The School of Flirting
A Lesbian Romantic Comedy
S. B. Sheeran
Copyright © 2015 S. B. Sheeran
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
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This book is dedicated to all the open minded people out there. To the ones that are willing to open their heart and listen, and to all of those people that are being criticized everyday for the way that they live or the road that they have chosen. Never ever settle. People may hate you for being different and not living by society’s standards, but deep down, they wish they had the courage to do the same!
Also By S. B. Sheeran:
But It's Too Dangerous
Not Your Experiment
Returning Customer
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Culture Gap
Chapter 2: Seek Help
Chapter 3: First Class
Chapter 4: Practice
Chapter 5: Week Three
Chapter 6: Sachi
Chapter 7: Doubts
Chapter 8: Field Assignment
Chapter 9: Missing You
Chapter 10: Going Home
Chapter 11: Tears
Chapter 12: Finals
Chapter 13: Icebreakers
Chapter 14: Graduation
Other Books By S. B. Sheeran
About The Author
CHAPTER 1
Culture Gap
…
This is the letter that I wrote on my flight in to Chicago six months ago:
“Hello, my name is Mina Yamada. I am very pleased to meet you! My blood type is AB and I was born in the year of the rabbit. I am 158 centimeters tall, that is five foot two in America. This year I am coming from Japan to study in America! I have been studying English very hard so that I could understand my American professors and make friends. This is very important to me because I am only half Japanese. My father is an American. My mother says I look very much like him. My friends at home in Japan think I look like a foreigner because have round eyes and brown hair. This makes me have a very fashionable style at home, but I am nervous of what people will think of me in the U.S.A. Will everyone talk too fast because they think I am American? Lucky for me, I have good friend at my exchange University.
Leann came to my school in Kyoto when we were children. Her family traveled much and so she stayed in Kyoto for two years. She did not know Japanese when she came to school, but she studied very hard and speaks very good Japanese now. We wrote many letters to each other over the years. I sent her secrets and we practiced our second language writing. I always knew that I would travel to the U.S.A. one day. I am lucky that our university has an exchange program and I got this chance!
Now I am very nervous because I have not seen Leann since we were thirteen. She has sent me photos and I will try to recognize her from those pictures. I hope that we are still the best friends we are in letters!”
I know, awful isn’t it? Six years of studying English and my language skills were still so unnatural sounding. I guess it shouldn’t have been a surprise. I learned English by reading text books and practicing with other nonnative speakers. Slang? Never heard of it. Okay, I had picked up a library book on that but it was so outdated it was useless, unless I ever have to go to a disco theme party, then I’m set. Groovy, baby!
I wrote that letter thinking that I could submit it with my application to be in a sports or hobby club. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Of course not. It turns out you guys don’t have that here. Not only was my English not quite up to snuff, but my cultural knowledge was seriously lacking too. In Japan, joining a university club is practically mandatory and it really shapes who you hang out with and how you spend the majority of your free time. (That free time is actually tiny and precious when you think of all the classes, exam prep, extra tutoring and part time jobs we also have to juggle.) At Leann’s university it’s a different story. Sure, there are extracurricular activities but you just show up if you want to, stop going if you aren’t loving it. No application and no obligation. There’s also no exam prep or tutoring necessary.
You can see how this was a huge culture shock for me when I arrived. Suddenly I had all this free time and nothing to do with it. There was also my “fashionable style”. Yes, at home my gajin, or “foreigner”, look was very hip. Here in the states? I blend in. My long brown hair is a bit mousey, my round eyes are the norm, and being short and slim just gets me lost behind towering blonde glamazons. All in all I look like a librarian. And I study like one too.
Luckily when Leann met me at the airport we connected immediately. It was as though we had never been apart; which is pretty amazing for not seeing someone in almost seven years. It was probably because we had been such faithful pen pals. It’s hard to write that often and not share your deepest secrets. Leann really understood what it’s like being dropped into an alien culture too. If I was feeling the bewildered and hopeless about ever learning everything I needed to; I could just look over at Leann and know that she’d had this exact same experience when she arrived in Kyoto all those years ago.
We also had one other critical thing in common. We’re both lesbians. Not to say that we wouldn’t be close if either of us was straight, but it is amazing to have someone truly understand where you are coming from. In case you are wondering, we decided a long time ago that we wouldn’t date each other. Attraction or lack of attraction aside, Leann likes commitment and my trip to America is only a long term visit. I’ve always planned on going back home. Still… I’m a normal college girl with the normal sex drive of a college girl. A yearlong exchange program is way too long to be abstinent.
