by Lisa Yee
That was when Wonder Woman recognized her. Of course! She was the blond girl in almost every scene in the Super Hero High School recruitment video. The circus-colored pigtails, the giant smile, the mischievous twinkle in her eyes. Wonder Woman released Harley and apologized.
Much to Wonder Woman’s surprise, Harley was far from being angry. She was thrilled, and let out a long, loud laugh.
“I was just talking to the camera, saying I wanted to shoot you, and then BAM, you rock the room! And…and then you throw your famous lasso at me! ME! The best part is I caught it all here!” Harley raised her camera into the air like it was a trophy. “Exclusive footage, that’s what I have. An HQTV exclusive! So great to meet you, Wonder Woman!”
When Harley extended her hand, Wonder Woman shook it with such enthusiasm that Harley’s head bounced back and forth like a bobblehead doll. But Harley Quinn didn’t look fazed.
“Excuse me?” The buzz got louder until Bumblebee was back to her full size.
Wonder Woman had forgotten that Bumblebee was in the room. She had been so small and so quiet.
“I’ve got to tackle my homework,” Bumblebee said. She motioned to Wonder Woman and told Harley, “She already wrote her paper on why weapons shouldn’t be allowed in assemblies and handed it in!”
Harley nodded knowingly. “Not surprised, not surprised,” she said. “Keep doing things like that, and you’re sure to be every teacher’s pet!”
Wonder Woman tilted her head to one side. “But I’m not an animal—I’m a girl,” she said earnestly.
Harley let out another signature laugh. “Funny!” she said. “You’re a regular comedian! I love that.”
“Oh! No, I’m not a comedian, I’m a super hero,” Wonder Woman said.
“It’s a joke,” Harley said. “Ha, ha. You know, a joke?” When Wonder Woman stared blankly at her, she said, “Aw, don’t be so serious. Come on, get a sense of humor!”
“Okay,” Wonder Woman said. She wrote on her to-do list Get a sense of humor.
As Harley prattled on about how they would be the best roommates in the history of Super Hero High, Wonder Woman surveyed the room. With super-fast skills, she began to tidy up, tossing out trash, straightening books, and rearranging the furniture. When she lifted a pile of Harley’s belongings off her bed, she realized it wasn’t a bed at all—it was a trampoline!
“So then—this Mandy Bowin was a real case,” Harley was saying as she edited her video with the finesse of a master playing the piano. “She was this really quiet kid. Nice, but couldn’t take a joke, if you know what I mean. One time I hid her violin and she went ballistic! And get this, it was a regular violin, not even a weapon. Mandy and her music. It was like twenty-four/seven. She didn’t even have a super hero name, just plain Mandy. Everyone here has a super hero name.”
Harley did a double backflip, bounced on the bed, and then sat back down, continuing to edit her video.
“So then,” Harley said, “one day, BAM! Mandy’s gone and you’re here. Done editing! Yes, I’m that fast.” Harley stood and looked around the room. “Wow, wow, wow! And did I say, wow?”
It was spotless. And practically empty.
Wonder Woman smiled modestly. “I cleaned our room,” she said.
“Where’s all my stuff?” Harley asked, looking under the beds.
“In the trash,” Wonder Woman answered.
“I don’t know what to say…,” Harley began.
“It was my pleasure,” Wonder Woman said. “Um, could you tell me where the bathroom is?”
Harley pointed. “Down the hall, to the left. And hurry back—dinner is soon.”
“Will do!” Wonder Woman said.
When she returned, Wonder Woman found her roommate sitting crossed-legged on her trampoline bed, designing some graphics on her computer. Their room, which Wonder Woman had just cleaned, was already a mess again.
“Did you use a time-warp machine to get the room to go back to the way it was?” she asked.
“Nope,” Harley said cheerfully. “I just put a few of my personal belongings back where they were.” Wonder Woman looked at the bulletin board, which was newly cluttered with photos and pages from magazines. One of the posters read:
The Three POWS!
Super-POWer
Brain-POWer
Will-POWer
Wonder Woman wondered if her new roommate had super powers. She was certainly a force of nature.
