“I'm leaving the fort tomorrow, but carry this with you the rest of your life; Jean Michel Lupe' was the only man who could ever touch your soul.” He turned into his quarters and slammed the door, leaving Darcy alone on the parade ground.
Chapter 23
Darcy spent the rest of the night in her quarters lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. It was pointless to undress; sleep would not come. She could not understand why she was so affected by the news that Jean Michel was leaving the fort. She should have rejoiced; instead she brooded.
Darcy marveled at his arrogance saying that he touched her soul. He certainly had a high opinion of himself. Dawn broke, finding her still ruminating about Jean Michel, and she sat up and looked out the window. Rays of sun began to lighten the sky. She got up and opened the door. Tiptoeing past where Nathan slept, she crossed the front room and quietly opened the door.
The parade ground was empty, and she looked over at the officers' quarters. Darcy did not want to be detected by anyone, most of all Jean Michel, but she had to know if he was gone. As she approached, she noticed the door was ajar, and she listened. Hearing nothing, she took a breath and stepped over the threshold to look inside. Aside from rumpled bedding, there was no sign that Jean Michel had ever been there.
She looked around the empty room, and a feeling of deep loneliness filled her from head to toe. It was as if this man had never existed. It seemed impossible that she would never see him again, but America was a vast continent and it was plausible that he was gone forever.
Suddenly, she had an idea. If she hurried, maybe she could catch one last glimpse of Jean Michel leaving the river valley. She raced out of his room and ran madly up the ramp to the top of the wall, thoroughly startling the guard on duty. Stretched to her full height, Darcy stood by the gatehouse and strained to see him.
She ran her eyes over the valley and down the river, looking for movement, but she was disappointed--there was nothing.
She couldn't believe it; that was it. He was gone. She stood alone for a long time staring out into the vast ocean of trees until the guard approached her and said, "Are you all right, Miss?"
Darcy looked at him blankly and made no reply.
* * *
Summer turned to autumn at Fort Lawrence, and the winds grew cold and the leaves on the trees turned to crisp reds and yellows. Although the weather was more temperate in Ireland, Darcy found the change of seasons in the New World to be dramatically beautiful. She resumed her visits with Moses Tinker, who had emerged one day shortly after the end of the siege from his hiding place on the bluff.
Darcy also made regular visits to the McDermott homestead, and today she was traveling down the path to help Adrianna make soap. Fall was usually a busy time of year butchering, tanning hides and smoking meat for the winter, but the French and Indians had slaughtered all of their cattle and burned all the crops in the siege. There was still enough rendered fat for soap, but the food stores were getting alarmingly low.
Moses and Darcy had picked every apple they could find, pressing some into cider and leaving the rest to winter over in the root cellar. They had also smoked some venison but again the French and the Abenaki had hunted out the area leaving the settlers with little game.
On several occasions Darcy had suggested to Nathan to send out a hunting party, but his faith in the British army was blind; he was fully confident that supplies would arrive well before the snow.
"Hello, McDermotts!" shouted Darcy as she walked down the hill, waving to the little ones playing in the yard. Darcy was proud of the new cabin she had helped Adrianna build. Moses had come over every day to help them erect a new structure after the fire. It went quickly especially because the chimney had remained intact.
During that time Darcy and Adrianna had become best of friends. They were good company for each other because they were bonded in their common love of Ireland. There were countless customs and idiosyncrasies which they shared because of their background and each made the other a little less homesick.
Darcy passed the large cast-iron pot hanging over the fire, and when she peeked into the crucible, she saw that it was filled with fat for making soap. Once this fat had been heated to the right consistency, the women would add lye, made from wood ashes, and stir it until saponification occurred. It amazed Darcy that two such unclean substances could render such an efficient cleansing agent.
"Is your mother inside?" she asked Mark, who was sitting in front of the cabin weaving an oak-splint basket. He nodded, and she rumpled his hair as she passed. He was Adrianna's eight-year-old boy. He had light skin, sandy blonde hair and a rough-and-tumble attitude. She guessed that he would much rather be climbing trees or flying a kite, but he begrudgingly obeyed his mother and worked on the basket.
Adrianna's children reminded Darcy of the Mullin family. She thought often about Teila, Keenan and the children. She prayed that Teila still lived, but she had a dark intuition that she died shortly after Darcy had been transported.
She entered the cabin and looked immediately to the hearth where Adrianna spent most of her time. As Darcy suspected, she was there with her eleven-year-old daughter Deirdre, making a suet pudding and johnnycake. She resembled her mother; only her smooth hair was a chestnut brown.
"Hello Darcy. We are all ready for you, but sit down first and have some johnnycake," said Adrianna with a smile. She is so pretty, thought Darcy, looking at Adrianna's rosy complexion and blonde hair. Several men had been showing interest in her, but Adrianna would not hear of it. Darcy knew that she still grieved deeply for John.
"Will we be doing a lesson today, Miss McBride?" asked Deirdre.
