It was as if Subaru was hesitating out of cowardice. His fingers continued to tremble, and his teeth kept clacking.
—The cause behind that trembling was the face he had seen on the other side of that shadowy veil.
“Why am I shaking…? Don’t tell me I’m afraid of…”
He had seen the Witch’s face in the moment just prior to Return by Death—and it was the same face as Emilia’s. After straddling death to come back, he had dragged along a fear of the Witch that stuck with him.
Enough fear to make his soul forget a very basic thing… Emilia was not the Witch of Jealousy.
“A stupid trick like that… Come on, I know better than that, damn it…!”
Subaru didn’t know what had brought on the sudden revival play. However, he did have an idea of why the Witch had taken that form. There was one possibility he could think of.
The Witch had probably manifested in the Sanctuary through taking possession of Emilia’s body.
Petelgeuse, an Archbishop of the Seven Deadly Sins, had been an evil spirit able to possess the bodies of others. Knowing of that madman, Subaru could easily accept the possibility that the Witch could take over other people’s bodies as well.
What had convinced him the most was that it perfectly explained everything Garfiel’s demeanor had implied.
For the plan to use the barrier, Garfiel had been absolutely certain the Witch had a physical body. Subaru’s memory was also fresh that he had said he was “sorry in advance” just prior to the decisive battle against the Witch.
In other words, Garfiel had seen the Witch possess Emilia. That was why he hadn’t given a clear answer as to whether Emilia was dead or alive and why he’d apologized to Subaru for striking down both the Witch and Emilia-turned-avatar.
It added up. It explained everything. That was it. Wasn’t it nothing more than that? It had nothing to do with Emilia. It wasn’t any knock against her. There was no reason to be afraid of—
—Quit it with the bald-faced lying, his inner self coldly spat.
Bald-faced lying. His inner self’s words made Subaru aware that he was deceiving himself. He was not afraid of Emilia. That was the truth. But that was one thing. His fear of the Witch was in another dimension.
“”
—Subaru’s Return by Death was through the power of the Witch of Jealousy.
That was Subaru’s opinion, and Echidna’s had affirmed his own. And understanding this meant that the Witch of Jealousy possessed the power to roll back time.
Therefore, it was not unthinkable for her to employ the same power with which she made him Return by Death to go back in time herself.
Subaru couldn’t firmly declare that she wouldn’t or couldn’t. The possibility terrified him.
There was no answer to that question. —In its place, there was an answer lying right at his side.
“”
Touching Emilia and making her awaken would make everything become clear.
If Emilia opened her eyes, smiling softly as she always did, all those things would become a needless worry.
But if that wish was not to be granted—
“—Emi…lia.”
Whether he sought to save her or sought to be saved himself, he no longer could tell even that.
But he thought that the fact that his voice called her name and the finger touching her cheek did not shake was miracle enough for him.
“”
Her pale cheek transferred enough warmth to his fingertip that he thought it would melt. Her long eyelashes trembled slightly, and light came to rest in her downcast eyes. Her purple eyes blinked several times as they beheld Subaru in them.
And then—
“…Suba…ru?”
When he heard her whispered voice, something heavy dissolved inside of Subaru.
One word, hearing that single call, let Subaru make the fear up to the moment before into a thing of the past. Everything about it was different from the false love that had been showered upon him.
“This is… Until now, I’ve been…”
Subaru let out a long, long breath. Slightly perplexed by the lack of a reply, Emilia slowly sat up, knitting her brows as she looked around the room in which they were.
Awakening from her nightmare, her comprehension was belated. However, she gradually caught up to reality.
“—Ah.”
That tiny voice probably trickled out from remembering something about the dream she saw.
He knew that Emilia would immediately descend into a panic. He had already seen Emilia’s heart crushed by her past three times over. He had to offer her gentle comforting.
For the sake of that, without hurting her in any way, he had to call out to her, to tell her it was all right—
“—Subaru.”
And yet, in spite of Subaru having prepared to do just that, Emilia engaged in an action completely contrary to his expectations.
Her panicked eyes had already regained their calm; her lips, on the verge of trembling, were now pursed with a strong will. To a surprised Subaru, Emilia proceeded to gently reach out with her hand as she spoke.
“Why do you have such a pained look on your face?”
Hgh, went the broken breath that trickled out of him.
Subaru was frozen in surprise as Emilia’s finger gently stroked his cheek. Her white fingertip gently wiped the corner of his eye, pulling down the dam holding back the tears welling up, letting them fall freely.
There were tears. Only then did Subaru realize that he’d been on the verge of completely breaking down.
“Ah, uh, I?”
Once he realized the fact, it only took him a moment to crumble.
The tremors that hit him were in a totally different dimension from what had afflicted his fingers and teeth from moments before. The trembling robbed him of his body’s internal strength, and Subaru, who had been on his knees, lost his balance, sinking onto his rear.
“It’s all right, it’s all right, Subaru. I’m here, I’m right here…”
As his crumpling body leaned forward, a delicate touch embraced him from the front.
Emilia’s temperature was hot enough that he could feel it through the thin fabric of his clothing. A gentle beating came through the chest where he laid his head; he could tell that relief was filling the cracks of his broken heart.
