by Lucy Smoke
“We are talking,” I point out with a raised brow.
He shakes his head, his copper hair swaying from side to side with the movement. “No, I mean like in private.”
I shrug. “I don’t see why not. What’s up?”
Raising his head, Levi glances back the way we’ve come, from Vincent’s office. Aaron stands at the very end of the hall, arms crossed over his massive chest, watching us. Levi leans forward and takes my hand, dragging me away. He leads me to a room off to the side of another hallway—how many rooms and hallways are in this place?—and closes the door behind us.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” I ask. Levi waits, quiet as he presses his forehead against the door. “Are you okay?” I move closer to him, reaching out. “Is your leg hurting?” It seemed so much better today, I worry that I’ve overlooked something.
He turns, grabbing my hand before it can reach his shoulder. Cinnamon eyes glare down at me. There is anger there, but it’s not the encompassing kind—the kind of anger that stays at the front lines and waits for the attack. No, the stronger emotion appears to be… fear? Am I reading him correctly?
“What did you do to Aaron?” he demands.
Both of my brows shoot up at his tone. I’ve never heard him speak with such darkness and command. Even when he still thought I was Kida and I was running away from him, he still kept a playful air about him. Right now, though, it’s erased completely. Shock has me taking a step back. He follows me, his hand gripping mine firmly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I try to gently pull my hand away, but he only grips it harder, fingers sliding down to squeeze my wrist.
“Aaron doesn’t get used to people as quickly as he did with you,” Levi says. “I want to know what you did to him, what you said.”
I tilt my chin up at him, eyes narrowing. I grab his hand with my free one and pry his grip from my wrist. He lets me, that’s the only reason I know I’m able to. “I didn’t do anything to your friend, Levi.” I inhale slowly, scenting chalk and ink. I blink.
How curious, I think looking down. Of course, the chalk makes sense, he and the other fighters coat their forearms and hands with it before fights. Even though he has obviously washed since then, the light smell of it still lingers.
Under his palms, there are dark smudges between his fingers that I never noticed before. Levi doesn’t give me a moment to ask about them. He grips my upper arms, turning and shoving me up against the closed door, his fists coming to rest on either side of my head as he leans in. I suck in a quick breath. His chest pumps up and down above mine, hovering close.
“Why is he so casual with you?” Levi demands, eyes full of confusion assessing me. It finally dawns on me, why he’s so upset.
I lean my head back, skull smacking against the door, making me flinch. I stare up at him and watch as his own eyes trail over my features, lingering over my lips before moving down to the rest of me. There’s anger and fear and confusion all wrapped in one insecure man. I reach up, cupping his cheek and he reels back, shocked.
“You’re… in love with him—” I pause, our gazes clashing, “aren’t you?”
Levi’s eyes widen, and he jerks his face away from my palm. I let him and drop my hand to my side again. It’s massively clear, though, that I’ve hit his reason for acting out this way on the head.
“You don’t have to worry,” I say.
Levi pulls away, turning so that his whole body is facing the opposite way. That’s when I notice the room that we’re in. It’s a small library of some sort with loads of paperback books on shelves circling over half of the room. The only sections of the walls that aren’t covered in books are the two windows directly across from us and the empty space on the wall to our left that holds a painting under thick glass. Everything in this room is worth a small fortune by itself.
Levi takes a step towards the twin couches facing each other. “I’ve known Aaron for three years now,” he says. It’s the same length of time I’ve known Kida. He sinks into the cushions of one couch and I take the chance to sit across from him as he folds his hands on his knees and rests his chin there.
“Aaron’s a good guy,” I say. “He’ll understand if you tell him.” In fact, I suspect he would be far more than understanding.
Levi shakes his head. “I’m not gay,” he says. I don’t say anything, I just wait for him to continue. He looks at me. “I’m not,” he repeats. “I’ve had sex with girls before. I liked it. I still like it.” His eyes lower until he’s staring at my lips again. I lick them on instinct and fire flashes across his gaze. “I can’t be gay.”