Darcy was teaching her to read. The girl had a wonderfully keen mind. Her enthusiasm reminded Darcy of herself several years back with Father Etienne, and she knew he would want her to pass the skill on to other eager minds.
"My little darlin', there won't be time today. Your mother and I must make soap," apologized Darcy, but when she saw the disappointment on the girl's face, she said, "Oh Deirdre! Don't look at me like that! Alright, we'll find some time."
"Oh, thank you, thank you! Do you know that I was able to read Matthew 19:19 to Mama last night? You know the one about love thy neighbor as thyself?"
"Darcy knows that one well, Deirdre," said Adrianna as she checked the pudding. "She put it into practice the night she and Jean Michel came to rescue us."
After a moment, Adrianna asked, "Did Jean Michel ever say where he was going, Darcy?"
"No," she said. Adrianna was always mentioning his name and it aggravated Darcy. She wanted to move on with her life and forget about him.
"The cabin looked wonderful when I walked into the clearing today," said Darcy changing the subject.
"We should all be proud," said Adrianna, biting her lip and looking down as if something was wrong. Darcy saw the look but said nothing.
Eating her johnnycake, she looked around the keeping room of the cabin. The fireplace was large and included an oven with a cast-iron door and above the mantle hung a flintlock musket. Adrianna had two pewter plates on the mantle along with the family Bible, a huge leather-bound edition, which she had brought from Ulster.
On one side of the fireplace was a spinning wheel which Adrianna had borrowed, and directly across from it was a settee made by Moses. Two neatly made beds with bright quilts sat against the walls, and the windows with oiled paper panes shed a lovely golden light into the cabin.
A ladder led up to the loft where several of the older children slept, and Darcy's eyes rested on the badly scorched brass bed warmer standing by the fireplace. Until she came to the Colonies she had never seen such an implement, and she thought putting hot coals in it and running it between the covers before bedtime was a most ingenious way to make cold nights more palatable. Darcy was nervous about her first winter in the northern colonies. She had heard that they were brutal and long, and she had never experienced deep snow.
"I have something I want to discuss with
you, Darcy," said Adrianna wiping her hands on her apron.” She turned to Deirdre and asked, "Would you go watch the fat to make sure it does not burn?”
“We will read later, Deirdre,” Darcy assured her, and the girl smiled. Darcy liked her and did not want to see her spend her entire youth just trying to stay alive. This was the reason she taught this tall gentle girl to read. Books could whisk her away from the endless struggle, and her imagination could set her free. It satisfied something deep within Darcy to be near a family again.
When Deirdre left the cabin, Adrianna sat down at the table with Darcy. "I don't know how to say this, but I'm going back to Ireland before the winter sets in, Darcy."
"What?" she cried, jumping up. "No! Don't do this, Adrianna!"
"I know. I know. I'm sorry," she apologized, her eyes filling with tears. "But I fear that I cannot survive alone out here with the children."
"I can't believe what I am hearing. You just rebuilt a cabin and furnished it, and now you make this impetuous decision to return home," said Darcy, still astonished.
"Without John there is no reason to stay. This was his dream, not mine. I was so caught up in his death and then the flurry of rebuilding that it wasn't until I could sit down and think that it all became clear. I feel so dreadfully guilty abandoning you and Moses after all your hard work, but I cannot--"
"No," said Darcy softly as she walked to the fireplace, "You cannot let obligation make your decisions for you. You would resent us in the end."
Darcy felt discouraged and tired as she sat down heavily in the chair. There were few women on the frontier and to lose all the children as well felt unbearable. She wished that she could convince her friend to stay. With one last effort, she said, "What about remarrying? There are dozens of healthy, capable men out here and several have been showing interest in you, Adrianna."
"No," she said shaking her head. "I cannot marry out of desperation. I've seen too many women wither and die because they endure men that they don't love. Just like--" and she stopped.
Darcy sat up straight. "Like who, Adrianna? Like me? Go ahead. Say it."
"All right I'll say it, like you, Darcy," and taking her friend's hand, she continued. "You are a perfect example of a woman trapped and slowly dying of loneliness."
“How dare you say such a thing!" said Darcy jumping up. “May I point out that you are the one running back to Ireland?"
"You're right, Darcy. I am scared and lonely," she said as large tears rolled down her face. "I miss John so much. I shall never see him again."
Darcy forgot her anger and hugged, Adrianna. She was right. She shouldn't have to marry someone just to survive, yet out here on the frontier, it seemed to be the only way.
Adrianna dried her eyes on her apron and said, "Heed my words, Darcy. Don't be afraid. You still have a chance to be with the one you love. My chance is gone forever."
"What?"
"Find, Jean Michel!" Adrianna said, and she grabbed Darcy by the arms shaking her. "Find him! Leave, Nathan! Run away from him as far as you can. He has stolen your self-respect. He has stolen who you are."
"Adrianna, you know that I am a convict!” she said, jumping up and pacing. “I cannot just run away. Besides you are wrong. I could never love him." Suddenly, she exclaimed, "Why is this conversation about me?"
