by Lara Adrian
I stand there, my breath trapped in my lungs as he walks past me and out the door.
When I’m certain he’s gone, when the muffled ding of the elevator signals its arrival to carry him away, I let the air go. It escapes my lips on a ragged sob.
31
~ Gabriel ~
O’Connor walks into my office a few minutes after I get there. “Evelyn went to look for you a few minutes ago. I know you told me to keep her in the fitness room lounge, but she insisted she didn’t need a babysitter and I . . . Oh, shit.”
She stops short, glancing at my holster and service weapon, which I’ve just removed and placed on my desk. The Baine International pin clatters as I set it down beside the other accoutrements of my job.
Former job.
I must look as pathetic as I feel, because her expression mutates into a soft sympathy that sets my teeth on edge. “What are you doing, Gabe?”
“What I should’ve done as soon as I realized how I felt about Evelyn.”
“You’re quitting?”
I give her a curt nod. “My resignation email should’ve already hit Dominic Baine’s in-box.”
“God, you’re serious.” She gapes at me. “What the hell just happened up there?”
“I fucked up.” I shrug as if it’s no big deal. As if my heart doesn’t feel like it’s just gone through a shredder.
I should have refused to let Evelyn push me away. I should have fought with every weapon at my command to convince her how I feel. That after having her in my life these past weeks, I can’t imagine a day--or a night--without her. Nor do I want to imagine it.
Damn it, I should have told her it was her brother who insisted I shield her from the facts, even when I pressed him to tell her everything. To let me tell her the truth--all of it, including the fact that I was tasked with her personal security. That she was, in fact, part of my job description.
But she was never only that. Fuck, not even close.
I know I could have put the bulk of the blame on Beck. The secrets were his idea, his insistence. I know he wouldn’t refute that. But blaming him would’ve only worsened the conflict between Evelyn and her brother. I know what it feels like to be estranged from family, to be so at odds you can’t even be in the same room together. I would never wish that for Evelyn and Beck. I’m not about to use that kind of damaging leverage to bolster my own wants and desires.
Even if I were willing to destroy their bond to try to strengthen mine with Evelyn, it wouldn’t change the fact that I chose duty over telling her the truth. She was right. I had a choice and I made it.
I was afraid to put my job on the line, or to jeopardize my friendship with Beck and Nick. I felt I owed them both for taking a chance on me, for taking a leap of faith when no one else in my life had.
Now, I’ve blown everything to pieces.
The worst loss of all, the only one that means anything now, is the loss of Evelyn’s faith in me. The loss of her friendship and trust.
The loss of her love.
I rake a hand through my hair and heave a sigh. “I crossed a line with Evelyn and I don’t think there’s any coming back from it.”
O’Connor studies me. “You’re in love with her.”
“Desperately.”
“You’re in love with her, but you’re leaving.”
“It’s what she wants.”
“Shit, Gabe. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. Me too.” Impatient to be gone before I no longer have the strength to adhere to Evelyn’s wishes, I grab my jacket off the back of my chair, then swipe my keys from the edge of the desk. “I gotta go.”
“Where to?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I just know I can’t stay here.”
That much is true. But despite the fact that I’m no longer part of the Baine security team, I will for damn sure be paying a visit to the boutique to turn Evelyn’s office upside down to locate and destroy the camera someone’s hidden there. In the meantime, I’ll have one of my brothers test the lipstick tube at my apartment for fingerprints and sic a computer forensics investigator on all of the other evidence uncovered at the shop.
Simply put, I’m not going to rest until I’ve taken care of Evelyn’s stalker. After this morning, it’s clear that the situation is only going to escalate unless someone puts a stop to it.
I intend for that person to be me, whether or not I’ve got the authority or the right to see this through to the end.
“I’ll catch you later, O’Connor. Right now, I need to talk to my brother. Jake’s running some background checks on L’Opale employees. I want to make sure he’s got those in hand before the end of the day.”
She stares at me. “Jake’s at the hospital, Gabe.”
“How do you know that?”
“Umm.” Color blooms in her cheeks. “Because he told me when we spoke on the phone this morning.”
My brows rise at her admission, but I don’t have time to deal with that newsflash, or the implications of it. Right now, I’m more concerned with getting a hold of my brother. “What’s he doing at the hospital?”
“He’s there with your parents. Your dad was admitted again overnight.”
“Jesus. Another stroke?”
She shakes her head. “Angina. He’s okay. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to you sooner. I thought you knew . . .”
“No. I didn’t know.”
And why would anyone tell me after the way I behaved at my parents’ house the other night? Evidently, I’ve ensured that every corner of my life is scorched Earth now.
I walk past my friend, trying not to see her pitying expression. “Thanks for letting me know, Kelsey. I need to go see Jake.”
~ ~ ~
My brother is seated in my father’s hospital recovery room when I arrive twenty minutes later.
It appears he’s been here a while. His face is shadowed with dark whiskers and he’s out of uniform, dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt, slouched in one of the three guest chairs lined up along the wall at the foot of Dad’s bed. Straightening in his seat when he sees me outside, he motions for me to come in.