“Does it matter if you are?” I ask.
He pauses for a moment, thinking. “I guess not. It’s not like it’s outlawed or anything. People aren’t comfortable around it, but fuck ‘em. I don’t care.”
“Then what’s the problem? Are you scared to tell him?”
Levi turns his head, eyes gazing out the windows. “I don’t know if he’ll understand,” he whispers. “I don’t want him to treat me any differently.”
“He won’t,” I assure him. He scoffs, and I roll my eyes. “I know he won’t,” I say more forcefully. His eyes snap to mine. “But you won’t know until you talk to him and tell him.”
“He’s one of my best friends,” Levi says. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
This I understand. So deeply, do I know what he’s going through. I only wish I could save him the pain of agonizing over his own feelings. But he’ll have to do that for himself. “You can’t go through life depending on one person for your happiness,” I say. “I don’t think Aaron will turn you down if you tell him. But you’ll never know unless you step up.”
Levi holds my gaze for a moment more before groaning and slumping back into his seat. He looks at me from across the room. “This is all so messed up,” he says.
I don’t disagree.
The sun stretches across the floor as we sit in the small, quiet library. Levi watches me with unmasked curiosity. I scratch my leg and glance away. “What made you so upset?” I ask casually.
After a moment, he answers. “He started calling you ‘Rocket’,” he answers.
I lean forward, interested. I had noticed how surprised everyone had been when he called me that. “It’s just a nickname,” I say. “Like you call me Troublemaker. Why is it such a big deal?” I ask.
Levi sighs. “Aaron’s from a family of Sky Rovers,” he begins. I nod, I figured as much. He matches their image completely from the tattoos to the badass look he has perfected. “Sky Rovers are often nomadic, Aaron’s not. Not anymore. But he’s kept to the culture more or less. He can be broody, quiet, and more than a little untrusting. I met him when I was sent here after getting caught… well, it doesn’t matter what I was doing. But, yeah, I met him here and he and his uncle were both right fucking bastards.”
Levi leans back, chuckling at some unseen, distant memory. “I started out in the fighting circuit and somehow Aaron’s uncle bet on me. I was just a scrawny kid back then—well scrawnier.” I don’t have it in me to point out just how scrawny he isn’t. Forcing my gaze to remain on his face, I nod in acknowledgement.
“They wanted to talk to me after one fight and after finding out that I was rooming in a shithole with several other fighters, they offered me a couch with guaranteed quiet and a workout room to prepare for each fight for as long as I continued to win. I moved in, and I kept winning, so I stayed.”
“Where’s Aaron’s uncle now?” I ask.
Levi’s eyes dim, and he tilts his head to look at the floor. “He got sick not long after I moved in with them. He went downhill pretty quickly. Aaron was tough, but I could tell it was ripping him apart. I didn’t really have a family on Basra. This was Aaron’s second time losing his family. His parents died when he was really young, but he still remembers them.”
“It was a good thing he had you,” I say.
“I don’t want to tell him,” Levi re
plies. “I don’t want him to lose another family member and I don’t want him to hate me.” I stiffen, thinking back to when I had first been with Kida. I understand his fear. He and Aaron had obviously been through a lot.
“You’ll regret it,” I say, “if you don’t tell him then you’ll always wonder, what if you had.” It was easy to say and harder to do, I knew. “Aaron cares about you.”
Levi shakes his head. “Not in this way. I know he doesn’t.”
My eyes narrow on him and I huff out a breath, crossing my arms. “How do you know?” I snap. “Have you asked him? Is it really that you’re scared, because you don’t understand what you’re feeling, not that you’re scared about what he might feel?”
Levi growls at me, low and foreboding before jerking up from his seat as if the damn thing is on fire. He paces the confines of the room, back and forth in front of me. “It’s fucked up, what I feel. Why would he—no, he wouldn’t. This is fucked up. You know what?” He turns abruptly, facing me. “I know I’m not into guys.”
