by Tey Holden
Alex was half asleep cuddled on the sofa, when she heard the door. “You are early.”
“I was not needed very much tonight.” She didn’t tell Alex about the arrangement she had made to be there earlier. She came closer and felt Alex’s forehead for a fever. “No fever, good.” Touching Alex, even if to check for a fever, felt good. Any excuse to touch her was good.
“I think you were worried and left early to take care of me.” Blair smiled knowing that she was not a good liar. “If that was the case, there is nothing you can do about it, I’m already here.”
“You are very transparent, you know?”
Blair blushed a bit. “I am, because I’m a bad liar. I always got caught as a child when I lied and that’s when I decided I wouldn’t anymore. Lying is complicated.” The sincerity in her words touched Alex’s heart.
“Hey, Alex, is it okay if I take a shower? I usually shower before I leave the hospital, but I wanted to get here quickly and—.”
“Of course, Blair, you don’t have to ask.”
“I’ll wear the same thing I had on before.”
“There are clean and new underwear in the second drawer.”
“It’s all right. I don’t sleep with underwear.”
Blair went into the shower, while Alex wondered if Blair slept nude. Why she was even thinking about that possibility baffled her.
When Blair stepped out of the bathroom, she was toweling her hair dry.
“There’s a hair dryer in my bedroom, if you need it.”
“No, thanks. My hair gets all frizzy when I blow-dry it. I just let it dry on its own, that’s why I keep it short.”
“Come here.” She pulled Blair to the bedroom. “Sit.” Blair sat and Alex took out a small bottle and poured a liquid on her hands, rubbed them and ran them through Blair’s hair. “This is just a conditioning oil. It makes hair shinier.”
Blair made a terrifying face, which made Alex laugh. “Why the face?”
“I’m just hoping that this oil doesn’t smell funny.”
Alex laughed again. “No silly! It’s odorless. I also don’t like to put smelly stuff in my hair.” As she talked, she continued to run her fingers through Blair’s hair and even to massage her scalp.
“Umm, that feels good.” Blair loved the feel of Alex’s fingers on her head.
“Your hair is soft, but with a lot of body. I love how dark and curly it is. It brings out your blue eyes.” She thought Blair looked gorgeous. Her hair was very different. It gave her an air of unruliness that gave her a distinctive, and unique appearance. “You have great hair.”
Blair smiled and her dimples showed. This time it was Alex who was totally captivated by the gorgeous smile. “Let’s go back to the living room and talk.” Alex pulled her by the hand again.
Blair went along. I feel like a little kid being dragged to the playground, but I’d play any game with this little one!
“Wait here. I’ll bring you my gelatin specialty,” Blair said.
They sat and ate the gelatin. “Are you feeling better?”
“Much better.” Now that you are here! “This gelatin works miracles.”
Blair smiled pleased with the comment, but couldn’t help yawning.
“You must be exhausted. Lie down.” Blair stretched out on the sofa. She was too tall and her feet were hanging off the sofa. “Come here, put your head here.” She signaled her lap and she pulled her. Unable to control the situation, Blair found herself resting her head on Alex’s lap. She closed her eyes thinking that she was in heaven. She then felt Alex’s hand playing with her hair.
“You never talk about yourself. Where did you go to school?”
“Edinburgh University for undergrad, Microbiology and later I continued one more year for Medical Technology. I still didn’t know what to do with myself. One of my professors encouraged me to apply to med school. I didn’t want to because I had no money, but he said that sometimes they offered scholarships for good grades. I applied and Stanford was the better offer.”
“You went to Stanford Med?”
“Yeah. Got accepted to other ones closer to home, but they offered no money, so I went where I got the most financial aid, unfortunately that was all the way in California. It was quite an experience. But while I was there my father died, and I had to fly back here, it cost me an arm and a leg. That’s why when Mt. Sinai offered the residency, I took it. It was easier to fly from New York than from Minnesota.
“What was in Minnesota?”
