by Jane Jackson
He cleared his throat. ‘When I saw you with Lady Russell’s baby, and then with your sister’s child, it was very clear to me that – that when the time comes you will be a good and loving mother.’ Kerenza turned her head slowly to look at him, her expression wary, almost fearful. He gathered his courage. He couldn’t stop now. He had to know.
‘The thing is – what I’m afraid of –’ He stopped.
‘Afraid?’ Kerenza blurted. ‘You?’
Her incredulity made him smile, and that eased a little of his tension. ‘Oh yes.’ He nodded wryly. ‘I am afraid, Kerenza. I’d sooner face a French privateer than –’ He broke off.
‘Afraid of what?’
Pushing himself away from the door, he crossed the cabin in two strides and sat down opposite her. Resting his elbows on the table, he pressed his steepled fingers against his mouth. ‘That you would prefer a husband who comes home to you each evening.’ He watched her eyes widen, and plunged on. ‘Since I was a child my ambition has been to own and command a packet-ship.’
‘I know,’ she said softly. ‘You told me.’
‘Through school, apprenticeship, and working my way up to get my mate’s ticket, I’ve had little time or interest for anything else. But what I’ve come to realise is that without you –’ He took a deep breath then, laying his hands flat on the table, looked across at her again. ‘At first I wanted to do it to make Sam proud of me: Sam and my mother. Now – now I want to do it for you. Without you beside me it won’t mean – You’re a remarkable girl, Kerenza. I – I don’t deserve you, I know that. But if you’ll have me I’ll do my best to make you happy.’
Hope turned to horror as he saw her eyes fill. Two huge tears trembled on her lashes, spilled over, and left shining silver tracks down her cheeks. Then, with a relief that made his insides quiver like jelly, he realised she was smiling.
‘Do you love me, Nick?’ she asked softly.
He blinked, astonished and bemused by the question. ‘Of course I love you. Surely you know that?’
‘No. How could I know it? You hide your emotions too well.’ Her smile softened the reproach.
He lifted one shoulder shyly. ‘I loved you before we – before I – only I didn’t know it then. I didn’t trust what I felt. It had all happened so fast. I couldn’t believe – But to hurt you the way I did was unforgivable. I swear –’
Reaching across the table she laid her fingers on his mouth, silencing him. ‘That’s in the past. What matters is now, and the future.’
‘C-could you love me? Even after –?’
‘I do love you, Nick. The night we met at the Antrims’ party –’ He watched her face turn deep rose, but her gaze remained steady on his. ‘I fell in love with you then. And I never stopped loving you.’
He gazed at her, finding it hard to believe what she was saying. ‘Not even when –?’
‘Not even then.’ Her mouth quirked wryly. ‘Oh I tried. I tried very hard.’ She shrugged. ‘But I couldn’t. When my father told me we were sailing aboard Kestrel –’ Her gaze dropped for a moment and she shook her head. ‘I didn’t know how I would bear it.’ She looked up again, her eyes glistening. ‘Yet if I hadn’t come we wouldn’t be together like this now.’
Seizing her hand he clasped it between his, pressing his lips to her knuckles. ‘Will you marry me, Kerenza?’ Watching her closely, he saw joy flare in her eyes and felt his heart swell with pride, relief, and a happiness that matched her own. Then a faint shadow crossed her face.
‘I will, Nick. But –’
As the tip of her pink tongue darted out to moisten her lips, his muscles tightened in apprehension.
‘But?’
‘Nick, I don’t want us to live apart, me back in Flushing or Falmouth, while you are away at sea.’ She hesitated, and her colour deepened. ‘If you can’t come home each night, then I want to sail with you. I know it’s dangerous, but I would rather be here at your side than back home in Cornwall waiting for news.’
‘But the war –’
‘Dearest Nick –’ she laid her soft palm against the side of his face ‘– I would rather die with you than live without you.’
Standing, he leant across the table and, cupping her face in his hands, covered her mouth with his own in a kiss that let go of the past and cemented their future.
When eventually he raised his head, her eyes were closed, her lips moist, her cheeks rosy. She had never looked more desirable. A knock on the door made him curse under his breath as he forced himself to release her.
Her eyes opened and she smiled.
‘All right?’ he murmured. When she nodded, he called, ‘Yes?’
The door opened and Toy entered carrying a tray. ‘I’ve brung some tea and some bread and butter for Miss Penrose,’ he announced. Setting the tray down, he frowned at Kerenza. ‘You need your food, miss. Got to keep your strength up.’
‘Thank you, Mr Toy. That’s very thoughtful of you.’
Catching her eye, Nick saw her bite her lip in an effort to keep a straight face. He saw the servant’s pleasure at the warmth in her voice. Some sailors believed a woman aboard a ship was unlucky. As far as Kestrel and her crew were concerned, Kerenza Vyvyan’s presence had proved to be a blessing.
‘Toy?’