The hustle and bustle in the dining hall had Wonder Woman feeling momentarily discombobulated. The constant clanging of silverware, the students rushing around gripping brown plastic trays, and the nonstop chatter that echoed off the high ceilings were unlike anything Wonder Woman had ever experienced. At one end of the room was a long row of confusing foods with steam rising from their metal bins, dished out by women wearing white smocks and yellow plastic gloves. You only had to point to something and it was unceremoniously plopped onto your plate.
Wonder Woman loved it.
As she held her tray of mystery food, Wonder Woman was so busy looking around at the heavy wooden tables and the fancy modern light fixtures overhead that— BUMP!
“Hey! Watch where you’re going,” a girl said, wiping gray gravy from her violet blouse. Some of the gravy had managed to get on her matching skirt, too.
“I am so sorry,” Wonder Woman said. “Truly and honestly sorry. I’m Wonder Woman.” She took the girl’s hand to shake it, but the girl pulled it back.
“I know who you are,” the girl said. “I’m Star Sapphire. My family owns Ferris Aircraft. They could probably buy ten Paradise Islands if they wanted to.”
“Oh, but there’s only one, and it’s not for sale,” Wonder Woman informed her helpfully.
Star Sapphire shook her head. “Darling, get a clue.”
Even though Star Sapphire’s words were harsh, Wonder Woman felt a wave of warmth wash over her. She wrote on her to-do list Get a clue.
“Why do you have gravy all over yourself?” Golden Glider asked Star Sapphire as she skated up and handed her a napkin. The sparkly headband holding back her mass of blond hair said LIVE. Wonder Woman admired the smooth sheets of ice Golden Glider’s skates created.
Star Sapphire smirked. “Gravy is not my accessory of choice, but apparently Wonder Woman thought otherwise. Thank you, Wonder Woman.”
“You’re welcome!” Wonder Woman said, relieved that Star Sapphire wasn’t mad at her.
“Let’s get out of here,” Star Sapphire said to Golden Glider.
“Anything you say,” Golden Glider replied, and the girls turned their backs on Wonder Woman.
“Goodbye,” Wonder Woman said to the empty space where Golden Glider and Star Sapphire had once stood.
All the tables were full. As Super Hero High’s newest member wandered around, most of the students smiled at her or said hello, and some of the boys just stared. To alleviate the awkwardness, Wonder Woman told Green Lantern, “You have food in your teeth,” and to Cyborg she said cheerfully, “Be careful with that drink, or the metal in your head could rust.”
But when the Riddler asked, “Want to hear a riddle?” Wonder Woman answered, “Yes, I do!” and kept walking, looking for a place to sit. She did want to hear one. Just not right then.
Just when Wonder Woman began to think she’d have to eat standing up, Bumblebee waved to her. “Sit with us!” she called, motioning to an empty seat.
Wonder Woman rushed over and happily took the chair next to Katana, whom she recognized from the assembly.
“Is spilling gravy on someone a really bad thing?” Wonder Woman asked.
“Depends on who,” Bumblebee said, drizzling honey into her tea.
“Star Sapphire,” Wonder Woman reported.
Katana burst out laughing. Wonder Woman did, too, though she wasn’t sure what was so funny.
“She’s quite the fashionista and wears the latest trends, the kind most kids aspire to,” Katana said, glancing at Star Sapphire, who was still trying to
get the gravy off her clothes. “I prefer cutting-edge styles, myself. Less is more.”
Wonder Woman took note. While Star Sapphire wore sparkles and bright colors, Katana was dressed in sleek, muted shades of gray with a dash of red.
Bumblebee continued to pour extra honey into her drink. “I like clothes that can stretch and shrink when I do,” she said, adding with a laugh, “I learned that the hard way!”
“I like dark colors,” Katana said, picking up her fork and knife. Before Wonder Woman could blink, Katana had sliced up all the food on her plate. “So I can be stealthy.”
Hawkgirl put her tray down on the table. “May we join you?” she asked. Someone with red hair stood behind her.
“Yes! Please do!” Wonder Woman said, delighted to be in the company of more super heroes. “We were just discussing clothes!”
“I don’t give them much thought,” Hawkgirl said, then she drained a glass of milk. “They need to be practical so I can fly, and sturdy so I can fight.”