Chapter 2
Seek Help
…
I was desperate to date but the culture gap was a severe hindrance. Body language and subtle flirtation in western cultures wasn’t taught in any of the text books I’d read. Even combing the campus library psychology and sociology sections, I was only able to turn up a few books on pair bonding and behavior from a heterosexual perspective. Finally, I realized I was going to have to ask for help if I was ever going to get laid.
“Leann?”
“Mm hmm.”
“I want to flirt with girls. How is this done in America?”
“What?? I don’t know. Same way you do it at home?”
“I have tried! I am very polite and I never look girls in the eye.”
Leann looked confused, “That’s flirting in Japan?”
“You left Kyoto when you were thirteen. We did not have any practice dating yet. Shy girls are very hot in Japan.”
“But if both girls are shy how do they get together?”
I sighed dejectedly, “I don’t know. I am not good at dating Japanese women either.”
Leann laughed, “Okay, got it.” She chewed on her thumb thoughtfully for a minute before going to her desk and retrieving a crumpled flyer from the top drawer. “I found this a few weeks ago. But I haven’t had the guts to go.” She passed me the paper. It read:
Is she in to you? How do you tell her you want it too?
Wanna know the secret?
Come to
The School of Flirting!
Coleman Building basement, Thursdays at 9pm.
“That is tonight! We must go!”
Leann waved her hands, “Woah, back that up. Who said ‘we’? I’m not going.”
“Then why did you have this flyer hidden in your desk?”
“I just thought it was funny. That’s all. And it is a great example of typography.” I rolled my eyes. Graphic design majors could talk about type face like it was actually interesting (which it is not). I am double majoring in diplomacy and foreign affairs.… so you know there was no way she was getting off that easily. We needed to talk things through before she made a decision; preferably my decision.
“So you do not need to learn how to flirt?”
“No! I’m fine.”
“Then you can teach me! I will not have to go to flirt school either. Right now is a great time to start. Neither of us have classes now.”
“Umm..” Leann looked squirrely. “Actually, I have to…go to the library.”
“I will go with you! That is a great place to start our first lesson, yes?”
“Ugh. Okay. No. I have no idea how to teach you flirting. I don’t really think about it. I just do it!” She rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. “When I saw the flyer all I thought about was a whole room full of single girls. Lonely horny girls…”
“Then you will go with me! Even if you are wicked and have bad motivation.”
“I have bad intentions and that’s good motivation.” She corrected me offhandedly. I was very happy because I had won again. We were going to Flirt School!
Chapter 3
First Class
…
At 9 pm on Thursday we were running across campus.
“I cannot believe you made me late!”
“I had to do my makeup! What is the point of flirting if you look like dog meat??”
I wanted to argue the point that nobody cared and she looked fine, but I let it go. We were too out of breath to debate the issue anyway. Reaching the Coleman building we paused outside to smooth down our hair and catch our breath. I hate being late but an extra 30 seconds wouldn’t change anything. There is no point in crashing into a class all red in the face without even enough air to apologize.
“Ready?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
Hearts still pounding from the exertion and nerves, we walked through the lobby and took a sharp left and found the stairs to the basement. Our footsteps echoed loudly as we descended.
“This is creepy. Why did they have to hold the meeting down here? It’s way too quiet.” Leann complained.
“It is one of the only buildings that is unlocked all day on each day of the week.”
“That sounds weird. Just say ‘twenty four seven’.”
“It is unlocked twenty four seven?”
“Much easier, right?”
“Yes!”
Opening the stairwell door we came to a short hallway with doors on either side. We could hear women talking animatedly, but Leann pulled the wrinkled flyer from her pocket and double checked the room number anyway. We nodded to each other and walked in to flirt school.
The class was smallish with folding chairs arranged in a half circle facing the whiteboard. No one was sitting down though. Eight or nine women were all pressed around a small side table which was piled high with muffins, mugs, and thermal pitchers. The whole room smelled like coffee and banana bread. As the door clicked shut behind us, all the women turned to look.
It was very intimidating, also a little exciting. I felt a shiver run down my spine. The blonde in the blue sweater, was she looking at me in a sexy way or just in a ‘hey who let the cold draft in?’ kind of way? I certainly hoped they would teach us how to figure that out. And soon.