"Because I must say it before I leave. What I've been thinking all along. Look at me, Darcy," Adrianna demanded.
Darcy pursed her lips and looked up.
"If you were set free today, tell me you wouldn't stay with, Colonel Lawrence. You would stay with him because he is safe. You can't be hurt by someone you don't love."
"I'll listen to no more of this insanity," snapped Darcy. She turned and left the cabin, slamming the door behind her.
Deirdre was just outside the door. The girl had heard too much. Darcy was sorry that she had promised a lesson. She took a deep breath and said, "I'll take the fat from the fire, and you get your hornbook. We'll have our lesson now."
They sat on the grass, and the crisp autumn wind blew their hair and ruffled their aprons, as they worked together in the sunshine. Darcy felt herself unwind, and when the lesson was over she went back into the cabin to speak with Adrianna. She was bending over the hearth and looked up at her with a red, tear-stained face.
"I thought that you had gone," she exclaimed.
"No, I was outside doing a reading lesson with Deirdre” Darcy took Adrianna’s hand and led her to the table. "When are you leaving?"
"Before the month is up," she said quietly.” I have spent four winters here and I know the snows come early. We must be in Boston by November."
Darcy sighed at sat down at the table. A month was not very long. "Is there anyone who may want the homestead?" she asked.
"No one yet,” replied Adrianna. “But this area will attract more settlers now that there is a fort."
"You'll see Ireland again, Adrianna," said Darcy smiling wistfully with her chin on her hand. "I miss it so much. Every night when I sleep, I dream that I am back at the abbey on the bluff.
"I want to leave knowing that you are happy."
"Oh, Adrianna, I am all right," she reassured. "I will be a free woman in a little more than six years. I will return to Ireland and stand once again on the abbey bluff, ready to start life anew."
* * *
The month flew by quickly, as Darcy helped Adrianna make final preparations. The air took on a sharp edge, and the skies turned an endless gray. The leaves abandoned the trees, leaving their naked branches stretching desperately into the sky.
The McDermotts were scheduled to travel to Boston on All Hallows Eve with a company from the fort which Colonel Lawrence had released for the winter. He was happy not to have to provide them with rations during the lean months, and since there was no threat of attack during the snow, they were not needed and could return in the spring.
Tears rolled down the cheeks of Adrianna and the children as they assembled on the parade ground, ready to make their departure. To the children, they were leaving the only home they'd ever known, and it was very difficult for Adrianna to leave the remains of her husband. She knew that she would never return to the colonies, and he would sleep forever on the other side of the world.
Leaves swirled around the ankles of the women as they embraced. Adrianna urged, "Bare is the companionless shoulder, Darcy."
"Don't worry about me. Think of me on the abbey bluff at home again someday in our Ireland, Adrianna." She handed her a loaf of bread, with a sign of the cross cut into it, and said, "Here is some boxty for your journey. After all, it is All Hallows Eve."
"So it is, Darcy. I hope that travelling this day is not a bad omen."
"That is why you must eat the bread."
Darcy turned and presented Deirdre with the copy of Don Quixote, which Nathan had bought for her in Providence and told the girl never to give up on her dreams. Darcy lived vicariously through Deirdre. She was innocent and eager, setting out with a thousand dreams yet to be fulfilled. She too had been optimistic once and filled with hopes and dreams.
The company was assembled and ready to depart. The smaller children rode on a cart while Adrianna and the others walked between two formations of regulars. Taking nothing but a few personal articles, they set off on their journey to Boston and to the green hills of Ireland beyond.
Darcy watched and waved to them as she stood on the south battery. They circled through the valley and were eventually swallowed up in the endless wilderness. As she watched them go a group of geese flew over her head, and she observed that they too were in formation. She could hear them honking their warning to leave the northland before it was too late.
Everyone seemed to be abandoning Darcy in this frontier outpost, and she felt trapped. She listened to the melancholy honking of the geese in the distance, and she was overcome with a deep sense of foreboding.
Chapter 24
Darcy tried to keep busy throughout November. The food and supplies had not ye
t arrived, and she found herself worrying constantly about the upcoming winter. It brought back terrible memories.
She resumed her routine of visiting Moses after her work was completed each day, but she knew that she would be unable to get down to see him once the deep snows started. On several occasions she visited the McDermott homestead, wishing that she could live with Shenanigan in the cozy cabin. She knew that it was a pipe dream though; Nathan continued to demand her attention every night in his quarters.
Lately his taste in pleasure had taken a more licentious turn, and Darcy was growing uncomfortable with these new avenues. He was never cruel to her though, and she was grateful for his tolerant attitude regarding her daily outings.
Darcy found great comfort in her visits with Moses. She would sit by the fire and read to him from the Bible, or they would simply share the news of the day over a supper she had prepared. She enjoyed making him venison stews or chicken puddings, and on one occasion she surprised him with a small queen’s cake tart.
Beyond the Cliffs of Kerry Page 21