“Mayo Clinic.”
“You had an offer of residency from Mayo and Mt. Sinai? Wow! And you were talking about brains! You are amazing!”
“I came back here because of Megan and Pete. When Jeff died after his battle with cancer, she was devastated and unable to support herself. I was making a lot more money in NY, but sometimes life throws you a curve and well, here I am.”
“Well, if you hadn’t come back, we wouldn’t have met.”
“True. Maybe the curve was the right throw.” Shit, I shouldn’t have said that!
“What about your mom?”
“She died when I was thirteen in a car accident.”
“How much older is Megan than you?”
“Eight years.”
“No other siblings or relatives?”
“No, it’s just the two of us and Pat. She’s not our real aunt either. She was my mom’s best friend. When mom died, she looked out for Megan and me. She helped me a lot, being a lesbian and all. I got a lot of good advice from her. She had a partner for many years, but Karla died of breast cancer and that left Pat devastated, so she took to watching out for us. At the bar, she kept a good eye on me, I was not allowed to run wild. A lot of women knew that I was Pat’s niece and stayed away. Maybe she threatened them, who knows!” Blair chuckled.
“But—.”
“What?”
“You still played around?”
“I said I was not going to lie to you. Yes, I did. Looking for love in all the wrong places. I’m kind of sorry about all that.”
“Why?”
“Because, in retrospect, I should have saved myself for when I found my special someone.” Alex could hardly breathe at such heartfelt openness. “Although that may never happen. Anyway, I did save certain things, I mean, there are certain things I’ve never done, but you don’t want to know about that.”
Yes, I do!
“How about you? Have you been with a guy? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry, that was a terrible thing to ask. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s a fair question. I’ve had a few boyfriends. As I got older, I was more tempted to explore, but I’ve never found anyone special. I guess I never got the feelings I thought I would get. I don’t know.”
“How about women? Sorry again. That’s even a more stupid question.”
Alex was silent. “No, I’ve never been attracted to women. Although, in true honesty, having seen the love between my moms, I’ve often wondered what it would be like. I don’t like to play with people’s feelings, so I’ve never dared to experiment with anyone. I don’t like to hurt people and for the same matter I don’t want to be hurt. There are a lot of women, and men, out there just looking for casual sex, and I can’t do that. I was raised seeing great love and commitment, and I don’t want to settle for less.”
There was silence. Both women were deep in thought. Alex’s thoughts were on whether she was attracted to Blair, and Blair’s on whether Alex would ever think of her as something more than a friend. Blair was too tired to hold any thoughts for too long and she slowly drifted to sleep. After Blair fell asleep, Alex was totally absorbed scrutinizing her face. She rarely had the opportunity to be so close to her and not have the blue eyes drilling into her. Now she had the opportunity to take a closer look, and she was enchanted with what she saw. There was nothing imperfect in that face, she liked what she saw and smiled. Blair was beautiful.
Then she thought of how genuine and sweet she was and almost unconsciously bega
n to caress her hair. She leaned back on the sofa and felt an enormous peace settle over her. She felt perfectly content where she was, and she wondered if that curve that life threw at Blair had led her exactly to where she was. Maybe this was all meant to happen. Was Blair meant for her?
In the middle of the night, Blair woke up startled. When she realized that she had fallen asleep on Alex’s lap, she was alarmed. “Oh God! Alex, we felt asleep on the sofa.”
Alex was startled as well. “What? Where?”
“Are you feeling okay? We fell asleep on the sofa. I need to get you to bed.” That didn’t come out too well!
“Yes, let’s go to bed.”
Blair smiled thinking how good that sounded and would be even better if it were true. They walked towards the bedroom with Blair leading the way. She was still concerned that Alex would feel weak or dizzy. Once Alex reached the bed, Blair turned to leave. “I’ll be in the guest room if you need me.”
“I don’t know that the bed has linens.”
“I’ll get them from the closet, or maybe I’ll just stay on the sofa, it’s comfortable.”
