“I really can’t have this conversation right now. Okay?” I felt a stab of pain at the way she just dismissed me.
“All right.” I forced a light tone, keeping all the hurt out of my voice. She gave me a quick kiss without meeting my eyes and retreated back upstairs. Mac and Francis barely spoke for the rest of the day and I found myself grateful for the quiet. It gave me time to think.
Molly had been sending me mixed signals since we first got together. The self-depreciating remarks, the comments about not being in my league. It was all bullshit and I’d chalked it up to false modestly. Lately, I was starting to see that she actually believed that crap. Somehow this unbelievable woman had gotten the idea in her head that she was anything less than amazing. I felt lucky to have her, but if I couldn’t figure out a way to make her believe this, I could lose her.
Pulling out my phone, I saw a missed call from Dr. Greene’s office. I called back and his secretary told me he had an afternoon cancellation. I told her I would take it.
I finished what I was working on and pulled Mac into the back office for a quick talk. After I closed the door, I turned to him and saw he looked pale.
He started yammering just like Molly does when she thinks she’s in trouble. “I’m sorry if I upset Molly, Joe. She just gets these ideas in her head of perfection and life isn’t like that, ya know? Like back when we were kids. Every single year she asked Santa for a white Christmas and a sled. Mom and dad were finally like ‘it’s figgin’ Texas, kid. Deal with it.’”
I shook my head, but I knew exactly what he meant. Molly could get fixated on details, which is why she was such an incredible chef. “Take it up with her, not me. We need to make an action plan for this list of jobs.”
I went over what we needed to get done by the end of the week then headed to the makeshift showroom to touch base with Francis. I told him to triple our rates except with repeat customers. Short term it would help control our workload. And if they didn’t want to pay our rates they could go to someone else. That got a smile out of him and he set about adjusting the spreadsheet tables on his laptop to the significantly higher rate.
By the time I got back upstairs to the apartment, Molly was sleeping on the couch in front of the television. She looked so damn angelic that I gave her a kiss on the forehead and covered her with a blanket.
My drive across town to Dr. Greene’s office was hectic. Every idiot with a car was on the road and by the time I arrived I was in a foul mood. The receptionist waved me through. I glanced at my watch and saw I was ten minutes late. Dr. Greene looked up from behind his desk and something in my face caused him to stand. Crossing to me, he shook my hand and gestured me to a chair.
“Hey, Joe. I was surprised to get your call. What’s going on?”
“Molly’s pregnant with twins.” I hadn’t expected to just blurt it out but it was like the words had been under pressure inside of me. The doctor kept his expression neutral but stood back up and grabbed a fresh notebook. Pulling out his pen, he jotted a few things down and then looked up at me.
“I take it from your level of anxiety that this was not a planned pregnancy?” I shook my head. “How far along is she?”
“Eight weeks. It’s madness. We were so careful, doc.” This statement produced a wry look from the doctor.
“Yes, Joe. The medical books all say the same thing. It only takes one sperm and one egg to make a baby. Or in your case…maybe two.” His condescending smile reminded me of Molly’s doctor’s, and I wondered if they’d attended the same ‘bedside manner’ class.
My mind slipped back to that crazy night we’d conceived. It was Mac and Mason’s thirty second birthday and naturally they wanted to go out drinking. Everyone was talking about Midnight Cowboy, some old speakeasy/brothel that had been recently converted into a swanky cocktail bar. Mason and his wife, Robin, set up the reservation. Robin is a nurse, and let me tell ya, healthcare workers know how to drink. She and her coworkers always know about every new bar in town. Mac, who had been between girlfriends at the time, came stag. The twins had invited Charlie the Plumber and his new girlfriend, and Graham brought Anne along.