My father’s eyes are closed, his chest rising and falling in a sedate rhythm as he sleeps. Beside him, machines hiss and beep softly at the ends of the monitoring lines and IVs attached to his chest and arms.
“You just missed everyone,” Jake tells me. “Shane and Ethan just took Mom down for some breakfast in the cafeteria. You want to go join them?”
“No. I need to talk to you.”
I indicate the hallway, but Jake gives a faint shake of his head. He nods in Dad’s direction. “We won’t disturb him. He’s okay, been asleep for a couple of hours. Besides, I think he rests better hearing a little conversation going on around him instead of all these machines and hospital noises. What’s going on, brother?”
Since I don’t plan on staying long, I just lean my shoulder against the wall and jump right in. “Were you able to run those background checks I asked you about?”
He nods. “I was going to call you this morning once I got in the office, but then I ended up here. Anyway, yeah. They all came back clean, every one of them.”
“Even Katrina Davis?”
“Yep. Unless you count a couple of parking tickets.”
“Shit.” I cross my arms, my disappointment obvious. “And nothing on any of the former employees, either? No red flags that could turn into bigger problems down the road?”
Now he frowns. “No, Gabe. Like I said, there’s nothing to report. You want to tell me what this is about now? Obviously, these weren’t just routine checks like you wanted me to believe when you asked for this favor.”
“No. This is about Evelyn Beckham.”
Jake tilts his head. “The woman you brought to the house on Saturday? Mom said it looked like you were serious about her.” He scoffs quietly. “Not that you’ve mentioned any of this to me.”
Great. Now, I’ve dug myself into a hole with my closest brother too. “It’s co
mplicated between Evelyn and me. Was complicated. I screwed it all up and now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Evelyn Beckham, you said?” He stares at me, latching on to her last name. “As in, related to Dominic Baine’s right arm, his attorney, Andrew Beckham? I thought you were tight with that guy?”
“Until about fifteen minutes ago, I was. Eve’s his sister.”
Jake arches a brow, then pushes out a sigh. “You fucking idiot, bro. You and his sister? I guess that explains the busted condition of your lip.”
“Never mind about any of that right now. She’s in danger.” I give him a rundown of everything that’s happened so far, including the discovery of the photos outside my apartment and my resignation from Baine International a short time ago. “Evelyn’s landed on some sick fuck’s radar, and I need to find out who it is.”
“You want me to put a tail on her? I can make a call now and I can have eyes on her in five minutes. Plainclothes or uniform, I’ll arrange for either one.”
As tempting as the offer is, I shake my head. “She would have to agree to it first. And after today, I don’t expect she’ll agree to anything I have to say. She made it clear she just wants me to stay out of her life.”
“So, where does that leave you?”
“If those employee background checks are a wash, I’m back at zero. Less than zero, because if anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive myself. If she gets hurt, or worse--”
I push out a breath, and there’s no masking the choked quality of my voice. If that makes me some kind of pussy in front of my hardass older brother, I don’t give a shit.
“She means everything to me,” I utter thickly. “I love her, Jake. Fuck. I love her. She’s the best goddamn thing that’s ever happened to me and I’ve lost her.”
“Gabe.”
My father’s rusty voice draws my attention to the bed. His eyes are open now, unblinking and trained solely on me. I hate the idea that he may have heard some of my conversation, or all of it. If he can see that I’m in pain, especially this self-inflicted wound I’ve sustained today, I don’t know what I’ll do if he shows me even a hint of satisfaction in my suffering.
I don’t answer him. Silent, I exchange a glance with Jake before turning to head for the door.
“Gabriel.” He says again. Then, “Son, please . . . wait.”
I pause, even though it’s the last thing I want to do.
Jake steps past me. “I’ll go see what’s keeping Mom and the guys.”
And just like that, I am left alone in the room with my old man. The air feels heavy, like the coming of a storm. Or maybe it’s the aftermath of one, considering how he and I left things last night at his house.
It seems like it’s been a week. Longer, when I consider how my life went from as close to perfect as it had ever been, to completely shot to shit in the space of one weekend.
“Help me with this bed, will you?”
My father’s words are sluggish, but there’s no mistaking that his mind is sharp and clear. So is his gaze. Those shrewd, often demeaning, hazel eyes stay locked on me as I walk over and take the multi-buttoned remote for the bed out of his weak grasp.
“How do you want it?”
“Sit me up,” he says. “I need to talk to you.”
The plastic-covered mattress groans as I hold down the button to tilt the bed under my father’s head. He nods when he’s where he wants to be. I set down the remote but ignore the empty chair that sits close the bed.
I unclench my jaw as I stand there looking down at him. “What do you want?”
He seems to consider the question for a long moment. Still looking at me, he exhales a long and heavy sigh.
“You weren’t supposed to happen,” he states bluntly and without preamble. “A year before you were born, your mother and I had separated. I thought we were heading for divorce. I think we would’ve ended up there eventually, even though we were trying to make things work. Then we learned you were on the way.”
I scoff under my breath. “Yeah, Pop. I already know this story.”
