage; it might all have contributed to losing the baby.’
‘The doctor assured me that one can have a miscarriage at any time. For no particular reason. It was just one of those things, Cameron. Stop torturing yourself.’
‘Would you consider…?’
She shook her head. ‘It wouldn’t work. And it wouldn’t be right to bring a child into the world when its parents have already broken up.’
Tears streamed down his cheeks. ‘It would have been wonderful to have had a child, even a girl.’
The Granville Affaire Page 7