“You could stay here with me.”
“Alex, I don’t know. It doesn’t seem right.”
Alex pulled her in and made room for her. “Says who? I’ll sleep on this side and you on the other. I trust you.”
The problem is I don’t trust myself! Reluctantly, Blair acquiesced thinking to get up and go to the next room the minute Alex fell asleep. As soon as Blair got under the covers, much to her relief, Alex said good night and turned her back to her. However, she was tired and soon fell asleep. When she regained some consciousness, she found Alex perfectly snuggled to her. Oh, shit, how did this happen and how am I going to get out without waking her up?
As she was going through her terrified thought processes Alex stirred in her arms and accommodated herself further into her. In a most natural, unplanned, unpredicted way, almost instinctively, Alex brought her face to hers and reached for her lips kissing her in a way that lovers much accustomed to each other would. The kiss was a long, open mouth, sensual kiss that made Blair’s loins quiver to the point that she could almost feel an orgasm coming.
Blair fell into the kiss at first, half asleep as she was, but when her desire exploded and she realized what was happening, she jumped out of bed and sprung to her feet and rushed to the hallway bathroom. Her heart was pumping and she felt confused. What had just happened was amazing and scary. She had responded instinctively in kind to something she had never experienced. It was not just the kiss, it was also the overwhelming sense of comfort and belonging that she had felt in Alex’s arms that frightened her. Those arms called to her and claimed her. She leaned against the bathroom wall. “God, what are you doing to me? What am I going to do?” She showered and dressed.
When she came out to the living room, she found a stupefied Alex standing in the middle of the room in her T-shirt and shorts. Oh God, she looks stunning! Why are you torturing me like this?
“Blair, did I kiss you? I think I did, didn’t I?” She was scared also. She knew she had kissed her, but how could she explain the unexplainable?
Blair didn’t reply, she didn’t need to, her face said it all. She went back into the bathroom and grabbed Alex’s robe from behind the door.
“Here, put this on.” She avoided looking at Alex. Alex realized why she was being handed the robe and put it on without saying anything. Blair regained her control. I’m a doctor and I’m experienced, I can handle this!
“Don’t worry about it, you were asleep, and you’ve been sick, and—.”
“I’m sorry! I don’t know how it happened. I wasn’t thinking. I mean, I’m not sorry I kissed you, but—. I don’t know what I’m saying! I just don’t know what to say.” She looked at Blair lost in thought.
Wanting to calm Alex and herself, Blair spoke softly. “It’s okay, Alex. You’ve been through a lot in the last couple of days. You are weak and not feeling like yourself. Just stay home and take it easy today, eat things that are easy on your stomach. Stay in today and take it easy.” Alex was numb sitting on the sofa. She still couldn’t understand why she had kissed Blair, and worst of all why it had felt so good.
“I have to go work now. I’ll check on you later.”
“Oh, yeah…right, go. I’ll be here. I…I can’t say thanks enough,” Alex stuttered.
Blair left knowing that it was going to be impossible not to think of that kiss again. Did she feel what I felt? She called several times throughout the day to check on Alex. That night, she stayed at the hospital working extra shifts to pay back the time others had covered for her. It was fortunate that she had to work because the last thing she wanted was to go back to Alex’s flat. She was in fact thinking that, a cooling off period might be necessary.
She even considered going out with other people and maybe having some casual sex somewhere to get Alex and the kiss out of her system. But decided against it, for now, at least. It was Alex she wanted, even though she knew that the prospect of ending up with Alex was slim. She had to find a way to get on with her life and forget about being with Alex.
During the following days, Alex continued to feel better and stronger. Blair called regularly to check on her but always used work as an excuse not to stop over to see her.
***
A few days later, in the afternoon, when Blair came home from a long shift, she found Megan in the kitchen. “Hey stranger! Haven’t seen you around here lately. Have you been working extra shifts, or is Alex keeping you busy?”
“Just working.”