Relief. —Yes, this was beyond all doubt relief: that Emilia had remained herself, that the Witch had not stolen her body away.
And pathetic as it was, Subaru’s body had chosen quivering and crying as its way of expressing that relief.
“I’m so sorry, making you worry like that. It’s all right, it’s all right…”
As Subaru trembled and cowered, Emilia gently consoled him, calling out to him over and over as if pitying him.
Ever so quietly, Emilia continued to console Subaru in that fashion.
CHAPTER 2
I’VE ALREADY SEEN HELL
1
“So that is how Lady Emilia returned with Crybaby Barusu in tow…”
“Somehow, that sounds like the title of a fairy tale or something…”
Subaru had bawled his eyes out, and Emilia had consoled him. The time of warmth and being pathetic had come to an end.
When their legs brought them out of the tomb, Ram was there to greet them, and having listened to the circumstances, she made the aforementioned kind words. Unfortunately, Subaru, well aware of how pathetic he was, had no mental energy left with which to refute her.
“After having raced inside in such dramatic fashion, he faints just like he did during the day, causing trouble to the Lady Emilia he was supposed to save… Why are you alive exactly?”
“I said I have no mental energy; that’s not a reason to come after me even more, you know?!”
“That’s right, Ram. Subaru was worried about me. Those feelings are precious.”
Ram, unable to conceal her scorn, emitted a heavy sigh as her shoulders fell. When Subaru lodged an
objection about her demeanor, Emilia, completely recovered, offered him reassuring support.
Emilia stood at Subaru’s side, angling her refined eyebrows in a dignified manner as she continued.
“Though given that he went out of his way to help me, it is really disappointing that he ended up collapsing all of a sudden and broke down crying from worry after—”
“Emilia-tan? Emilia-tan? I’m going to cry all over again.”
“But—! Lately, Subaru’s done nothing but help me…so a part of me is relieved that Subaru showed me his weak side like that…”
Touching a hand to her chest, Emilia’s words caused Subaru to unwittingly catch his breath.
Emilia had an overinflated view of Subaru’s worth. Up to that point, Subaru had showed her his pathetic side on more than one occasion—this time was only the latest example in the long list of embarrassing moments since they had first met.
“I’m both happy and embarrassed to hear you say that, Emilia-tan, but I don’t really want to show you stuff like that much…”
“Eh, why not?”
“That’s because I always want to show Emilia-tan my cool side. I want you to forget that I’m really a weak, pathetic, totally unsalvageable guy.”
“Sheesh. I won’t hate you just because you show me a few moments of weakness, Subaru.”
Emilia put her hands on her hips, cheeks puffing up in indignation. Subaru tried his best to smile to gloss things over.
Emilia’s words were kind, but Subaru’s vanity didn’t let him gain any comfort from them. His displeasure was completely unrelated to Emilia’s personality and it certainly wasn’t because he was worried about disappointing her—this was simply Subaru’s stubbornness talking.
“Ha! Aren’t you full of yourself? Seeing you act this pigheaded makes it difficult to believe you are fresh from bawling your eyes out.”
“And there Big Sis goes pouring cold water on right when things were going nicely…”
“Now, now, do not say that, Mr. Natsuki. Miss Ram’s demeanor belies her concern. When she had no idea what was occurring inside, Miss Ram was particularly worried out of… Hiii!”
Otto looked quite pleased with himself, but one cross look from Ram instantly made it fade away. No way she’s seriously acting sour because of an adorable reason like that, thought Subaru as he squinted at Ram.
“What?”
“…No, ah, nothing at all.”
But her sharp glare made him beat a hasty retreat as well. Unlike Otto, the damage to him was light because he was more accustomed to facing off against Ram. Either way, Ram and Otto had been there to warmly greet Subaru and Emilia upon their return. That being the case, the remaining issue became quite simple—
“”
His averted gaze fell upon a golden-haired youth standing nearby with his arms folded—Garfiel. The sight made Subaru’s cheeks harden, and he strove to conceal his emotions behind them.
Subaru’s feelings toward Garfiel were exceptionally conflicted. It was a fact that he had temporarily cooperated with Subaru in the battle against the Witch. The memory of his gruesome death was still burned on the back of Subaru’s eyelids. And so Subaru accepted that fact.
—But he also remembered the great many he had cruelly killed in the world prior to that.
That was the reason Subaru couldn’t lower his guard. Especially not right after a Return by Death. The reason for Garfiel’s hostility, the Witch’s miasma, would currently be at its thickest.
How would he move? With Subaru under that tension, Garfiel clacked his fangs and spoke up.
“When ya charged in there, I wasn’t sure what was gonna happen, but I’m relieved ya made it out safe ’n’ sound. I can’t laugh at ya for it; ‘the wind can’t bring down Gafgari on fruit’ ’n’ all!”
“Ow! Hey, wait a— Ow! Owww!”
Garfiel laughed heartily as he violently swatted Subaru’s shoulder.