‘Sir?’
‘Ask the bosun to send the carpenter down, will you?’
‘Aye, sir.’ He closed the door.
‘Would you like me to leave?’ Kerenza offered.
Nick shook his head. ‘No. I’d like your opinion.’
‘On what?’ Dark shadows beneath her eyes betrayed all she had suffered during recent months, but there was glowing colour in her cheeks and her gaze sparkled. God, he loved her.
‘If the Post Office and the rest of the shareholders agree to me remaining in command of Kestrel, I want some alterations made in here before we leave Falmouth on our next trip.’
‘What kind of alterations?’ Her expression was bright with interest.
He indicated the curtain. ‘That cot is barely big enough for one. I have no desire to begin our married life sleeping alone. Do you?’
Her blush deepened, but she met his gaze squarely as she shook her head. He bent down toward her. As his lips brushed hers, feet clattered on the companionway and knuckles rapped on the door.
Kerenza giggled and, despite a frustration he guessed would cause him considerable discomfort during the next few weeks, Nick welcomed the sound. No one deserved happiness and laughter more than she did. Rolling his eyes, he moved away from her and the table, and called the carpenter to come in.
‘I wish it might not have been like this,’ Aurelia Danby sighed as she inspected her granddaughter.
‘I know, Nana,’ Kerenza pressed her hands to her midriff. She felt excited rather than nervous. ‘But it suits us, truly. A big wedding would have been impossible while the family is in mourning.’
‘Wait a year?’ Nick had barked. ‘Just to satisfy our families’ desire for a big show? Is that what you want? Because if it is –’ She watched his fingers curl into his palms as he forced the words out. ‘If it is, then of course we’ll wait.’
Knowing what it had cost him to make that offer, she held in her laughter and, taking his hand, pressed it to her cheek. ‘No, Nick. It’s not. I want a quiet ceremony. I’d like it as soon as possible so I can sail with you when Kestrel leaves.’
Grasping her shoulders, he had kissed her hard. ‘God, what did I do to deserve you?’ Then, raising his head, he had held her away, frowning as he searched her eyes. ‘You are sure, Kerenza? My sisters’ weddings were big affairs with crowds of guests –’
‘Indeed I hope they were a joy for everyone involved,’ she had interrupted. ‘But I am not your sisters. I’m me. And what they had is not what I want. Nick, it’s our wedding. My father has given his consent. You have bought the special licence. So surely when and where we marry is no one’s business but ours? A quiet ceremony at Nana’s house, followed by a small wedding break
fast, will be perfect. Then if we attend Maud Tregenna’s ball in the evening, anyone who wants to celebrate with us may do so there.’
‘I love you,’ he had whispered.
Kerenza smiled at the memory. ‘Besides, Nana, there wouldn’t have been time to arrange a big occasion even if I had wanted one, which I don’t.’
Regal in dove grey silk trimmed with lace, Aurelia sighed. ‘It’s just – I’m so proud of you.’ She dabbed her eyes with a wisp of cambric, then tucked it out of sight and tilted her chin. ‘Are you ready?’
With a last look in the mirror to check her high-waisted gown of lilac silk, Kerenza touched her mother’s pearls, then turned. ‘Yes, Nana. I’m ready.’
As she entered the drawing room where the parson was waiting together with Nick’s mother, her father, and Maggot, her eyes met Nick’s and her heart swelled. Tall and handsome in his best uniform, he looked up. His frown cleared and he smiled. He held out his hand and as she reached his side, she took it.
Chapter Twenty-two
Maude Tregenna’s expression reflected her inner battle between delighted welcome and commiseration. ‘My dear Kerenza, and Nicholas. No, I must call you Captain and Mrs Penrose now. I’m so glad you’ve come. These past weeks must have been truly dreadful for you, Kerenza. To lose your mother and your sister – but I’ll say no more. Tonight your friends will want to wish both of you every happiness.’
‘You’re very kind,’ Kerenza smiled, glancing at her husband of six hours. A delicious thrill shivered through her.
‘Indeed, ma’am.’ Nick bent over his hostess’s hand.
‘I understand you sail again tomorrow, Captain?’
‘We do, ma’am.’
As Nick’s hand gently squeezed her elbow, Kerenza felt her heart leap. It had been wonderful to see her grandmother again. Everyone in the village had been very sympathetic about her mother and sister. Inevitably, news of her wedding to Nick had leaked out, as had the information that she would be sailing with him. That had certainly set tongues wagging.
‘Are you quite sure, my dear?’ Aurelia had asked, gripping both Kerenza’s hands, and looking into her eyes.
‘About marrying Nick, or about sailing with him?’ Kerenza had smiled.
‘Both.’
‘Nana, I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.’
‘Then you have my blessing.’ Releasing her grand-daughter, Aurelia Danby had become brisk and business-like. ‘Now, we must make a list of what you will need to take with you.’