The tone of her voice, the silence that followed, and the omission of any reference to Alex made Megan wonder if something was wrong. She knew her sister well and knew that Blair was always a very open and upbeat kind of person. This was not her typical reply. She sat at the kitchen table, while Blair ate some cereal.
Megan decided to probe. “How is Alex doing?” Blair remained quiet. She looked worn out. “What’s wrong?” Megan inquired. Blair got up and rinsed her dish. “Nothing. Megan, don’t meddle.” She then walked out of the kitchen heading for her bedroom.
Megan followed her and stopped her from closing the bedroom door. “I’m all the family you have, and I can meddle all I want. What’s wrong? It’s Alex isn’t it? Did you mess up with her?”
Blair looked up. “No, for your information, it was she who messed with me.” She looked hurt and her eyes were watery.
“What happened, sweetie?” Megan reached out to touch Blair’s arm, and Blair told her about the kiss and how she was now trying to stay away.
“Give her time, maybe—.”
“Megan, there is no maybe here. Either you do or you don’t, either you are or you are not! I’m just getting myself in a situation where there is no happy ending. She’s not gay and all the love in the world from me is not going to make her gay! I need to move on and forget about her. I need to shower now.”
Not knowing what to say, Megan left the room very concerned. Fifteen minutes later, Blair was going out the door. She was wearing a burgundy turtleneck, black jeans and her leather jacket. She looked stunning.
“Where are you going?”
“Bar.”
“You can ride with me. I need to go and pick up some receipts.” Megan did not like the motorcycle, and always feared when she rode it at night.
Blair stopped and didn’t look at her. “Not going to your bar.” She continued to walk.
“Blair, that’s not the solution!” Megan yelled from the house as Blair walked towards her bike. Blair didn’t stop, she continued to her bike and rode off. Megan was not only worried about her emotional state concerning Alex, but about her safety going to other bars.
Pat’s bar was nice and respectable. She kept a close watch on what went on and did not allow activities that were often permitted in other not so reputable places. Megan thought that Blair was looking for a quick hook-up and that she might come across the wrong crowd. Although she knew Bl
air could take care of herself, she also knew trouble was easily found in those places. However, there was nothing she could do, Blair was a grown woman, and she hoped that her sister would stay clear of trouble.
The Joynt was in the south part of town. It was just what its name indicated, a joint, a place where people went looking for no-strings-attached, casual sex and usually found it pretty quick. Everyone there knew what they wanted and went to get it. The minute she parked her bike she was spotted, and when she walked inside the bar several heads turned. Blair knew she could have her pick of women. It took her five minutes to scan the bar and make her selection. The brunette in the corner was practically salivating and giving Blair the eye. Blair cruised her and turned to ask the bartender for a beer. It didn’t take long for the brunette to come over to her. It was as if she had been summoned with the look Blair gave her.
“Hi.” The woman said in a seductive tone.
Blair again looked her up and down. “Hello.”
“Are you waiting for someone?” The woman asked.
“Maybe you” Blair said smiling.
“Well, I’m here now, what do you suggest we do?” The brunette, who was obviously older than Blair, placed her leg between Blair’s and whispered in her ear. “Before I take a puppy home I like to take a quick look. Wanna step over to my office in the back?” She pointed towards the bathrooms.
Blair grinned. “Lead the way.”
They went directly into one of the stalls. The woman was all over her immediately. No exchange of names, no introduction, nothing, just a hand down her pants. Blair grabbed the woman’s arm and pulled it out.
“You are going too fast. I like some play first.”
The woman smiled and opened her blouse and her breasts became visible. “Is this what you want?” Blair looked at her breasts and cupped one.
“You have nice hands. It won’t take much to make me come. You’ve got me all wet since the minute you walked into the bar.”
Blair froze. What the fuck am I doing? She pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” The woman asked.
Blair retreated and pulled up her zipper. “Look, I’m sorry. I came here to forget someone, and I can’t. I can’t go through with this.”