“Oh yeah?” I ask incredulously. “Well, Aaron’s not just any guy for you, is he?” He has no clue that he’s talking to someone who knows exactly what he’s going through. I know the kind of hell he’s facing and trying to back away from. But I also know that he can’t back out of hell once he’s crossed through the gates. He needs to just close his eyes and fight his way through to the other side.
Levi’s face flinches at my question. He doesn’t answer verbally, but I can see the truth right there on his face. “I’m not into guys,” he repeats, taking a step closer to me.
I stand up, frowning at him. “You don’t have to be ‘into’ guys to care about Aaron,” I say.
“I’m not into guys,” he says again, cinnamon eyes taking me in. “Because I’m into you.”
“Wha–”
Levi takes one more step closer until I’m directly under him, looking up. His lips slam down on mine mid-word. His lips are rough and hard, yet at the same time, the skin over them is smooth and soft. They gently pry mine open and his tongue dips in. He tastes like orange juice.
I try to pull away, the back of my knees hit the couch I had been sitting on and I fall onto the cushions. I gasp when our lips are torn apart, great heaving breaths sucking into my chest. Levi drops over me, hovering, and his lips come back down. Even as I turn my head, his hand comes up to grip my chin and hold me steady. He licks my bottom lip before taking it between his teeth, biting down gently. My hands push against his chest, barely managing to break away.
“No,” I say. “Levi, stop.” He pauses above me, cheeks pink, breath heated and coming in pants. “We can’t.”
“You don’t want me?” he asks.
My god, how can he ask that?
I take a breath, before pushing him back even more. My words shake when I start talking. “I think you’re just confused. It’s not that you’re not…” I gulp. “It’s not that I don’t want you or that you’re not attractive…” I avoid looking down where his shirt has ridden up a bit, showing clearly defined stomach muscles and the mouthwatering V that arrows my gaze even further downwards. “But I’m not…available and you’re obviously in love with Aaron, even if you won’t admit it to yourself.”
“He likes you,” Levi blurts. I blink at him in confusion.
“Who likes me?”
“Aaron likes you,” Levi says. “That’s what’s obvious. He calls you ‘Rocket’ for God’s sake!” Levi leaps off the couch and stands in front of it, chest heaving as he looks down at me.
“I don’t know what that even means!” I huff. “You never finished explaining.”
“It means you’re important to him,” he snaps. “Sky Rovers only call women they care about ‘Rocket’, like girlfriends or sisters or mothers.”
“He might think of me as a sister then,” I defend.
Levi glares at me. “No, he doesn’t.”
A sudden knock at the door has me quickly scrambling guiltily off the couch. When the knob turns and Noaz sticks his head in, he raises one brow at both of us before widening the door. “We need to go over the Tanks’ pod complex blueprints,” he says to me. “I want you to be aware of every exit you may need to use.”
I nod, my cheeks flaming red, before walking towards him. Levi grabs my arm before I pass him completely. “He does care about you,” he says quietly.
“We’ll talk about it later,” I say, pulling away.
Before I step into the hallway next to Noaz, Levi calls after us. “You did have one good point,” he says. I turn, my hand on the door frame, to look over my shoulder. “You can’t rely on one person for your happiness. Maybe you should think about that.”
I narrow my eyes on him. He sounds just like Thayer. Before I can snap at him or say anything more, Noaz gestures me out of the door and closes it behind him before leading me back down the hall.
I don’t rely on one person for my happiness. I’m responsible for my own happiness. I have friends. I have Kida. I rely on myself, but Kida makes me happy too. Even as I remind myself of this, I still can’t help the horrible guilt eating me up. I touch my fingers to my still tingling lips. What Levi says sits in my mind even as Noaz opens the door to a room filled with beeping computer monitors and a metal slab table with a holographic projector in the middle.
Do I rely too much on Kida for my own happiness?