Looking at Maude, Kerenza bit her lip. ‘Mrs Tregenna, about my grandmother –’
‘Don’t you worry.’ Maude patted her hand. ‘She knows you’re in good hands. And there’s always so much going on in the village during the summer. I’ll make sure she doesn’t have time to fret. Perhaps we’ll be able to persuade your father to come across sometimes, though it may be a little while before he feels up to that. Anyway, in you go. Two ships came in today, so we have even more reason to be happy tonight.’
They moved toward the crowded ballroom where the strains of a country-dance mingled with the babble of laughter and conversation. Kerenza inhaled the mingled scents of the floral arrangements, a variety of perfumes, and an underlying savoury aroma of the hot and cold dishes being prepared for supper.
She tugged Nick’s arm and, as he bent toward her, whispered in his ear. ‘I know we had to come for Nana’s sake, but I won’t be sorry when it’s time to leave. I’m not used to crowds any more.’
‘We don’t have to stay,’ Nick said at once, drawing her hand through his arm as they made their way around the edge of the throng, nodding, smiling, and thanking people for their good wishes. ‘We could slip away now if you like.’
‘Nick, we can’t.’ As he groaned softly, she added, ‘Look, you go and speak to your packet colleagues while I talk to people who sent letters of condolence. That way we’ll both see everyone we need to in half the time.’
He raised her hand to his lips. ‘Beauty and good sense, and so much more.’ He looked into her eyes. ‘My wife.’
As Kerenza moved away she felt as if she was floating, buoyed up by joy. Suffering had left its mark. But if that offered the only route to where she was now, she would take it again.
‘Well, well, Mrs Penrose. I understand congratulations are in order.’
Kerenza stood perfectly still for an instant. When she turned, she had her anger tightly under control and her expression was coolly polite as she acknowledged him with the briefest of nods.
‘Lieutenant Ashworth.’ She would have turned away but he stepped forward, lowering his voice.
‘You could have done much better, you know.’
‘With you?’ She held his gaze. ‘I think not. Why would I wish to pursue acquaintance with someone who styles himself an officer and a gentleman yet is so obviously neither?’
Hot colour flooded his face. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Then you should seek help for your memory.’ She turned away.
‘How dare you,’ he muttered through clenched teeth. ‘You have no right –’ He flinched as Kerenza swung round.
‘No right?’ She spoke very quietly, her white-hot fury all the more powerful for being controlled and focused. ‘Perhaps spreading lies about people, about me, is your idea of amusement, Lieutenant Ashworth. Whatever your reason for such behaviour, you disgrace your uniform and shame your family.’
‘Shame?’ His voice cracked on a spite-filled laugh. ‘You have the gall to accuse me? When it’s common knowledge that your family is –’
Kerenza saw his gaze shift over her shoulder. The scarlet flush drained from his face, leaving a blotchy pallor. Before she could look round Nick strode past her, a smile on his lips, glittering rage in his eyes, as he gripped his cousin’s arm between elbow and shoulder. Corded sinews in Nick’s wrist and Jeremy’s involuntary gasp betrayed vice-like pressure.
‘Jeremy,’ he said pleasantly, so those nearby smiled at the sight of the two handsome young men, one dark, the other fair. ‘I’d like a brief word, if you would be so kind.’ He glanced at Kerenza. ‘Just wait there. I won’t be long.’
Kerenza watched Nick thrust his cousin toward the double doors and out of sight. True to his word, Nick returned a few moments later. This time he was alone. He paused, smiling, as he responded to some remark made by an elderly couple. Then his gaze sought hers, and her heart leapt at the love she read there.
‘Do you want to wait for supper?’ he asked softly.
She shook her head. ‘No. I have no wish to see, let alone speak to, your cousin again this evening.’
‘He won’t trouble you again. Not tonight, not ever.’ He flexed his right hand.
Taking it in hers, Kerenza looked at the split skin around the knuckles and rapidly forming bruise. She searched his face. ‘Nick? What did you do to him?’
‘Less than he deserved.’ He grinned suddenly. ‘But he won’t want to be seen in public for a few days.’
Kerenza shook her head in a mock scold, knowing her eyes betrayed her laughter and adoration.
He bent his head so his lips brushed her ear. ‘Please can we go? I’ve shared you all day. Now I want you to myself.’
As he drew back she glimpsed a flicker of uncertainty and smiled at him. ‘You’ve been reading my thoughts.’
The following morning, as the sun rose out of the sea and tinted the pearly sky pale primrose, the packet-ship Kestrel left Falmouth harbour. Captain Nick Penrose stood with his arm around his wife’s shoulders. Able seaman Collins was at the wheel, bosun Laity watched the crew hurrying about their duties. Maggot was below helping Broad settle the passengers.
After a brief glance back over the port quarter toward the village, Kerenza smiled up at the man who was hers, body and soul. Together they turned to look forward, toward the open sea, and the future.
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