The slap was hard enough to make Subaru’s entire body go numb, which made him shudder and think, He’s gonna do it with everyone watching?! But he sensed no malice coming from Garfiel’s smiling face. He was simply welcoming Subaru and Emilia back after they returned safe and sound. The reaction was a little—no, absolutely—beyond his expectations.
“That’s…it?”
“Aah? Wha…? Are ya such a crybaby ya need me to rub your head and say it’s all right?”
“Like that’d make anyone feel better. That’s not what I meant but…nah.”
Subaru pulled back his tongue, on the verge of saying something that risked stirring up a hornet’s nest. After all, the current Garfiel didn’t seem to bear him any ill will. That, at least, was something to be welcomed.
“I was kinda worried if I’d stuck around you, you’d look down on me for my body odor…”
“The heck are ya…? Me, I really don’t like bein’ associated with body odor like that.”
“—. Just take that as meaning it’s an issue with my body, would you? More importantly, let’s sit down somewhere before discuss all the fine details. Talking while we’re standing like this isn’t great, right?”
“That’s true. Subaru must be tired from crying so much, after all…”
“Emilia-tan!”
Emilia agreed with Subaru’s point of view while adding further fuel to the crybaby fire. She responded to Subaru’s sorrowful voice by sticking out her tongue. “I’m sorry,” she offered in a cutesy apology.
Forgiving her teasing because of how adorable she was, Subaru harbored a different set of thoughts within his chest.
—This time, unlike all prior runs, Emilia had not become terribly despondent due to failing the Trial.
The trigger for that change was the pathetic reality of Emilia recovering from panic faster than Subaru, but either way, this time she had confronted her past but still retained a strong heart.
It was not set in stone that her mental state would have a positive effect on the Trial going forward, but—
“It’s worth giving it a shot, huh?”
“Mr. Natsuki? Is something the matter?”
“Nothin’ really.”
As the group started to change locations, Otto called out to Subaru when he began lagging behind. Responding with a shrug of his shoulders, Subaru quickly caught up to them.
Emilia’s heart was still unbroken by the Trial and Garfiel remained neutral.
The circumstances surrounding the Sanctuary had shown him different faces upon every repetition. This time proved no exception, but Subaru was keenly aware how this was the most solid starting situation to date.
“After that, it comes down to what I try and what I get out of it, huh?”
To hell with dying for nothing. I have to use death more effectively.
All the death until that point had meaning to it…even the repeated deaths of the world and the Sanctuary.
Hence—
“Making it back from inside that shadow has gotta be worth something.”
His head complained of slight pain. In a corner of his mind rested a lingering memory of being mixed with other people.
Surely something in there could provide some meaning to his death and that chance encounter with the Witch.
2
The party left the tomb, heading toward Ryuzu’s residence, which served as a de facto inn.
Where the conversation passing between them in the guest room was concerned, there was no great change in the issues regarding the Trial. But unlike before, there was the exceptionally major difference that Emilia was participating in that conversation.
Up until the last run, Emilia had been wedged between her sense of duty and her fear toward her past, with the seemingly insurmountable weight causing her to waste away. But this time was different.
“I’m sorry about today. I made everyone worry, and I really caused trouble for Subaru…but I think it’s plain to see that I have to do this.”
Subaru could not tell what everyone thought of Emilia proclaiming
her determination at the end of the meeting. But for his part, Subaru was proud of her, feeling a desire to applaud. In fact, he did.
On that note, the day’s meeting came to a conclusion, adjourning so that people might prepare for the morrow.
“Emilia-tan, make sure you bundle up; take your time and rest, okay? If you don’t feel sleepy anymore, I can stay by your bedside from ‘good night’ to ‘good morning’ but…”
“Mmm, I’m completely all right. You need a break as much as I do, don’t you, Subaru? Noon and night makes twice you’ve collapsed in that tomb today, so…”
“Ahhh, I guess it does. Yeah, you’re right. I’ll take care, too.”
As Subaru gave Emilia her send-off to bed, her observation made him scratch his head and give off a vague smile.
Having accepted this change in Emilia, Subaru hadn’t told anyone about him and the tomb—in other words, the fact that he had taken the Trial and overcome the first part.
This was out of consideration for Emilia, for if she knew Subaru had overcome the Trial she had failed, it would make her harbor unnecessary thoughts of self-reproach. If this time, Emilia could preserve a strong mental state, then the results of her second attempt might change as well. He remained hopeful.
And even if the result was the same, the knowledge of that was still something worth obtaining. There was value in trying.
—More importantly, this time Subaru wouldn’t be overly focusing on clearing the tomb.
If he challenged the tomb, he could meet Echidna within the Trial once more. There was no mistake that this would be of aid to him, but at the moment, Subaru lacked the qualifications sufficient to meet her.
His preparations were insufficient. He was still lacking new information, new results, new everything—under these circumstances, even if he met Echidna, it would only amount to her indulging Subaru. He would rather avoid that if he could help it.
Accordingly, Subaru needed to accumulate something that was merited another meeting with the Witch. For that sake as well, Subaru’s current top priority was proving that the “memories” resting inside of his head were not mistaken.
Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, Vol. 12 Page 4