Ten
The Tanks
The ground under my booted feet is wet and slick from the rain the night before. Even in the District and even in the dead of night, it’s not surprising that I can hear noises from the night owls of Tartarus only a block or two over. I’m surprised the Tanks would be somewhere so close to heavy foot traffic. It seems sloppy on their part, or desperate.
Noaz leans forward, brushing a strand of my hair that’s fallen out of my ponytail back as he readjusts the minuscule sized comm unit lodged in my ear. I shiver as his hand trails down my neck before he grips my shoulder in an oddly affectionate and reassuring squeeze.
“You seem like you’ve done this before,” I say.
We are in a bottom floor room in the building across the street with one window—currently occupied by Levi as he uses a hardly discernible camera device attached to the glass in the upper hand corner to scan the local area just outside. None of it feels real. Kida has been missing for what feels like years and knowing she’s in a building no more than twenty feet from me is making me anxious.
“I have,” Noaz finally answers. “But those are stories for another time. For now, what do you say we end this?”
I nod my head enthusiastically and he chuckles, a strange expression on his face, before turning back to the mound of computers and other technological equipment that had been brought in. Since we arrived, he’s been more relaxed, as if this is the exact place he’s always meant to be. Noaz is someone who thrives under pressure, I realize. He must have a hard time when there’s nothing to do. He’s not one to hold still for long without getting restless. I watch as he pulls on his headset and presses a few buttons until all the monitors light up. One displays a screen that is split between a basic blueprint and a more defined layout of the complex building we will be breaking into. A part of me wonders if the game plan is just to break in, get Kida, and get out or if we’re there for more.
My main focus is Kida and I’ve been informed by Aaron and Vincent both that, in no uncertain terms, am I to be considered anything more than a pawn in tonight’s game. I am merely here to be moved. I do not make decisions. The only decision I have the authority to make is deciding the best course of action to exit the building with Kida in tow. And that’s under extreme circumstances. Ergo, if anything goes wrong and no one can tell me how to walk or breathe, I can make that decision for myself.
“Is everyone ready?” Vincent steps into the room, a hulking figure covered from head to toe in thin but strong black Kevlar. He’s strapped down with an assortment of ammo and weapons from steel tipped blades to the two Glocks anchored
on either side of his chest by the added chest harness.
It makes me feel underdressed in my black clothes. I have on a similar Kevlar vest, but it doesn’t cover nearly as much as Vincent’s that reaches from the base of his neck down to the crotch. He is also wearing added pads on his arms and over his thick bulging thighs. I’m not even going to ask how he got it on. He looks prepared to be used as a battering ram, by the two enforcers at his side, to break down the front door of the complex I’m about to wire climb to.
“Everything is green lighted.” Noaz says from his station against the wall of monitors that consumes his attention.
Levi hops up from his seat by the blind covered window. “And green means go,” he says. “That’s one thing that hasn’t changed in hundreds of years. Red equals stop, and green equals go.”
“Yes,” a new enforcer says as she barges past Vincent and her comrades. “So, let’s go, go, go. Get a move on people.”
“Tilde,” Vincent growls. “This is an important operation. The life of my goddaughter is at stake. I cannot have you bulldozing–”
Tilde, the female enforcer, who’s one of the tallest women I’ve ever met, and one of the most beautiful, waves her hand and flips the braid of blonde hair over her shoulder. “Don’t worry, D. My men’ve got this,” she says.
Vincent sighs before turning to us. “Don’t let her fool you,” he says. “She’s one of the best commanders the department has ever had.”
My eyes nearly pop out of my head. I have never even heard of a female enforcer, much less a commander. This woman, I realize, must be a lot more hardcore than she looks, to be so high up in Enforcement. She’s just under the Vice Chief of the Enforcement Department. Above the head of infantry enforcers—one of the Lead Enforcers.
“That’s right,” Tilde sniffs. “And don’t you forget it.” She turns to the rest of us. “Now, which one of you is coming with me and my boys, and which of you is heading for the climb of death.”