Molly chose to wear a very short, strapless dress that night. That little black dress…let’s just say it left me conflicted about going out. The way it clung to her curves made me want to wrap her up in my jacket or unwrap her in the bedroom. She’d been in a particularly frisky mood, and made all sorts of lascivious remarks in the cab on the way down to Sixth. She said the idea that our destination used to be a whorehouse really turned her on. I thought our cab driver was going to wreck the car the way he kept eyeing her in the rearview mirror. She seemed to pick up on this, and proceeded to taunt me a little more quietly (after I shot her a reproachful look) about what she wasn’t wearing under her dress and how we should do a little roleplaying when we got home.
Once at Midnight Cowboy, we had a great time. The sexy lighting and taboo ambiance put us all in a thirsty mood. We had a lot of laughs and consumed a considerable amount of alcohol. Molly kept whispering sordid things in my ear…dirty things that made me blush. Throughout the entire evening, her hands wandered recklessly under the table.
By the time we got home, we were ready to rip each other’s clothes off and we didn’t make it any further than the couch. When the damn condom tore, she’d been straddling me, riding me like a cowgirl. I tried to say something, but I was already on the edge and the feel of her around me had just gone from very good to off the chain.
“Molly.” I growled her name and a guttural sound ripped out of my throat. She must have taken this as encouragement (on many levels, if I’m completely honest, it was), and she sat all the way upright, driving me further into her. She threw her head back and cried out exuberantly, and I was helpless to stop myself from joining her. Moments later when she caught her breath, she rolled off of me, and her wide eyes told me she’d figured out what happened. There was a lot of mutual panic and deep, semi-drunken discussion on what otherwise could have been a bad-assed Penthouse Forum kind of night.
“Understandably, an unplanned pregnancy can be stressful.” Dr. Greene’s logical delivery yanked me from the memories into the present. “How are things with Molly?”
“I asked her to marry me.” He gave me a blank look. “I brought it up twice. She shot me down.”
“And how did that make you feel?” He asked in a cliché tone of voice for his profession.
I flipped him off. It was instinctive and he gave something that sounded like a strangled laugh. He and I had always had a pretty unusual doctor/patient relationship. “How the fuck do you think it made me feel? She thinks the only reason I want to marry her is because I got her pregnant.”
“Is it?” His inquisitive expression pissed me off, and I took a moment to get myself in check.
“No. Marrying her is just like asking her to live with me. It makes sense. But she doesn’t seem to think it’s a good idea. Some bullshit about a shotgun wedding. She still acts like she’s not worthy of me. It’s like she doesn’t understand, no matter how many times I tell her. I love her. I want her with me all the time. I think about her constantly when we’re apart and worry about her. Being around her makes me feel lighter. It makes life… just better. You know?”
“How do you mean ‘not worthy’?” He kept scribbling furiously in the notebook while I talked. “Explain.”
I considered his question. “It started with her comparing herself to Jessica. Then she kept dropping these comments about how I was out of her league. Even after I asked her to come live with me she kept acting like I was going to suddenly change my mind. Like I’d wake up and tell her to hit the road. I don’t know. Maybe it has to do with that crush she had on me when she was a kid.”
“What have you done to try and put her mind at ease?” He stopped writing and sat back.
“I tell her how I feel all the time. It’s exhausting.”
“Joe, you and I both know that telling isn’t always the best way.
We also both know Molly has trust issues that have nothing to do with you. Look, I can’t give you a roadmap here on how to resolve the issue. But I can tell you this. Molly’s a bright girl. If she still has doubts maybe she sees something you don’t. Something you’re holding back?”
Sitting there, I carefully considered what he was saying. There was probably something to it. I wasn’t the most introspective person in the world. God knows the doc had hit me over the head with the obvious more than once.
Looking up at him, I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Well think about it and let me know next time if you come up with anything. Now how about you answer the original question?” I looked up at him blankly and he sighed. “I asked you how Molly turning you down made you feel. You said she turned you down twice?”
I grudgingly nodded. “It hurt.”
“Why, Joe? Surely even you should be used to the occasional bout of rejection. Did it hurt your pride? To have someone that you love reject you, to tell you they don’t want to marry you. That must have caused some reaction other than ‘it hurt’.” I glowered at him.