“What about you?” Wonder Woman asked the red-haired girl, who wore an emerald-green dress.
The girl blushed the color of her hair. “I’m Poison Ivy,” she said, not meeting Wonder Woman’s steady gaze. “I love plants, and green lets me blend in with them.”
“You look good in green,” Wonder Woman said brightly. “Doesn’t she?”
Everyone nodded, and by the time lunch was over, the girls were talking and laughing as if they’d been friends forever.
“Wonder Woman, what are you doing?” Katana asked when dinner was done.
“Cleaning up,” Wonder Woman answered. With lightning-fast speed, she had already wiped down half the tables in the huge room.
Katana shook her head. “That’s not necessary. There’s staff to do that.”
Wonder Woman looked around and saw a small group of people in blue uniforms mopping the floor and scrubbing the tables. She left the dining hall with her new friends, but after they parted, Wonder Woman went back.
“Hey, Wonder Woman there’s no need to help us,” one of the men in blue said. His head was bald, his skin was purple, and his smile was genuine. Sewn above the pocket of his janitor uniform in fancy script was the name Parasite.
“I don’t mind,” Wonder Woman said, grabbing a mop.
“Really,” Parasite said, wrestling the mop back. “You go back to your studies. That’s what you’re here for. But we appreciate your offer.”
Wonder Woman nodded. But before she left, she called back to the crew, “If you ever need any help, I’m here!”
She had just made more friends.
Wonder Woman had only brought a few things from home, but none of them were where she had left them when she got back to her room.
Harley, who should have been finishing up her Heroes Throughout History assignment, was monitoring the viewer counts on her latest HQTV post—featuring herself. “Look!” she said, jumping up and down on her bed. “We’re famous! FAMOUS! The video of you throwing your lasso around me has gone viral!”
Wonder Woman wasn’t sure whether to be pleased or embarrassed. When she’d left for Super Hero High, Hippolyta had told her daughter to take fame in stride. “Don’t ever let your ego get in the way of your strength,” she’d said.
“Harley, do you know where my pillow is?” Wonder Woman asked, looking around.
“In the garbage,” Harley said, returning to her TV channel.
“Oh, okay,” Wonder Woman said. “Did you put it there?”
“Nope,” Harley answered. She was now doing backflips. “It was there when I got back from dinner. I thought you’d put it there.”
Sure enough, everything was in the trash, including her pillow. As Wonder Woman pulled out her belongings, she came across an envelope addressed to her. Seeing the familiar handwriting, Wonder Woman felt a pang of homesickness. So much had happened in one day, she’d almost forgotten that this would be her first night away from home. Unless, of course, she counted Paradise Island Warrior Summer Camp. Her first night there, she had cried and called her mother, begging for her to come get her.
“If you feel the same way in two days, I will,” her mother promised.
Wonder Woman cried one more time that week—on the day camp was over and she had to leave.
As she slipped between her sheets, Wonder Woman realized how exhausted she was. “Harley,” she asked, “what happened to your last roommate?”
Harley had a sleep mask over her eyes. When she didn’t answer, Wonder Woman assumed she was asleep.
Wonder Woman stretched out on her bed. The mattress was hard. She was glad she had brought her pillow—it reminded her of home. Just as Wonder Woman closed her eyes, she heard Harley say, “There are rumors that Mandy was expelled, and wasn’t happy about it. She threatened to come back and cause trouble.”
Wonder Woman’s eyes opened.
“Cheetah says she was kicked out to make room for you,” Harley continued. “She says The Wall wanted you here, so goodbye, Mandy; hello, Wonder Woman. But that’s not true. Everyone knows that if you’ve got great potential, Waller will move mountains to make room for you here.” Wonder Woman lay still, hoping Harley would say more. “My guess? Mandy didn’t have what it takes. Instead of working on her weapons, all she wanted to do was play her violin. How painful was that for me to listen to day and night, night and day?”
“Well, music is…” But before Wonder Woman could finish her sentence, Harley was snoring. And sleep-talking. And snoring.