A tall black woman in the back raised her hand in greeting, “Hi! Welcome to Flirt School! You look shell shocked… which means you are probably in the right place. Come on in! I’m Melanie.” We edged in closer and then Leann couldn’t resist the smell of baked goods anymore. She dove right into the middle and snagged a blueberry muffin. I, of course, am a little more obsessed with manners. “Hi, I am Mina Kitamura. I am an exchange student and Leann Day is my host roommate. We are pleased to meet you.” I elbowed Leann, hoping she would hold off eating long enough to be polite. “Hi.” She said and bit in to the muffin. Melanie took it in stride and introduced us around. Our fellow students were: Pauline, Susie, Yaz, Gemma, Bridget, Tamika, Jane and her roommate who was sick today but hopefully would make it back for next week’s class. Melanie clapped her hands, “Alright ladies, finish doctoring your coffees, let’s take a seat and get started.” We took our seats and I pulled a notebook and pen out of my bag. Leann silently shook her head at me and gestured at everyone else. Yes, I realized that no one else was taking notes. But I shook my head back at her fiercely. I don’t mind Leann correcting my conversational English but you don’t mess with a double major’s study habits.
Melanie began with, “Since we have two new students with us today. I’m going to quickly go over our rules. They are pretty basic. This is an eight week program. Show up or you aren’t learning anything! And the biggie, that everyone complains about: No dating other Flirt School students!” There was a chorus of playful boo hisses and Leann almost choked on her blueberry muffin. She shot me an evil glare but I pretended I didn’t see it. Melanie held up her hand for quiet. “I know. I know. But it’s for your own good! Make it through the eight weeks, pass your final exam and then you can date whoever you like. In the meantime, we can’t concentrate or learn anything if we treat Flirt School like a meat market. Got it girls?” Everyone nodded agreement. “Great! Moving on. This is week two, so we are continuing our lesson on body positioning. Mina, Leann, you are a week behind but we’ll catch you up to speed as we go along.”
Chapter 4
Practice
…
“So what did you think?”
“I thought I was going to kill you when Melanie said no dating Flirt school students.”
I laughed, “I thought you were going to spit out your muffin.”
“I knew you were looking at me!”
“Well, I was beginning to think I should have come alone….”
“You’re just saying that because Melanie made you put down your notebook. I told you that wasn’t going to fly. Admit it!”
Sticking my tongue out at Leann, I started walking a little faster. It’s true I was a bit annoyed by that, but Melanie had a point. I couldn’t watch everyone practicing subtle body positions while I had my eyes on my notes. Still, I planned on writing everything down as soon as we got back to the dorms. I turned back to face Leann. “Actually, I am really glad you came with me. I am also grateful you decided to stay. There was a lot of slang tonight and I needed your help.
“Oh thanks, I’m your walking dictionary.”
“Also I like your company.” I didn’t have to say that. I knew from the tone of her voice that she wasn’t serious about the dictionary comment. Still… sometimes I just wanted to tell her how I felt about her, all joking aside. But Leann wasn’t up for a serious conversation and she quickly bounced back,
“I’m only staying for that redhead. What was her name?”
“Jane.”
“Gorgeous. Her roommate was the one out sick, right? What if her roommate is just as hot?”
I shrugged, “You change your bad intentions?”
“No, no, same bad intentions. Different target.”
Laughing, I called her a home wrecker in Japanese. When we got back to the dorms, I starte
d writing out my notes while Leann tried to talk me into going back down to the common room. She wanted to practice her new moves, but I wanted to sleep.
“It’s late. And you do not need practice. You chase girls too much already. You can help me practice in the morning.”
“In the morning? Who flirts in the morning?”
“I don’t know. Is that not a normal time?
“Half the dorms won’t get up until noon! How can they flirt if they are asleep? And it’s not late. It’s not even eleven o’clock!”
Sighing, I had to agree she had a point. Coming home across campus, every path had been chock full of people and odds were that the common room would be bursting with students. I was beginning to think I was the only morning person in the whole student body. But my grades were important to me and I had an early Friday morning lecture to attend. I told Leann to go out without me. We would just have to practice our flirting on the weekend.
Chapter 5
Week Three
…
Thursday: Week 3 of Flirt School. Leann and I were both excited to get back to class. We had been observing people’s body positioning all week. Morning or night, students never seemed to stop flirting! I stuck my left hip out and imitated a sorority girl we had seen a few minutes earlier. Leann straightened her spine and whistled at me. “Message received!” she called playfully.
Flipping open my notebook, I scanned the syllabus as we walked along. Tonight’s lesson would be eye contact. This was a lesson I was both desperate for, and absolutely sure I was going to be awful at. I’d spent my whole life up to this point being a good Japanese girl and dropping my gaze to the floor. This was a knee-jerk habit that was going to take a ton of work to break. Still, form what I’d seen in the last week, it looked like eye contact was an absolute must.
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