“I was crushed, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I tried not to let it spill out, doc. She’s overwhelmed by all this. She just found out she is going to give birth to twins and she’s totally unprepared. Bogging her down with my bullshit seemed a little childish. How I feel doesn’t matter right now.” Dr. Greene looked at me and shook his head.
“I sometimes wonder if you are just a giant kid inside a man’s body. It doesn’t matter? It matters a great deal. You’re about to be a father again. You are allowed to be freaked out about this. Based on your past, I am absolutely amazed that you aren’t a basket case right now.”
“Because of Jack? I am freaking out, doc. But I’m dealing with it. Molly needs me to be strong, she doesn’t need me to be falling apart.”
“Joe, no good is going to come from you bottling these things up. You’re talking about the woman you love. Soon to be mother of your twin babies. Molly needs your support, yes. But you need hers as well. Neither one of you should have to deal with a crisis without the other. The whole idea of having a partner is that there is someone there to help you. Someone to lean on when times get tough. It sounds to me like you’re completely focused on being her rock. Who’s going to end up being yours?”
I had no response, so I sat mute.
“If you feel comfortable with it, I’d like to visit with Molly sometime. I normally don’t do couples counseling, but I think in your case it might make a big difference. That is, if she’s willing to come. At the very least, I want you to continue your weekly visits. No more blowing them off, alright?”
“I don’t miss that many…” I sounded a bit like a teenager negotiating with his father. The image of Molly in Dr. Greene’s office put me on edge. If she knew just how crazy I was, how far down the rabbit hole I’d once been…
“Joe. You’ve been missing every other week all summer.” He came around his desk and perched on the edge. “I know you’re busy at work, but this needs to be a priority. Especially now. You follow me?”
I nodded. He’d been right about almost everything he’d ever said to me, and if it meant pulling myself together for Molly, I’d do it. “You got it, doc.”
“NO FLIPPIN’ WAY!” Stacy exclaimed as I took a bite of my wrap. I was starving by the time I woke up from my morning nap and figured I would drive to both food trucks and do a little quality control testing for lunch. Stacy’s crew were my newest employees, so I had them fix me the “Cranky Carpenter Wrap”, since it was a customer favorite and therefore a staple in our menu. They’d nailed it, and I gave them the thumbs up as I chewed the delicious corned beef.
“It’s true.” I finally responded taking another bite.
“Omg! When are you due?” She blurted loudly, and the rest of the crew wandered over. Though I’d only planned to tell Stacy, I was faced with no choice but to share our news with them all. They all uttered a collective gasp when I told them about the twins. I was bombarded with a rapid fire series of questions that I did my best to answer. Most of them were concerned about how this would impact Wrapgasmic. I assured them I had no plans for it to affect the business and that all their jobs were more secure than ever, since I would undoubtedly need more help.
They’d raised a few new concerns I had yet to consider, and flared nerves made my appetite vanish. I tossed the rest of the wrap into the garbage, knowing I had another truck and another session of show and tell to get through. The doctor had advised me to eat small, frequent meals, and warned me if I hadn’t gained weight by my next visit, I was in for a lecture.
“Boy, it’s a good thing you signed up for that expensive insurance plan.” Stacy said as she walked me to my car. “Can you imagine how much you’d be paying out of pocket for pre-natal care?”
“Yeah…” Cost was something else I hadn’t considered, and I wondered how much the hospitalization for delivering the babies would be. My mom had advised me to splurge on the best health plan I had access to. She’d said ‘you can’t afford not to, Molly. You’re the boss. If you get sick or need surgery, it could bankrupt you. Think of all those employees that depend on you.’ Fortunately, for once, I’d taken her advice. I made a mental note to thank her.
“Maybe you should reconsider that deal to make a frozen line.” Stacy was a smooth operator, slipping in her agenda like a senator with a new bill. I’d been approached by a local grocery store chain about doing a frozen version of Wrapgasmic’s biggest sellers. I hadn’t even considered it. I just told the rep I thought it sounded disgusting and hung up on him. Stacy had been very verbal about what a huge mistake she’d thought it had been.