Wonder Woman sat up. She suddenly wasn’t tired anymore. As much as she had wanted to attend Super Hero High, she didn’t want to do it at the expense of another student. What if Cheetah was right? Or what if Harley was right, and Mandy was expelled for not having what it takes to be a super hero? That could happen to her! Wonder Woman wished her mother were there. She always knew the right thing to say.
Then Wonder Woman remembered the envelope. Inside was a note. My dearest daughter, it began, though it saddens me that you have left Paradise Island, I am happy that you are finding your place in the world. Be strong. I love you. Never forget that.
Tucked inside the envelope was a photo of her mother and Wonder Woman when she was little. They were wearing their matching white Greek goddess tunics. Hippolyta was holding up a boulder, and a young Wonder Woman was standing on it, holding up a smaller boulder.
Wonder Woman’s eyes misted up as she stared at the photo. Just because she was a super hero, it didn’t mean she couldn’t miss her mom.
“…and so I thank all of you for electing me as your president,” Wonder Woman said as she stood on the steps of the White House.
The crowd, dressed in Wonder Woman shirts, cheered and waved WW FOR PRESIDENT banners. “My first priority as your president will be world peace,” she promised. “And now I’ll take questions from the reporters.”
“Are you a morning person or a night person?” Harley Quinn asked.
“Excuse me?”
“Morning or night person?” Harley pressed.
Wonder Woman blinked and sat up. She had sleep in her eyes—that crusty stuff that was almost as annoying as the video camera in her face. “Was I dreaming?” Wonder Woman asked, and she rubbed her eyes vigorously.
“Not sure,” Harley said as she adjusted the video lens. “You’re a solid sleeper, although there was a lot of waving going on. But my viewers want to know more about you, so…”
“Morning person,” Wonder Woman said, now fully awake. She bounded up, and in one sweeping gesture, made her bed. Then, while she was at it, she made her roommate’s trampoline bed, too, as Harley filmed her.
Wonder Woman brushed her hair, adjusted her tiara, and then looked around for her bracelets. She was dismayed to find them on her roommate’s wrists, and to see that Harley was now tangled up in her lasso.
“Harley, what are you doing?” Wonder Woman asked.
“I wanted to see what it would be like to be you,” Harley said.
As Wonder Wom
an unraveled her roommate, Harley became more animated. “Okay! Well, that was fun. Wowza! Now let me post the video of you waking up. I know my viewers are going to want to see that!”
Wonder Woman bit her lip. “It might be boring,” she said. “Perhaps you could put someone else on HQTV.”
“That’s just what I was thinking!” Harley said, leaping up and doing a somersault to prove her point. “I’ve added a familiar face. Watch!”
As the theme music began to rise, the usual HQTV logo had a new twist: Harley’s laughing face appeared on-screen in the middle of the Q.
“Oh! And don’t worry, it’s not just you on HQTV,” Harley assured her. “I shoot everyone!”
To prove her point, Harley showed Wonder Woman a clip of Frost freezing Miss Martian’s hot soup, and another one of the Riddler refusing to let anyone into the library until they could answer his riddle.
Wonder Woman wasn’t sure that made her feel any better, but she didn’t want to upset Harley. Plus it was her first full day as a student at Super Hero High. She was determined to make a good impression.
“Is it true that you’re a lock for the Super Triathlon team?” Harley asked as she uploaded the video.
Wonder Woman was reading her emails. There were several from her mother.
“A lock?” she asked. She shook her head. “I don’t think I’m a lock; I’m more of a girl—you know, a super hero girl.”
“No, no,” Harley sighed. “Man, are you literal. I mean a shoo-in to be on the team.”
Wonder Woman pondered the question. To her, it seemed that her roommate spoke in gibberish, asking if she was a lock or a shoe. “I’m just me,” she said, finally. “And it would be an honor to be on the team.”
“Well, you know our school hasn’t won in fifty years, right? We’ve come in second and third, but Waller wants the gold. Everyone’s talking about who will be on the team. The stakes are pretty high, especially because this is the Super Triath’s one hundredth year. That means whichever school wins becomes the place to be.”
Wonder Woman nodded. She was listening, but not truly paying attention. She was focused on an email from an anonymous sender. It read You are not wanted at Super Hero High. Go home.