“No, you don’t,” he says tersely. “Not all of it.” A wheeze shakes his chest for a moment, then he continues. “I wasn’t a good husband. Probably not a good father, even at that time. I had other women. I drank too much. I loved your mother--I adored her--but I couldn’t seem to stop doing the selfish things that hurt her. Finally, she left me. She took your brothers to her parents’ house, and she wasn’t going to come back.”
He’s right. I haven’t heard this part. It’s not a conversation I want to have right now, when all I want to be doing is turning over every rock in the city until I uncover Evelyn’s stalker. But the old man keeps talking, as if he needs to get it off his chest.
“She forgave me, thank God. Her forgiveness has been the biggest miracle of my life. And I never strayed again. Sometimes, though, I think she shouldn’t have come back. She deserved someone who had never hurt her, who would never let her down. Your brothers would’ve been upset if I’d gone, but they would’ve survived. But you, Gabe? You deserved to have a better father than me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I was a weak man. A failure as a husband. A poor example of a father. And every time I looked at you, I saw a mirror that reflected all of those shortcomings back at me. You were supposed to be a new beginning for your mom and me. Our angel baby, she used to call you. But all I could see was a daily reminder of that lowest point in my life. When I looked at you, I didn’t see a new beginning. I saw another possibility that I would ruin something good.”
I frown, shaking my head. Trying to understand. “That’s why you’ve hated me all my life?”
“Hated you?” His mottled brow furrows. “I never hated you, Gabriel.”
“That’s not what it sounded like the other night.” I say the words carefully, refusing to let him see how deeply he’d wounded me. Maybe we both wounded each other. “You mocked me. You said you had me pegged right along, that I always thought I was better than you.”
“You were better, Gabe. You are better, in all the ways it matters, even then.” He looks at his hands, a tendon ticking in his sagging cheek. “I didn’t know how to be a father to you. You were always bright and curious, independent. Hell, you were a defiant little shit from the moment we brought you home.”
He chuckles--actually chuckles, the first time I can recall seeing him express any joy when talking about me. My chest constricts, but my guard is still up. He’s taught me well, after all.
He looks up at me again, sobering. “The only kinds of kids I knew how to raise were obedient little soldiers. That’s how my father did it, and his father before him. But their methods didn’t work on you. Instead of falling in line, you pushed back. You challenged me at every turn, always ready to lock horns. Unlike your brothers, you never needed my approval.”
“That’s not true.” I shake my head, incredulous that he could think as much. “I did need it. But you never gave it.”
A sound seems to strangle in his throat as he stares at me. He glances away and doesn’t look back, not for a very long time. When he finally does, his eyes are glassy and wet. “Do you blame me, Son?” He swallows hard and tries again. “Do you blame me for what happened to you in the war?”
His guilt clings to the humid air in the room. His remorse stuns me. I’ve never heard the emotion in his voice before.
“An IED took my leg, not you. It was an unlucky stretch of road on an unlucky day. So, no. I don’t blame you, Pop.”
He doesn’t seem satisfied with my answer. His gaze stays rooted on mine, his mouth trembling. “I didn’t want you to join the army. I told you that.” He smiles ruefully. “I demanded you didn’t join, as I recall. I thought you enlisted just to spite me.”
I shrug, unable to hold back my smirk. “I did.”
His barrel chest shakes with his laugh, but there are tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. When he’s quieted, he reaches
for my hand, which I realize only now is gripped on the rail of the bed like a vise. “I should’ve come to see you in the hospital. I wanted to, but I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to face you, realizing what my failure as a father had cost you.”
I exhale, and it’s as if every last particle of air leaves my lungs. “That’s why you never showed up there?”
“I’m sorry, Gabe.” His fingers curl around mine on the bed rail. “I’m so very sorry. After you came home, I felt ashamed for staying away. I didn’t want to hear you say you hated me, even though I knew you must. How could you not?”
“I didn’t.” My voice is choked. “Ah, fuck, Dad. I never hated you. Not even the other night. I’m sorry too.”
He pats my hand and rolls his head away again, staring at the wall. I can hear his quiet sobs, the thickness of his throat working.
When I feel I have control enough of my own voice, I ask, “Why are you telling me all of this now?”
“Because I heard you talking with Jacob.” He looks at me, his gaze studying me, probably seeing all of my misery. God knows I’m too split open to hide it, even from him. “I heard you talking about the woman you care for. Evelyn. And because your mother told me the other night that it was obvious the two of you are in love.”
I shake my head. “I screwed up with her. I broke her trust. She feels betrayed, and I wasn’t able to convince her that it won’t happen again.”
“Will it?”
“No. Never. I don’t know if she’ll ever believe that. Right now, I’m not even sure she can forgive me.”
“But what if she can, Son? If she loves you, then you haven’t lost her yet.”
I stare at him, measuring his advice, another gift he’s never given me until this very moment. But I hold on to it now. If my father never gives me another word of encouragement, it will be worth it for the hope he’s instilling in me now.
“Go after her, Gabriel. Maybe you’re due for a miracle too.”
32
~ Evelyn ~
My brother is waiting for me in the hallway when I come out of the executive floor ladies’ room.