“Smooth, Stace. I’ll be just fine without selling my soul.” I drolly replied. She lifted her shoulders in a cheeky shrug.
“So Joe’s gotta be freaking out, right?” Stacy handed me a bottle of water as I climbed into my car. I leaned back and cracked the lid, forcing myself to drink a half of it, I’d been warned by Dr. Myers that she might have to hospitalize me if I let myself get dehydrated.
“No. He’s not, actually.” I admitted.
“That’s a little weird.” She looked doubtful. “Most guys I know would totally lose their shit, at least at first...” I shrugged and pulled the door shut. Waving to her as she walked back to the food truck I put the car in gear and headed across town.
I considered her comment as I drove through lunch hour traffic to location two. Even in a crisis, Joe was always my rock. I’d breeze around spontaneously doing whatever seemed like a good idea at the moment and he’d quietly ground me. But this? This was game-changing shit here and short of a momentary pause, he’d barely blinked.
Joe hadn’t always been this stoic. When we were young, he’d been painfully easy to read. In fact, Mason used to joke that Joe had the worst poker face he’d ever seen. When they were roommates, the twins banished him from their weekly poker games because, as Mason put it, ‘it was like kicking a sick puppy behind a dumpster’ taking Joe’s money.
I smiled when I thought about the kind of a jokester he’d been back in the day. Every time I was at their ramshackle hellhole they called home, Joe would do all sorts of crazy, goofy shit to make me laugh. The practical joke wars between Mason, Mac, and Joe were still the stuff of legend, and I often found myself tangled up in the fray.
Since I’d come back to town and we’d rediscovered each other, I found Joe to be a much darker version of his former self. One thing hadn’t changed, though; he still didn’t have much of a filter. He called it like it was. If he said something, there was usually no doubt it was what he meant. So I’d taken his reaction to fatherhood at face value. I chalked it up to him being a few years older than me, and-something I would never admit to him-more mature. Plus there was the fact that he’d been through a pregnancy before…or at least most of one. His wife had been almost full term when she’d had her accident.
I came to a stoplight and glanced ar
ound. When I realized I was at the light in front of what used to be my father’s restaurant, I nearly choked on the water I was drinking. A large ‘for sale’ sign was tacked to the building where our Hildebrandt’s sign used to stand. Seeing it vacant and neglected, I felt a painful squeeze in my chest. The cement was cracked and weeds sprouted from the small fissures. The turquoise paint was chipping on the outdoor patio my father had once been so proud of. I glanced in the rearview mirror and seeing that no one was behind me, I quickly pulled off and parked on the side of the street.
I wandered over to the front porch of the restaurant and climbing the solid stairs, I peeked into the window. From what I could see, whoever had bought the place from my mom hadn’t done much to change the interior. I’d heard that it had been another barbecue joint, but they hadn’t even made a go of it for a year. The new owners hadn’t been able to get mom to sell them dad’s recipes, and I’d always admired her decision to hold onto them. They were dad’s legacy and didn’t belong in the hands of strangers.
Mom and I were the only ones who knew his entire process and all the ingredients to his sauces and rubs. The twins hadn’t learned about the back of the house affairs. They’d never been interested in working in the kitchen, but they’d both taken their turns as servers, mostly in order to meet girls. I, on the other hand, had worked in the kitchen with dad every summer from the time I was old enough until I went off to culinary school. I begged to do it year ‘round, but mom had been afraid my grades would suffer and she was probably right about that.
Descending the stairs, I walked around to the outdoor dining patio and gasped in shock at its state of disrepair. I remembered with startling clarity how my brothers and Joe had helped dad’s contractor build it the summer after they all graduated from high school. I dutifully brought trays of lemonade and sweet tea out for them. I might have been a bit overenthusiastic, since it was an excuse to drool over Joe, who spent most of the job shirtless. Trust me; even at age eighteen, Joe had been something to see.
Mollywood (Carved Hearts #2) Page 6
